Moonlit Wishes
by cheergirlejami
Summary: EJ makes one final gesture to Sami to show her his true heart. What will Sami do now that everything is left up to her?
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This may end up being one of my stories that many may not like, but it is a story that has been on my mind for a while and won't leave me no matter what I try to do. Please let me know what you think, whether you like it or not. I think the longer you write, the tougher your skin gets for constructive criticism and I welcome it now knowing it will help me become a better writer in the long run._

_Warning for bad language, my potty mouth seems to be in full force for this tale and for some very descriptive situations in certain passages. Also a very important note is that I haven't seen Days for almost two months so my version of what is taking place now will vary greatly from what is happening on screen. I figure if that hack Dena can fuck up EJami as badly as she has done this past year then I certainly couldn't do any worse. This is what I wished would happen to wake Sami up and bring her back to the woman she used to be before she met that insipid fool Rafe Hernandez._

_Enough rambling and mini-ranting on my part, let the story begin…_

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part I**_

Well it was done, EJ thought as he looked over the legal document one more time making sure he had all the details listed correctly, this was too important for any margin of error. He carefully put the document back in the envelope and placed it in the trunk, one that was filled with several items, things that would probably not mean much to an outside observer but he was sure the intended recipient of the trunk might think differently.

Or at least he hoped she would, things had really deteriorated so badly between them to the extent he wasn't even sure she would read the letters he had written to her. He could only hope in time she would give their children some sense of reasoning as to why of he was choosing this new path for his life. Maybe after she read these letters she would understand the things he had done better herself. At this point in time that was all he could do was hope for the best and expect the worse.

He stood in the doorway of the house he had hoped one day he would have shared with Samantha and their family, but this like many other hopes and dreams he had concerning her were just fanciful ideas he was finally putting to rest. This past weekend he had come here for one last time, a refuge for him when he had escaped the asylum also known as the DiMera Mansion knowing he would need absolute solitude for this particular project.

He leaned against the doorjamb doing his best to stop the inevitable yawn from escaping although it was of no use. He had only slept sporadically over the past three days, it had taken the majority of the hours writing and rewriting these letters to Samantha. Plus he guessed it hadn't helped his cause much considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed during this soul searching mission he had decided upon.

He looked out to the night sky once more, thinking it was a picturesque view, the stars shining brightly, ones he used to wish upon foolishly in his romantic fashion. He sighed thinking he was over such silly notions. What he had just completed would be the last romantic gesture he would ever attempt in his life.

He was turning over a new leaf so to speak.

He scoffed thinking if he hadn't of been such a romantic fool in the first place maybe things would have turned out differently. Hell, if he had just stayed on course and done his familial duty his father had decreed none of this ever would have happened in the first place. He could have come to Salem, done his father's bidding and then been on his merry way, his heart intact and whole, but sadly that wasn't the case.

Yes, he was finally on his way out of Salem, but his heart was now battle worn and scarred and he feared it would remain in this sordid condition for as long as he lived. He knew he wouldn't be afforded the luxury of dying young, apparently only the good died young so he imagined he would live to be a ripe old age. He imagined he would be a very old man with an extraordinary long list of regrets.

And regrets were the absolute last thing he had ever wanted to have in his life…

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part II**_

Sami was perplexed to say the least when a courier had approached her door, asking her to sign for a letter. She warily scribbled out a hasty signature and the uniformed man left her with a sense of unease as she took the nondescript envelope and went to sit upon the couch of the tiny apartment she shared with her children and husband Rafe.

Well her husband was something Rafe Hernandez might not be much longer, she thought darkly mulling over the past several months. Once again her life was a chaotic mess one that just kept getting worse as time passed. She was still reeling from discovery that Rafe had been held against his will and she had been living with an imposter.

To think that she hadn't been able to tell the difference between Rafe and a man who was a phony in every sense of the word was a difficult pill to swallow. While she had thought it was just the car accident that had left Rafe with a different side of his personality she may not have been privy to before, now she just felt like an absolute fool for not being able to tell the difference in the anatomy when she had sex with the man.

Really no two men were the same, yet she hadn't been able to distinguish between her supposed soul mate Rafe and what she had come to dub as Robo-Rafe. This was a very sore spot indeed between her and Rafe now, one that had led to arguments of massive proportions. He blamed her for being so gullible and naïve, several times even going so far as to call her an imbecile which had only made her resent him instead of bringing them back closer together.

She inwardly seethed thinking her life wouldn't be in this freaking mess if EJ DiMera had left her the hell alone, he had wrecked her entire life ever since he had come into it. Railing against the course of fate concerning him always made her angry and she almost forgot the envelope in her hand for a few minutes until she looked down and felt it in her hands.

She opened the plain nondescript envelope and key fell out of it along with a small notepad sheet with only an address written upon it. She held the key rubbing it in between her fingers feeling the grooves on the metal wondering what in the hell it was for and deducing the only way she was going to find out was to go to the address listed.

This was probably a bad idea, but her curiosity was piqued, she always did let that particular emotion get the best of her sometimes. She looked at the key, thinking if she was smart she would just throw it away and forget she had ever saw it. What good could come of taking a key to an address that she had no clue of who could have sent it to her in the first place?

Really it could be a trick or some kind of set up, yet she knew if she didn't go to the address to see if the key could open up whatever it was it would drive her crazy. She guessed it was a good thing her grandmother had the kids with her today, with things being so tense with Rafe she had thought it best to let them stay in a happy environment since this past weekend had been nothing short of hell with her and Rafe arguing over anything and everything under the sun.

Of course she could have taken them to EJ, but she wasn't going to let him have any of her allotted time with their children especially after the accusations Rafe had made stating Stefano and EJ were responsible for his disappearance and the reincarnation of his double. They didn't have any proof so it did no good to go to the police, Robo-Rafe wasn't to be found and who would believe this story if they told them?

A lot of bizarre things happened in this town, but this was pretty far-fetched even by Salem's standards so until she had irrefutable proof to put Stefano and EJ away behind bars for good she was staying quiet. She had learned the hard way you didn't push the DiMera's into a corner because if you did they fucked up your life where you barely recognized it.

Rafe was gone so she guessed this was a sign if she wanted to go without him tagging along and nagging her to death about it she should go now. She was going to leave him a message but then decided against it. Rafe was going to visit his mother so he would be gone for most of the day.

She would be back with Rafe none the wiser before he returned home she was sure of it…

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part III**_

Sami looked at the note one more time making sure she had the correct address. She shook her head trying to dismiss the distinct feeling of déjà vu coming over her and after exiting her vehicle she took the lone key and went to the front door. Before she inserted the key she gave the door a turn, wondering if this time it would open without it, she had found shelter here once before a very long time ago amidst a stormy day.

No such luck she thought as the door was locked, but she surmised this was the reason behind her receiving the key. So with more than a bit of mild trepidation she inserted the key into the lock twisting it in and instantly gaining access to a place that had only lived on in her hazy memories of the past.

Memories of a time when could count on EJ and even considered him her best friend, she shook her head, those days were long gone and dead to her. Feeling an anger rise up in her she almost turned on her heel to leave, she didn't want anything to remind her of him. EJ was so intrinsically tied to her in an extensive myriad of ways, both good and bad, mainly bad her mind screamed out to her.

She should leave, turn her back on this place and never return. Yet she realized she couldn't especially when she saw the trunk partially open, the lid cracked up enough to make her want to see what was inside of it now since it looked like it had been dusted off a bit from the last time she and EJ had sought refuge from the storm on the fateful day her marriage to Austin had not taken place.

She rationalized it wouldn't kill her to walk over to the trunk that was calling for her to open it and see what was inside. Stepping carefully in between the sheet draped furniture she walked over to it and sat beside the ominous trunk on the floor, hesitating momentarily before she lifted it all the way because she had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach if she saw the contents of the trunk it had the possibility of changing her life.

Then again what other choice did she have?

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part IV**_

She gingerly lifted the lid idly wondering if this could be rigged with a bomb that would be triggered instantaneously by the movement of opening it further and then chuckled mirthlessly thinking if that was the case it really wouldn't matter in a few seconds anyway. She took a deep breath as the lid slowly creaked its way open, the dim light of the room hitting the contents as soon as she had lifted it up completely.

Well the good thing was there was no bomb her overactive imagination chided herself as she got on her knees to peer into its contents. The first thing she found was set upon everything else an official looking envelope so she extracted it out first.

She could feel her nerves starting to jangle, as has been the case for most of her life official documents pertaining to her usually meant something bad, really bad news for her. Given the life she had led up to this point she was under no illusion that this could bode any good news for her.

After opening and reading and then rereading the legal papers inside she was more confused than she had been before. What was the catch? Why in the world would EJ willingly sign over full custody of Johnny and Sydney to her?

Then it hit her, EJ must have realized she was getting closer to finding the evidence to nail him and his monster of a father concerning Rafe. A slow satisfied smile crept upon her features as the reality hit her. This was EJ giving up, she was going to have sole custody of their children and have that bastard finally out of her life once and for all.

She, Samantha Brady, (really there was no need to go into the litany of the long list of her last names given all the weddings and non weddings that spanned her life) was going to be the victor in this little cat and mouse game she and EJ had been playing against one another for years.

As she held the document in her hands it was the irrefutable proof she had won. Why she almost felt like getting up and dancing a jig and shouting to the heavens. She was going to be free of EJ DiMera forever.

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part V**_

Before she began celebrating she had to see what else EJ had left for her. She couldn't just take the document and leave now, not before looking at everything else that was in the trunk. Really what fun would it be to leave and not savor her victory over the man who had single handedly destroyed her life on more than one occasion?

Feeling rather full of herself she folded up the document carefully and placed it back into the envelope, that little piece of paper was definitely going into her safety deposit box. She would head straight to the bank after she left this place. Of that much she was sure, procuring sole custody of her children from EJ was a feat she had thought unattainable after her taped confession fiasco with Arianna.

She shook her head, she wasn't going to think of that back stabbing bitch today and instinctively did the sign of the cross over her chest asking the good Lord above to forgive her for thinking ill of the dead. Instead she would take the next thing out of the trunk which was a letter and a small wrench tied under it secured only with a green ribbon.

She quickly untied the ribbon feeling the heaviness of the wrench all the while thinking EJ knew her favorite color was green, something she quickly dismissed as she held the wrench in one hand and the letter in the other. She laid the wrench beside her on the floor as she settled back on the floor sitting with her legs criss-crossed one over the other.

Even before she opened the letter that was clearly addressed to her with a simple Samantha on the front of it, she knew it was from him. EJ never called her Sami, only Samantha, plus EJ had a distinctive cursive handwriting one that could almost be considered feminine with its flowing beauty, but he punctuated his sentences and signed his signature with such bold flourish that you knew he wasn't feminine at all, especially if you ever saw him in person.

She paused thinking EJ was all man, his tall bulky frame and build made everyone take notice of him as soon as he entered a room. He was handsome, from the first time she had saw him she had been drawn to his rugged good looks and that voice which dripped so sexily sensuous with his pronunciations of words. EJ didn't sound like anyone else in Salem that was for sure.

Why in the world was she thinking good things about this man? He was not good, he was not kind and she certainly shouldn't be thinking of how fetching he looked especially when he wore those grey trouser pants he owned. Was she going to have to stop herself from being so shallow? Yes, EJ was good looking, downright sexy when you got down to it, but she didn't think of him in that capacity anymore.

She just wouldn't, not ever again…

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part VI**_

After she reminded herself of the hundreds of bad things EJ had done to her over the years it helped her clear her mind of images of him looking and sounding like some kind of swashbuckling hero from those trashy romantic novels she was always reading even though she denied she ever read such books. EJ was just a man, like any other, plain and simple. He wasn't a hero, he was the exact opposite.

So with resolve not to think of him in any type of sexual context, she opened the handwritten letter and began to read.

_My Dearest Samantha, _

_I bet you are muttering under your breath right now at this very moment, My Dearest Samantha, my ass, you are a cynical woman of that much is sure, but I'll touch upon that more later, right now I want to start at the beginning. No, this isn't the beginning of our lives from birth, rather the start of our own unique story from the first day I met you._

_Guess you were wondering what the wrench was for, think carefully for a few minutes what was the first thing that brought you to my door?_

Sami looked at the wrench with the dawn of remembrance, yes she had ran across the hallway to retrieve the wrench from her new neighbor when the shower head in the apartment had broken. Austin telling her their new neighbor had borrowed it to fix his own shower. She had left Austin to battle the overflow of water while she ran over to his door knocking insistently only to be slightly shocked to find him dressed scantily only in a towel and even embarrassed when said towel fell to the floor in his efforts to return her the borrowed wrench.

It had been a memorable first meeting that much was sure Sami thought as she picked up the wrench once more thinking how much simpler her life would have been if EJ had never moved in next door to she and Austin. They probably would still be married and maybe even of had children of their own by now.

Then a nagging thought hit her, yes I could have been married to Austin, but I wouldn't have Johnny, Allie or Sydney and would have I ever been truly happy with Austin? For all her machinations to snag him over the years it had never fulfilled her like she had fantasized about constantly during her teenage years when she finally got him for her own. She would still have to be acting like she was someone she could never truly be, someone good and wholesome.

Things she definitely was not, and then her mind argued you are good now Sami, you are. Then she shook her head, she could tell herself until judgment day she was a good person now, but deep down she knew better. She was the same selfish girl she had been years ago, only now she knew how to hide it better.

No one knew she was still that lying manipulating troublesome girl anymore. No one except EJ…

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part VII**_

Sami stopped herself from further self recriminations, she would be here all day and never be finished with reading the first letter if she kept this up so she returned to the first of what seemed to be many missives addressed to her by EJ.

_I bet you stopped reading and started thinking of how we met. You did, didn't you? I know you so well even if you would argue I didn't until hell froze over just to prove the point you were right and I was wrong._

_If I could be granted three wishes one of the wishes I would wish for would be to return to the time before all the ugliness came into the picture when you believed I was your best friend. You know I never had a best friend before you came into my life. Father had strictly forbid me from becoming too close to others, he always warned me if you let people in they made you weak._

_While I know you despise my Father with a level of hatred that is off the charts he was right about that one thing. I never should have let you in, you made me weak, the more I was around you the more I wanted to be with you, to know you and I wanted you to know me, the real me. But we both know now how impossible that hope of mine was because as soon as you found out who I really was you turned on me so quickly it made my head spin._

_I'm not blaming you, I'm sure you are blaming me enough for the both of us anyway; I know how your mind works. I just wanted you to remember some of the happy times we shared before it all turned bad._

_Look into the trunk, and take out the next few items, and who knows it might even make you smile when you see them? It made me smile when I found them stashed amongst my things I had kept hidden away, things I had pushed aside hoping if I didn't see them I wouldn't be reminded of you and the friendship we once shared._

Sami reached back into the trunk, pulling out some photo proofs along with a faded pink bulletin and a first place trophy for the best dancers in the annual Dance at the Dock. She took a sharp intake of breath, oh god they looked so young in those pictures, ones that had been taken of EJ and her shortly after he had arrived in Salem, ones in which they were both smiling at one another, their instant chemistry seeming to jump off the photographs when she viewed them.

She traced the outline of their faces before she dropped them to the wayside, she had thought them long gone and for him to have kept the photos along with the bulletin of the event they had attended later after the photo shoot. Her mind traveled back to the place where EJ had taught her to tango and before she realized what she was doing the memories instantly brought a smile to her face. She had felt so desirable that night, so alive when she had danced in EJ's arms.

Oh why had EJ kept these things? They were reminders of a friendship which had long since died a slow and painful death. Sami recalled the days of them joking, laughing and she had to admit shamelessly flirting on both sides even if she had been engaged to be married to Austin.

_The next items are from here as I am sure you can recall. I can distinctly remember everything the evening before you were to marry Dallas, oh forgive me it was Austin, wasn't it? He was much too bland for you, I really didn't understand how you could have been so enamored of him when you were so full of life and he was kind of like dull dishwater. Now before you start singing his praises to argue with my assessment of the great (yeah right) Austin Reed just check the trunk for the next items._

Sami held her tongue thinking Austin was not as dull as dishwater, but sometimes he had been very predictable. But she could have changed that right? Shrugging her shoulders she reached into the trunk to find a closed oyster shell which made Sami almost recoil thinking surely EJ hadn't put something alive in the trunk, she dropped it which caused it to come open revealing a pearl necklace with a note attached.

_I always wanted to give you the necklace to match your pearl earrings especially after you were disappointed you didn't get your mother's pearls and Belle ended up with them instead of you. If you don't want the necklace, please save it for Sydney, she may appreciate it one day. A girl should always have a set of pearls to wear for a special occasion._

How could EJ remember all these little things she had even said to him in passing so many years ago? It made her want to cry, yet she couldn't cry. If she had of been smart she would have never taken an interest in him, but of course when had she ever been smart when it came to men, especially EJ? She would keep them for Sydney, this was too personal of a gift to take from him, plus what would Rafe say? Then again he might not even notice the necklace; jewelry wasn't really a thing he bought for her.

She put the necklace aside and reached in again her hands feeling a rough material as she pulled out the dark navy jacket EJ had found the day they had ran into this very house to get out of the rainstorm and below it the antique wedding dress. She held the garments in her lap, her hands absently tracing the buttons on the jacket while she closed her eyes; it was like she could almost hear the music playing _The Way You Look Tonight_ while EJ twirled her around the room dancing. That was the day she realized what a hopeless romantic EJ was, he really made her feel like she was the most important woman in the world.

She opened her eyes again, the room empty, no music playing and certainly no EJ around. She didn't want to remember the good times with him, how sweet and charming he could be especially where she was concerned. She looked back to the letter reading its closing.

_I still miss my best friend._

_EJ_

She quickly rubbed at her eyes, she was not going to cry, and EJ was just playing another cruel joke on her. He had to be…

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part VIII**_

She found the next note addressed to her and she knew she was going to open it. Hopefully this one wouldn't make her feel all weepy.

_My dear, dear Samantha, _

_Once again you are probably scoffing at the salutation, but despite what you think you were dear to me, to my heart (which I'm guessing right about now you are saying what heart?) and to my life even if you are the biggest liar I have ever met in my life._

Biggest liar-oh no he didn't Samantha shook her head ready to speak aloud to the empty room ready to shout it to the rafters that while yes there were times she was forced to be less than truthful she really wasn't a liar, she wasn't.

_After the Dallas fiasco I thought then it would be my turn, you would see we belonged together, that I was the man for you, yet once again I was wrong. Yes, I am man enough to admit when I am wrong, unlike a certain blonde I know (and I mean a true blonde-not one of the infamous Walker sisters-just trust me on this one you really don't want to know) who just refuses to ever admit wrongness in anything._

Wait a minute, I can admit when I am wrong, I can, Sami shrugged her shoulders slightly thinking there wasn't much to admit when it was painfully obvious that she was rarely if ever wrong. And what was up with that comment about the Walker sisters? Was EJ trying to piss her off? She shuddered to think about EJ being intimate with either one of them. Whether or not she was with him, she surely didn't want him with someone else.

Then she stopped herself, it shouldn't bother her who or rather what EJ was with because she had Rafe now and he made her happy. Well most times he did, or that was what she said to repeatedly convince herself especially after all these awful fights they had lately. Rafe was just upset with her but he'd come back around and see it wasn't really her fault that she slept numerous times with his look-a-like.

_Did you stop reading again? I knew the comment about the Walker sisters would either get you pissed or thinking of exactly what did I mean by that comment, hmmm probably a bit of both if truth be told, not that truth was ever your strong suit. I'll admit in the past I haven't been much of a truth teller either or rather sometimes I liked the truth especially when I tried to tell you that you wouldn't ever be happy with the poison dwarf. _

_You knew I just couldn't help myself when it came to Lucas Roberts Horton or whatever the hell he finally decided on for his last name. Honestly do you think it was Horton? Kate was always kind of on the prowl; Lucas could be the spawn of a lot of people. Let's just hope he wasn't a Brady, you know your family tree sure did have a lot of twist and turns on those gnarled branches. Guess we should just be thankful our children are ok, you Brady's sure seem to have a lot of kissing cousins or was that uncles and nieces? I'm pretty sure your uncle Max slept with both of your cousins Stephanie and Chelsea. Before you start arguing he was adopted, you have to admit that is pretty creepy no matter what kind of spin you try to put on it._

Sami rolled her eyes, so EJ was going to make fun of her family. Who in the hell did he think he was passing judgment on her family when the DiMera's were the biggest freak show in all of Salem? The answer quickly came to mind, he's a damn DiMera what do you expect him to do? The DiMera's always hit below the belt and did whatever they deemed necessary to make anyone who contradicted them sorry they had ever tried to defy them.

Even though the exact same thoughts had crossed her mind more than once she would never admit it to that pompous jackass. Now she was in such a tissy that she almost considered crumpling up this letter and throwing it in the trash, it would serve him right, but she just had to read on even if he was trash talking Lucas and apparently most of her family too.

He had balls, and then she inwardly shrieked totally inappropriate Sami! Do not go there! She did not need to think of EJ DiMera in any type of male genitalia terminology. She just didn't.

_I'd really love to see your face right now. I bet you are all fired up and ready to tell me to go straight to the devil for daring to mock your family or your precious Lucas. Yet you know if you had just quit trying to fight me so damn hard about Lucas being the love of your life we just might have had a fighting chance years ago when you were pregnant with the twins. (Before I go any further – we both agreed to wipe the slate clean concerning Johnny's conception so I'm not going to bring it up again. I hope we can both honor that agreement even though we have broken each other's trust several times over since that night. No matter how it came to be I wouldn't take anything my son, would you?)_

_For all your declarations that Lucas was the man for you we both know how well that turned out for you, don't we? While I did manage to get you to divorce the imbecile and agree to marry me to stop the Brady/DiMera feud it didn't fare too well for me after the ceremony._

_There are another couple of things in the trunk for you. I stole the pictures Stefano had of Santo and Colleen. I had thought about giving them to John eventually but after he lost his memory and really didn't seem to be the sentimental type I kept them for myself, for our children rather and maybe one day in the hopes those pictures and packet of letters would mean something to you too. I felt so connected to you when we were in the hospital together reading Santo and Colleen's love story. I knew you felt it too, they are a part of us, and their story was intertwined within our very beings. _

_Who knows maybe if they had of gotten together, we may never have met or maybe we would have all been close family friends. Wouldn't of that been something for the Brady's and the DiMera's to actually be friends? I don't know but doesn't their tragic love story still haunt you? They had a forbidden love, but despite the odds they did love one another. Who knows maybe if times had been different then Santo could have divorced his wife and then married Colleen like he truly wanted to do so. Don't you think if Santo would have had any inkling that Colleen was still alive he would have never given up on them and their love?_

_Sometimes I wonder if we had tried harder, or maybe if I had tried harder than you would have realized we had that kind of love, the kind poems and songs are written about, the kind of love that makes you truly believe in concepts like destiny and fate. Since I'm on the honesty kick so to speak, I would have done anything to have that kind of love with you if you would have only opened your heart up to me._

_Why wouldn't you do it? Why wouldn't you give me a chance to show you how good a life shared together with me would have been? From the very first time our lips met in a kiss I knew I had never experienced anything even remotely close to what I felt with you. _

_Before you start to argue with me remember the first time we kissed you were half asleep, but when you pulled me to you that morning before your wedding to Austin, I knew I wanted to wake up with you beside me each and every day. The overwhelming feeling to touch you, to be near you took my breath away. I felt you smile against my lips and if I hadn't of already been in love with you by then that first kiss would have pushed me over the edge. I just knew you were the one for me. Couldn't you feel that too?_

Sami had to stop reading, once again EJ was going to make her cry with these thoughts of things better left unsaid between them, things that were never going to be possible for either one of them. Great love stories like the one Santo and Colleen shared only brought heartache, not happiness. She had stressed that sentiment enough to EJ when they had read the love letters together especially when it had come to the part where Colleen had finally given herself to Santo in the most intimate way possible between a man and woman.

Sami reached into the truck and took out the daguerreotypes, photos so old the pages they were printed upon were crinkly and brown, but there was no mistaking the resemblance EJ bore to his grandfather Santo, or she to her great aunt Colleen. Sami had thought the letters were long gone, she had not seen them anymore after she and EJ had left the hospital, she thought Stefano had taken them back and he must have for EJ to now have them in his possession or rather her possession. These were the original un-translated love letters that had told the story of love and long between Santo and Colleen, ones written in fancy scripted Italian.

Seeing those things reminded her of the romantic girl she used to be such a very long time ago, but now she had no reason to believe in fairy tale romances. EJ and she had too volatile of a relationship to ever think they could be together or find that rare kind of happiness. She didn't need for him to remind her of times when she had tried so hard to fight the impulse to be with him, the desire that flared up between them when they got the rare chance to be alone.

She had tried very hard not to be alone with EJ, no good came of it, none at all, especially the memories of all the times they had shared with one another were trying to break into the hardened wall of her heart she had constructed against him. Being alone with EJ made her say and do things she shouldn't ever do if she wanted to keep her heart intact. She just couldn't let down her guard especially after her eyes clouded over with tears when Santo and Colleen's wedding rings slipped out from their packet of love letters.

As soon as she picked up the rings which had fallen to the floor her eyesight was completely blurred as the tears finally started to fall. What was EJ trying to do to her? He couldn't unbreak her heart any more than she could unbreak his heart. Wasn't this proof enough right in front of her? Santo and Colleen had roamed the earth never finding each other again or true love again.

Sami didn't believe in fairy tale endings, she just didn't…


	2. Chapter 2

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part IX**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Days of our Lives or the characters.**_

It took Sami a few minutes for the tears to stop even if she couldn't stop her heart from aching. Maybe she would have been better off leaving when she found the custody agreement because gaining insight into EJ's current mindset was tearing her up emotionally. How could he manage to remember all these details, things most people would have long forgotten, yet somehow he brought up things that had been important to them both at one time or another?

She almost didn't pick up the next letter, but damn her curious nature she just couldn't let it lay there because whether or not it made her cry she wanted to know what else was on EJ's mind. She carefully opened the letter not wanting to rip the envelope and started reading again.

_My Dear Samantha, _

_Really if you had wanted me out of your life, when Lucas shot me would have been the perfect opportunity for you. Remember how I ordered you to leave me alone, yet you kept coming back. Sometimes I wonder if it was because you were scared of my father's retaliation towards your family or if some part of you actually cared for me. I wanted you to go, but you being the stubborn creature you are, refused to listen to me. You know if you listened to me then who knows what could have happened, but of course you wouldn't listen to me. Sadly you almost never do…_

_You should have left that day I told you to go and never came back. I gave you an out, told you I wanted to be alone, yet you refused._

_Why did you come back?_

_EJ_

The fear she had felt when EJ had been shot at their wedding, to see him fall in slow motion to the floor had been bad enough, especially when her family had all begged her before the ceremony began not to marry him in the first place. She wouldn't listen to them, she had been sure she would be the one to end the DiMera/Brady feud and then EJ had been shot by Lucas.

The worst of it was that part of her had wanted to marry EJ and not to end the feud either, but she would never admit it to another living soul ever for as long as she lived. Her families had warned her and then look what had happened to EJ when she even for a minute tried to follow her heart.

Sami slumped against the treasure laden chest, her mind traveling back to the time in the hospital after EJ thought he would be paralyzed for the rest of his life. Just like yesterday little snippets of their conversations they had with one another in the hospital came rushing back to her. When she told EJ she cared for him and that he had to fight to live for their son that he couldn't give up just because he might never walk again. Even though she did give him a bunch of platitudes she hadn't been strong enough to tell him that she loved him although she led him to believe it could be a possibility.

_**She recalled standing at the door to EJ's hospital room not sure whether she should stay or go when she heard him ask, "You leaving so soon? "**_

_**Opening the door a little more and walking into the room she countered back with "How are you feeling? "**_

"_**What are you doing here, Samantha? Hmmm? "**_

"_**I wanted to see you. I, um - I was worried about you." **_

"_**I'm sure you've heard the, um, wonderful news. I can't move my legs." **_

"_**It might not be permanent." **_

"_**Don't. Don't pretend that you care. In fact, I'd much rather that you didn't." **_

"_**I do care EJ, I was terrified. I didn't know if you were going to make it."**_

"_**Well, I did, didn't I? At least part of me did."**_

"_**It's too soon. They can't possibly know…"**_

"_**Don't. Don't. Do not start. **_ _**What were you going to say? Keep your chin up, EJ?" **_

"_**I can understand you being angry, but I want to help. I - what can I do?"**_

_**She could hear the weariness in his voice, "Leave." **_

_**Once again she shook her head, "I'm not going to do that." **_

_**When he saw she wasn't going to go away he said, "All right, then stay. Tell me what you're doing here." **_

"_**I already did." **_

"_**Right, you care about me." **_

"_**Yeah, and I'm - and I'm sorry." **_

"_**You're sorry? Why are you sorry? Did you shoot me? "**_

"_**Of course not." **_

"_**Then why are you sorry?" **_

"_**For what you're going through, for the pain that you must be in. I feel for you, that's all." **_

"_**That's rich coming from somebody who promised to make my life miserable. Well, congratulations. I'm in hell, and I'm sure you're loving every second of it. D**__**on't. Don't pretend that you care. In fact, I'd much rather that you didn't."**_

"_**I said that I wanted to make our marriage as miserable as possible, but I did not mean this." **_

"_**Well...you got what you wanted within moments of us being married, so like I said, congratulations." **_

"_**I never wanted something like this to happen. EJ, it's horrible seeing you like this." **_

"_**Well, nobody's keeping you here. Why don't you get out?" **_

"_**I wish I could." **_

"_**What's stopping you?"**_

"_**You, EJ, you're probably not gonna believe this...but I didn't leave you after you were shot. I was holding you in my arms, I was with you when the paramedics stabilized you, and I sat with Stefano, waiting to hear your prognosis. Want to know why? Because I... I thought you might need me. How stupid is that?" **_

"_**I don't want your pity." **_

They argued some more and then he made her leave, telling her once again to go, screaming for her to get out of the room, to go home to Lucas and when she did just that she couldn't believe that Lucas was glad EJ was hurt and that they would be better off if she didn't go back to see EJ. It didn't help matters when visions of her Great Aunt Colleen came to her with the words of wisdom that EJ needed her and maybe just maybe part of her was scared that she did care and love EJ despite all her protests.

She did return to the hospital and of course argued with EJ some more and after she crawled on the side of his hospital bed she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. It shook her to the core when their lips touched and somehow that gesture convinced him that she cared and her out of leaving him alone during his time of need disappeared into thin air.

EJ had been right, she could have left him, he begged and ordered her to go, but she fought to stay by his side, claiming to herself he needed her. Yet could it have been that she had also needed him too? Why oh why couldn't she have ever just tell the truth? That she was confused having feelings for both Lucas and him at the same time. She never could be honest with anyone least of all herself. Honesty really sucked especially when it could change your entire life and realizing that time had yet another opportunity she had spurned because she was too afraid to go against her family even when she had felt something for EJ beyond the pretty little lies she created for him to fight to survive.

The last line of this letter resounded in her mind. Why had she come back to him? She sighed knowing she had only scratched the surface of what EJ had left for her made her think what other realizations would she come to before the day was over if only three of his letters had affected her so much in so little time.

**Dialogue in bold italics was taken from November 13-16, 2007 Days USA airings.**

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part X**_

Sami took out the next letter and opened it wondering what EJ would tell her this time. It was like he was here with her, but at the same time he wasn't and it was more than a little bit disconcerting to read his words yet not being able to see him face to face. She had so many memories of him, ones she had pushed aside and now reading his words was making her heart and mind go back to the times she had tried her best to forget.

_Dear Samantha,_

_I miss my brother Tony. I never really knew what you meant about missing your twin brother Eric until there came a time that I seek out Tony for advice and he wasn't there for me anymore. While you are very fortunate Eric is alive and well and you can visit him, I don't have the same luxury with Tony._

_I guess the reason I am telling you this is because I never told you that Father came back into my hospital room after you had left to go back to the twins (and let's be honest shall we Lucas too) to tell me that while he was happy for me that I had married for love (at least it was love on my part) that Giovanni was to be raised by the DiMera's not you. _

_I told him you were going to raise our child and we would be a family, you were part of my family and still he wouldn't listen to my words. I tried to explain to him that maybe if he hadn't of kept me so close growing up that I would be more empathic to people, more human if you will and he scoffed at me over my foolishness reminding me that family was everything. He said for me to never forget who I was and that was a DiMera. We were not weak and his grandson would not be brought up by the Brady's._

_I knew then what you had been trying to tell me about Father was correct and after I came home from the hospital and it was painfully obvious that you still wanted to be with Lucas and I knew you had went (slept-don't deny it-I'm not judging you for your actions) to him while we were married and it hurt me so badly I said and did things to you to make you want out from our marriage. I tried to get you to wait a while, but you know how determined you get when you have something on your mind and I knew I had to make you change your mind about me. I was getting stronger each day, although I withheld that information from you because I wanted you with me instead of you being with Lucas._

_It was Christmas albeit a lonely one for me because you weren't with me, but at least I had the comfort of Johnny's love and I wanted to be a man he would be proud of to call his father and I also wanted to be a man you would be proud of too. I really was hoping for things that just weren't going to come to fruition, but I was sincere in my wishes at the time. Don't roll your eyes I can be sincere and never more so than when it concerned you and the children._

_So I called Tony and he met me at the church of all places. You know churches and I don't really jive much, but I thought it was the place I needed to go. Tony agreed to meet me, I think he was curious more than anything else and he gave me some sage advice concerning my situation. _

_He made a few jokes in his dry humor kind of way, relegating that it was a good sign the church was still standing all the while reminding me that while Father was aware of religion he never was one to practice it. Thinking back now to the times Father took me to mass it really didn't have much significance to me beyond the time it took out of our schedule to attend and I really didn't believe in a higher power. The DiMera's had power enough or at least that is what Father taught us to believe and while I know now that is definitely not true it never occurred to me to talk to God to believe in good things and to think He would answer prayers especially any kind of prayer that I might attempt to send His way._

_We really were brought up differently, yet for all of your family's religious upbringings they sure don't have much of that forgiveness quality to them unless you happen to be a Brady. I'm not going into that now though because I don't want you to leave in a tissy before you finish the rest of the letters. I have seen you throw some huge hissy fits in my time and now is not the time for you to throw one._

_To get back to what I wanted to tell you about Tony. I told him I thought you had walked out on me for good this time, and that you were finished with me. Tony didn't seem so surprised, but it really did surprise me. Tony asked what did I offer for you to stay with me and I brought up I'd ensure protection from Father, to take you away from Salem to have a life full of adventure._

_Tony scoffed at me, saying I offered you everything but my heart. Samantha you had my heart from the start. Tony asked did I put your well being before mine, did I put your happiness before my own and that made me stop and think. I wanted you with a single-mindness and purpose and it never occurred to me not to take whatever steps I needed to take to make you mine. Don't you understand I thought that was the way of the world, you took what you wanted and the strong survived?_

_Tony told me something so profound, something I had never considered before. He said ruining lives was not difficult; making a life together with someone was real work. He told me I had to stand up against Father and be my own man._

_So after he left me alone, I did something I had never done before. I prayed._

_I prayed __that I wasn't quite sure where to start that I loved my father, but I couldn't be like him and honor his ways. I was sorry for the people I had hurt and the things that I had done. I wanted to be a good father to my son. I wanted to know what is was like to love someone truly without any conditions and not for myself_ _and I wanted to know what it was like to feel that kind of love. I begged for another chance to be with you Samantha. I promised to be a changed man._

_I just wanted so much and needed you so much. Maybe if I had grown up with that kind of love I would be a different man today. I don't know, but it doesn't seem like my prayers got too far that day. I hid behind things, didn't say things I should have said to you or maybe should have tried to say them another way. I don't know, I just really don't know._

_EJ_

Sami took a deep breath wiping the tears from her eyes again wondering herself what she could have done differently. Maybe if she would have known what EJ was really thinking, but she shook her head and told herself you didn't want to know, you didn't want to think EJ could love you because he was a DiMera that he would be willing to do whatever it took for me to love him the way he loved me.

Damn it both their lives were so screwed up.

**_Moonlit Wishes_**

**_Part XI_**

She must be a glutton for punishment, Sami thought as she took the next letter out that was addressed to her, she paused momentarily noticing the handwriting on the front looked a slight bit shaky. Could this be a good or bad sign?

Whatever it meant EJ had her captivated hook, line and sinker, which caused her to lightly laugh even though the tears were still fresh on her cheeks from his words with these letters and mementos of their tangled past. Whether she liked to admit it or not and not usually ruled that competition, EJ had drawn her into his world from the first time they had crossed paths.

_My darling Samantha, _

_Had to take a break for a while, my thoughts were becoming too morose. Religion seems to have that sort of effect on me, so I got out a bottle of Jack, cracked it open and poured myself a good stiff drink. After one or two I felt a bit better. I know the alcohol isn't good for me, but when have I ever stayed away from what isn't good for me?_

_You being the prime example of that sort of reasoning, I know you aren't fond of my drinking; the good news is that I'm not a certifiable lush unlike some of your other paramours. Speaking of which, one thing that never failed to keep me coming round was that incredible mouth of yours._

_What was is about your kisses that haunted my dreams? If you only knew some of them you'd either be tempted to see what I was talking about or run away screaming, knowing your penchant for running I'm sure it would be the latter, but if you stayed what might happen? Hmmmm…_

_Do you remember our kisses? Do you ever think about them? Did I ever make you feel one tenth of the emotion you seemed to bring out in me when our lips touched?_

_Don't you ever wish we could kiss again? Or would that be way more than you could handle my dear, sweet, decadent Samantha?_

_EJ_

Sami put down the letter. Damn him for bringing up their kisses. Of course she thought of them from time to time, what woman in their right mind could forget how mesmerizing EJ's kisses could be? Then she argued with herself she tried her best to forget them because kissing EJ was addictive which was one of many reasons she had most times tried to refrain from kissing him in the first place, seriously the man was talented.

There was this one time, she pondered traveling back into time right after she and Austin hadn't gotten married thinking this had to be normal right? Other people must have experienced this feeling, right? She asked herself as he pinned her against the cushions of her sofa with his body. This overwhelming feeling to touch him was what every woman felt when she hadn't seen someone as intriguing as EJ since the day before, right? She wondered slowly losing her train of thought when his fingers danced along her back, slipping beneath the hemline of her shirt. She knew she must have sighed or moaned because she felt him smile against her already tingling lips.

Adding to the fact that he was shirtless and she could feel the rock hard abs of his pressed against her not the mention that other place that was rock hard on EJ too. He had told her she deserved someone better than Austin, someone who would love her as she was, not someone she had to strive to become to be, a better person because she was shouldn't be someone's second chance or choice, she should be first and the way he was kissing her she guessed was his way of driving home that particular point.

"What?" She breathed out in nothing more than a light whisper. He didn't reply but instead seized her lips for another mind numbing kiss. He slid his hands further up her back, causing her to arch against him. It didn't matter that a mere day before she had almost married another man, a very different man than the person who had just shed his shirt off before laying her down on this couch coming onto her like she was the most desirable female on the planet. She just wanted, no needed, him closer if that was at all possible. The hands she had pressed against his chest had somehow made their way into his hair as she pressed her entire body against him, proud when she heard him let out a throaty moan of his own and knowing he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew this was all types of wrong considering it made her look more that slightly slutty since the previous day she had worn another man's engagement ring on her finger, but hey she had called the wedding off so that had to count for something didn't it? Even though she and EJ were going at it like a couple of horny teenagers who were learning the new intimacies of one another with these first forays of ever increasing amorous touches, when she felt his tongue against the seam of her lips that really didn't seem to matter all that much. Her lips parted on what seemed like their own accord and greedily accepted his tongue's demands with her own. As their kisses became more demanding and rough, she strained against him, both loving and hating the friction of his chest against hers. He must have felt it to because his kisses became more frantic before he pressed his lower body against hers more firmly so she could easily feel the impact she was having on him.

Of course they would have to be interrupted, but maybe it had been for the best because if Austin and Lucas hadn't intruded upon them she might have slept with EJ that day and then where would that had led them? She closed her eyes damning herself for letting memories of those first kisses between them distract her, remembering things like that only clouded her judgment and called to her inner slut which she absolutely refused to let EJ bring out in her.

She didn't need to be reminded of how drugging those kisses could be, hell just remembering one make out session with him was getting her all hot and bothered and she was just sitting here all alone in this house now wishing she had some of whatever EJ had been drinking when he set out to write her this letter.

She threw the letter down on the floor and pushed herself up, wondering if he had left anything behind whenever he had decided to do this soul searching mission of his which of course had involved dragging her all along with him no matter how unknowingly she had been when she had first opened the door to what she considered their haven from the storm years ago.

She stood up, raising her hands above her head, instantly aware of heightened awareness of the sensitivity of her breasts and that was just from thinking about EJ. It wasn't fair that he knew how to tap into the depths of her sexuality with mere words and who knew if that was even his original intention when he wrote this letter to her about something as simple as kisses? She rolled her eyes of course that had to have been his intention. EJ always pushed her to the boundaries of what she had deemed secure, he was dark and dangerous and no good for her in any shape or form whatsoever.

She stretched and looked around, sure enough on a roll top desk there was an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels, she walked to the desk and it was like she could see EJ sitting there scribbling out his various thoughts to her in these letters, pausing occasionally to take a drink. She reached for the bottle thinking well for once they were in agreement, she needed a drink too, although hers was not one needed to shake off the moroseness of the mood, rather she needed this to get him out of her head because unwittingly her body didn't mind those memories as badly as her mind seemed to do.

She opened the bottle and drank straight from it, not bothering with finding a glass, all she needed was a couple of sips and the Jack would do its magic. She placed the bottle down, wiping her mouth before closing the cap back onto the bottle wishing all the while she could forget how it felt when EJ kissed her.

She hissed, realizing the alcohol wasn't going to erase those memories, no more than all the other things she had done to try to erase them from her mind. Damn him, EJ never did play fair, never…

**Moonlit Wishes**

**Part XII**

Sami wandered around the house for a few minutes, imaging she'd see EJ just around the corner, with these letters of his to her it felt like he was close by, yet she knew that wasn't true. It was like he was just laying it all out there for her to see, nothing encumbered with him saying one thing yet meaning another, or was it?

He had her so confused, why had he decided to give her full custody of the kids? Even after reading the letters she had read so far all it had done was make her remember the way he used to be before he had closed himself off to her. She used to know what he was thinking or at least she'd had enough arrogance about herself that she believed she knew what he was up to, but now she wasn't so sure. Could this all be a trick of some sorts?

She guessed if she wanted to know and since it was apparent that EJ wasn't here she would have to read onto the next batch of letters. She glanced at her watch knowing the time was passing in the day, but she was determined to finish the letters. She'd still be home before Rafe returned which was good because she really didn't feel like explaining how she had spent the day without him.

She kind of wished she didn't have to explain anything to him and then she stopped herself from thinking such thoughts. Rafe was good to her, better than anyone had ever been before. Her mind argued if he was so good to you than why are you here reading letters from EJ and thinking about him instead.

She told her mind to be quiet; she wasn't going to answer that question. Right now she had more letters to read.

She walked over to her spot on the floor and reached inside the trunk to get the next letter. She noted his handwriting on this letter seemed to have lost the shakiness, she guessed EJ wasn't drinking when he wrote this particular missive to her. Hopefully that meant he wasn't going to delve into their physical relationship in the letter, goodness knows she was already hot and bothered enough after that last letter she had read from him.

_Dear Samantha, _

_To state that you and I have very dissimilar opinions concerning my father would be a gross understatement. While you hated Stefano with every fiber of your being because as you told me time and time again he was a monster, I did in fact love my father. I know this was a major hurdle that always stood between us, but I thought someday you'd come to see him as I did, a man who loved his family, just as your father loved your family._

_The day I realized you were right about Stefano was the first time I had ever felt fear, true gut wrenching fear. I mean sure, I'd been scared before everyone gets scared but outright fear wasn't an emotion I was accustomed to feeling. _

_I'd go to the mansion to speak with Stefano about keeping Lucas alive after he had shot me. You were worried that my father would put out a hit on Lucas in retaliation for the shooting and it was a valid reason, as you know my father isn't the most forgiving man in the world. _

_I had let myself in and heard what I thought was a scream. While sometimes we get strange noises in the mansion a scream is one that is not a welcome one and it bothered me. I questioned Rolf about it and of course he told me now was not the time to visit my father._

_I had already made Stefano upset by telling him days earlier there was no way he would see Johnny unsupervised and I needed to get his assurance that Lucas would come to no harm (the things I would do for you back in the day) which by the way Lucas was not grateful for my help at all._

_Well when I finally found my way to the room where Father had his houseguest to say I was in shock would have been lying I couldn't believe my eyes. That was when I knew firsthand what fear was when I was looking at your step father John strapped to a table, alive yet not alive._

_When I realized the lengths my father would go to get what he thought was necessary for revenge I was scared, not for myself, but for you and the twins. I knew when he came into the room proclaiming this was his best creation yet and that I was not going to turn against him that he would harm the people I cared about if I went against his wishes._

_Funny how I wasn't worried about me, but knowing he might hurt you or those precious babies made me absolutely sick to my stomach. Before it had been just me, then you came into my life and things changed. I know you don't believe me after all the things we have said and done to one another, but I never wanted any harm to come to you especially from my father._

_I realized my father was cruel and heartless and while you said I would be free from my father's control after I told what Stefano had done to John I only felt alone. I had no one, no family because you had told me time and time again I was not your family. _

_You did tell me while we were talking that evening by the fireplace that I had done the right thing by betraying Stefano, that I was a better man for it. I really wanted to believe you in that moment, I really did because I had turned on my father, turned my back on my way of life for you and the children. I only wish you had meant it._

_EJ_

Sami folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope sighing, she had thought EJ was a better man for what he had done; she guessed she should have tried hard to convince him of her sincerity. There was a lot of things she should have tried harder on concerning EJ, but she knew better than most the road to hell was paved with good intentions and she'd let opportunity after opportunity slip by her.

Now look where they were, they weren't even friends who talked with one another anymore, much less anything else…

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part XIII**_

Sami took the next letter out to read, noting there were still many more left for her after this one, plus she could see other things placed further down in the pile that she guessed would go with other letters for her. Thinking the day was passing she needed to get on with reading or there was no telling what time she would be finished with the entire stack.

_Dearest Samantha,_

_Our time at the cabin when we along with the twins went into witness protection meant many things to me, I learned how it could be to feel like being in a real family, one that actually cared about one another instead of how most times the DiMera family gatherings usually consisted of creating ways to one up the other instead. It was a unique experience. I never knew I could adequately care for two small children at the same time and if I do say so myself I found out that I could handle it pretty well. I actually learned more things about you too, maybe even gained some insight into understanding you, although I honestly think I could spend my entire life trying to understand what makes you tick and still not grasp the complete concept._

_If you didn't know it already, I was so impressed by you. I mean you are an incredible mother, the things you knew, the ways you went about taking care of those precious babies made me even more enamored of you than I already was and that is saying a lot. Just to think how much my life changed after the twins were born was like going from night unto day._

_Yet it seemed the more I connected with the children and you know I made no difference between Johnny and Allie, the more determined you were to remind me of the fact that Allie was not my daughter. I'd be lying if I didn't say hearing you tell me she wasn't my daughter broke my heart a little more each time you brought the subject up to me. It didn't matter that she wasn't mine, I loved her like she was, I changed her diapers, held her when she cried, sang her to sleep and when she was sick I stayed up all night with her so that you could get some much needed rest._

_The things I did weren't a tally sheet to let you know how I helped out, rather just to let you know I did all those things willingly. I was proud I could take care of them, that the baby throw up on my clothes or the loss of sleep or how silly I had to act to make them stop crying all combined to show me I was capable of loving someone other than myself. It taught me not to be selfish, not to think of myself first which had been ingrained into my very being from birth._

_I finally realized the world did not revolve around me, EJ DiMera, and while it was a humbling experience for me it was also something that helped me grow as a person. So whether you realized it or not, you helped me become a better father. I know many times you do not think I am a good father, but I would sacrifice my life for my children without a second's hesitation, just as you would._

_I think we have both lost sight of that fact these past few years and for that I am truly sorry. I want to regain that feeling of awe and accomplishment that was instilled into me during that special time we shared together even if for the most part you wanted out of there, but if I'd had my choice we would have stayed longer._

_Maybe if we had, you would have seen more of the real me, the one who didn't care about being a world class traveler, the power hungry mogul, instead you would have seen the person who wanted to build a life with you and our children. There are so many maybes swooping around right now in my mind and after I began writing these letters to you I don't know if I am even more confused about who I am, but one thing for certain is that I am forever grateful for you teaching me how to be a parent._

_EJ_

Sami folded the letter while she was thinking EJ really had put some time and thought into writing these letters. It made her wonder why he even thought she was worth the effort because no one else had ever done anything remotely like this for her ever.

She recalled their time at the cabin, she had been thankful for EJ's help with the children, yet she had complained about being stuck there with him and not being with the man she loved. She shook her head; Lucas had not been the love of her life after all. She had been wrong about Lucas and looking back she had been wrong to discourage EJ from expressing his love for Allie and even worse she nixed any effort from him to grow closer to her.

What would things have been like if she had been more receptive to EJ during that time in their lives?

She guessed she would never know the answer to that question because once again she saw she'd closed her mind to such a possibility that EJ even wanted to be a parent and her partner more than anything else. She hadn't realized he would have even been proud of doing those mundane things, yet when he described those things in this letter now she knew.

She should have realized so many things that she had took for granted and it made her feel ashamed to have EJ being grateful to her for the meager crumbs she had thrown his way. EJ really had deserved much better, yet he had never got it from her.

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part XIV**_

_Dear Samantha,_

_After we were back in Salem and in our separate apartments again, your idea-not mine, at least you allowed me to help out with the care of the twins. When your grandfather Shawn Sr. passed away on the way back from Ireland, I knew you were sad, your entire family was sad because you all lost the patriarch of the Brady family._

_I really didn't know what to do to help you beyond taking care of the twins; most times I was surprised you allowed me that privilege. When you wanted me to bring them to the pub that day I did, even though I knew my presence wasn't welcome there. All of your family despised me, I was a DiMera after all, the root of all evil, yet when I went outside to get some fresh air, surprisingly your grandmother Caroline came out there too._

_She did something I never expected, she talked to me, telling me she understood why I was feeling the way I did when I was in the pub and now outside. I was puzzled, I mean there she was grieving the loss of her husband, why would she care how I was feeling._

_Then she told me the look I had was one of that I had made mistakes, but that I wanted to fix them. I couldn't believe she could gather all that from a look, but she told me of making the worst mistake of her life by betraying her husband and their wedding vows._

_I told her she didn't need to talk about it, although she plainly told me that she had been forgiven and if it helped me for her to talk about it, then that is what she should do. I told her that I didn't see how talking about it was going to help me and she said she knew how much I cared about you, which I did, funny how your grandmother could see it even if you couldn't or rather wouldn't see it._

_She believed I was trying to change and I was and that some mistakes could actually bring some good from them although I had a hard time believing from all the horrible things my family had done to you that good could come of it. She said she had Bo from her worst mistake, her wonderful Bo (Not that I think Bo is all kinds of wonderful, but after all he is her son) and that was a good result._

_Her words got me to thinking, I hadn't thought about it that way and she invited me to your grandfather's funeral. She said while his death was a tragedy it had brought your family closer and made you all realize you should live every moment of life to the fullest._

_After hearing those words I promised to be there. I don't make a lot of promises so I was determined I would keep my word. When I tried to tell you about it later at your apartment, you kind of blew me off (shocking I know) saying your grandmother was confused and missing her husband which you stressed the word husband using your less than subtle way of trying to tell me you missed Lucas because I knew you sure as hell weren't missing me or really even wanting me around much._

_I was ready to just go until you were trying to remember exactly what it was that you'd last said to your grandfather and when the tears welled in your eyes I couldn't help myself. I told you to come here and I brought you close to me and held you while you cried, I doubt you even realized I kissed the top of your head, it wasn't something of passion, rather I wanted to comfort you, to be the one who you confided in when you were in pain and could help stop your tears. Your eyes are much too beautiful to have tears in them._

_When you pulled back away, I wanted nothing more than to kiss your lips and for a brief moment I thought you wanted the same and then of course you pulled away, somehow you always pulled away before we could get too close._

_I should have caught your hand and pulled you back to me. I should have kissed you because my entire being wanted to so badly._

_Oh how I wish you hadn't of pulled away._

_EJ_

Sami closed her eyes after she finished reading this letter and recalled that time, knowing exactly what EJ meant, she had almost kissed him, let him comfort her like she thought he wanted to do, but of course she'd been afraid. If she let EJ into her heart she would be lost herself, so she did the only thing she was good at and that was walk away before he could have a chance to melt her heart and break down the wall she had erected against him.

**_Moonlit Wishes_**

**_Part XV_**

_My dear, dear Samantha,_

_I knew you'd be spooked after our hug and the almost kiss. I don't know why I thought you would want me around. You wanted me gone, couldn't ask me fast enough about us getting an annulment. So I decided to see what would happen if you thought I really would be gone._

_I drew up the annulment papers as you asked, even though I never wanted it at all. I held my breath thinking you'd sign them as quick as you saw them and then it would be over, you'd have me out of your life. Then I thought what the hell and I decided to see if you would miss me._

_I think you didn't really want me to go or when you thought I was going to be deported you said the annulment papers could wait. It was nice to joke with you after we got past the point where you realized that it was unsettling to be disowned by your family, even a family as nefarious as the DiMera's._

_You told me to get a plan, well I had one darling. When we worked together nothing could stop us. Mr. Burke was a huge pain in the arse, he gave us both a hard time at the pub yet you told him off that he would be lucky if anyone ever loved him as much as I loved you. I wanted to shout to the heavens because that never was a truer statement even if you were being all melodramatically maniacal about it._

_You just impressed the hell out of me that day and then when I convinced you to go along with the other meeting to the man with absolutely no sense of humor Mr. Burke at Chez Rouge. That night you were absolutely stunning. I was so proud for you to be my wife even if you were just playing along for me._

_You wanted to help me and it was all I could do not to burst out in laughter when you told the waiter to take my fish back and make it raw, the thing that almost had me rolling on the floor laughing when we were talking about all the time we spent making love, our incessant lovemaking so to speak._

_You were amazing that night and it reminded me of how easily we played off one another when and if the need arose. I was so surprised you didn't pull away when I kissed you even though my toe was nearly broken by those Louboutin's of yours._

_I fell more in love with you that night, arguing with you and all I wanted to reach over and kiss you senseless. Of course I didn't, but I think you liked arguing with me too. I think you didn't know what to think when Mickey said we argued like an old married couple. His comment flustered you for sure._

_Oh how I wish we still could playfully argue with one another without trying to tear each other apart._

_Missing you,_

_EJ_

Sami smiled thinking about that night at Chez Rouge. It was fun playing word games with EJ seeing who could one up each other all the while trying to convince the humorless Mr. Burke that their relationship was real.

Then a thought came unbidden to her, what would it have been like if it had all been for real instead of them playing a game? What indeed?

_**Moonlit Wishes**_

_**Part XVI**_

_Dear Samantha,_

_After the latest interview with Mr. Burke didn't go over all that well even though I personally thought it was a hit, it was evident we needed some help from our families. I knew you wanted nothing from the DiMera's unless you called John a DiMera and god knows none of the Brady's ever wanted to be linked with the DiMera's._

_We swallowed our pride and went to the mansion to find Marlena hoping she would let us move in with her, but she wasn't prepared to house all of us in her apartment, but she graciously offered to move to a bigger apartment so that we could all move in together. Then she changed her mind, but after saying it wasn't really a good time she offered an alternate suggestion._

_We could all move into the mansion with John. Of course both of us said no, John was kind of wacky especially having Rolf there as his butler instead of mad scientist. We DiMera's do give out some interesting jobs within our organization sometimes, don't we?_

_I didn't think John would let us stay at the mansion, but somehow he agreed to let us move in and of course Marlena thought it would help John in the long run._

_I never thought we'd move into the mansion, yet we did and suddenly our lives took another interesting turn. I couldn't believe that I finally got my wife (no matter how you deny it you were my wife at the time) and children to live in the DiMera main household, the DiMansion if you will._

_John was more than a bit unwelcoming, but in all honesty I thought he was way more interesting than he had been before. At least his views were outspoken and it always made for an interesting time._

_To think John said he didn't trust me was funny because I didn't trust him either. He was all about the money and power of being a DiMera and it flipped you and your family out. But really is the money and power all that bad?_

_I just had to ask. Right now I imagine you speaking out about the evils of the DiMera money and power. Sometimes the money and power was a good thing, I could get what I wanted with one major exception._

_I could never get you._

_Well at least we had a new home to go to even if you insisted on separate bedrooms. You always were one to drive a hard bargain._

_I had hope for the first time in a while, I had a job working with Mickey Horton, my family was living all together under one roof and I thought things were looking up. At least they were until that was until the night we were having dinner at Chez Rouge and the woman who wrecked all of our lives came into it._

_Nicole Walker._

_EJ_

Sami could actually feel her blood pressure rise when she read the name listed in his letter. She hated that woman worse that anyone on the planet, EJ included in that list which really was saying something because EJ was a person whom she had grown to hate over the past few years.

Sami thought back to that night wishing EJ would have listened to her, Nicole Walker was nothing but trouble and she had brought it all into their lives.

Trouble in spades…


	3. Chapter 3

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Part XVII_**

Just seeing Nicole's name on the stationary paper written by EJ was enough to start a churning in Sami's stomach, even now after all this time Sami was furious with Nicole. The things she had done to them were unspeakable. Why did EJ ever let that tramp have access into their lives? She had told him, but he refused to listen to her.

Sami still felt the burn of indignation as soon as Nicole had come by their table that night. Nicole with her bleached blonde stringy hair dressed in next to nothing just barging her way to sit down at the table with them. EJ should have known from the start that the tramp had no class. She was nothing more than a gold digger and when she realized EJ was a DiMera than that just made her set her sights on him from the very start.

For the first time it felt like EJ didn't care what she said, he should have listened to her. There were so many reasons why she hated Nicole. Their past history was enough reason for Sami to want her nowhere near her children or her husband.

Then she stopped herself because she had thought of EJ being her husband when she had tried so hard to keep it in her mind that she was only married to him to stop the vendetta and then it was to keep him in the country. Yet why couldn't he understand that she had very important reasons not to let Nicole gain any kind of entrance because if she did gain an inch she literally took a mile.

It made her want to retch thinking of all the things Nicole had done to them. Their lives would have all been so different if that bitch had never came back to Salem and for as long as she lived, if she would have had to do it all over again, she would have been more adamant in her requests to EJ to keep that snake away from them.

Nicole Walker had done nothing but brought misery and destruction to them all.

Sami looked down at her hands and realized they were shaking and she hadn't even read the next letter from EJ. She had to stand up for a while, she needed to get up from where she was sitting and walk, do something to rid herself of these feelings of anger that popped up whenever she thought of Nicole Walker.

She walked over to the window noting that the afternoon was passing by quickly, much more quickly than she had realized and she didn't want to leave before she had finished the letters. It was like this was something she needed to take care of before she left here today, so she reached in her pocket and took out her cell phone to call her grandmother.

The phone rang a few times and luckily Sami heard her grandmother's voice on the other line.

"Grandma, this is Sami," she began.

"Yes dear, is everything all right?" Caroline asked since her granddaughter's voice seemed to be slightly quavering.

"I'm ok, I just wanted to ask you a favor," Sami paused momentarily before asking her what she wanted for a favor.

"Ask away," Caroline said, hoping that Sami wasn't having another fight with Rafe. It seemed that was all they did lately causing Caroline to think that maybe she shouldn't have encouraged Sami to marry Rafe so quickly after she had called off her marriage to EJ.

"Can you keep the kids tonight? I have some things I need to do and it might be late before I finish and I thought they would be more settled in at your place instead of me coming by so late tonight."

"I'll be glad to Sami. They are such good company to me and it will be fun to have a spend the night party with all of them tonight."

"Thank you Grandma, I'll see you in the morning," Sami bid her grandmother goodbye and then turned off her phone completely, she didn't want to have to deal with Rafe calling her, she wanted to get through with these letters with no interruptions hoping by the time she was finished she would have some kind of idea why EJ decided to sign over custody of the kids to her.

She still didn't see why EJ did it, maybe by the time she got to the end she would understand because right now she was in the dark, no closer to a reason why then when she started, so after walking around the house for a few minutes she sat back down beside the trunk and readied herself to open up the next letter EJ had written for her.

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Part XVIII_**

_Dear Samantha, _

_I knew you didn't want me to take Nicole's case and tried to tell me she was a slut among other things, but I was determined to earn my way without the DiMera fortune since of course it was tied up in the estate after Father had disinherited me. Plus it didn't help matters that John was the new leader of the DiMera family telling me which cases he thought I could take and which I could not._

_I wasn't going to stand for it, I was only trying to provide for our family, both the children even though you constantly reminded me that Allie was not mine, but I loved her just the same as Johnny. I never made any difference between either of those babies and you know it._

_So my back was up against the wall, you were hell bent on me not taking Nicole's case and then John trying to guilt me in his own weird view of the world way by saying I wasn't being loyal to the family. Hell Samantha, here John was a DiMera for all of five minutes per se yet he was telling me I was not loyal to my family. _

_You both made me want to prove to you both you were wrong, not me. I wanted to leave the mansion right then and there, yet you refused to go with me saying that we had no money or plan or place to go. You told me you didn't trust me either and that hurt even more._

_You told me nothing was innocent about Nicole, she was a black widow. You were so adamant about me staying away from Nicole. You told me you would never forgive Nicole and you would never understand why I was willing to help her._

_I told you everything I did was for you and the twins, yet you still didn't believe me. I wanted you to see that I was doing this for us and trying to erase the hurt you insisted on giving me I just did the opposite of what you wanted, I was so sure you were wrong about Nicole._

_I had never been so wrong about anything in my life apparently; I should have listened to you when you voiced your objections about Nicole. I bet you are thrilled you were right and I was wrong and I'm finally admitting it._

_If I had not taken Nicole's case and allowed her access into our lives I believe things would be completely different between us today. What do you think?_

_EJ__  
><em>

Sami felt anything but thrilled with EJ's acknowledgement that she had been right about Nicole. How could she be thrilled because she and EJ were both changed forever after that bitch snaked her way into their lives? It wasn't much of a victory to be right when things were still to this day so wrong between them both.

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Part XIX_**

_My stubborn Samantha, _

_For you to tell me I was naïve about Nicole was an understatement, she really was a back stabbing money grubbing bitch, although at the time I thought you were jealous that she gave me attention when you obviously didn't want to give me any beyond what you thought I deserved which usually was nil._

_I can remember the fight we had the day I came home from work. I was excited about my new office and wanted us to go down to the second hand store to find some furnishings for it. To think me a DiMera was excited to go to a thrift store should have let you know that I had completely forsaken my birthright and was willing to start anew working as hard as I could to provide for our family._

_You told me you didn't want me to go to the park with you and the twins unless I called Nicole and told her I wasn't going to represent her in the divorce proceedings against Victor. You wanted to push me into making a decision I didn't think was the correct one for us. That was the reason I claimed refusing not to relinquish being Nicole's lawyer, but the other reason that was in the back of my mind was that I thought if I made you jealous you would actually admit your feelings for me. That you wanted me as much as I wanted you, I hung on to the belief that if another woman was interested in me then you would finally see the light._

_To say my plan backfired on me is a vast underestimation on my part. Epic fail! I am a master planner among other things master-wise, not saying more but between you totally ignoring me when I was in desperate need of you'll just have to read between the lines on that one. _

_So my make Sami jealous plan wasn't my brightest idea ever, although I will state to my dying day I am a damn genius compared to any of the other men you have ever had in your life. Girl you know you I am telling you the truth._

_Of course I was crazy to ever think you'd be jealous of another woman giving me any kind of attention. I was under your spell and hoped you'd take an interest in me as a man, I mean when I first came to town you were interested in me that way even if you were engaged to Dallas. I know you were even if you deny it, you were and I just wanted you, impossibly stubborn you, Samantha Gene Brady, the girl who lit up the room every time you entered it, the only girl whose attention I craved. _

_I wish you could have wanted me too. I would have given anything to have you want me the way I wanted you._

_EJ__  
><em>

Sami gently folded the letter back neatly, careful not to tear this one. EJ made her feel many things and yes she had been jealous of Nicole, but her stubbornness prevented her from telling EJ anything close to the sort. Yet he had been attracted to her stubbornness, wanted her even when she gave him no reason to want her.

Maybe her having a man chase her instead of the other way around had somehow convinced her that there was no way he really would be interested in her if she had let her guard down and truly let him see her, the real her. Damn her insecurities and being jealous had only made her retreat more into her protective shell.

Could EJ have really wanted to be with her if he knew the real her, would anyone? Guess she had been too afraid to find out for sure. Well it was too late anyway for her to find out, it was past tense, she had read the letter and it said the way he wanted me, not that he wanted me now.

She shook her head; she really was losing it if she thought EJ would ever want her again. She was losing it, wasn't she?

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Part XX_**

Sami thought back to those days, time spent with EJ and the twins, both of them working together to raise them. Sleepless nights when one baby would drift off to sleep only to have the other wake up. She had been sleep deprived, cranky and more than a little hostile to EJ even more so after Nicole had come back to Salem.

The day she escaped to the gym for just a little while to blow off some steam, she had ran on the treadmill until she was breathless yet she still plugged on, hoping the exertion would clear her mind. Only to have EJ come in and then regrettably Nicole soon after of course with her snide comments to Sami.

Yes, it was hard to lose weight and get back into shape especially after having twins, but Sami had worked hard and thought she was looking good, that was until Nicole made fun of her talking about how it would take forever to get the extra baby weight off. EJ nor Nicole knew how difficult it had been for her to lose weight and her fears of regaining pounds that might never come off, a fear that had stayed with her ever since her teenage years when she struggled with bulimia. They didn't know what a struggle it was not to revert back to those terrible thoughts of never being pretty enough, always being the girl who looked in the mirror and saw only the flaws.

She really should not have let her get to her that way. Nicole was nothing more than a bitchy washed up drunk and her opinion shouldn't matter, although it cut to the core especially after she joked saying Lucas would rather be in prison for shooting EJ than to be with her. Nicole had no class that was for sure, she was poison with her sharp barbed insults.

Then again maybe anyone would choose something else, even prison time to avoid being married to her. She and EJ were playacting at being married, why their annulment would already be filed if the threat of EJ being deported hadn't come up when it did.

She had to ignore her. She had enough of Nicole's insults, but when she really lost it was a little while later was when she saw Nicole trying to hold Allie. She had saw red instantly rushing to take her child away from that skanky whore and before she knew it she had slapped her.

It had felt good to hit that tramp especially after Nicole was making comments about the twins having multiple fathers. Nicole didn't know the situation and Sami had let her get to her to the point where she didn't feel rational.

Surely after EJ heard Nicole make those nasty insinuations about the twin's parentage he would drop her case. But he didn't and that had made Sami angry at him, doing anything to pick a fight with him after that scene in the gym.

So she did what she did best, she threw up another wall in her heart, EJ didn't care about her feelings or he would have told Nicole then to find another lawyer.

She decided not to let him get closer to her because if she let him in he was only going to break her heart that much she had been sure of at the time. No one really wanted to be with the girl who wasn't pretty and sweet like her sisters, the one who always came in last when it came to love. No one had ever really loved her for her and stayed around to prove it. They all left her in the end. EJ would be no different.

Too bad that no matter how hard she tried to act like what he did didn't matter to her at all, it had. She just had to be strong, the weak crumbled and were left alone, better to be the one who didn't care than to care at all.

She had decided that day she was never going to be that ugly awkward teenage girl in the mirror again, she just wasn't.

Sometimes Nicole's insults still haunted her. Sami covered her ears for all the good it did, no one was here with her yet she could still hear her words rip her confidence to shreds.

Just another reason why she hated Nicole, one of many. Oh how she wished that whore had never come back to Salem. Nicole had ruined everything.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Part XXI_**

_Dear Samantha, _

_Even though you were tired and grouchy (I can hear you right now I wasn't grouchy-you absolutely were) after we struggled to get the twins to bed we still had the immigration hearing with Mr. Burke to convince him to let me stay in the country. I was starting to get worried; we were running out of time, so I asked you to stay up with me where we could prepare our last round of strategy. You really should have seen the look upon your face after I told you we only had one night to fall in love._

_Well sweetheart if you don't know it by now that suggestion was totally meant for you, I mean I only had eyes for you from the first time I saw your lovely face. Now don't roll your eyes at me and start to scoff, you had to have known by that juncture in our rather somewhat peculiar relationship that I was completely smitten with you._

_Then you got that wary look on your face and I could see you trying to think of a way to get out of this because if you possibly can you avoid any kind of conversation that might draw us closer to one another. I really didn't know what I was expecting when the comment about us falling in love slipped out, it was just escaped my mouth, one of those times when your heart blurts out something before your head can scream to use some common sense and not try to make you scramble to find a quick exit from the room._

_I almost wanted to laugh as you tried to come up with excuses anything to keep me at bay, stating we could cram in the morning as if it were some kind of test at school hoping that last minute studying would keep us from failing. I was afraid if we were asked personal questions about each other our answers would not match up with one another._

_You tried to make a joke of it, saying the only phobia you had were of all things DiMera, which really made no sense, you know? Whether you liked it or not (I know you answer is a resounding not!) you were a DiMera and our son was a DiMera and of course I was a DiMera. I didn't think it was funny and asked you to meet me halfway, something that hadn't been a problem for you until Nicole._

_When I brought her name up, I could see the fire in your eyes. I'd made you mad because I'd called you on something you didn't want to admit. You refused to believe you were jealous of Nicole in any shape or form. Then you were like ask away, and proceeded to rush me. You were pacing around the room like a caged animal until I finally convinced you to sit down._

_You are so impatient, whereas I was patient, really to care about you the way I had really required tremendous amounts of patience on my part, not that you cared about that at all. We did know each other's favorite foods, I guess we had shared more meals together than we realized because it was an answer we both readily knew._

_Good and bad habits, oh when I mentioned bad habits your face lit up like a Christmas tree, it was like the wheels started turning in your head almost automatically, immediately you said I made a clicking noise when I was thinking which of course I didn't yet you started making the noise and you were so adorable that all I wanted to do was reach over and cradle the back of your head in my hand to bring your face up to mine and simply kiss you._

_I didn't do it, if I had you would have ran out of the room probably screaming how much of I pig I was to try such a thing with you. So I switched tactics asking what about good habits which really seemed to stump you for a few moments and then your answer took me completely by surprise._

_You did that annoying clicking sound, which by the way I don't do, and then said the kindest thing to me. You paused slightly before you said I put the twins down exactly the same way every night. I would kiss them both on the nose the exact same way, and you thought I always had this look on my face like I was happy and sad at the same time. _

_It had never occurred to me that you noticed what I ever said or did in a good way, the bad things you seemed to recall with an uncanny ability. Then your voice grew softer when you told me you noticed lots of things. _

_After that I wanted to kiss you even more…_

_I should have kissed you that night._

_EJ_

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Part XXII_**

Sami smiled a sad smile, she didn't understand why she was so scared to kiss him and now after reading this latest letter apparently he had some of the same fears too. They had done it so many times before, and when she wasn't completely lying to herself she knew each time had felt so damn good.

Even when it should've been mixed with guilt because she claimed not to have feelings for him, or even when it should've been mixed with hesitance because she knew she was pushing them past some imaginary line in their relationship, going into a more sexual realm with him which made her feel like she'd have absolutely no control over the situation it had felt good, too good in fact. Kissing EJ felt like playing with fire, but in a good way. Was there ever a good way to play with fire?

All she knew was each kiss they shared had a way of igniting a fire she didn't have the strength or the desire to fight. EJ made her feel like she was burning alive caught in a flame that threatened to rage into an everlasting inferno. Every inch of unexplored skin, every breathless moan she earned from him when they kissed, it made whatever she was feeling at the moment grow until she was breathless and anxious for more.

Maybe that was why she tried her best to maneuver herself in a way that made it difficult for them to be alone too much of the time or if they did find themselves alone, she tried to argue with him, anything to get her mind off the fact that if she let her guard down she might do something completely stupid like kiss him.

She thought back to that night, had she been that oblivious not to see he wanted her? Well wanting someone and loving someone many times were two very different things. She'd tried to ignore the signals he sometimes gave her, it was best not to let him catch her eye, for them to share a glance, because EJ's smoldering looks to her were enough to make her want to forget reason and then she would have been kissing him.

She was glad he hadn't kissed her that night, of that much she was sure of.

Wasn't she?

**_Moonlit Wishes __  
><em>_Part XXIII_**

_Dearest Samantha, _

_I realized during our get to know you conversations that you my dear are a cynic, you didn't even believe most married people were actually in love. Maybe there were a lot of one sided marriages out there, but I held out hope that one day we'd be the married couple that was absolutely without a doubt so in love with each other that people would know instantly whenever they saw us together._

_Guess while you were the diehard cynic, I was a hopeless romantic, must have had our roles switched because most times the man is cynical, while the woman believes in love. Well I did believe in love at least for a while anyways, you should be proud eventually you won me over to your way of thinking. I'm not much of one to believe in love anymore, romantic love that is, but that is for another time to share with you._

_Right now I'll get back to the disillusionment I felt when I realized you wanted to go to separate apartments when and if we ever got enough money to do so. I just knew you wouldn't be able to hide your true feelings of disliking me, I wasn't even sure you would ever be capable of loving me. I was ready to throw in the towel so to speak and then you wanted to fight for me to stay in the country, telling me you never believed in giving up and thought I felt the same way._

_Woman your constant hot and cold attitude was enough to give me a permanent case of whiplash, I really never knew which way we'd be going in next and maybe you liked it that way. If you kept me off balance I'd always be second guessing your motives. I have to give it to you I didn't have anything on you about being a player. You aced playing with my affections almost from the first moment we met, especially after you realized I was a DiMera._

_The next morning before the big interview we were at the Pub, really I was too nervous to even try to eat, but I didn't want to seem that way in your eyes so I played it cool asking and answering questions for and about you. It seemed to surprise you that I knew exactly which perfumes you were and the times you choose to wear them. _

_You did always smell good, there were times I could have pulled you into my arms just to place a kiss on the top of your head and get a whiff of that uniquely scent of yours that drove me absolutely wild oft times._

_When I asked you if you knew if I wore boxers or briefs you lied and said you didn't know, but you seemed to recall I wore boxers and could even describe them to me color, monogram and all. Impressive for someone who didn't know anything about me, don't you think?_

_Don't even think about getting mad, you just hate it when I call you out on something, you know maybe I should have done more of that during our times together. Well I may have changed my underwear habits by now and you wouldn't know. See what all you have missed out on by taking yourself out of my orbit? _

_I may even go commando now or not…_

_EJ_

_PS-Don't you wish you knew for sure?_

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Part XXIV_**

Sami let out a snort of laughter, of course she didn't care if EJ wore underwear or not. She was not going to allow an image of him seep into her mind that he might not even wear a thing under those pants he wore so well. Really he was quite hung so it would probably be in his best interest to wear something.

She threw the letter aside, scolding herself mentally; she didn't need to be thinking about EJ and his build. How did he manage to get her mind to derail into the gutter so quickly? She was not going to recall a thing about him physically especially those regions.

She got up, thinking maybe she needed another drink, but the bottle of Jack EJ had left behind she had drained earlier. Surely there had to be something else in this house even if it had been abandoned for the most part beyond EJ's latest visit and now her visit here too. Could he have left behind something else? She really didn't want to go anywhere to get something or she might be delayed in getting back and finishing up these intriguing and often times even downright infuriating letters from the man who held such a hold on her past.

She went to the desk once more; there were no bottles of alcohol there. Although she did find something she hadn't expected to see, EJ's glasses, the ones he wore when he needed to read something important, the ones he'd worn so many times before and she'd thought they looked really sexy on him.

She swore under her breath, she had already told herself she wasn't going to think of him in a sexual way. EJ DiMera was not sexy!

Liar! Her mind screamed out to her, causing her to shake her head.

She really needed to tell her inner slut to shut up more often.

**_Moonlit Wishes_**

**_Part XXV_**

_Dear Samantha, __  
><em>

_Jokingly I tried to tell you I loved you just for the husband part of what you considered was our interrogation aka immigration hearing and I guess you thought it was funny too. You laughed when I said it. Maybe laughing about it made it seem like it wasn't real to either of us._

_So I suggested we do things your way which meant cut out any of that lovey-dovey nonsense because it just made us snappy to one another anyway. Of course you readily agreed, I mean acting in any kind of loving manner towards me was such a stretch for you._

_I came to the conclusion if the Immigration Officer saw us as a normal couple who's not particularly in love or happy with each other and heading for divorce, then we'd probably be fine. _

_Then you had the nerve to call me cynical. I was just taking a page from your book sweetheart, nothing more, and nothing less._

_I have to say though I did enjoy our dysfunctional time with John and Marlena, really between you telling John about the tryst he and Marlena had hooking up to us asking them to lie for us at the hearing had to be some of the most entertaining times I'd had with either one of them. _

_It was disconcerting for John to be my uncle, still is, hmmm just don't know when or if we will get along with one another if he and Marlena ever decide to return to Salem one day. I kind of liked the new John much better than the old one, yet who knows how the future will turn out for any of us. I'm running ahead of myself again, sometimes my mind is going from the past to the future and I need to stay on course if I want to finish these letters to you.__  
><em>

_Back to the moment at hand, when we actually got to the hearing itself I was surprised your dad vouched for us and me personally. I doubt the same could hold true today, but at least when it mattered back then Roman came through for me. I know how much your dad's opinion means to you and I was glad he stood by us even for that brief moment in time._

_When Nicole showed up at the police station which was a rather odd place to have our immigration hearing, but I digress, I thought you might blow a gasket. Nicole does have a strange sense of humor and I did my best to keep you away from her. I needed you calm when it was our turn to speak with Mr. Burke._

_Finally the time came, you were asked to go into to speak with him and I asked if I could accompany you. Luckily that sourpuss Burke let us go in together._

_So there we were the two of us facing a man who lacked any kind of emotion especially humor trying to convince him we were a family. We talked about the first time we met, how even though we had hit rough patches somehow we always managed to come back together._

_Mr. Burke was puzzled considering how my family has tried to destroy your family for years, yet you told him that was all in the past. _

_When I said I really liked to think that it was my love for you that would be the beginning of a new era for the Brady's and the DiMera's was when he decided to ask the hard question. This was not about whether I loved you or not, rather if you loved me._

_You shocked the hell out of me when you replied I do. Maybe I should have let you continue, I don't know if it could have provided me more insight into why you said what you said to him. I never would have guessed in a million years that you cared for me, much less loved me._

_So I thought it would be best to put my two cents into the conversation, because I knew there was no way you loved me. I told him the truth of how my life completely changed the moment that I met you. I mean, if someone were to tell me that I would be a husband, a father, married to a Brady I never would have imagined it either. I did appreciate being in America, but this was about my family, you my wife, Johnny my son. Whether you realized it or not you both meant the world to me and I was not to ashamed to beg him to please give me my family, you were all that I had and I needed you both, my family._

_I couldn't believe you took my hand in yours and you had tears in your eyes too. Maybe you actually cared for me more than you realized. You, Johnny and Allie meant the world to me; I never wanted to lose that, never. I shouldn't have been so stupid to do some of things I have done since then. I'm not proud of the bad things I have done Samantha. I hope you do believe that._

_Now we have Sydney too. My beautiful family I wanted more than anything is now a thing of the past. What I wouldn't give to go back in time to change some of the things I chose to do._

_EJ __  
><em>

Sami wiped away a stray tear that was rolling down her face. If she'd just been honest with him from that day onward, things would have been so different for them all today.


	5. Chapter 5

**Moonlit Wishes**

**Part XXVI**

_Dear Samantha, _

_I was using Nicole, I knew the first time I saw her after your reaction to her that she could be useful to me in helping me get you to realize that you did care for me, notice I wasn't foolish enough to believe you could love me. The cynicism you manage to instill in me continues to rub off on me to this very day I'll have you know._

_So I thought my British charm and good looks could be put to good use so I flirted with her some, got her around to my way of thinking. She even told me if I hadn't of been in love with you she'd be falling for me herself. I should have stopped it then and there, yet I was determined you would fall for me; eventually even love me the way I loved you._

_Hope sprung eternal during those days. I actually thought Nicole could be an ally for me. I didn't want her for a friend; I mean you know how it was for me. Friends never came easily for me, that was until you came into my life and somehow you became the best friend I'd ever had, the only true friend I had found._

_I shouldn't have taken your friendship for granted. We were both cut from the same cloth, (I can hear you screaming no we are not I am a Brady, you are a DiMera, the two are like oil and water-but we are one in the same no matter how you try to say we are not) and I truly enjoyed being around you, making you laugh seeing your beautiful eyes light up when you smiled._

_I was so caught up in using Nicole to get you for my own that I failed to realize that somehow Nicole was actually falling for my charms even though I had told her I only needed her to help me help you see you belonged with me._

_When Nicole called me the evening her dog was sick, I went to her. She really didn't have any friends and I guess she thought I would empathize with her. I do like animals, they treat you better than most humans do and even when the world has turned against you and believe me I know better than most, you dog still loves you. _

_I felt bad for her, she was crying and I gave her a hug, nothing more than that and I guess when you saw us together you assumed the worst that she was trying to get me into bed with her. You might have been right about that one even though at the time I wasn't interested in her sexually. You have to believe me, all I wanted was a chance to be with you, not her. _

_You pulled me away from her and before I knew it, you grabbed my jacket by the lapels, pulled me close to you and you kissed me._

_The moment I felt your lips touch mine however briefly it was, it was so sweet, to feel your tongue brush gently up against mine. I totally forgot where I was, actually how to breathe, and then you pushed me away, your eyes wide looking at me like you were in shock._

_Sweetheart, I was shocked enough for the both of us. You finally kissed me, you made the first move with no motive to use me to get information about the DiMera's which you had been known on occasion to do in the past and all I could do was stand there._

_You asked me what had you done and of course I replied that is a rhetorical question isn't it because you had just kissed me. You asked what was wrong with you and Nicole had to add snarkily where did she need to begin, but it was like she wasn't there with us really, we were both shaken by the kiss._

_You kissed me, you finally kissed me and before I could say or do anything else you did what you do best._

_You ran like hell to get away from me._

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes**

**Part XXVII**

Sami looked up to the ceiling, remembering the night she initiated that kiss. She had been so mad at Nicole trying to lure EJ with some stupid sad plight about her dog. Sami hadn't been naïve, she knew how Nicole worked, but EJ hadn't or at least she thought he hadn't at the time.

He was right it had shocked her, there she had went and done the one thing she had tried so hard not to do, kiss EJ because the man knew how to give a kiss.

That among other things, but she wasn't going to go there, she couldn't or she'd be wanting things from him that wouldn't be good for either of them in the long run, it never had been for them in the first place.

What had he expected? It had shocked her to kiss him, there had been no way she was going to stand there and be humiliated by Nicole. The nerve of that woman to even offer EJ antibacterial mouth spray from her sparse cleavage no less had been enough to get her to leave, if she had of been smart she wouldn't have ran into the pub, she would of went somewhere else instead.

Her grandmother hadn't been much help either offering up no sage words of wisdom Sami had hoped she could give her to stay away from EJ, so she had put a call into the prison. Lucas didn't want to see or talk to her and she had needed to see him because that would give her courage to stay away from EJ. She had used Lucas as an excuse to keep her distance from EJ, even wearing that stupid necklace around her neck which had been utterly ridiculous, kind of like wearing someone's high school class ring when you'd been out of school for years. She had gone about things in a child like manner, thinking if she kept talking about Lucas, wearing his rings around her neck that EJ would see she loved Lucas, not him.

One kiss had ruined it all and it had only fueled Nicole on to get EJ for her own.

It had been obvious when Sami had tried to follow EJ to the gym the next day; she tried to play it cool. She didn't want EJ to think she couldn't get him off her mind. Nicole had come and drug him away with her to the steam room, Sami wasn't a fool, and she knew what Nicole was trying to do. She had almost stormed into the steam room, and then at last her good sense had kicked in, she wasn't going to give Nicole more ammunition against her so she'd left before causing a scene.

She hadn't meant to stay up waiting for EJ, she should have went on the bed, but when he had come into the room one thing had led to another and somehow they had managed to have one of the most honest talks they had ever shared with one another.

She wondered if EJ ever thought about that night anymore. The night they had declared the slate was wiped clean between them both.

**Moonlit Wishes**

**Part XXVIII**

Sami opened up the next letter and smiled wryly, of course they were on the same wavelength thinking wise, it was uncanny how they could sometimes be on the same page with one another and other times as far apart as two people could possibly be.

_Dear Samantha, _

_I wonder what would have happened if we had never spoken of the night Johnny was conceived. I hadn't been expecting anything of the kind to take place between us, but I guess after that kiss in front of the pub it was bound to happen sometime or another. We were either going to talk about it or just act like it never happened like we seemed to do about so many things. _

_I want you to know that night was a turning point for me; it proved we could actually have an honest to god conversation without you running away from me and what you felt which was a miracle in itself. I was more truthful with you that night than I had ever been with anyone in my entire life before and since. That honesty thing had never been my strong suit, but somehow you could manage to get me to admit things I never would have under normal circumstances. Who knows writing these letters to you has brought out more honesty in me than I ever thought possible?_

_Honesty was never your strong suit either though so I don't feel too badly that many times I haven't told you the truth or the entire truth about things. Sometimes our versions of the truth seem to differ greatly from what others see of us or even what we ourselves see. _

_I would have had to been an idiot to not realize you were pissed at me when I arrived home, you immediately notified me I had missed putting the twins to bed, but you were sure I'd had plenty of fun with Nicole in the steam room and then you snarkily added that you guessed my priorities were pretty good._

_The best offense is a good defense so I told you how lovely it was to see you which you could of cared less about instead steering the conversation directly back to asking how was Nicole like you even cared how she was, only wanted to rub it in that I had been with her at the gym which I knew didn't please you one iota._

_I never was one to back down from a challenge and it was impossible for me not to goad you on, telling you she was wonderful, amazing all the while stating emphatically nothing happened._

_You crossed those arms in front of you, giving me the evil eye you have perfected so well especially whenever I am concerned along with a sarcastic reply of right, only your tone of voice let me know instantly that was not what you thought at all.__  
><em>

_You know it is difficult when you say one thing and mean something completely the opposite, woman code is extremely hard to decipher young lady, and Samantha Brady woman code is about a hundred times harder to figure out. Really I should have gotten some kind of award for being able to crack the code the few times I did with you._

_I told you it was the truth nothing happened with Nicole and then you let me have it going as far as the question my forthrightness with you because I always told the truth. _

_Well we both know that was a mocking jab over my honesty skills if there ever was one, but seriously Samantha you and the truth were hardly ever friends. I had nothing to gain by lying to you about Nicole and told you as much which only prompted you to say that I'd probably get a communicable disease which thankfully that wasn't the case at all as much as you might have wanted it to be because you really like to wish bad things to befall me for some odd reason._

_I wasn't going to win with you so I told you I'd go for a shower, but we could finish this conversation later and I was already to leave the room when your next question stopped me in my tracks._

_You wanted me to explain what I was trying to do by getting Lucas out of prison._

_And that started it all, the night that I'll never forget._

_Will you ever forget that night? Have you forgotten it?_

_EJ_


	6. Chapter 6

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXIX<strong>

No she hadn't forgotten that night, far from it Sami thought as her mind traveled back into time. EJ had been right she'd been pissed when he came home, but it wasn't all at him, at herself too; mad because she was feeling things for EJ she knew better than to be feeling for him. They were in an impossible situation married to one another, yet not living as man and wife.

A situation of her choosing, she wouldn't let him in, constantly reminding EJ she didn't love him which hadn't been completely true. She had been so confused she didn't know what she felt for him. Surely it hadn't been love; they had too many things against them.

But she closed her eyes and could hear EJ's voice speaking to her as clear as if he was in the room with her. She had questioned his motives using her good standby sarcasm as a ready weapon to use against him, claiming of course it had to be out of the goodness of his heart since he would never have an ulterior motive.

It had been all she could do not to laugh in his face when he had replied as a matter of fact; it was out of the goodness of his heart.

She may be many things, but a fool wasn't one of them, EJ never did anything without wanting something in exchange. He was a DiMera, and that is what DiMera's did.

She took out the next letter wanting to read his thoughts, thinking they wouldn't be anywhere near close to what she thought about that night, EJ had done what he had done trying to get Lucas free to mess with her mind. EJ was a master of orchestrating things to his advantage and she usually had to deal with the fallout of those machinations.

Anyway that wasn't the point, she knew how EJ was, he was a male version of herself, even though she didn't like to admit that and she sure as hell wasn't ever going to admit that to him.

_My dear Samantha,_

_You accused me right off the bat of only trying to get Lucas free from prison for ulterior motives, which I immediately denied. _

_Really I wanted for you to be happy and yes, there was another reason one I didn't have the courage to share with you, that being I wanted you to choose to be with me because you loved me, not because I was your second choice. You had never been my second choice and I sure as hell didn't want to be a consolation prize for you if you couldn't be with Lucas._

_Then when you threw out you wished I had been thinking about making you happy the night Johnny was conceived, it hit me hard, the one thing we never spoke of was what came about that night, and I really didn't know what to do._

_So I decided it was now or never, I had to let you know my side of things and I really wanted to know your side too, as bad as it would be to hear it from your mouth, I needed to know._

_So I asked was that what you were really angry about, how Johnny was conceived. You tried to leave, but for once I stood my ground and didn't let you leave the room. It was time to face the music so to speak and luckily you didn't storm out of the room like you usually did when something got too intense for you to bear with me._

_So you stayed and you let me have it, you asked me did I think you could just move on? When you said you couldn't look at our son without remembering that night it was like icicles were starting to form in my soul even though you said you loved Johnny more than anything in the world, you didn't forget where he came from either._

_I wasn't proud of my behavior that night, to this day I am ashamed of what I did, the choice I made was a bad one, but you know I never intended to hurt you. At the time when I presented that indecent proposal to you I had hoped if we could be together intimately that you'd realize you felt the same, but we both know how wrong I was especially after it happened._

_It was the biggest mistake of my life and I've made some big mistakes as you well know, but out of that mistake came one of the best things of my life, our son Johnny. Which doesn't justify what I did and I'm not trying to do that now, it was just the talk we both desperately needed to clear the air between us, for both of us to know what the other felt._

_When you talked about your emotional scars, it made me literally sick to my stomach, I never wanted to hurt you, but I did. It breaks my heart that my actions hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I really fucked up things and when you asked me why had I acted liked such a sleaze afterwards I thought once again we had been at cross purposes._

_I had acted like an ass because I realized pretty quickly what we had done, didn't make you closer to me, I had driven us further apart and I was embarrassed because you were disgusted with me, an emotion I never wanted you to feel about me. _

_What I did will haunt me forever, but I hope you know now I tried my best to change, to be a better man from that day forward for you, for you to see that I wasn't that kind of man. I was a man who made mistakes, but I worked so hard to dispel that evilness that resided within me, the evilness that resides in us all if we are misfortunate enough to let it out._

_I wish I could say I was a good man, but since I'm on a mission of truthfulness right now I can say most times my best attempts weren't good enough, I really didn't know that much about love or how to love, being the son of Stefano DiMera wasn't very conducive to bring about a loving environment or an aspect to my personality which thought about much beyond thinking of myself or what would make me happy._

_I did try very hard to bring about a balance to things between us after that day even though sometimes you made that a very difficult thing for me to do. Like the time I heard you praying to God that I wouldn't be the father to your child, you know little things like that will sometimes make you want to do crazy things._

_You were right, that moment didn't just change your life, it changed mine like I told you, changed it in a very different way. Me trying to understand what and why I did what I did which ended up hurting you was the reason I turned my back on my father, turned him in after I helped your mother find John. I was fumbling in my way, trying to do things better. All I wanted was for us to wipe the slate clean, for us to start again because I really was sorry._

_Then you said if I wanted to be a good father for Johnny I needed to stop cavorting in steam rooms with the likes of Nicole, which of course I reiterated once more that nothing happened and then I just said it aloud the reason nothing had happened with Nicole and I was because I told her I loved you._

_I held my breath, I doubted you'd believe me, but it was the truth. I loved you, not her._

_When you said fine that the slate was clean, I almost thought I was hearing things, it took a moment for your words to sink in and we were having a good moment, until Nicole barged in the mansion and for a little while I thought all was lost._

_You managed to surprise me, when after a few tense minutes with Nicole you ushered her out of the house. You are a tigress when you want to be and it was funny to see you make her leave the premises._

_You know I couldn't let it be, I just had to tease you a tiny bit and before I knew it, you kissed me again. I would have teased you every day if I had known I could get your sweet kisses, although your kisses also did another thing I didn't like, when you would realize what we did, you would run from me._

_At least that night I had the good sense to follow you._

_Back then I was ever the hopeful romantic, oh where did that man go?_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXX<strong>

Sami got up from the floor, taking the next letter with her as she walked over to the window, looking out the window to view the yard outside, granted it needed some work due to what she guessed was years of neglect, but she could see the potential there as the sun was starting to set in the distance. She decided to sit in the window seat, opting for the last rays of light to illuminate the letters since it was becoming darker in the room.

She leaned her head up against the window pane, these letters from EJ were eye opening, his insight into both of their personalities at times made her angry, yet he was also making her laugh at times too, she really did love his sense of humor and quirky way of looking at things.

Reading these letters was proving one thing to her, she missed his friendship, and no one really ever told it to her like it really was even when it pissed her off. She hadn't opened the next letter yet, she wasn't sure she wanted to see it because she knew what he would talk about.

The night they made love, it had to be what was inside of this note she held in her hand. It was like she had a sixth sense now concerning these revealing and very personal letters to her from EJ. This was something that was completely her own, and she knew she would never let anyone else see these letters. No one had ever done anything remotely like this for her ever.

EJ's question to her of where did that hopeful romantic he used to be was simple. Even if EJ didn't believe he was a romantic anymore, anyone who would go to this much time and effort had to be either crazy or a hopeless romantic at heart. Right now she guessed he might be a bit of both, god knew she was that too with a dash of being neurotic thrown in for good measure.

Well maybe a healthy dollop of neuroticism, but whatever she wasn't taking precise measurements on the wacko meter. She wanted to read while she still had some light left in the room and had to go find some candles or whatever EJ must have used while he had been here before her pouring his heart out to her in these letters.

She guessed no one with the exception of EJ had ever thought she was worth the effort. She looked at the glass seeing a dim reflection of her and wondered why anyone would bother.

Somehow even when the rest of the world gave up on her at some time or the other EJ was the one who didn't give up on her. Why was that and why did she have the sinking feeling with these letters EJ was somehow giving up on her now?

Maybe she just needed to get to the rest of these letters and be done with it. She still wasn't sure why EJ had agreed to giving her sole custody of the kids despite her asking him to do so the other day at the pier. She was confused over this latest turn of events and hell she wasn't afraid to admit she was more than a little bit emotionally damaged as a person.

Just another thing she and EJ had in common, one of many apparently.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXI<strong>

Sami opened the letter, getting accustomed to EJ's handwriting and liking it, he wrote in cursive something that most kids in school didn't even learn anymore. She must be getting older thinking that kids were missing out on some of the finer points of education, while even the twins and Sydney one day would undoubtedly surpass her computer skills (although she hoped they didn't excel in how to hack computer files, especially hospital ones) maybe she'd teach them how to write cursively. EJ's handwriting was nice even when some of the things he had written weren't nice and she could only imagine what he would say in future letters to her.

Ever the procrastinator she would cross that bridge when she came to it, right now she was interested in this letter from EJ. It was oddly comforting to her to be reading these memories from their past, making her take a hard look at them both instead of throwing all the blame towards EJ in regards to their twisted relationship.

_Dear Samantha, _

_You tried to beg off when I began to ask questions as to why you kissed me, but you know me I wanted to know what had drawn you to me when for months you had treated me like I had the plague despite our marital status. It wasn't a marriage, we weren't even sharing the same bedroom, much less the same bed, but I was biding my time hoping you'd come to see that you cared for me and wanted to be my wife. _

_When we talked some more you revealed more to me of things I did not know of how you had a similar experience with Austin which stunned me, especially when you said if Austin could find it to forgive you for the things you had done to him then what kind of person would you be if you didn't do the same for me._

_I felt we had overcome a huge obstacle in our relationship and when we kissed the next time I felt my heart soar. I just wanted you to give whatever it was between us a chance, a real chance. So for us to kiss again, thinking this might be going to the next level I was happy, but so damn nervous too. I thought here was my one shot to get this right and it looked like things were progressing fairly well until we heard the twins cry._

_There wasn't any question that our first priority was the children so we both went to check on them, together, but it was a good thing too. We were taking care of our children; this was a couple thing, one thing that I definitely wanted in our relationship. I loved being a father and you were so good with them. It was like we were really and truly becoming a family in every sense of the word._

_I only hoped after we got them to sleep you would want to pick up things where we left off, knowing you the way that I did I wasn't entirely sure you'd even want to kiss me again, much less anything else and I was dying of need for you by that time._

_Then you made me smile because for a change you decided to tease me, to tell me you were tired with that sexy little smile of yours and I felt confident enough to tease you back saying I guess I'd have to remind you of where we left off._

_This time when your tongue darted out of your mouth and traced my lips it was all the encouragement I needed. I just went on pure emotions, I felt so many different things at once, my heart was racing, and my ears were ringing. I felt like I was falling, flying, high, your kisses made me feel like I was on fire and with each one I wanted another taste of you. _

_I couldn't get enough and when you wrapped your legs around my waist and I somehow managed to make it to the bed and we fell on it, I thought I'd wake up, that I had been dreaming all of this like I dreamed of you night after night only to wake up alone._

_But I wasn't alone, you were there making those sweet panting noises while I kissed down your neck, even more so when I pulled at the strap of your tank top, finally gaining access to see more of you than you had ever allowed me before. I was so hard I thought I'd come before I ever had your clothes off, much less mine._

_I didn't want to scare you, this feeling that was arising in me was taking over, this incredible urge to touch your skin, to explore that exquisite body of yours was mounting with each second. Any moment I thought you'd tell me to stop and if it had been what you truly wanted I would have even though it would have killed me, I would have done it if you had felt we were moving too fast, but thankfully you didn't stop._

_You wanted me as much as I wanted you because when you slid out from under me to kiss down my stomach I thought this was heaven, being here with you, touching you, having you touch me in return it was pure bliss._

_I never wanted that night to end, we made love that night Samantha, it wasn't just sex like you wanted to claim it to be after we spent hours together in the most intimate way a man and woman could be together. I knew you felt it too, you had surrendered to it, that irresistible pull that seemed to come over us whenever we got too close to one another, the feeling I'd get whenever you walked into a room, you realized we did have a special connection with one another too. I know you did no matter what you said to the contrast._

_There was no way we could have done the things we did with one another if you hadn't care about me, I'll never believe that somewhere in the back of your mind that you weren't feeling what I was feeling. I'd had sex lots of times in my life, too numerous to count because I'd been sexually active early on in my teens and nothing I had ever done even came close to the feelings you brought out in my that night._

_It was the first night I ever truly made love with another person, it was with you Samantha Gene Brady and it was because I loved you._

_That night would have been perfect, the start of a new life for us together, one as man and wife. _

_That was until Lucas burst into the bedroom proclaiming he was home and my dreams of a life of happiness with you was shattered into a million tiny pieces when you leapt out of the bed where we'd just made love and ran after him leaving me there wondering why in the hell had I ever even tried to get that poison dwarf out of prison in the first goddamn place._

_Funny how one night could be the most perfect and awful one of your life all rolled up into one isn't it?_

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXII<strong>

Of course EJ had known it had been more for her than just sex like she had claimed when they paused enough to catch their breath, their bodies sated yet Sami knew she had to keep him from making him reveal her soul to him. She had said and done things that night she hadn't planned on.

That was the problem, EJ could make all her meticulous plans of keeping him at bay blow up with just a look or touch from him and he had given her more than a few incredible touches that night. She had revealed too much to him anyway, their talk beforehand had been honest enough, but when he wanted to talk afterwards how could she articulate how she was feeling?

I mean how was she supposed to put into words how it made her feel when he whispered tenderly sweet words of praise to her while he softly pushed her hair out of her face before gently tracing her face? How on earth could she not kiss him when he spoke to her and looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world?

It was too much and yet not enough at the same time. Emotionally more than she could handle all the while physically her body was craving more. It was madness that what it was, whatever they had between them wasn't something she could compartmentalize, and these intense feelings didn't go into neat little boxes that she could label. It was wild something that she had no control over and it frightened her.

What would EJ do to her heart and soul if she gave him access? No, it had been better to play it cool; distance herself from him, especially the sweetness in him after they had made love would be her undoing if she allowed him to fall asleep in her arms. She had to keep her guard up or she'd lose it all, her heart and soul and she wouldn't recover from it when he left her one day. Everyone she had loved left her and it wasn't something she cared to live through again because she was afraid this man would be the one she wouldn't get over.

Better to keep her heart locked safely away, the kindness wasn't something she was used to from others, and when EJ had turned those chocolate brown eyes on her looking at her like she meant everything to him, she could feel the panic starting to claw its way to the surface.

Reality hit when Lucas had barged into the door, making this special night between she and EJ into something tawdry. She had denied feeling anything for EJ to Lucas so many times it had become a mantra to her and it was like a nightmare for her ex-husband to see her in bed with the man she claimed not to care about at all.

Instinctively she had rushed after Lucas, she had to make him see it wasn't what he thought, but how could she explain her being the EJ to him when she didn't understand it herself? She had thought she would be sick, her family would be so disappointed in her. EJ was a DiMera and she was a Brady, their families were enemies with one another and had been her entire life. She was supposed to be in love with Lucas and there she had given herself to EJ willingly.

All those conflicting feelings assailed her again as if she were reliving that night. Truer words were never spoken, how could a night have been so perfect yet so awful?

She honestly didn't know what might have happened if Lucas hadn't of shown up that night. Maybe it was better she didn't know, to think of how things that might have been or how her life might be now if she'd admitted to EJ how much he'd meant to her.

So many maybes rushing through her head, so many it made her head spin.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXIII<br>**

_Dearest Samantha, _

_See what happens when you have good intentions? I should have stuck with my original intentions and let that miserable excuse of a man rot in jail for shooting me in the back no less on the day I married you. But no, I wanted you to be happy and that selfish part of me wanted you to make me your choice. That I always wouldn't have a nagging whispering in my head saying she's only with you because she can't have Lucas._

_To make it worse to hear you groveling to that little toad while he raised all kinds of hell at you for sleeping with me was unbearable. It was like you were ashamed that we ever touched, ever kissed much less made love with one another. Why were you apologizing to him?_

_I didn't expect you to shout accolades of your undying love for me amongst the rooftops in all of Salem, but I sure as hell didn't expect you to ignore and avoid me as much as you possibly could to appease Lucas. He cursed you, called you all kinds of derogatory names and repeatedly screamed over how he was going to take Allie away from you as soon as he was able to get her out of the mansion._

_He was tearing you apart and you let him, you begged him to forgive you that I meant nothing to you. No one was going to stand in the way of your great love for him, certainly not me._

_Lucas wanted you to prove that you loved him and of course you would show me how little you thought of me and our marriage, grabbing out the annulment papers from my briefcase as fast as you could get them out and making a huge scene wanting to sign them. I don't think it even fazed you when I told you to have a great life and that I had already signed my part of the papers anyway._

_You wanted out, you got out, I was heartbroken though you would never have known it, and you were doing everything in your power to stay away from me. Then when I went to Chez Rouge with Nicole and we got a tad bit tipsy you came to take me home. I thought you cared; I should have thought again, you were only jealous of Nicole wanting to spend time with me._

_Do you know that little man had the gall to tell me you actually had feelings for me even though you wanted me out of the mansion, my family home because Lucas demanded that I leave. I should have beaten his scrawny ass there on the spot. I decided not to go anywhere and John backed me up. He didn't want Lucas there anymore than I did. _

_You were so unfair; you wanted to pretend that the night never happened between us. You would have done anything to avoid us talking about that night and you wanted me gone so that you wouldn't see me, have to deal with me, even think about that night._

_We made love, you can say it was sex until judgment day and it won't change what happened. I wouldn't leave my home and when I called you out on this entire bs hoping somehow you would admit you couldn't stop thinking about that night you would. _

_I told you maybe things were unfixable between you and Lucas, but you weren't going to listen to me. You kept begging me to move out so that you could work out things with him. Hell why didn't you just take a knife and cut out my heart? You were killing me._

_You tried to sweet talk me and were extremely pissed when I stood my ground and said I wasn't going to move out. The convict should have moved out, not me. John was so great, he told you that I was blood, you were not and if I wanted to stay I could stay._

_So I did, thinking somehow you would wake up and see you didn't have to beg Lucas daily to take you back and continue to harass me about moving out. You just kept saying Lucas was the love of your life over and over. What a liar you are Samantha and while you were so determined to get me out it just made me want to dig my heels in that much harder._

_So no, I didn't tell you the annulment went through, I made you believe we were still married, I kept hoping you'd come to your senses and see that I was the man for you. I loved you and was willing to do anything to keep our family together. I did tell you the truth my visa had expired, but luckily I was able to stay in the country and acquire my dual citizenship. _

_You went off your hinges when I came clean about Mr. Burke, about what I had done to make you see that you loved me and somewhere inside of you I think you did love me, at least just a little bit. You didn't want our marriage to be over anymore than I did. I said some things I shouldn't have, told you that you would have done the same thing if the tables were turned and I know you would have because we are alike Samantha. We take what we want, the consequences be damned._

_For a brief moment I thought you were going to consider what I was saying to you, I was begging you to be honest with yourself, with me. We were so close, I could see it in your eyes, you didn't want us to be over either and we almost kissed._

_Then you yanked yourself away from me, so that I wouldn't be able to kiss you and you ran. I asked you to wait, god I had waited so long for you, for you to see that what you needed was standing right in front of you, all the love you had ever dreamed about was there in me._

_Still you turned away from me, from us. You were determined to deny both of us and you did because you were too afraid to stay and face the truth._

_You broke my heart that day, too bad it wasn't the last time you'd ever have the chance to do that to me again._

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXIV<strong>

Well she'd known by now he was going to forge on, evidentially determined to spill all these things he felt concerning them and after reading his latest letter to her she could obviously tell he had been hurt when she had decided her best course of action was to repair the damage to her relationship with Lucas instead of trying to see what would happen if she gave EJ a true chance. She had told EJ that she still loved Lucas; she guessed a part of her always would even though in hindsight she knew it was the love of an old friend, someone she had known since her teen years instead of an ever consuming love that would sustain a loving relationship over time.

She remembered how desperately she had tried to stay away from EJ. If she saw him she would have to confront her burgeoning feelings for him, ones that didn't seem to dissipate even after Lucas came home from prison. It had been a constant struggle to maintain that she loved only Lucas and even he had made her admit she did care for EJ or she wouldn't have slept with him.

She had tried so hard to keep EJ away from her, if she didn't see him then surely these feelings would go away, they would fade over time. How wrong she had been. It was like being in a warzone, she constantly felt torn between the two men in her life, Lucas was the dependable choice, she would be able to manage him, he was predictable, and she could gauge his reaction to almost anything that would happen. EJ on the other hand was a wildcard; there would be no set way to go about their relationship if she had chosen to be with him.

Why couldn't EJ see that things would be too volatile between them? Their unfinished night of passion had been something that was seared into her mind forever even though she tried her damnedest to not think of it, it would do neither of them any good to revisit that night.

Yes, she had been upset when John revealed the annulment had went through even more so when EJ told her he had orchestrated the immigration hearings with Mr. Burke. She had been so worried he would be deported and he'd played games with her trying to get her to admit her feelings.

She stopped herself right then because that would have been her perfect opportunity to get him out of her life once and for all, yet she had chosen to fight for him to stay in the country. She said it was only for Johnny's sake which hadn't been the entire truth. Part of her didn't want him to go, she could have gotten him out of her life several times over and each time she had never taken the option to ban him completely from her life.

She distinctly recalled his words to her to not do this when she tugged on her wedding rings he had given her and shoved them away into his body. EJ had told her that she could do a lot, and he was sorry for some of the things he had just said, not all of them mind you, but for her to please not to do this. He said it wasn't about the rings even though the symbolism of her taking them off wasn't lost upon either one of them. He was right it wasn't honest because there was a part of her that wished that we were still married even while she callously told him it was over and he was dreaming if he thought otherwise.  
>She didn't want to hear him try to convince her to change her mind citing that she had told him how much she had changed and how honest she was about it all. He said just two minutes later, she was standing in front of him lying and lying to herself.<p>

She had almost broke then, he knew she was lying and he was trying so damn hard to get her to say the words to him, the ones that frightened her to no end. If she gave in her life would be unpredictable, her family would be shocked that if given the choice she might choose being with a DiMera instead of returning to the man who purportedly loved her even though Lucas' love always contained a string of conditions for her to follow.

She told him she couldn't do it, although he had her when he brought up she was unable to deny it either. She could hear it in his voice the quiet desperation that pled with her for just a moment for her to please be honest with herself because he knew she had feelings for him.

And she had by that point she was crying when he asked could she tell the truth and it had come out her cry in which she said reiterated to him that he knew she did. Luckily she managed to tear herself away from him before she broke down completely even though it took all her strength not to turn back around and rush into his arms when he called out for her to wait.

One step back would have been all it would have taken, yet she had been unwilling to take it and look where they were now. One little step could have meant so much to them both.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXV<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_I still had hope for us though; at least you admitted a part of you had feelings for me albeit I knew it was a tiny part. I kept that hope alive at least until I got the phone call from you._

_I mean really how mature was it of you to dash all my hopes with a breakup phone call? The only thing less mature would have been a Facebook status change, email or text break up, now that I think about it a text would have been worse, I think. Now sexting is another story all together. _

_Sorry got a bit distracted there for a moment thinking of sending you a text about hmmm…._

_Granted we were divorced, but do you know how embarrassing it was for me? There I was with Nicole talking (really we were only talking) and she had this crazy idea for us to make a wager, a hundred dollars to be exact that you would blow me off, that you wouldn't pick me over Lucas. I was confident enough that she was wrong._

_It didn't take long for me to lose a hundred bucks, you called and while I was inquiring when you'd be home with the twins from the Horton BBQ you wanted to inform me that you'd loved Lucas and that you were never going to love me the way I loved you. Now if I'd been an optimistic person I'd thought well you mentioned you loved me, just not with the same intensity of my feelings._

_Somehow I wasn't feeling too optimistic after we hung up I wanted to escape the mansion, I felt the walls closing in on me and I had to get out of there. Nicole wanted to tag along so I let her. I mean at least she wanted to spend time with me and found me to be interesting, which of course I am even if you were too stubborn to see it._

_The blackout due to the heat wave wasn't something I had anticipated and when Nicole invited me to her room at the Salem Inn we were only going there for drinks, nothing more. When the power went out and we were stuck in the elevator I wasn't planning on having sex with her. I know you won't ever believe the evidence to the contrary, but I was hurting over your rejection, your constant rejection of me ever since Lucas had come back to Salem._

_Nicole liked me, I assume she thought I was handsome enough and being the lush she is she had stolen a bottle of champagne from the mansion. We opened the bottle and drank some of it. I know you don't want to hear it, but I considered Nicole to be a friend to me at the time._

_She did listen to me wax on about you and how I cared about you even though she didn't think too much of you as a person. Guess that feeling is mutual eh?_

_One thing led to another, she was more than willing and before I knew it we were having sex, not making love, it was sex, I do know the difference between the two although you probably don't believe that I'm capable of distinguishing such emotions. _

_I'll spare you the rest of the details, I'm not proud of that indiscretion with Nicole anyway, but if it makes any difference to you, I called out your name when I was with her. I wanted to be with you, making love to you, not hooking up with someone whom I later realized much too late wasn't even worthy of my time, much less anything else._

_I felt bad, I mean there I was thinking of you and not her, but fool that she was she didn't stop me. I wonder sometimes now if it was all a game to her, trying to lure me from you, maybe I was a challenge to her. All I wanted was you, and you didn't want me._

_I felt even worse when we were rescued from the elevator, clothes still askew, but on thank goodness I was partially dressed and there you were with the twins, standing there looking at me like you couldn't believe I was there with Nicole. You knew instantly what we had done; all you had to do was look at my guilty face._

_I saw your face harden; much like your heart was already, against me. The disgust on your face was bad enough and then when you stated your disbelief over how you couldn't believe I would do something that nasty as hooking up in an elevator I really didn't know what to say to you. What kind of defense could I give you? _

_I'd lived like a monk for over a year hoping you'd make up your mind and want to be with me and when you finally did make love with me you ran from me as quickly as your legs could take you from your bed when Lucas came home. You wavered back and forth between us, never clearly making up your mind all the while I kept praying you would choose to be with me because you loved me._

_But I shouldn't have worried about this hurting your feelings because you stated emphatically that you didn't care if I slept with Nicole. I was embarrassed for you to know what I had done, whether or not you ever think any of this is the truth, for what it is worth it is. I still loved you and if you had given me any kind of indication that we could have worked things out I would have done it in a heartbeat._

_But no, you were glad I had been with Nicole and I guess that gave you what you considered to be another valid reason for choosing Lucas over me. Only I would sink to the depths of having sex with someone else right? Too bad you didn't think it all through a little more carefully. I wonder what you would have decided if you had known that all the while I was with Nicole, Lucas was having sex with Chloe._

_EJ_


	7. Chapter 7

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXVI<strong>

Sami thought back to the day when she had found out Lucas had slept with Chloe. She had come across Nicole and Chloe at the Pub. When Nicole let it slip that Chloe had slept with Lucas at first Sami didn't want to believe it, then it hit her of course Lucas went to Chloe. Hadn't EJ done the same thing with Nicole?

They had both sought out other women when she couldn't make up her damn mind about either of them. She had been in a constant state of confusion, one moment declaring she loved Lucas and wanted to make a life with him all the while stating she did have some sort of feelings for EJ.

She hadn't known the extent of her feelings for him. How could she actually put a name on something that constantly had taken her by surprise with each new situation that arose between them? EJ could take her from laughter, to anger, to tears all within minutes if she let him.

But to have both of those bitches laying claim to the men who meant so much to her had been a bitter pill to swallow. So yes, she had resorted to childish tactics throwing food on them had given her some sort of temporary satisfaction, she was angry at them. At least it had until EJ had come into the pub and she'd accidentally managed to sling pie in his face.

He wasn't happy, not at all, yet did he fuss at Nicole and Chloe, the slut twins? No he took her by the arm, demanding a word with her and then proceeded to blame her for all of it. Hello, she hadn't been the only one throwing food in the room.

EJ started off by guilting her by saying Caroline didn't need to deal with this mess when she had so many other things to burden her. Immediately she had felt like she was a mere child, being scolded for her ridiculous behavior.

Sure her feminine pride was hurt; hell those whores went after her men. Then she stopped herself short. She couldn't have both of them waiting in the wings, hoping she was going to chose one or the other. She had been fickle in like an extreme case of fickleness.

EJ went on how she had brought this on herself which of course she had denied turning the blame back to him. He had been more than a tad sarcastic in his reply stating of course everything was his fault and he should of thought of that earlier.

She hated it when he got all snarky with her, especially when she was having a hard time coming up with her insane reasoning as to why EJ was to blame for all this going wrong for her. She didn't want to look at the fact she had driven both of these men into the arms of other willing women who in her mind were two of the biggest skanky ho's in all of Salem. It was easier to blame him, that way she didn't have to blame herself.

Well she'd taken her tattered pride and turned it back on him, telling him not to worry she'd be moving out of the mansion with the twins.

Damn if she hadn't opened up a huge can of worms when she declared her intentions. EJ made her say and do things she wouldn't do under normal circumstances, then again when was her life ever normal?

To beat it all she had never stopped to think about that it had bothered her more that EJ had slept with Nicole than when she found it Lucas had slept with Chloe. Why was that the case?

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXVII<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_I didn't think I would have to resort to getting a court order to ensure that you wouldn't take Johnny out of the mansion, but I knew you were mad at me and after you proclaimed you were leaving with the children I was scared you'd make good on your threat. I was trying my best to get things sorted out myself. There I had hooked up with Nicole and it wasn't any secret that you were very displeased with me when you discovered what we had done._

_Well displeased was probably an understatement. I thought you were hurt with me even though you kept saying you didn't care what I did or whom I did it with because you were in love with Lucas. Maybe I just kept hoping you cared when you didn't and I just didn't want to face the reality of the situation._

_You assured me not to worry about you and Lucas that you would both work things out just fine and the only reason I had slept with Nicole was to get even with you. Really Samantha you claim I am the egotistical one in this relationship yet there you were stating it was all about you anyway._

_In a way it was, although not the way you thought I was hurt, you shunned me so many times, wouldn't face the issues in front of us and ran after Lucas when he so clearly didn't deserve your devotion. What I wouldn't have given for you to have had the same kind of devotion for me because I would done anything in the world for you and the children._

_You should have seen the look of disbelief in your eyes when I told you if you removed Johnny from our home, you would be held in contempt of court, that you could risk forfeiting some of your parental rights. I didn't want to make you upset with me but I was going to do everything in my power to keep my family together._

_You scoffed at the mansion being any type of home for us that it was depressing and I knew you were lying to me once again. While sometimes it may not have been the most peaceful place we did have our share of good times there too. There were times when it was just us and the twins, playing with them, all of us spending time together, which are still to this day some of my best memories._

_You called me a bastard and stated that my DiMera blood was shining through. I guess you thought if you called me enough names or tried to guilt me that I would change my mind and let you take my son away to play some kind of idyllic house with Lucas who clearly didn't want to be with you as much as you had thought._

_When I told you I wouldn't be alone, that one day whether it be Nicole or someone else they would have a part in Johnny's life. Clearly that had been the wrong thing to say because you immediately went on the defensive that Nicole wasn't fit to be around children, especially your children._

_I hated that this was the start of how we fought over the children. This incessant tug of war concerning who would be the best parent for our children and what type of environment would good for them. _

_I shouldn't have took out my frustrations upon you, I said some cruel things, like how you wanted to play the victim, how you played both Lucas and I leaving us both to wonder what you were saying had any amount of truth to it at all. I wanted you even though you were hell bent on staying away from me. I loved my son, I loved Allie and god helped me I loved you too, but you didn't want me to love you. _

_I wished I had a switch that would turn off my love for you because I would have gladly done it to stop the pain of your rejection. I really do believe we could have made it work if you had been willing to let Lucas go and accept he was a part of your past. Stubborn woman that you are, you refused._

_I told you not to go there when you brought up my profession of undying love; I just couldn't revisit it with you mocking my feelings. You threw out the hypocrite charge on me which if I hadn't of been mad at you I would have laughed because you my dear are one of the biggest hypocrites I have ever come across. _

_You told me I couldn't keep you there, which I knew I couldn't so I told you there was the door and you could walk out of it any time you want to, but you were not taking my son. I hated to say it to you. I just wanted you to see that I meant what I said to you. I didn't want you to go, yet I wasn't going to grovel and beg you to stay with me either._

_I wanted you to get a reality check and that spurred you on to question my motives saying I'd spent months telling you how much I wanted to be with you and why now all of the sudden would I be willing to let you walk out of my life. You said it didn't seem like me and it wasn't although I'd be damned to let you know differently. _

_My pride had taken quite a blow and so I needed to build up a wall against you. I wasn't going to beg you to stay because I was quite sure you'd only tell me once more it was Lucas you wanted, never me. He wasn't the man you needed and he wasn't willing to fight for you and your love. He wasn't worthy of you._

_I hated that you called me on it, claiming this was all an act. That we needed to be civil about this like that was going to help our situation. I believe your thoughts on us being civil meant I'd let you do whatever you wanted and I was supposed to be ok with your decisions. I just couldn't do it._

_When you pulled out the friend card that you wanted us to be friends I almost reconsidered, but I knew you were playing a game with me, using my feelings to get me to do what you wanted me to do. I reminded you of how you had tried to play Lucas concerning Will when he was young and I wasn't going to fall prey to you games._

_I threw out that you hated me, hoping against hope you'd deny it, I said you had been acting irrationally and you had some serious anger problems (which by the way I still believe you do, but I'll touch on that another time) and that your bitterness would result in how you felt about Johnny. I know that was completely ridiculous. You would make me mad and then I'd blurt out these terrible hurtful things much like you tended to do because neither one of us wanted the other to get the last word in our disagreements._

_You told me not to question your love for Johnny even though you wouldn't say one way or the other how you felt for me. Then you turned it around to it being about Nicole again. I didn't want her, but for god's sake I was tired of begging you to give my crumbs of your precious time all the while you begged Lucas to take you back. _

_He would have never made you happy and vice versa. Personally I don't care if that little man is ever happy, but I did care about your happiness and I knew he wasn't good for you._

_It was clear you didn't want Nicole around Johnny and daresay me too even though you would have never admitted that to me in a million years. I wish I could blame you entirely for driving me to her, but that would be lie. I used her to make you jealous, hoping you would be as jealous of Nicole as I was of the hold Lucas seemed to have over you._

_You were furious when I mentioned I might take Johnny to see my mother and Edmund, you swore I wouldn't take our son out of the country. I told you how sad it was that you never let us begin and that it was over between us even though I knew it would never be over. How could I possibly end things with you when I was so head over heels in love with you?_

_I wasn't going to let you know that I still loved you. I couldn't let you continue to have that kind of power over me, loving you made me weak, something a DiMera shouldn't ever be, I hadn't been brought up to let a woman lead me around. I needed to take charge of my life._

_I was ready to be strong against you and your feminine wiles that was until the day we faced being in the hospital lockdown together and somehow my resolution to not fall for your charms was completely obliterated. Do you remember that time we spent together?_

_Sometimes I wish that day had never happened because it gave me hope for us again. Hope that we would have a future with one another because when you said anything was possible somehow my jaded heart actually believed you._

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXVIII<br>**

Sami remembered that day well, she and EJ had both been at the hospital, Stefano had awakened and it had brought out a fear in her that mounted with each passing minute thinking of the havoc that monster might inflict upon her family. Stefano was a man she feared above all others.

It mystified her that EJ did not seem to understand her fear of his father. Stefano was evil, pure evil, the things he had done to her family were terrible which made caring about EJ a difficult thing to do which was one reason she had fought so long and hard against him. In her mind the DiMera's equated to all bad things that had happened to her in her life with the exceptions of her children Johnny and Sydney. That EJ was lumped into the bad association wasn't something she could help most times.

She knew Stefano was behind the lock down on the seventh floor of the hospital. She could just sense it while she argued with EJ concerning his father and when EJ suggested that her mother Marlena might have been responsible for his father's condition she had balked over the idea. Given that she found out that yes her mother had indeed injected Stefano with the toxin was something she tried to justify to EJ.

She had told him there was a wrong side and a good side, vaguely suggesting the Brady way was the good side to see things which upon looking back she realized that it was very hypocritical to view things. It was like she had forgotten all the things EJ had done for her family, sacrificing his relationship with his father, turning his back on his heritage.

She just wished she could have made EJ understand that many things frightened her, but Stefano embodied all her deepest and darkest fears. So when the gas was pumped into the air duct system causing them all to react differently it was no wonder she thought she was seeing Stefano instead of EJ.

She ran, trying to get away from Stefano and luckily she had found one door opened to a stairwell. She hid at the stairs, hoping he would leave her alone. Then she heard him calling out to her and she decided she would trip him, reaching for his foot causing him to fall down the stairs.

She was glad, that monster would be dead once and for all, her family would be safe and then when she went over to him she realized she had made a mistake, she hadn't tripped Stefano; she had caused EJ to take a fall instead.

She saw him lying on the floor, unresponsive and she started to shake. She didn't even realize when the tears started to flow as she spoke to EJ begging for him to be all right, that she couldn't live her life without him in it. The words seemed to flow effortlessly from her as her fears of losing him consumed her.

She ripped at the buttons on his shirt, trying to allow him to get air; he needed to be able to breathe. Her hands were touching him, trying to feel for a pulse, some sign of life. She didn't know what she would do without him.

Thankfully when EJ opened his eyes and sought hers out she felt a rush of relief flow through her being she hadn't imagined she could feel. It hit her all at once and then when she was able to get EJ to sit up slowly she felt her heartbeat slow down little by little.

She managed to get him over to a corner, so that he could lean against the wall, his head was hurt from the fall and she was afraid he might have a concussion, all EJ was worried about was if she had meant what she had said.

Really his hearing was too good most of the time, especially when she was scared and revealing way too much of her heart to him while he had been lying there helplessly on the floor. She hadn't wanted to tell him the truth; he didn't need to know she wouldn't know what to do without him in her life.

She did admit it though and answered some tough questions concerning her feelings over Lucas too. EJ thanked her for her honesty and it had felt good when he leant back against the wall and she naturally went into his arms, allowing her guard down.

She had melted into his arms, it was like she fit perfectly and it had comforted her when he kissed the top of her head, whispering everything would be all right. It was like there were just the two of them, no outside forces trying to pull them apart, no family telling her they shouldn't be together, just a secure feeling of warmth and tenderness surrounding them.

At least until she looked up into his eyes and he lifted her chin slightly and their lips touched. Then her world started to spiral again, in that crazy sensual way EJ had over her whenever they kissed. At first it began all innocently, soft grazes of his lips on hers, coaxing her to open up to him and when his lips left hers she groaned in protest. She immediately retracted her annoyance when his fingers threaded into her hair, tugging lightly as his amazingly talented mouth fused onto her neck, causing her to shift slightly wanting more of him and his touches.

She was losing control of everything, of her breathing, she could feel the pool of desire growing and she had no doubt that she would have let him take her right then and there in the stairwell, not caring if anyone saw them. EJ was bringing out a need in her that made her forget why they shouldn't be together, only making her want him like the night they made love and she would have done it too until she felt him pull back slightly from her and he was the one to stop it.

She had felt the disappointment wash over her as soon as he stopped kissing her, touching her. Maybe it had been for the best, she had let her passion take reign and for once it was EJ putting the brakes on, making them not do something either one of them would regret later.

Yes, she had told him anything was possible that day. Too bad from where they were now she didn't really know if it would ever be likely for them to get over the past hurts they had inflicted upon one another since then and it saddened her that it had taken her this long to finally realize it.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XXXIX<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_After our time together in the stairwell I thought we might could work things out. I mean we still had that connection; it was magic when we touched. I really don't know why I stopped things when I did between us because I wanted you so badly, but I respected you and you deserved far more from me than a quickie in a public stairwell where anyone could find us. I guess somewhere in the far recesses of my mind I was still a gentleman or wanted to be one where you were concerned._

_Then I knew you were worried about Lucas trying to take Allie away from you. I was doing all that I could to help ensure that you wouldn't have to face not having your daughter in your life. I loved Allie too. We hadn't had a lot of time to discuss what had happened in the stairwell, we were both focused on trying to keep Allie with you. It was good to know you didn't regret what had taken place between us, but you always managed to avoid us talking about things much deeper. _

_You had a difficult time accepting the judge granted joint custody of Allie, you didn't want her to go with Lucas. While I was glad you were actually starting to see that Lucas wasn't perfect I still don't know whether it was due to the fact that Lucas was moving on with Chloe or not. The good news for me was you both weren't trying to work things out, which at least gave me some assurance we might be together. I was willing to wait it out, once again because my darling you were so worth the wait. Maybe I should have told you exactly that instead of assuming you knew what was in my heart concerning you._

_When I realized you were working on your resume you kind of hesitated in wanting me to see what you had come up with concerning your abilities. I know one thing; you can't accept compliments from me, especially when I told you that you were smart. I just wish you could have seen yourself as I saw you, a woman capable of doing anything she put her mind to if she wanted to do so. I still believe that Samantha. I hope one day you believe it too._

_A few weeks later when Nicole told me she was pregnant, I was stunned. I mean don't get me wrong I know how it happens and it was my fault we weren't being responsible that night. I should have used a condom. I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I loved Johnny and I always had hoped one day to have another child, a child with you, not her or anyone else either. So my plans for a future with you were dashed, I needed to do the right thing and thought this might be a sign that I should give up on this pipe dream of us being a family._

_So I decided Nicole was my future, she was going to have my child and it was my responsibility to take care of her and our unborn child. It didn't matter that I still loved you. You might care for me, but you weren't making any further steps toward me either. Nicole said she loved me; she wanted to build a life with me, something you clearly had no desire to do with me. _

_Just so you know all it would have taken is for you to tell me you wanted us to be together and no matter if Nicole had been carrying my child or not I would have moved heaven and earth to be with you. Not that it matters now or I doubt it would have mattered then, but I wanted you to know._

_EJ_

Sami folded the letter shut, a tear escaping her eye, it was nice to know and it did matter, at least she knew for sure without a doubt. EJ would have been with her if she had given him the chance.


	8. Chapter 8

**Moonlit Wishes**

**Part XL**

Speaking of being stunned when she found out she was pregnant with EJ's child it was something to render her completely speechless and even more than a bit angry at EJ. He had gotten her pregnant and the twins were barely walking, how in the hell was she going to have another baby? Well it wasn't his entire fault, but still.

Thinking of being responsible she should have asked EJ to use a condom that night because she hadn't been on the pill, her Catholic upbringing was something ingrained in her not to prohibit procreation and apparently she and EJ were very fertile together, I mean they were two for two at this point. What would their record have been if they'd had sex more often? Then again would EJ had used protection, granted he was a Catholic like her, but really did that count since he had admitted he really didn't believe in God? Hadn't he only went to mass when Stefano had decreed they should go as a family?

These profound questions were deep, really deep and she had to get through the rest of these letters before she sat down and thought about the meaning of life, her life with the kids and especially a life with EJ. Then she stopped herself, she didn't have a life with EJ, she was with Rafe or was with him right now, but somehow she couldn't see growing old with Rafe and why hadn't she thought about all of that before now?

Lucas had insisted she go to the hospital when she had fainted, trying to figure out why she was feeling so badly when the doctor told her the impossible. No way could she be pregnant with EJ's baby. Even though it had been a pretty impressive night they shared with one another and she really couldn't remember ever having that many "O" moments at one time, well several times over, their fun had resulted in another life coming into this world.

She shuddered, she was struggling to raise the twins properly, and with the news Dr. Whitaker gave her she was on the way to having her fourth child. Lucas had been no help, telling her he knew exactly when she had gotten pregnant with EJ's baby. She had been so confused; she didn't know what she should do. Stefano would claim this child as the newest DiMera heir and she just couldn't stand the thought of him trying to take her child away from her.

It was all so unfair, she had been ready to get a job, start a new life with the twins and then the doctor dropped the bombshell on her that she had never expected. That she was in her second trimester was even more puzzling, she had guessed her procrastination and avoidance skills were supreme. She had ignored the signs, she wasn't one to keep track of her periods and given the levels of stress in her life that year it was no wonder she wasn't on a regular schedule.

To think Lucas had been the one pressuring her to tell EJ she was having his child was surreal. She had told Lucas it wasn't any of his business, that he had no right calling EJ and telling him that she was at the hospital. She just needed some time to process this information herself without any interference.

When EJ had come into the room, he tried to joke with her and then he got serious, she could tell by the look on his face he was worried about her. He asked her had the doctors done any tests on her and did she know what was wrong. It was almost her undoing when he called her sweetheart.

Just for a moment she thought she could do this, she would tell EJ she was having his baby and let the chips fall where they may. He kept asking her why was she there in the first place. Her conscience was starting to bother her and she told EJ to go away.

Trying to change the subject she has asked EJ what he was doing. He said having dinner. When she asked alone of course he answered no, he was having dinner with Nicole and that made her automatically see red. He was on a date with that two bit whore and there she was knocked up pregnant with his child.

When she yelled at him to leave, to get out of there, that she didn't need him, he told her at least his date had been a hell of a lot more fun than being yelled out by her. She went on a tirade, she was so pissed and looking back now more than a little jealous.

So she made her mind up, she wasn't going to tell him, at least not yet while Stefano was sneaking around, spying on them all, trying to weave his web to ensnare them. So she lied to EJ, told him her blood sugar was low and sent him on his merry way.

At least something good came out of her finding out she was pregnant; she realized Lucas would be there for her as a friend. Even though their time had passed for a relationship they still could be friends and she was grateful for his friendship. For all Lucas had said and done he had told her that she should tell EJ about the baby and that he knew she loved EJ, not him. But she was stubborn; she wasn't going to tell EJ she loved him or that she was carrying his baby because she didn't know where he stood with that tramp Nicole.

It hadn't helped matters that she was dreaming about EJ, damn she had been so screwed up. She should have told him, but she kept putting it off. She kept thinking just one more day, and then I'll tell him. She didn't want EJ to only want to be with her because she was pregnant. She didn't want him by default, she wasn't sure he even cared anymore now that the ho was around him all the time.

Finally she was going to tell him, he needed to know the truth but when she had run into Stefano he had freaked her out telling her how much he was looking forward to her having more heirs. He had creeped her out big time.

She had to protect this child, from the DiMera's and maybe if she hadn't heard Nicole tell EJ she was pregnant she might have told him anyway. But damn him, they were both pregnant. She couldn't tell him, she wouldn't tell him. EJ didn't need the stress and she was upset that Nicole was having his baby too. At first Sami thought Nicole had been lying just to get EJ's money, but it was true she was going to have EJ's baby. All their lives were really screwed up.

It got tougher to lie to EJ, when he wanted to come see Johnny she was in a panic, she was already starting to show and she wasn't sure how much longer the big shirts and sweaters would hide her condition. When EJ came to see her at the Horton cabin, they talked again.

She had tried to be positive, she even told EJ congratulations even though she wasn't happy about Nicole being pregnant. When EJ told her he just needed a friend to talk to, her tears had almost started flowing then. She had missed being EJ's friend too.

When EJ told her the situation was a complete disaster, the sad part was he didn't know how true his words were especially to her because disaster was putting it mildly. EJ said he didn't know if he was going to ask Nicole to marry him.

He had hesitated for a moment and she started on some kind of crazy babbling about fate and how it must mean he and Nicole were meant to be together since they were having a child together. She asked him did he believe in fate and maybe she shouldn't have because his answer really got to her.

She could hear his voice so plainly, usually EJ was strong, resourceful, always knew what he wanted, but his voice got soft, almost cracking with a slight hesitation and the look upon his face was utterly heartbreaking to her.

_"I just always thought that maybe, you know, you and I were..."__  
><em>

She had cut him off before he could finish, surely he couldn't believe they were meant to be together, that fate was meant for them instead of he and Nicole. She said she was tired from looking after the twins that she might go lay down with them and rest while they were taking their nap, hoping he would go before she broke down in front of him.

So he thanked her for their talk and kissed her on the top of her head, oh how she had wanted to reach up to him, but how could she explain that she hadn't told him she was pregnant? It was for the best, he was confused enough about Nicole and she didn't need to add to his problems. Maybe fate and destiny were just words, surely she and EJ weren't meant to be together because Nicole was having his baby too.

She didn't tell him, she let the opportunity pass by her one more. She had thought they would all be better off this way. If she had only known then what she knew now, she would have told him everything, she would have told him she was having his child too.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLI<br>**

Sami thought about when she almost changed her mind going to the mansion to talk to EJ about their baby. It was the right thing to do and it was past time she told EJ the truth. She never knew going by the mansion that afternoon would drastically change the course of her life, of all of their lives.

It had seemed like forever that she was knocking on the door with no answer. She knew EJ had to be there, his car was in the driveway. So she walked around the side of the house, but when she got there she saw a sight through the living door windows that literally broke her heart.

EJ and Nicole were in there just sexing it up and it made her want to throw up, no wonder he wasn't answering the door because that skanky ho Nicole was all over EJ. Maybe it was a sign she shouldn't be there and that she shouldn't say a word to EJ.

When she walked back to the front door of the mansion, her mind all in the whirl of emotions, she had never expected to come face to face with a cold blooded killer. She saw the lifeless body of Mayor Moreno on the DiMera front doorstep and stared into the eyes of a man who looked surprised to see her and then something else, he looked like he could kill her too.

Thank goodness she had been carrying that huge pocketbook with her, something she had been using as a prop to help camouflage her pregnancy because she took that pocketbook and whacked him as hard as she possibly could allowing her an escape.

The fear consumed her and she screamed causing that maniac to run and how she hated it when EJ and Nicole confronted her asking what was wrong. Really lots of things were wrong there was a freaking dead man on the doorstep for starters, not to mention how embarrassed she was when Nicole started yelling at her, calling her all kinds of names like she was some kind of peeping tom.

It hadn't been that way, she hadn't had a good afternoon seeing the man she cared about, the one whose child she was carrying making out with the town slut and then being a witness to a murder. She was scared, scared to death. She didn't want this kind of life for her children or herself.

Things just kept getting worse, really the only funny thing of the entire afternoon had been seeing Nicole trip over the mayor's lifeless body, that was what that tramp got for accusing her of making up something just to get EJ's attention. Nicole was just a bitch, plain and simple, one that didn't care about people in general, one that Sami wasn't certain she loved EJ liked she claimed to do with her miracle baby.

Sami wished now she hadn't let her anger over Nicole being in EJ life along with her insecurities about EJ's feelings for her get in the way, so many missed opportunities to tell him the truth and she let them slip by until she made that final decision not to tell him right before she headed into the witness protection program.

A decision that started a course of action for things she never would have dreamed of being possible. Oh how she wished she had told EJ the truth.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLII<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_I knew something was wrong. I could feel it when you looked at me, the times we tried to talk with one another and we were interrupted, words you would say then stop before you finished and to this day I blame myself for being so oblivious to exactly what was going on with you._

_It was a difficult situation all around, Nicole was pregnant living at the mansion, you were at the Horton cabin which absolutely made no sense to me and I felt a fear for your life when we realized the mayor's killer was after you too. The night I went to the cabin to talk to you after Mayor Moreno was shot I should have done things differently._

_The way you freaked out when I pulled you down to the floor when the shot was fired into that cabin I should have known something right then, but I passed it off as hysteria from you. Sometimes you did go off the deep end emotionally, I know you will argue with me on that point, but it is true._

_After your parents came to the cabin along with the police I wasn't expecting for Roman to suggest you go into the witness protection program, I could protect you, take care of you, I never would have let anything happen to you. I loved you, Johnny and Allie more than my life itself, and I wanted to be the one you needed to keep all the bad things away._

_Too bad you considered me to be a part of the bad things in your life; I never wanted to be considered bad although looking back now I did things you would of course put into that category. I argued with you all about you going into hiding. You were all against me, I wonder if your parents would have wanted you to go if they knew the main reason you agreed to go was the keep the biggest secret in your life away from me._

_I should have known when my infant son touched your stomach and said baby that you were pregnant. The way you instantly looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car and you started acted shifty was a sure tell-tell sign, yet you explained it away as if I were a simpleton and I guess in a way I was because I believed your explanation. _

_It broke my heart to see you with the children, you were bravely trying to say goodbye to them and it took all that I had in me not to break down in tears before you and beg you to come back to the mansion with me. I know you wouldn't have done so, your pride would have prevented you from ever stepping back into the mansion while Nicole was staying there with me, but I was desperate to keep you from going just like you were desperate to find a way out of the situation._

_I had no clue of how desperate you were to keep your secret from me. It never crossed my mind that you going into witness protection was a way out for you. Then I actually thought I was doing the right thing by you and Nicole calling you to let you know I was moving on, letting you go. Father had suggested the reason I wasn't bonding with Nicole and the baby was because a part of me still held on to the belief that we would be a family._

_I never would have called you to tell you that I was moving on with Nicole if I had any inkling you were carrying my child, our baby. You asked me if I loved her and after hesitating I said yes I did, but you know my heart was still so wrapped up in you I had to do something to break the chains you held on me and I thought moving on with Nicole was the answer. Karma is indeed a cruel bitch, isn't it my dear?_

_I thought I was doing what was best for us all. I never would have in a million years guessed you were carrying my child. Back then though I still believed in you, I had no reason to do otherwise, did I?_

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes****  
><strong>**Part XLIII**

Sami winced, EJ used to believe in her, he had trusted her with his heart and yet she had lied to him or rather as she had liked to believe not told him the entire truth, thinking that by omission of actually telling EJ about being pregnant it was not really lying per se. Well she knew better now didn't she? Or sometimes she wondered if she would ever know better.

She could only imagine what was in store for her when the twins and Sydney were older, how would she react when her own children lied to her? Will for the most part didn't lie unless it was to protect her which technically didn't count in her book although EJ might have a different view on that subject. He and Will had sometimes been at cross purposes especially this past year and she wondered if they would ever mend fences between one another again.

Thinking back to the past though, if she had just been honest with EJ, Nicole would have never been able to steal her baby from her, replacing it with Mia's newborn child and allowing her to believe Grace had been her baby while she had taken Sydney to raise for her own child. Her lies had all caused everything to be set into motion by that bitch Nicole.

She paused for a moment, she did have some compassion for the woman, while she hated it that Nicole had lost her baby which of course had made her all the more whacko, Nicole had no right to do what she had done to them all. Then that nagging voice inside her head reminded her of the countless teachings of her youth on the costs of original sin and she just wanted to push that annoying reminder out of her head like she had tried to do for so long.

She thought back to all the months in the safe house, months she had been pregnant, worrying about what was going to happen to the unborn child she and EJ had made together, some days thinking she was doing the right thing, other days doubting about the decision she had made not to tell EJ she was carrying his child.

When she had gone into labor, it was unexpected, Rafe wasn't anywhere to be found and the only person she had with her was Sister Teresa from the Holy Cross Convent. Finally she had convinced the nun she needed to go to the hospital, to see a doctor, find a clinic, something and luckily Sister Teresa had found a card for a Dr. Baker that a woman who had been visiting the convent had left for her.

She grunted in disgust, that woman had been a devil in disguise, sometimes she wondered if Nicole had indeed made a deal with Satan himself. How her timing could had been more perfect with both Mia and herself going into labor on the same day, same time? It was almost like Nicole had gotten a voodoo ritual performed for her by Celeste, but she doubted Celeste could stand Nicole any better than she could herself.

She had called out to God questioning why He was letting this all happen to her while she was in labor. Sister Teresa had chastised her and instantly she was ashamed, she needed to focus her concentration on her child. She was scared that something would be wrong with her baby given all her lies about the entire situation.

The pain had been unreal, even with the twins it had been easier than when she had Grace, no she stopped herself when Sydney had been born. Why hadn't she been able to tell that Dr. Baker had given her the wrong baby?

She hadn't been thinking clearly, worried over the baby's birth, thinking the killer might find them or even worse the DiMera's because how could she had ever explained to EJ she had his baby without his knowledge? She really had woven a tangled web all the while thinking she had been doing what was best for her baby, always pushing aside EJ's right to know about his own child.

Rafe had been her friend and somehow they had become more over time after EJ had called her to let her know he was moving on with his life. When she had first met him she instantly disliked him, he was so annoying, but later on she had come to appreciate him. He had taken care of her, listened to her rant and rave usually about EJ and the DiMera's in general and somehow they ended up being friends and then something more developed.

She had been so lonely, no family, no friends (well who was she kidding she had no close friends, not after she and EJ had ended their friendship) and maybe looking back at it now she might have jumped into her relationship with Rafe. She shook her head, what was she thinking? Why was she second guessing all her motives now?

Those long, lonely months now all seemed like a bad dream to her, and maybe she should have chosen to do things differently, but it was too late now. She had made her mind up and Rafe had agreed with her, even encouraged her to keep this terrible secret from the father of her baby. Everyone was better off not knowing EJ was the father or that was what she had thought until she had come back to Salem.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLIV<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_The months when you were away from Salem were hard for me. I had tried my best to move on with Nicole and then something would remind me of you, your laugh, your smile, the way your eyes lit up when you were happy. Most of the day's things were all right, I could keep your memory at bay, and then at night it would hit me._

_I still missed you and even though you weren't physically present with me you somehow managed to show up in my dreams. There though most times you wanted to be with me, and it almost made me dread going to sleep at night because I knew in those first few minutes between slumber and waking I thought you were with me. That somehow magically I would awaken to find you beside me._

_Sadly though those dreams never came true, you weren't there and I was doing my best to keep your promise of having Johnny see Allie as much as possible along with keeping your memory fresh in our little boy's mind. Each night I would have your picture with me and I would tell Johnny how much you loved and cared for him, that one day you would be home again. Johnny kissed your picture before he went to sleep so you always were in his heart and mind._

_I would tell him bedtime stories, it became the favorite part of my day, because just for a little while I could pretend we were all a family, that you were somewhere down the hallway, and I wove such fantastical tales for Johnny. He really is smart and each day he would learn something new and it would make me proud and then sad too because you weren't there to see it all with me._

_Between missing you and dealing with Nicole I failed to see all the lies she wove about her own pregnancy. I guess some part of me couldn't believe she could come up with something so maniacal after she lost our child. I mean she played the part of being pregnant to the hilt. The stage lost a great thespian in her because no one ever guessed she wasn't pregnant anymore, least of all me._

_Maybe I had wanted a family too badly, I felt the loss of you presence daily, especially when I looked into the eyes of our sweet baby boy. I wanted so many things back then, but I learned the hard way that you can't always get what you want. _

_Who knows what might have happened if Nicole hadn't lost our baby. I think a part of her died when our daughter died, the part of Nicole that was good. I know you don't think she had any good in her, but I guess we all have some good in us, whether it is hidden deep down inside or overflowing for all to see. Of course I would fall into the deep down inside category and you my dear possibly somewhere in between eh?_

_I can't say I understand what she did, she never let me in on her pain, only Brady knew the truth of what happened when she miscarried, although he should have never went along with her plan to fool me into thinking she was still pregnant. I know he is your step brother, but he played a huge role in the baby swap for all of his claims that he was unknowing about Nicole switching the babies at birth. And you wonder why I don't care that much for him. Brady has a share of the blame in this as well, although I know he will never admit as much to me._

_I can say from the moment I saw Sydney I was smitten, our daughter was and is so very beautiful and she brought a joy into my soul just like Johnny had done. So while Nicole was so very wrong in taking her from you, I am grateful that I had my time with Sydney from the very start which wouldn't have been the case if your plan to keep her from me had come to fruition. It's rather a much Catch-22 don't you think?_

_Nicole played us all in her own crazed fashion, even though she must have lived each day in torment wondering when and if her grand charade was going to come to an end. No wonder she actually wanted to be a DiMera she knew how to play the game and play it well._

_I should have seen the signs from both of you, although I could tell something was different about you when you returned to Salem I couldn't quite place my finger on it. I thought maybe you were growing up some, as was I, but that wasn't the case now was it? _

_I will say I was happy to see you again and the instant I saw your lovely face it hit me like a ton of bricks, I may have made a decision to move on with my life with Nicole, yet my heart still would skip a beat whenever you were in a room. It was the absolute truth when I told you years earlier that when you walked into a room every other woman faded into the background because that is the way I always perceived you._

_While you claimed you would never be a true DiMera, you were my darling whether you realized it or not because you played us all when you brought Grace to Salem. You Samantha Gene Brady are a true DiMera in every sense of the word._

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLV<strong>

Sami threw the letter down on the floor, she was not a DiMera, and she wasn't a part of that crazy dysfunctional family of criminals no matter EJ said, just because he said it didn't make it so. She rolled her eyes, she sounded like the twins arguing over who was better boys or girls. Oh if she could see EJ right now she'd give him a piece of her mind, she was a Brady through and through.

Wait, she called herself Brady, not Hernandez, well it was just that EJ had written her maiden name out in that letter instead of her latest married one. Then again if EJ had written out all of her married names it would make for one hell of a long last name Samantha Gene Brady, Reed, Walker, Roberts/Horton, DiMera, Hernandez.

Damn EJ he knew how to get her goat even now, or maybe that was the problem, he always knew what would get under her skin, and his astute observations of her character were many times less than stellar. Then again he wasn't a paragon of virtue either. She smiled thinking EJ DiMera wasn't the only one who knew big words or lofty ideas.

What was she doing, she was pumping herself up thinking of what she would say to EJ when she saw him and he was nowhere in sight, all she had was these damnable letters, ones that at times had been sweet yet she knew in her heart if she continued reading there were some things EJ was probably going to touch upon that she wasn't sure if she could handle.

Could she leave now and forget the rest of them? She looked at the unopened stack and she knew she wasn't going to leave here until she had read every last letter from him. It was like she was finally getting a glimpse into EJ's heart and soul and it kind of frightened her that he had seen her so clearly yet he had still hung on waiting for her or he had waited for her longer than anyone else cared to try whenever things concerned her.

How could he remember such little things no one else could about her? How could he go from saying she was so beautiful to that she was a liar and somehow he never had shied away from her even when he caught her in her lies?

Lying about Grace had been huge, the biggest lie she had ever concocted in her entire existence and that was saying a lot. She hadn't gotten to be the anti-Brady for nothing. The list of things she had done wrong to others was a long one indeed, but she had carefully tried to be a good girl now, one people could love and respect like they did Carrie and Belle.

Maybe that was one reason she had chosen to be with Rafe, he gave her respectability, he reminded her of her own father, a man people would look up to and if she was with Rafe, people would begin to respect her too. Her family had never wanted her to be with EJ, well her mother had finally come around after EJ had revealed that John was alive, but really and truly her father had never accepted her decision to marry EJ.

But a nagging thought popped into her mind, one she tried her best to ignore most times if it ever came up and that was if Rafe was such a good guy why had he encouraged her not to tell EJ he was the father of her child and came up with a plan to adopt Grace as if he were her father instead? Maybe if she had just been honest with EJ he would have been upset with her for not telling him sooner, but he would have forgiven her.

Had she been honest with herself and EJ, they might not have gone through that hellish year. That year she had learned the cost of keeping secrets and they had both paid dearly.

With shaking hands she took the next few letters out of the stack, she doubted there would be words of beauty or praise for her amongst these remaining ones, but she had come this far she was going to see it through to the end. So she opened the next letter and began to read.


	9. Chapter 9

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLVI<strong>

_Dearest Samantha, _

_I can tell you one thing with a certainty from the moment I met Agent Hernandez I knew one thing for sure, he was without a doubt the most self-righteous jackass I had ever had the misfortune to come across in this life. I despised him from the start. At least with Lucas it was a bit of fun coming up with new names to harass him, with Rafe well he had no sense of humor at all. _

_I never have understood what you saw in him. He was crass and a total bore, I mean watching paint dry would be more entertaining than trying to carry on a conversation with your so called Mr. Isn't He a Wonderful Hero? Blah, blah, blah…_

_Of course his smugness must have been one of the things that attracted you to him in the first place. He sure could give the Brady's a run for their money in the hypocrisy market and that my dear is saying a lot. The man had no class, upbringing or anything worthwhile to offer you or the children yet you thought he was like the second coming of Christ._

_Was it because I was with Nicole that you chose to be with him or was it just to piss me off? Either way I didn't like him and he sure as hell didn't like me, but that was of little consequence to me or at least I thought it wasn't. He was just some little man trying to gain power from his badge because he sure couldn't garner it from the life he had led so far._

_Once again, how well did you actually know the man? I can't find one good redeeming quality about him as I search my mind. You deserved so much better than that working class average Joe who apparently thought plaid and leather jackets were quite the epitome of style._

_Seriously, plaid is not flattering on hardly anyone, not even if you are three sheets to the wind drunk, it just isn't. Looking like a lumberjack doesn't do much for most people unless they are still living in the 90's grunge era. Oh enough of my what not to wear advice for one day surely you know all of this only too well yourself._

_As for us, I think we began to renew our friendship with one another after you returned home or at least I thought we were given the circumstances. You couldn't stand Nicole and I didn't like Rafe, but if we were ever alone, just you and me or us with the children I felt like we were finding some kind of common ground between us._

_We could actually joke and smile that is when you weren't trying to read me the riot act after I went to your father suggesting that your former bodyguard shouldn't be so close to you now after you were back home where you belonged. Whether you believe me or not I still think it was a huge conflict of interest where he crossed the line from this being his job for the FBI to trying hook up with the woman whose case he was assigned to handle._

_I know you don't like the term hook up, although you can put pretty posies all around it and it still comes off seeming that way, much like how my elevator tryst with Nicole was purely physical rather than something special we shared with one another. Looking back now it all appears to be so tawdry and you shared your disgust with me very candidly that you couldn't believe I had sex with her in an elevator of all places._

_I tried my best to keep the peace between you and Nicole, there were a lot of bad feelings between the two of you and that was putting it mildly. Somehow though when you were back I was drawn to you no matter how much I stated I was with Nicole and fully intended to marry her. She wanted to be my wife and have a family with me, something you clearly stated time and time again that you did not have any desire to do so._

_I know one thing Nicole was adamant about was she didn't want you anywhere near Sydney, this should have been a huge red flag for both of us, yet I think you just attributed it to Nicole being a bitch as you so loved to call her among other special adjectives you ascribed for her and I merely thought she was just being overprotective of our daughter. Guess she was trying desperately to keep actual mother and daughter from connecting beyond what you did the few times you got to hold Sydney._

_The first time you saw Sydney you cried and I was puzzled, then though I had no clue about Grace's existence and I believe now there was something instinctual inside you while you were holding your own flesh and blood. From the start I felt a strong bond with Sydney because she was my daughter with you even though we had both been tricked into believing Sydney belonged to Nicole and me._

_The day of Sydney's christening was another time I should have listened to my heart because when I let you take her from me after she spit up on my suit, she just melded into your arms perfectly like she was your own child. Seeing you with Sydney along with me had just felt right, like it was meant to be that day, the three of us celebrating her christening instead of Nicole._

_Despite Nicole's protests to the contrary I willingly let you into Sydney's life; I just wish you had afforded me the same luxury concerning Grace. Then again there were lots of things I wish you had done differently, yet you were determined to keep what you thought from me was my daughter with you._

_When I overheard you speaking on your cell phone saying you were bringing your baby Grace home at first I thought I had misheard what you were saying. When I asked you about it, you immediately went on the defensive especially when my father, brother and fiancé came into the room. You wanted them out of there if we were going to have a discussion which of course none of them left leaving you to come up with some kind of plausible excuse as to why you would be adopting a child when you already had two small children._

_I thought it was ludicrous, I mean really you were going to have your hands full with the twins and you were actually considering taking on responsibility for another child. The lie you told of meeting another woman while you were away and that she abandoned her child and while you were missing your own children so very much you fell in love with this little girl and swore if you found your way back to your family you would find a way to take this baby with you. _

_It sounded suspicious then, but my darling when you have your back up against the wall you can be very convincing when you want to be. The lies just rolled off your tongue like silk, you are a smooth liar, a trait I rather admired in you until months later I realized you had lied to me with a lie so terrible that it wrecked my belief in you, the one person I loved more than anyone in this world beyond my children._

_The anger that shown in your eyes when I dare to ask you what about your children, didn't you care about them at all before you made such a decision only resulting in my getting a very hard slap in the face from you. You are quite the violent creature when you want to be and I know I bring out the worse in you, as you do in me._

_You were upset stating how dare I question you of your love for your children when you had never even brought up that I might love Sydney more than Johnny which of course was just another tactic for you to try and make me feel guilty for even asking you the question in the first place. When I tried to talk reasonably with you it only made things worse. Instead of hoping you would see how difficult it would be for you with a teenager and two toddlers my words only made your more determined than ever that you could make it on your own raising the kids without any kind of help._

_Too bad I didn't realize at the time that Rafe was more than willing to step into the role of fatherhood, hell he wanted to be the father of all of your children, mine and Lucas' yet you never hesitated in letting him into their lives. You were going to let that bastard adopt my child without my knowledge. What a fool I was worried about your well being when you sure didn't give a damn about mine._

_I tried to make you see that the father could come back into the child's life after you had bonded with this baby and that made you go off even more on me claiming I didn't care about you when you know I did, I cared more than I should, believed in you when I shouldn't have and your actions about having my child are something to this day I still try to make sense of and it just breaks my heart all over again when I do recall those times._

_I know I was a DiMera, I know you hated my father, but I loved you and loved those children with a love I never knew existed until the moment I met you. Why was I considered beneath you when if you had let me into your heart I could have shown you a world unlike any you or I had ever known if you had only told the truth._

_You brought up again that I was the one who called you while you were in witness protection program proclaiming that I was moving on with my life and you reminded me to move on that we had nothing between us anymore beyond Johnny. You were in tears when you said it and once again I wished I had not called to tell you that, you had deserved more than a mere phone call, but then again if I had seen you how could you have explained you were pregnant with my child. It was definitely a tangled web you wove for all of us, yet I was the one feeling guilty. Did you feel guilty about your role in this entire debacle?_

_Your lies started a chain reaction between us that once it started there was no way to stop it and it is still going on to this very day. I know I have done bad things, terrible things in my life, but you have too. At least I am finally willing to own up to my mistakes concerning the both of us and our family, are you?_

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLVII<strong>

It was getting darker in the room and Sami knew she would need to find a light source soon or she wouldn't be able to finish the letters and that little voice inside her that she constantly loved to argue with was telling her not to leave before she was done. This time she and her little voice were in one accord, Sami didn't want to leave either, the few letters left had to provide her with the answer for EJ agreeing to give up custody of Sydney and Johnny, for her to find some kind of answer as to why he was doing what she had asked of him.

Maybe she should try to find a switch to see if a light would come on. The last time she had been in this house with EJ had been no electricity so what made her think now there would be, but when she looked over to the roll top desk where EJ apparently had written these letters to her, she didn't see candles scattered all about so he must have had some other light by which to write the letters and from the amount of them she had already read and the ones left she knew this had taken quite some time on his part.

After that day on the pier when Johnny told EJ he didn't love him she hadn't seen him once and that was over three days ago, not that she was counting or anything, but she had been curious over why he hadn't tried to contact her or see the children until she had received the cryptic message along with the key to this place. Maybe this was EJ's way of an explanation, from the letters she had read so far he was being more honest with her than she had ever been with him.

She got up from the floor and walked around the living room searching for a switch upon the wall, hoping when she found one it would turn on, if not she would have to scavenged around the house for some candles or a flashlight because she just had to get to the bottom of these letters before she left the house. She knew the kids were safe with her grandmother Caroline and as for Rafe well she wasn't so sure how much he would be missing her. All they had done lately was argue and since it seemed like the imposter had disappeared off the face of the earth of which she had little doubt the DiMera's did something to him she wasn't sure how much more of the battling she could take or wanted the children to have to endure.

Their lives had so much conflict already and EJ's question of if she was ready to admit her mistakes was a question she had not wanted to answer, she had pushed aside questions concerning EJ. After all it was easier to place the blame all on him, he was an evil DiMera, she was a Brady and from birth she had been taught all the DiMera's were pure evil.

Then she thought to herself, not Johnny and Sydney though, they were DiMera's and they were beautiful and sweet and kind. There was goodness in them and it couldn't all be attributed to her genes. She thought back to a day long ago when she had confessed to Hope about herself and EJ.

"I have done horrible things Aunt Hope, horrible things to people who cared about me. EJ he knew what that was like, he accepted me, he was my friend."

She sighed heavily at least back then she had not considered herself to be a saint or a martyr against the DiMera family. She still knew who she was back then, now she thought not so much.

She finally found the switch and flipped it, knowing either it would turn on some kind of light for her to continuing reading the letters or she would start her search to find some candles and matches. Much to her delight the switch turned on a very old, yet very beautiful chandelier, the tiny crystals reflecting the light in prisms all around the room. It would be absolutely beautiful if it had some repair work done to it and once again she wondered about the people who had lived her before, the ones she and EJ had found their old clothes stuffed in the trunk that now held letters and a few mementos from her and EJ's past.

She decided to walk to the far corners of the room, imagining what the rest of the house might look like, but she didn't have time for that right now, she needed to read the rest of the letters from EJ. She reasoned within herself she was afraid if she stopped moving right now though she was going to have to answer those questions EJ posed to her.

Did she feel guilty? Hell yes, she felt guilty, but that wasn't going to change the past, it wasn't going to magically bring Grace back to life even if she knew now that Grace didn't belong to she and EJ. She didn't like remembering those few months always wondering if she was doing the right thing or not. Rafe hadn't helped any, he hated the DiMera's as much as her family seemed to even though she didn't think he had any foreknowledge of the family before he had met her or had he and she hadn't realized it?

She had almost told EJ on the day he was marrying that whore Nicole. She had endured Nicole calling her a pathetic bitch who was jealous enough to keep them apart because she didn't want to see Nicole happy. Like it was all about her anyway, no that miserable baby stealing bitch didn't deserve to be happy, but Nicole had played it to the hilt claiming she was ruining their "perfect day".

She bet now EJ wished she would have wrecked their so call perfect day. If Lexie hadn't of come out into the vestibule announcing that she had to rush to the hospital because Philip Kiriakis had been shot and she knew instantly in that moment EJ knew about it, she could see it in his eyes because he wasn't upset about it. EJ could claim to know her like a book, but she knew him too and it had floored her to believe she had almost told him he was the father of Grace.

She had done the right thing, she hadn't told him that day, the decision she made was for the best, EJ was going to marry that slut Nicole. She was upset and left in a huff and then she had come back, but he had already married her, stupid idiot ruined his life all by his own self. He even had the nerve to bring up they still had a connection and it flustered her because there was some part of her that would always love EJ, but he was wrong for her and she was wrong for him.

He stood there and told her he loved Nicole, god only knew why and it had infuriated her that EJ had even insinuated that she was still in love with him and that he had loved her so much it would be best for her to take the high road and leave them alone since he was married to Nicole. She dispelled that notion pretty quickly for him, going off on him and telling him she had pride and he had some kind of huge ego thinking she was trying to stop the wedding just to get him back.

She hated it when EJ was right, so yes, there had been some part of her that hadn't wanted EJ to go through with the wedding to that skanky ho. EJ putting the hit out on Philip had made her realize all over again who and what he was, the DiMera's were a mob family, they put hits out on people who crossed them, they ran drug shipments, they were into money laundering just to name a few of the sordid things they were involved in, all sorts of things she never wanted her children to have a part in that kind of life.

She had done the right thing, she kept telling herself that she was doing the best thing for them all and then the worse thing imaginable had happened. Grace got sick and her life turned into a living nightmare right before her very own eyes.

Sami didn't want to think about Grace, she didn't, but she knew as sure as she knew her own name, this was exactly what EJ wanted her to think about it. Her choices, her decisions had affected them all, and none of them had ever been the same since.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLVIII<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_I almost stopped my wedding when you showed up claiming you needed to talk to me, I was so close to running out after you but Nicole stopped me in my tracks saying it was either her or you. Too bad I didn't run out the door straight for you, but I had my pride to consider. We all have our pride to consider, don't we my dear?_

_Then you came back, taking me by surprise, although it was too late I had went ahead and married Nicole. Seems like weddings are not my forte, either I get shot or chained to a miserable lying bitch; either option doesn't fare too well for me. I think in the future I'll remain single so I guess you can figure out from this that Nicole and I have parted ways once more, this time for good, but I'll give you the rundown on those details later, right now I need to get this tremendous weight off of my chest._

_I never could figure out why you came back to the church unless it was to argue with me some more. We were good at arguing, disagreeing on things just seem to come naturally for us for some odd reason. I couldn't put two and two together on why you felt so compelled to stop my wedding until much later. There had been a specific reason for you bringing Grace with you. I actually believe you almost told me that day she was our daughter._

_But almost doesn't count unless its horseshoes or some nonsense like that, and no matter what you say now it still stands that you didn't have the courage to tell me the truth. You lies grew and grew to new proportions. _

_Well I guess my asking you to take the high road concerning Nicole and I didn't help either. I just had to take that dig at you for some perverse reason. I wanted you to be jealous, I was finally getting a woman who loved me, even though at the time I didn't realize it was a psychotic kind of love, but hey beggars can't be choosers can they? _

_Just so you know it hit me what I had done later on that evening. I'll spare you the particulars beyond of when I had a vision of you in the bed with me instead of Nicole. Guess you got the last laugh in any way with my subconscious. When I was supposed to be making love with my new bride, once again my thoughts turned to you. Why couldn't I get you out of my head? God knew it had been a useless case to persuade my heart to get over you, but I thought at least I had better sense than to be thinking of you when my thoughts should have only been with Nicole._

_I tried to make the best of my marriage, doing what I could to steer clear of you beyond when we needed to discuss arrangements for Johnny. Then the day you brought Grace into the hospital I knew something was terribly wrong. I've seen you when you were truly scared and that day I knew you were scared out of your mind about your baby girl._

_I did my best to comfort you, to reassure you that everything would be all right with her. Little did I know your full inner turmoil especially when Dr. Jonas came out suggesting he might need information concerning Grace's birth parents, I could see the conflict on your face, but attributed it to worry, never once thinking you were considering telling me the truth about that sick baby being our baby, our child._

_I knew you were devastated when Grace died. I really hadn't considered she would not make it through the night. I had even prayed for you and she and you know I don't pray, but I made a feeble attempt at it for you._

_When I went over to check on you the next day, I really didn't know what to say. My heart went out to you, I never wanted to see you hurt and when I walked into the room you looked so lost and alone that all I wanted to do was take you in my arms, hold you tight and never let you go. Luckily I refrained from doing so, instead offering up platitudes that really don't mean a damn thing when you are grieving over your loss of a loved one._

_I thought it was your loss, then you began to speak and the words you said were things I'll never forget as long as I live. You started talking about that you did what you had to do and it meant nothing. I told you what you did was a good thing, taking this little girl into your home and giving her a wonderful life with a loving family._

_You spoke of how sweet and special she was and then you said you wished I had known her like you had which only confused me. I didn't understand what you were trying to tell me. You said Grace wasn't just your baby she was ours. Immediately I thought it was the grief talking, you had been through a terrible ordeal and you weren't thinking clearly._

_I said as much, that my baby girl Sydney was at home and you kept on saying not that little girl, your other daughter, still I tried to tell you that you didn't know what you were saying. But oh you did, you knew exactly what you were saying. You started speaking louder, you said for me not to question your sanity and to think about what you were saying that it was true._

_You reminded me of when Grace was born, said to take back nine months and to think of who I was sleeping with at the time. It couldn't be true, you had told me she was adopted and I believed you, I fucking believed you because surely you wouldn't have lied to me about something as important as carrying my child, having my baby._

_I could feel myself losing it, I started to shake uncontrollably, it couldn't be so, and you wouldn't hurt me that way. You knew how much I loved you, how much I wanted a family. I could feel the tears coming, I begged you to tell me you didn't do that, you didn't lie about bringing a child of mine into this world and not tell me. _

_I kept begging you, shaking my head no, my Samantha wouldn't do such an unspeakable thing to me, lie about something of such a great magnitude. Then you went off on me saying it was because I was a DiMera, spouting off a list of sins my family had done against humanity._

_You started talking about Nicole how she lorded it over you, her being pregnant and fool that I was in my shock I declared Nicole had never betrayed me in the worst possible way like you had done. My shock gave way to anger, an anger I'd never experienced before in my life especially when I realized you would never have told me. You and that bastard Rafe planned it all against me and I felt a rage in my heart that I didn't imagine possible._

_You were going to let him adopt my child, my child; raise my child without my knowledge. You kept saying it was about protecting Grace, well part of it may be but another part was sticking it to me for sleeping with Nicole, for choosing to be with her. _

_I told you that day I hated you and that I would hate you for the rest of my life and hoped that you would keep suffering up until the day you died. Your tears meant nothing to me after your soul cleansing confession. It may have made you feel better, but it blackened my heart to a shade so dark all I could feel was hate, no love, nothing but blackness._

_The fiasco at the funeral home to make arrangements only fueled my hatred more. I should have beat Rafe's ass instead of just landing one punch on him. I would have loved to have killed him that day. You wanted to claim about how sadistic my family was, well I was going to prove to you both what happened when you crossed the DiMera's. _

_Do you remember the words we spoke in anger? I was so upset I don't know what I would have done to you if we had been alone. Who knows what might have happened if that interloper Hernandez hadn't tried to interfere with us that day. It was between you and me, he had no fucking right to be there, he was not her father, he was just another one of your lovers. Someone you could mold to do your will. By god what a prize you got with that wanker, he was going to adopt my child and you were going to let him._

_In those moments I knew what I was going to get my revenge one way or another, I swore to you both that a terrible injustice had been done and I would remedy that and it sickened me to hear Rafe talk about how I wasn't going to savage you when you were the savage. You had him wrapped around your finger, pulling the strings on him to have him do your will. You were scared of the big bad DiMera's, yet what you pulled made things my family did look like mere child's play._

_I told you both that you killed her to go bury her yourself. I wanted no part of planning the funeral. I was so mad, so hurt with you. You denied me a precious gift and in my anger a plan began to form that day in ways I would extract my revenge against you and Rafe Hernandez. I told you any regret I had was in loving you and that day those words were true. You took my love and gave me nothing but grief and heartache, you fucked me up Samantha. I swore to myself that day I would never believe in you ever again._

_The funeral director let me view Grace after you and the jackass left the building. I went to the embalming room and when I was alone in the room, I sat down beside her, pulled the sheet back from her and told her hello and how sorry I was, that I wish I could have known her and could have held her hand, for her to have known Sydney, then I wished for her to be in peace and that she would be in my heart always amidst my tears._

_I wished peace for Grace because I knew I sure as hell wasn't going to find any and if I had my way you and Rafe weren't going to either._

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLIX<strong>

It was like she could feel the anger rolling off the pages EJ had written directed specifically at her. Really what had she expected back then, that somehow he was magically going to forgive her? She had hurt EJ badly and if she hadn't realized the extent of her deception before this disclosure from him, she knew it now. He had told her point blank how much she had messed him up emotionally.

It was ironic, she the girl who had only yearned for love and acceptance all of her life took the one person who had offered it to her unconditionally and thrown it all back in his face. She never learned from her past mistakes, she knew that with a clarity she wished she didn't have to see, but it was past time she started owning up to the things she had done to provoke such loathing from EJ.

She hated thinking back to those months, ones that had been mingled with joy over the birth of their little girl to extreme worry because at any moment she could have been caught in all of her lies about how she had come about bringing Grace into their lives. Lucas had told her the crazy plan she had of keeping the news from EJ when she went into witness protection was a bad one, but she hadn't listened to him either. She went into things with a head strong stubbornness thinking she knew best and this time things had backfired with disastrous results.

How she had ever left Grace at the convent with the nuns when she returned home still bothered her to this day. She had wasted precious time concocting her plan to keep her little girl safe from the DiMera's. Even though it had been revealed later that Grace hadn't been her daughter, it didn't matter she had loved her and wanted to protect her with a fierceness that was instilled deep down inside of her being.

She recalled the numerous times she could have told EJ, but she had decided it against every time opting to wait for another time until it had become too late. She was so distraught when she brought Grace to the hospital that she really hadn't been thinking clearly. Sure her kids had been sick before with various illnesses, but nothing had prepared her for the sickening feeling that there was nothing she could do for her child to make her better.

The fact that EJ had been there for her when Rafe had been nowhere to be found was not lost on her either. Maybe fate had decided to give her another opportunity to come clean, but it had been too late because Grace's vitals kept dropping. EJ had tried to keep her calm as best as he could, she hadn't deserved his kindness that day, then again there were lots of times he had offered her comfort and she hadn't truly appreciated it.

When Rafe finally arrived it was like EJ was no longer needed and she clung to the man who had helped her keep her secret. She was so upset she hadn't even thought of allowing EJ access to Grace's bedside, she didn't have time to worry about right and wrong because time was running out for her precious baby girl.

She would never forget the hospital room, Grace lying helplessly in the baby hospital bed, the machines monitoring her blood pressure and heart beats slowing down with each passing minute until the unimaginable had occurred. They stopped, each monitor beep or wave becoming a flat line. Her baby was dead, oh my god, Grace was dead and all she could do was stand there helplessly and watch it happen right before her very own eyes.

She knew God was punishing her for her misdeeds in this life, too many bad things, not enough good, never enough good where she was concerned. She barely even registered Rafe was standing there beside her, her baby was dead. She could feel the disbelief wash over her once more like it did that fateful day. Her heart was literally breaking and there was nothing she could do to make things right.

Poor sweet Grace, her sweet innocent baby, whom she had tried so valiantly to protect, died anyway and it wasn't anything to do with her being a DiMera. She recalled being so confused, why had she lied? It was all for nothing, this emptiness in her soul was a terrible abyss. She never knew she had so many tears and she felt like she was going to throw up even though she hadn't eaten anything, her worries about Grace making her forget to eat.

She really couldn't remember when the doctors and nurses came to unhook the monitors from her baby girl, or their sad eyes when they asked which funeral home she wanted to use. It was a nightmare she couldn't wake up from; no mother ever expects to be planning a funeral for her baby. How could God strike down Grace when he could have taken her instead? He should have taken her instead.

Thank goodness the twins had been too young to actually know what was going on, they were confused, but they had not had to shoulder the fact that their mother's lies had come home to roost. She vaguely recalled reading the twins a book trying to explain about death, it had been surreal and she hadn't been able to finish reading the story and Will had taken the book from her to end the story for them. Her sweet caring son had helped her try to make the twins understand what was going on when she couldn't even fathom it herself.

Thinking of Will made her heart hurt too. The sad thing was everyone had believed her and Rafe's lie, she had lied more than to just EJ and the DiMera's, she had lied to her entire family. When Will had found out the truth about Grace's parentage he had taken the news hard, once again her lies were wrecking more than just her life and Will had suffered more than the rest of her children concerning her bad decisions.

Sami didn't want people's sympathy, she wanted her baby back, well meaning words and phrases weren't going to bring her child back from the dead. She didn't deserve kindness from anyone and when EJ had come to see her under the pretense to check on Johnny she couldn't stand to lie anymore.

She hated herself and to hear EJ being so sweet and understanding to her was too much. She didn't deserve kindness and understanding, she deserved for him to see her as she was, a lying, deceitful wretched excuse for a human being.

So she told him the truth, Grace had been their child, one she had kept from him, never allowing EJ a chance to know his own daughter. She knew the moment it hit him when he realized she was telling him the truth, that this wasn't the ravings of a grief stricken mother, she was showing how ugly and nasty the truth could be especially when she imparted it to him.

She felt like hell and she didn't deserve anything more from EJ. When it truly started to sink in she could see it visually, the disbelief slowing giving way to anger inside of him that he turned on her. She could accept the anger and hatred because she didn't deserve to be loved, especially not from the man who gave her way too many chances anyway.

He had loved her when she was unlovable, but even now EJ saw the truth. He was right her soul cleansing confession had not helped, only hurt, but then again she was Sami Brady and she left a wake of hurt and destruction upon most situations if given enough time.

She could recall those words clearly that they had spoken or rather screamed at each other at the funeral home. Of course they would have an argument, it was what they did best wasn't it?

EJ being disgusted about Rafe as he mockingly referred to the help Rafe gave her was of keeping his daughter from him, a daughter who was now dead and that he would never know. EJ's questions to her of what she had done, the choices she had made, had Grace gotten proper prenatal care, checkups, the normal things people did for their children were not lost on her. He had been upset and angry and she knew Grace should have gotten all those things, but had not due to the circumstances of the witness protection program.

Her excuse of leaving her with the nuns, that she wouldn't have left Grace with someone she didn't trust fell on deaf ears when EJ turned it all back on her saying she could have left Grace with him, he would have taken care of her, he wasn't ashamed of her existence.

Those words had spurred her on, something bringing her back to fight to feel something other than the all consuming grief she was experiencing and she always knew how to fight dirty telling EJ she was not ashamed of Grace, she had loved that little girl with all of her heart and she had wanted to protect her from having a father like him.

Yet EJ knew perfectly how to come back and hit to the core of things stating at least he hadn't abandoned her, she wasn't an inconvenience to him and she had snapped screaming for him to stop it, she couldn't take what he was saying anymore on top of trying to deal with Grace being dead and she struck out at him, hitting him and he told her to bring it on, goading her to hit him more if that would help her guilt, which of course it didn't. It was like Rafe wasn't even in the room with them, she had totally forgot about him so focused she was on EJ hoping to strike him enough if only to make him stop saying those things she had thought of herself since Grace's death. EJ's questions hurt and she wanted the hurt to go away and how could they while he stood there and passed judgment on her?

He told her she had killed his baby and there wasn't a damn thing she could do to rectify his claims, nothing at all. She barely remembered Rafe pulling them apart, from the fighting, the screams of who was at fault, the recriminations, the ugliness of it all was raw and painful and too much to take, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she had deserved EJ's wrath and strangely she had welcomed it.

EJ's last words to her before they left the funeral home still haunted her because of his lost opportunities that she had taken from him by not giving him a choice in the matter. He was a bit calmer then in his manner and tone, but it was unmistakable that he would not give her absolution for her lies to him.

"I could have told her that I loved her. I could have held her hand. And I could have said good-bye to her."

She knew her words of wishing things were different were too little, too late even as she spoke them to him, "My heart is broken too. And I would do anything... anything... for things to be different."

"The only regret I have, Samantha, is loving you."

All those memories, all those feelings, the words they had spoken in anger were things she would never forget as long as she lived and she felt the well of anguish break within in her as she finally succumbed to the tears and she truly wept like she had not done since Grace's death.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part L<br>**

She didn't know how long she had cried, it felt like hours before her tears stopped, her head was hurting, her nose stuffy and for the oddest reason it came to her of the many times EJ had offered her a linen handkerchief to dry her eyes when she had cried. He had been a gentleman to her, but during the time following Grace's death EJ had turned stone cold against her.

For EJ to hand her a court order demanding full custody of Johnny right after Grace's funeral was completely unexpected. The thought had never crossed her mind at all. Of course she knew EJ was upset, they had all been upset, yet somehow she hadn't thought her actions would bring about such a drastic reaction from the man who had been such a huge part of her life ever since the day they had met.

She had felt like her world was falling apart, Will was upset with her for lying about Grace and even claimed she and Rafe were wrong in denying EJ the truth about Grace and he thought EJ had every right for taking Johnny. That had been a huge blow to her coming from her eldest son, he was actually considering going to visit Johnny at the DiMera mansion, EJ had told him he was welcome to come there.

Her anger for Nicole hadn't lessened even when that witch claimed innocence over having no clue that EJ was going to take Johnny away from her. She had sensed something was off with Nicole surely she hadn't been heartbroken over Grace's death. Maybe if she had dug a bit more, tried to find out why Nicole seemed stricken she could have uncovered the truth then that Nicole had stolen her baby from her, but she had been too upset herself over Grace's death along with the sudden knowledge that she was losing her youngest son to EJ and then it looked like she had lost her oldest son too.

She had called around asking her father and Abe if there was any way she could get out of taking Johnny to EJ and both had said she had to take him or she would be in contempt of court. Once again she felt like her back was up against the wall.

Her heart had been breaking that day when Johnny ran up to her wanting to play and she had to tell him that she was going to take him to his father's house. Johnny seemed happy enough to go there too. He loved his daddy and gladly went with her to see him.

EJ had wanted her to drop Johnny off and leave; shut the door behind her and his condescending tone had infuriated her. She didn't leave, she had stayed trying to make him see reason, but he hadn't seen anything beyond telling her that she was getting what she deserved for lying about Grace.

So she had done what she did best next to lying of course, she went on the defensive with EJ, citing all the terrible things he and his family had done. She wasn't going to play the victim with him. She was hurt and if he wanted to play hardball with her, she would do so gladly and give it back to him just like he was doing to her.

And thus, the start of what had come to seem like the never ending war for their children had begun.

Moonlit Wishes banner made by Amy-thank you!

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Part L**  
><strong>

She didn't know how long she had cried, it felt like hours before her tears stopped, her head was hurting, her nose stuffy and for the oddest reason it came to her of the many times EJ had offered her a linen handkerchief to dry her eyes when she had cried. He had been a gentleman to her, but during the time following Grace's death EJ had turned stone cold against her.

For EJ to hand her a court order demanding full custody of Johnny right after Grace's funeral was completely unexpected. The thought had never crossed her mind at all. Of course she knew EJ was upset, they had all been upset, yet somehow she hadn't thought her actions would bring about such a drastic reaction from the man who had been such a huge part of her life ever since the day they had met.

She had felt like her world was falling apart, Will was upset with her for lying about Grace and even claimed she and Rafe were wrong in denying EJ the truth about Grace and he thought EJ had every right for taking Johnny. That had been a huge blow to her coming from her eldest son, he was actually considering going to visit Johnny at the DiMera mansion, EJ had told him he was welcome to come there.

Her anger for Nicole hadn't lessened even when that witch claimed innocence over having no clue that EJ was going to take Johnny away from her. She had sensed something was off with Nicole surely she hadn't been heartbroken over Grace's death. Maybe if she had dug a bit more, tried to find out why Nicole seemed stricken she could have uncovered the truth then that Nicole had stolen her baby from her, but she had been too upset herself over Grace's death along with the sudden knowledge that she was losing her youngest son to EJ and then it looked like she had lost her oldest son too.

She had called around asking her father and Abe if there was any way she could get out of taking Johnny to EJ and both had said she had to take him or she would be in contempt of court. Once again she felt like her back was up against the wall.

Her heart had been breaking that day when Johnny ran up to her wanting to play and she had to tell him that she was going to take him to his father's house. Johnny seemed happy enough to go there too. He loved his daddy and gladly went with her to see him.

EJ had wanted her to drop Johnny off and leave; shut the door behind her and his condescending tone had infuriated her. She didn't leave, she had stayed trying to make him see reason, but he hadn't seen anything beyond telling her that she was getting what she deserved for lying about Grace.

So she had done what she did best next to lying of course, she went on the defensive with EJ, citing all the terrible things he and his family had done. She wasn't going to play the victim with him. She was hurt and if he wanted to play hardball with her, she would do so gladly and give it back to him just like he was doing to her.

And thus, the start of what had come to seem like the never ending war for their children had begun.


	10. Chapter 10

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Part LI

_Dear Samantha, ___

_It was like I was a zombie; I was going through the motions, trying to make some kind of sense of this terrible mess my life was especially when I had thought it was going on the right track for once. The black hole you helped create in my heart was growing, my hate for you and Hernandez seemed to ramp up with each new day.___

_I knew getting the court order for custody of Johnny would shock you. I mean you thought you could keep the news of your pregnancy from me, keep what we thought was our daughter from me and then I'd just let you go on your merry way, shacking up with the man who had tried to steal my very own child from me. Really I don't understand why Lucas didn't have a problem with this either, I guess he was too wrapped up in Chloe and her cheating ways to take much notice that Hernandez was slowly trying to take over the father role from both of us and you were only too eager to let him do it.___

_I have to say Will was very kind to me during this time, even offering to send me a portfolio with pictures of Grace along with some stories of things she liked to do. Something you never even thought about doing for me, then again you were grieving and of course shacking up with that mongrel Hernandez took huge portions of your time too. Will really seemed to be growing up into a nice young man and he wasn't blind to your machinations and schemes. At least not then anyway, that would come much later on down the road.___

_Nicole convinced me to drop the custody fight for Johnny, yes we both should have thought more into her ulterior motives, maybe her guilt was eating her alive while she was trying to be the bigger person in our new battle against one another. Really when Nicole Walker becomes the voice of reason something is really off kilter.___

_It was a while before I could bring myself to visit Grace's grave, but when I did it was like a fury enveloped me and the rage grew inside my heart or rather what was left of my heart. You didn't even have the decency to give her my name. It really is a wonder you didn't try to name her Grace Rafaela Hernandez so I guess I should have been grateful for Grace Rafaela Brady. ___

_I was angry at you over your insensitivity and in my anger I ordered a new headstone to be placed upon Grace's grave. One that would have her correct last name and even in the end it was still true, Grace was a DiMera whether you liked it or not. Believe me I know not is your option because you were so wrapped up in Hernandez and his clan that you would have done anything for your children to belong to him instead of me.___

_It was all about you, your loss, your suffering, and then you come into my house yelling and screaming about what I had did wrong. Really you were such a hypocrite, you and that insufferable bastard Hernandez having the nerve to say I was in the wrong when both your lies were what kept me from her in the first place. I was in no mood to empathize with you and the creature in the least.___

_You just kept going on about how it affected you, never once considering how you tore my life upside down. No wonder I grew colder, you had taught me a most valuable lesson, one that my father had stressed to me time and time again. Never trust a Brady. Never trust them at all.___

_EJ_

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Part LII

She shook her head, hating the fact that once again EJ was calling her out. She hadn't thought much about those dark days; it was a time in her life that was better left in the past. The grief was there hidden within her, it was always there waiting for a chance to bubble its way back up to the surface so she was sure to keep it tamped down securely.

That EJ had destroyed Grace's headstone and then replaced it with one entitled Grace DiMera instead had infuriated her. How dare he do something as arrogant and insensitive as replacing her grave marker? She had saw red, wanting to tell him one more time what a terrible person he was and of course she had taken Rafe with her to pour salt into the wound. If she kept her anger alive with EJ then she didn't have time to feel bad about her role in all of this fiasco.

Rafe had supported her decision not to tell EJ the truth about the baby; in fact he had encouraged her to keep it from him and the rest of her family. It was nice to have a friend who believed in her and didn't know all the bad things she had pulled in the past. Her life of one scheme after another to get what she wanted which was to be loved and accepted by her family and friends. But was that really a friend if they didn't know the true you?

Yes, she got it that sometimes she only thought of herself, but EJ did too. Why should she feel bad about how her heart was torn in two because sweet Grace had been taken from her? There hadn't been enough room to worry about how EJ felt because if she had taken the time to consider his feelings she would have drown in the guilt she felt about not telling him the truth in the first place. Nicole be damned, but her feminine pride had been wounded. What woman wanted to be touted as being one of two people who were pregnant at the same time by the same man?

No thank you, she had dodged the humiliation and embarrassment of being just second best once again. She'd had to fight all her life to try and be first in someone's life and all of EJ's claims that he loved her and only her had crumbled to dust at her feet when she realized he had gotten the woman she had despised pregnant too.

She didn't want to think about that she had pushed him away time and time again, which was why he turned to the whore for comfort in the first place. She had tried to warn him about Nicole, but stupid man he was he hadn't listened to her, no he had listened to his other head apparently the one most men used in various stages of their lives.

Sami crumpled up the letter in her hand, angry at thinking about EJ being with Nicole and pondering over EJ's last lines in this latest letter to her. Never trust a Brady? Seriously that was the pot calling the kettle black. Never trust a DiMera was more like it. EJ had proven to her over and over not to trust him.

She was a trustworthy person, she was, well she wasn't really, but she tried to be and that was what counted. At least she hoped it counted, she wanted to be someone people could trust and yet when she looked back over the years of her life how many people could she say truly trusted her? Unless she counted the twins and Sydney, then not a person over the age of six really considered her to be a person of truth and honor.

Then again weren't those qualities so vastly overrated? Once upon a time, a very long time ago she'd had a friend she trusted and she told him her secrets, things she wouldn't reveal to others because they would judge her over her less than honorable intentions sometimes. He hadn't judged her and only wanted to be her friend or so he had said at the time. Of course that was before she found out he was a DiMera and then everything had changed.

No wonder she wasn't trustworthy, she didn't have any close friends, no female friends at all beyond her family and they weren't what you would call close friends. Since she had tried to stop her scheming ways her family actually liked her or were they all pretending to like her so she wouldn't embarrass them anymore with her wild schemes that always ended up badly when the truth came out?

Damn she didn't really like the truth, much less when she had to examine it in herself which was why she was really good at avoidance and running away. Two qualities she excelled at perfectly. At least she was good at something; she had those skills honed especially when she had dealt with EJ.

The question was did she actually like herself anymore? Was there anyone on this planet who knew her, really knew her and could accept her for who she was scars and all the ugliness that lay just beneath the surface of the new façade she tried to show the world now?

She had to hand it to herself, she really had people fooled, and they thought she was a good person now, one who contributed to the community since she had severed all ties with EJ. She was married to a man people respected and she finally had it all.

Why did she feel like having it all wasn't worth much when she couldn't be true to herself anymore? Denying who and what she was, always trying to be good so that people would love her like they did her mother and sisters was a tiresome job, one she hadn't considered when she had thought she was changing her life for the better to marry Rafe. To be a wife and mother to her children, to build a life with him and have a family, she didn't want to think about EJ's anger over how she had tried to put Rafe in the father figure role for his and Lucas' children.

Did she really want years and years of working so hard to be something she was not to make others like her the main objective in her life? It hadn't even been a year yet and it already felt like some kind of prison sentence to her, not that she'd let EJ know that because he had tried to tell her Rafe was a poor choice, but she had refused to listen to him.

No she'd rather argue with EJ, telling him he was wrong and she was right before she'd ever admit that he might have been right about anything, especially her choice in another man for her life. She was the captain of her destiny and really who believed in those fairy tale things like destiny and fate anyway? It was all a bunch of nonsense.

She honestly didn't know how EJ had endured this soul searching stuff. Writing these letters had taken time and he had poured out his heart to her so far and she still wasn't finished reading them yet. She didn't like that she was having to think beyond and question what had kept her safe in her boundaries she had made over the past few years.

EJ was making her look at herself, really look at herself and she wasn't sure she liked what she saw when she started looking deep down inside her soul. Not one bit.

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Part LIII

_Dear Samantha, ___

_The months after Grace's death were difficult ones for me; I was angry, so very angry at you and Rafe. When I would try to forget what you both had done to me and it only seemed to make things worse. I resented you and when I came over to get Johnny one evening, but he was asleep and you seemed so out of it that when I saw there were boxes scattered all around the apartment I knew he was leaving you.___

_To have Will confirm to me although rather grudgingly that Rafe was moving out made me glad even though I told Will I could have cared less. When I saw you later on in the park a few days later stating my concern was on how Rafe's leaving would affect Johnny you scoffed at me, saying you knew I was happy Rafe was out of your life and it didn't have anything to do on whether or not Johnny was upset about it.___

_You had me there, but I'd rather die than admit it so I went on and on about how happy I was with Nicole, how things were going to wonderfully and how we would even be going on our long awaited honeymoon we had postponed. You threw it back in my face over who was I trying to convince I was happy with her, was it me or you?___

_Maybe it had been a mixture of both. I wanted you to be miserable and alone and for me to be happy without you. I wish that could have been the case, but we both know differently. I gloated to you that day, flaunted my so call happy life and family right in your face and you knew it was a lie. I loved being a father to my children, but Nicole and I were never truly happy.___

_I guess part of that were that even after all the bad things that happened I still wanted you in my life. I really am masochistic. The one thing I did hold onto was that Nicole hadn't lied to me, hadn't hurt me the way you had done, wrenching my soul into darkness.___

_Then I found out the truth and it was worse than I had ever imagined it. Not only had you lied to me and tore my world apart, but Nicole had too. I guess your brother Brady couldn't stay away from Nicole and when I heard him tell her the secret was out, all her carefully laid plans of keeping your or rather our child away from you started tumbling down.___

_I was devastated once again and the day you saw me at the hospital you knew something was wrong. I hated the fact that you knew me so well, better than anyone because I didn't want you to see my pain, to know that my perfect world had come crashing down all around my feet.___

_I hated betrayal of any kind and yet you and Nicole had dished it out to me in spades. I was reluctant to say a word to you, yet you pulled it out of me. Somehow I always managed to let you in even when I wanted to shut everyone out of my life. You could always find a way to see into my crazy mixed up life and somehow I would tell you everything.___

_It was rather odd to hear you defending Nicole telling me no matter what she had done you knew that she loved me, that she would throw herself in front of a train for me. I wanted to laugh because she had been playing you like she played me. I was sick of it, sick of the lies and the hurt both of you had inflicted upon me. I thought I had lost another daughter, that Sydney was not my own anymore.___

_My entire life was a lie and to hear you defend her was so weird. I told you Nicole was a lying bitch and I could see the confusion on your face. It was like a switch had been turned off inside of me, I had no love left for her or you. My life was such a freaking mess.___

_Of course you wanted to know why I thought such a terrible thing about my wife, but her lies had been building for months, just like yours had to me. So we sat down and I told you what I knew. Nicole had been pregnant, but she miscarried.___

_I told you of how she got a fake pad and hid it with maternity clothes. You asked me how I couldn't tell and I let you in on my innermost secrets. When Nicole had a scare about the baby she had told me we had to keep our distance that we couldn't be intimate with one another and fool that I was I had believed her. I can't believe my intelligence just flew out the window and I had believed every lying word that came out of her mouth. ___

_I was caring and concerned; I kept my distance from her to ensure our baby would be all right. I didn't want to do anything to harm our child and Nicole had played on my concerns like a finely tuned violin. ___

_You were floored, even going as far to say you had pulled some crazy things in your life, but nothing like what Nicole had done. I questioned you was what you had done really all that different. I mean you had lied too, kept the fact from me that you had been pregnant. I was disillusioned with you both.___

_I told you that day I had two daughters and I lost them both. Never realizing at the time that of course Sydney was my daughter with you, the woman I had loved, the woman who never loved me back, the woman in whose eyes I somehow never managed to measure up to the impossible expectations of the man she wanted me to be, the woman who thought she was a better person than me, but we both know that wasn't the case.___

_We were and still are so alike you and I; we say and do things to others that leave terrible scars whether they are physical or emotional ones. It is no wonder our lives are not happy ones. Well you may claim now yours is a happy one, but I know truthfully mine is not. I don't know if I ever will be happy.___

_Are you happy Samantha? Are you truly happy?___

_EJ_

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Part LIV**  
><strong>

Sami pondered the question if she was happy. When was she ever truly happy? Sure there had been times in her life when she felt happy, yet the feeling never stayed with her long. Her entire life had been one wild rollercoaster ride after another, one scheme upon another scheme to get what she wanted, granted the schemes had slowed down drastically after what had happened when she lied about Grace, but she still knew how to pull a fast one if need be and she would if the situation demanded it of her.

There had been so many times she had wished ill upon EJ, for him to have a terrible life and now reading these letters she saw her wishes were coming true. He had admitted as much that he wasn't happy and didn't ever know if he would ever find happiness.

She thought something she should have felt thrilled about only made her feel hollow and more than a little bit shallow too. What kind of person was she? She looked around the room, hoping for some kind of distraction to keep her away from answering the question, but she knew she could never distract herself enough and she had to face these questions head on for once in her life without excuses or even worse running away instead of facing the answers.

She was just like what EJ had said to her, a person capable of inflicting incredible pain upon others. Why were they so much alike and how could EJ calmly see and state the fact to her without casting judgment upon her also? Maybe he was better at accepting who he was in this life because she sure was having a hard time accepting the truth about her when he had put it all out there for her in black and white to see what she looked like through his eyes.

She didn't want to examine her true self and her state of happiness or lack thereof as the case may be and was because at this point in her life she wasn't happy. The only good thing she could see was she had her kids back, all of them for a change, but as for her life in general she guessed happiness wasn't something she expected since most times her life was a mess, her emotions always getting the best of her, making her say and do things to hurt others if they didn't do exactly as she expected of them.

She had been hard on EJ, she dogged him out most of the time for his shortcomings, but that had been to hide her own too. She didn't want him or anyone else to see she wasn't some wonderful and great person. She wanted to be, but she had failed far too many times in her attempts at greatness.

She remembered the conversation they had had when Stefano had been sick and EJ had confessed what Nicole had done to him. She had felt his despair over Nicole not telling him she had miscarried their baby and her charade of acting like she had still been pregnant the whole time and ultimately given birth.

When he mentioned Brady and his role in all of it, that had made her start to worry and instantly begin to defend her brother against EJ. She told him not to threaten him and she had saw the anger in EJ's eyes when he told her to look at him, look at what Brady had did to him. She had said that Brady must have had a good reason, but EJ didn't believe that to be so.

When they talked about how had Nicole had gotten away with it all those months it was surreal. EJ had stated how he had let his guard down; that he really loved Nicole and he had hoped he had finally found someone to give his heart to, but it had all been a pack of lies. Just like she had lied to him and it was strange to her own ears to hear EJ state he had even loved Nicole.

She knew he had or else he wouldn't have married her even though some part of her had always thought EJ marrying Nicole had been to get back at her for not loving him enough. She rolled her eyes, thinking EJ wasn't the only one with a big ego; she had quite the one of herself sometimes especially where EJ had been concerned.

When EJ had asked her to bring Johnny to him she had suggested he wait until the morning, but he wanted to see his son and she had relented bringing a very sleepy Johnny to his daddy at the Pub. While she hadn't admitted it to EJ it had softened her heart up seeing him hugging Johnny close, telling him at least he had him. It was heartbreaking to see EJ like that, so alone beyond having his son in his arms.

She had tried not to think about EJ's heartbreak pulling on her heartstrings, the DiMera's got what they deserved every so often but not often enough, although this kind of heartbreak over Nicole's betrayal had hit him hard and also gave her insight into how her betrayal had hit him too. It was so very confusing to her, sometimes EJ would tell her things she didn't want to hear and sometimes if she really opened her eyes she could plainly see it herself.

It was better for her when she kept her eyes closed to it all. Part of the problem then was that she didn't want to see it or let him back into her life. Then again she never would have expected it when the truth came out that Nicole had not only lied to EJ about Sydney, she had also lied to her too.

So was she happy, hell no she wasn't happy. She doubted she would ever be happy, but that was life and so far in this one, things most definitely hadn't gone her way or EJ's either.

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Part LV

_Dear Samantha, ___

_I don't know why I chose to let you know how badly Nicole had duped me or to voice my sorrow and outrage over the fact that Sydney wasn't mine. Yet she was and it was all so crazy for me to try and sort out the broken pieces of my life. If I had only known the entire truth at the time, I would have never sent Sydney and Nicole away. Nicole yes, she deserved it for all of her lies, but Sydney never and that is something which bothers me to this day.___

_Then again how was I to know the truth from the lies, I loved Sydney, had loved her from the first moment I saw her, yet my foolish pride made me want to send both Nicole and her away from me. As if by their leaving I could forget the pain and anguish. Then when Chad had came in the mansion claiming he was Sydney's father and for all he knew he had been from the information of poor misguided Mia.___

_Funny how it came to be later on that Chad was a DiMera, yet he wasn't Sydney's father, he was Grace's and it was a shame he never got a chance to know his daughter either. Looks like women just love to keep our children from the DiMera's if they get the chance. Something I must warn Chad about for later on down the road if the situation should arise. Then again, Chad might end up luckier in love than I did and have someone truly love him.___

_When I told you Chad was the father then it all started to come together for you. You knew Mia had given birth after she had confessed as much to you, but never imagined that you were all tied up in it too after Mia started dating Will. Nicole took advantage of the girl and I wasn't going to let you get the best of me again by trying to make me feel guilty about making Nicole leave the mansion with Sydney. I didn't want to think about your theories on the matter even though you refused to leave me alone about Sydney.___

_When you admitted you would have done it all again concerning Grace it angered me. You saw what it had done to me yet there you stood there saying again what you had done to me would have been done again. You spouted off over how being a mother was doing anything for her child like I had no clue what being a parent was truly like and that angered me even more.___

_I was sick and tired of your lectures; you told me I loved Sydney. I knew how much I loved Sydney, but I thought she wasn't my child! You tried to convince me to help Nicole, to stand up for them both and let Sydney stay with Nicole. What a karmic joke was played on us all eh? There you were berating me that Sydney needed Nicole when all the while Nicole had stolen your daughter from you. I wished you could have seen yourself from where I was standing because you kept saying it was too bad for me that I was a father who didn't know how to love.___

_How hypocritical of you because I let you go on and on berating me, telling me my anger controlled everything. I wanted you gone from my sight, I hated you telling me those things and at the time I hated you too or at least part of me hated you while the other part still loved you only god knew why I loved you. I threw you out of the mansion, although before you left you told me one day I would find myself all alone.___

_Well bravo Samantha, you finally got your wish. I'm all alone now. Does the knowledge make you feel superior that you knew all along I wasn't worth the effort? I finally saw what you saw so very long ago.___

_How is your victory so far? I mean you know by now I have granted you custody of the children. I wonder if you have even gotten to this point of still reading the letters I have written to you or if you took the custody agreement and ran out of the house with your arms held high in triumph.___

_I have a few left after this one and if you are staying around I guess you'll see the reasons why I did what you asked of me that day on the pier. Whether you believe it or not I do still listen to you and take your words to heart.___

_Then again that might have been one of my biggest downfalls. What do you think?___

_EJ_

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Part LVI

Sami could honestly say at this point she didn't feel victorious or triumphant. Yes, she had been earlier, when she had first read the custody agreement, but now she wasn't so sure she was a winner in this game she and EJ had played with one another for such a very long time.

She knew EJ hadn't believed her when she had told him she had been thinking about him and his feelings when he found out that Nicole had her miscarriage and the lies she had told him for months on end afterwards. To think she had given Nicole money to run away from Salem with Sydney stung. She had trusted Nicole and that had been saying a lot. What a fool had she been to give Nicole the last of her money to aid her in helping her escape so that she could keep Sydney with her.

The child Nicole had stolen from her and she had given her the money to escape. When she had admitted she had given Nicole the money to EJ, he couldn't believe how stupid she could be in trusting in her and told her as much. She had been an idiot to think Nicole had been her friend, maybe she had wanted a friend so badly it had clouded her judgment and she had believed Nicole was her friend too. But that wasn't the case, Nicole had used her, just like she had used everyone else playing on her sympathies, doing anything she possibly could to keep the charade going that Sydney was her child.

EJ had told her she was wrong that she didn't need to side with Nicole and believe in her, and she had shaken her head thinking he was the one in the wrong. Somehow they both had been. It hadn't helped matters between them the day when EJ had found her in Stefano's hospital room ranting and raving at him. EJ had been furious telling her to go home.

She hated Stefano and when EJ got in between them her fury had rose. Stefano had been one of the main reasons she and EJ had fought over the years and once again he was making them be on opposite sides. She had went home to her apartment and it wasn't long after EJ had come storming in telling her to leave his father alone. Had he been insane? Of course he was insane, he was a DiMera after all or as EJ had liked to tell her he wasn't insane, he was a DiMera.

Sometimes his riddles had made no sense at all to her.

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Part LVII

_Dear Samantha, ___

_The day you called me up saying you thought you had left Grace's scarf at the mansion never realizing what you had said to me until I asked you if you had meant Johnny's scarf I knew you had her on your mind. You had seem a little addled and I suggested that I could bring Johnny's scarf to you where you wouldn't have to come to the mansion.___

_The main reason I had wanted to come see you was so that we could spend some time alone. We always had so many people who came in between us, who wouldn't let us be alone, let us be who we truly were, and when I asked a simple request from you, it more than surprised you.___

_I don't think you thought I wanted us to go to Grace's grave together. I had tried to forget her; to not think about that sweet baby girl that I thought had belonged to us. When I mentioned it had been the place of one of our biggest fights you gently reminded me that this was not a place for anger that it was a place for Grace where people who loved her could come. I told you I wish I had been one of the people who had known her.___

_I thought I may have astounded you when I suggested we might could mourn her together which would have been something normal parents would have done. Then it makes me want to stop and laugh because I doubt you and I would ever fit into any kind of normal situation or be considered as normal at all.___

_It was nice, you told me about when you were pregnant over how you were mostly anxious and nervous most of the time and thought Grace might turn out that way, but she hadn't and you told me about her beautiful goofy smile which would make you think things would always turn out all right and be okay no matter what happened. You talked about her calmness even in the face of death, when you knew she wasn't going to make it. That she wasn't scared and I was so very thankful you shared those memories and feelings with me. ___

_When you said you were sorry about not telling me about Grace and that you hoped one day I would forgive you it was like a weight had been lifted off my heart, some of the blackness that had enveloped me for months was slowly fading away. I hadn't expected you to say those things, you gave me a gift that day whether you realized it or not.___

_I never could stay mad at you for very long and I told you as much. I didn't want to be mad at you anymore and apparently you didn't want me to be either. How I wish all those outsiders had left us alone because when it was you and me and the kids all that other bullshit we had to deal with all the time wasn't there.___

_It wasn't about me being a DiMera or you being a Brady, it was about us. I didn't want to fight with you, didn't want to hate you, I just wanted to love you.___

_I was such a fool though thinking things could ever be truly simple for us, but for that space in time, those moments we shared at Grace's gravesite just holding hands and talking are some that I will always cherish because I felt whole again with you by my side without the anger residing in me. ___

_Too bad we didn't have more days like that to look back upon, days where we overcame the obstacles and could just be you and me.___

_EJ_

Moonlit Wishes **  
><strong>Part LVIII

Sami recalled that day vividly, it was one of those days that resided in her memory as a good day between them too. After months of fighting with EJ, angry words spoken, heartache over EJ trying to take Johnny from her, they had finally found some kind of common ground with one another. Just like EJ had said for him a weight had been lifted from her that day also.

Despite it all, she had never wanted EJ to hate her, at least not after that initial desire she'd had right after Grace had died and she couldn't take his kindness anymore. When he had turned against her, while she thought she had deserved it at the time she hadn't liked his dismissal of her out of his life. Those months had been some of the darkest in her life, her grief taking over and it hadn't helped when she had worried constantly about whether or not she would be able to see her son again.

So the day EJ had came over and suggested they go to Grace's gravesite it had been a day of healing and one that gave her hope for the future. Her life had been such a mess, then again that seemed to be the norm for the most part, and then that day changed things for the better for her and EJ. Slowly they were regaining what she had hoped was a tentative friendship with one another.

He had started to talk to her more although he had been so reluctant to say anything about Nicole and whenever she brought up the subject of Sydney he would immediately begin to close up with her, completely disregarding her suggestions that he could love Sydney whether or not she was his own child, but he had been her father.

It had been such a confusing time for them all, especially when Rafe had come to her with the truth about Sydney that she was her daughter instead of Nicole's she hadn't believed it. It had been preposterous, Grace had been her child, and she had loved Grace with her whole heart, one that had been irreparably broken with her untimely death.

Rafe had pieced together the story, of how Nicole had been the mastermind of such an unfathomable plan of switching one child for another. She had been surprised when he had come to her, telling her of things she never would have thought possible. That the child she had known as EJ and Nicole's daughter couldn't be her and EJ's instead. No one could be that cruel to take one child for another, to think it would be all right to change them out to suit their own needs.

She told Rafe that Grace her been her daughter, she knew it, yet when he continued talking to her and saying he had DNA evidence that Sydney was hers, it hit her, Sydney was also EJ's child. He hadn't lost his other daughter, she was alive and well.

It was so much to take in all at once, she thought about all the time she had lost with Sydney, and she wanted to see her, to hold her, to love her. But she needed to speak with Nicole too. She was so angry with that lying bitch she couldn't see straight and the full fury hit her anew just like it had when she had first found out the news.

She recalled when Nicole had come to the apartment and she had confronted her, asking her over and over again, wanting her to tell her the truth, needing her to tell her the truth and Nicole only continue to lie. It had been unreal, and when she had slapped Nicole once it hadn't been enough choosing to slap her again.

She made her say the words that Sydney was her child, not Nicole's and even while Nicole was falling apart right in front of her, she made her continue. That bitch would never suffer enough after letting her grieve and she hadn't lifted a damn finger to stop it, only watching them from afar while they all suffered.

For all of Nicole's claims that she had loved EJ, she knew she hadn't loved him, if she had she never would have let him suffer too. How could she have stood by to see him fall apart like he had when Grace had died? Then again, maybe Nicole had been glad that EJ had saw the worst in her, glad that he had turned against what Nicole had thought was the main competition for EJ's love.

She had been grateful to Rafe, more than grateful that he had went to such lengths to prove Sydney was her child instead of Nicole. Maybe the gratitude had morphed into something more, making him seem like a hero in her eyes, clouding her judgment, making her see him as the one who could fix things in her life.

Maybe she had confused gratitude for what Rafe had chosen to do for her into something more, making EJ feel once again like he was the outsider looking in when he should have been right with her the entire time they needed to have Sydney adjusting to her new life with them as her parents instead of Nicole being her mother.

So many choices, so many paths, making her wonder if she had done some things differently would EJ have went down the road of reclaiming Sydney in the way that he had causing them all such heartache in the end? Her mind was swirling with all the possibilities. She hoped EJ would give her some insight into why he had done what he had done. When she had found out the truth she hadn't wanted to listen to his reasons, maybe now she could see things from his perspective too.

So many maybes, so many it was mind boggling.

Moonlit Wishes **  
><strong>Part LIX

_Dear Samantha, ___

_Father and I fought about you, one of the few things we disagreed upon was you and we never saw eye to eye on this matter. He would say you were my obsession and maybe you were, but he never saw you the way I saw you. No one saw you the way I saw you___

_He ordered Mateo to kill Rafe, but I overheard the conversation. Fool that I was I didn't want Rafe dead because I knew it would hurt you. There had been times I wished I hadn't stopped it from happening although I know you believe I have no conscience, I do and sometimes it rears inside of me when I least expect or want it. ___

_I never wanted to believe my father was capable of lying to me, others yes, that was a common practice with him, but to me his son, the one he purported to love more than anyone he kept things from me that he never should have, most importantly the knowledge of what Nicole had done to us. He hated you enough to keep her secret. Guess while you may hate him, he hates you too. The vicious circle goes on and on, doesn't it? I wonder when it will ever stop or if that is even possible given our families history with one another.___

_I wanted to strangle my father, I literally tried to do that to him after I realized he tried to set me up for Rafe's attempted murder along with being in cahoots with Nicole on making sure you wouldn't know Sydney was your daughter, our daughter together. We were all just pawns in his little games. I hated I was included in those games and realized how truly awful it felt to be involved when Stefano DiMera wanted to orchestrate another stage in our lives. To him, we are all just puppets on a stage and he holds the strings.___

_Father protected Nicole, he protected that lying bitch over me and then he claimed he did it all for me, to keep you from me. Stefano thinks you are no good for me. While that may or may not be true, he had no right to side with Nicole. He told me he would never do anything to hurt me, but he did, he hurt me, he hurt you and for all his claims of putting family first this time he did not. He told me Nicole made it possible for me to raise my own daughter, which was the reason behind why he didn't tell me the truth about Sydney.___

_The one person I thought I could always count on, the one person who purported to love me, was just another person who let me down, lied to me. You all lied to me. He told me he did it because he didn't want me to go running back to you. I was in tears, he didn't get it because it was my life to chose, yet he wanted to choose it for me. He let me mourn a child that wasn't mine, yet as fate would have it Grace was his own granddaughter. Maybe somewhere there is a balance of justice in this world, I just haven't gotten a good enough grasp on it yet though.___

_I think back to the things Nicole said to me that day when she finally revealed the whole truth to me, that she had taken Sydney from you when you gave birth to her. She said she had done it for me. I was in shock, how could she have done this for me? I never asked her to do anything of the sort, never would imagined Nicole would go to such extreme lengths to keep me with her, to keep you from our daughter.___

_I guess she had been pushed to the edge when she lost our baby and I know now that she knew deep down that I only stayed with her, chose her because of the baby. I thought I was doing the right thing by all of you. Nicole pleaded with me to let you go from my heart, to give her a chance, to give our family a chance and I did and it was nothing but lies upon more lies.___

_She did tell me something that day I had thought but never wanted to admit to myself. She claimed she took Sydney from you because you would always try to keep me from my children, you would always want Rafe above me, that I would never be your choice ever. It hurt like hell to hear her voice some of my deepest fears and I wanted her to be quiet, to stop talking. I didn't want her or need her kind of twisted love.___

_When you and Rafe showed up you told me to stop thinking like a DiMera and just be Sydney's daddy. You asked the officers to uncuff Nicole, which they did for you and then you let Nicole hold Sydney one last time before they hauled her lying ass off to jail. She deserved to serve a prison sentence for what she did to us, all of us, then again if you had been honest from the start none of this would have happened.___

_I won't lie to you now, I blamed you, I blamed Rafe, I blamed Nicole and I blamed my father. I was to the point where I didn't have faith in anyone and whatever I may have thought of love and kindness was stripped from me by all of you. Yes, I am a bastard, but at least I can admit it even if I don't like to be one to the ones I loved.___

_When I realized you were happy Sydney was ours it hit me. We weren't going to raise her and Johnny together. You had your white knight Rafe Hernandez and you were going to try and raise my children with him. I hated him even for all that he did to bring to light that Sydney was our child. I hated you for allowing him into our children's lives and I hated how he thought he had a right in what happened to our children.___

_You know I loved Father, I loved you and in my own way I loved Nicole too. Yet you all lied to me time and time again. Why did I ever believe in any of you? Why?___

_Does it surprise you why I chose what I did after Nicole was released from jail with help from your brother Brady no less? I had told you and Rafe back at the funeral home that dark day you would pay for what you both had done to me. I wasn't going to forgive and forget and let Rafe take my family from me.___

_I wanted you all to pay; you all had hurt me and hurt me deeply. You were right I didn't know about how to love because look at what you had all done to me? I know now what I did was wrong, so wrong, but at the time I thought it was the only way. ___

_I was going to make you all suffer, yet when everything was said and done I was the one who lost it all. I thought I was going to gain the world, but only lost my soul in the process. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever regain it back.___

_EJ_


	11. Chapter 11

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part LX<strong>

She knew EJ had been hurt, betrayed as he liked to call it, but she had been too. Did he not think of all of the times he had driven her to the point that she felt like she had no way out of an impossible situation? She recalled the days after they had found out the Sydney was her own and the fights that had started with EJ, arguing with him over custody of their children.

EJ had told her he was going to move out of the mansion, he told her of how his father had let her down and while she had known he was upset about Stefano, she hadn't believed him when he said he was severing ties with his father. The DiMera's always came back to the one thing they thought was most important, family.

Then it made her stop to think, her family was the same way, or at least they were about most things and had even begun to include her in the family sense after she changed her ways. Well she had tried to change her ways, but sometimes she just wanted to scream because she didn't want to be a cookie cutter version of the entire Brady clan. Somehow she had lost her identity in trying to conform to her family's view of how they thought life should be and how you should live your life accordingly.

She and EJ had argued over where Sydney would be better off. EJ had stated she should stay with him because Sydney was used to him being around which just infuriated her because of how Nicole had stolen her baby from her, making her lose precious time with a child that was her very own.

She wanted her daughter with her and she usually got what she wanted given time, plus Rafe was helping her begin a new life. She was sure the children would be better off with them; they could provide a stable home life whereas EJ would not as long as he kept ties with Stefano.

When Nicole had taken Sydney again after Brady had paid her bail from jail while they were arguing had made things so much worse. Rafe coming back to try to take command of the situation had incensed EJ, he had told him he wasn't going to come in and start blaming them for inadequacies as parents. Sami knew the tension was never going to dissipate between them yet she had wanted Rafe front and center with her.

Some of her choices could have been made differently, she knew that now, but things always seemed clearer when you looked back in hindsight. The things they had said and done to one another were hurtful. No wonder EJ had decided to take matters into his own hands after all the things that had happened.

Sami thought about her anger at Brady when he finally came clean with her about knowing what he had done for Nicole. She could see why EJ disliked Brady so much; it had all been such a tangled mess when they had went in search of Nicole together.

Maybe EJ had been pushed too far by all of them, yes he had been, he had told her as much, but she had known even before this last letter the things that had happened to make him want to lash out in anger. She scoffed at herself and at EJ for thinking she was an authority on love. She had been full of herself telling EJ he didn't know about love and how to love others in return.

Her so called love had pushed EJ to the place where he hadn't thought rationally. She had been an idiot to think he wouldn't have done something to get back into a place of power after they had all stripped him of his rights to choose what he wanted and needed in his life. She thought back to when she confronted Stefano thinking he had been behind the kidnapping, helping Nicole and then taking her baby from Nicole when she had fled Salem.

Stefano admitted as much that he hated her, told her Nicole was worth ten times over the mother she was, he told her what a vile and foolish woman she was and all the time while she thought he was behind it all, it had been EJ. She could still feel the anger with Stefano to this day.

Stefano ridiculed her, told her Rafe was an insignificant person, a loser, a man who was fired by the FBI because he was more interested in having sex with her instead of doing his job. He had told her she had been so desperate to keep him and EJ away from Sydney that she might have kidnapped her daughter.

She hated Stefano and wondered again how EJ could be a part of some family that was so violent and cruel. Stefano told her that everything that had been bad was her fault because it all came right back to her. Maybe EJ had taken all he could take and he took his child from Nicole when she had foolishly ran away with Sydney while they were all fighting with one another over where Sydney would reside now that the truth had come out.

EJ had torn them all apart, made them hate and distrust each other all the more than they already did and that was no small feat in itself. Nicole had suffered, she had suffered, Stefano had suffered and Rafe had suffered too. EJ had told her countless times Rafe had no part in their lives and he had set out to prove that very fact to her.

She had never imagined EJ would be the one to take Sydney, to keep her worrying constantly if her baby girl was dead or alive. When she had finally found her daughter she was taken away again making her feel the loss and ache all over again, yet in a new way. At least she had known some kind of closure with Grace, with Sydney being missing it was like a never ending nightmare of wondering if her child was alive and if she was being treated well.

She guessed the thing that had gotten to her so much was in the back of her mind she assumed EJ would never do something that awful to her, he might make others pay for what he deemed they had done wrong to him, but he had always managed to put her in another category. He had been upset with her when Grace died, but eventually he had forgiven her, they had bonded at Grace's gravesite.

She thought she had been above it all, others might suffer, but somehow she would be untouchable and escape EJ's wrath and when it had all come out later EJ had been behind Sydney's kidnapping her entire world had fell apart. Looking back now she saw she had made EJ's world fall apart way before he had made hers do the same and that was quite unnerving.

Why hadn't she known her actions would have driven him to such desperate measures? She hated to think a part of her knew deep down and hadn't done anything to reach out to him thinking just because of whom his family was that he hadn't deserved her consideration.

She had been wrong about many things in her life, but she knew she could have prevented a lot of the hurt if she had only listened to her heart when it came to EJ instead of listening to others instead and caring for their opinion more than what would have ultimately made her happy in the long run.

She'd get mad at him, but somehow EJ always could manage to find some way to make her want him around in some capacity even when she was claiming she wanted nothing more to do with him. She had played games with him and his emotions for years as much as he had with her. She just hadn't imagined he would have ever played such a dangerous game with her and her underestimating the depth of his hurt had cost them all greatly.

She had always blamed EJ, but now she saw she was as much to blame as he was and that thought upset her more than she thought was possible.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part LXI<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_I took a huge gamble doing what I did in taking Sydney from Nicole after she fled Salem. To go against my father was a risk, one that I was willing to take after I felt like there wasn't any kind of hope left in me for happiness let alone that allusive feeling called love that I didn't believe in anymore._

_Finding someone who hated my father as much as I did at the moment wasn't that difficult, finding someone who wasn't afraid of him was a different matter and then it came to me, Anna would be willing to hurt my father, he had destroyed her life many times over. Plus Anna loved money, something I had vast quantities of after I rejoined the family business._

_Money didn't mean anything to me anymore, so I was willing to part with some of my fortune to ensure I'd get my children back with me without having to have Rafe be involved in the raising of my children. I had it all planed out, I was going to arrange to have Johnny with me, I would get Sydney from Anna and when the time was right I would disappear with them both._

_I would be away from Salem, away from the clutches of my father, away from ever having to deal with Nicole and of course I would be away from you and your hero Rafe. Bah, he was such a loser and I almost reconsidered bringing Sydney back to you at Christmas, but when I overheard you both talking with one another, wishing Nicole had never taken Sydney where you and he could have raised her without my knowledge of course that I knew I shouldn't have believed you at Grace's gravesite that day._

_Did you think I was that stupid? To hear you both talking about what your life might have been without my interference of being my own child's father. It made me sick to hear Rafe talk about the kind of life you and he were going to have with one another with my children. He was saying he would raise Sydney like she was his own, fucking really and you were going to go along with it all. _

_How would you have felt if the roles had been reversed? Would you have just let another woman come into my life and raise your children without your knowledge? Don't lie to yourself, you wouldn't have liked it one fucking bit and you know it._

_So the anger was back, the rage still resided deep within me and I was going to tear your precious love with Rafe apart at the seams. It was quite diabolical yet it was so simple all at the same time. I was detached from things most of the time. It was a means to an end; I was going to prove to you that Rafe wasn't some kind of hero._

_I hated him and in some ways I hated you because you had blinders on when it came to Rafe Hernandez. So was it right for me to take Sydney for my own? Hell no, but it wasn't right for you to be planning to play house with the man who wanted to steal my children from me too._

_Now before you go all Brady on me and saying that wasn't your intent or Rafe's either, you need to see it from where I was standing. I could have let you know I overheard what you said on Christmas Eve, but I didn't. What good would it have done anyway? You and Hernandez would have done the same thing to me if given the chance, you would have never let me known Sydney was my child if Nicole hadn't stolen her from you in the first place._

_We never were very good people when it came down to it, were we? I mean you can say all day how you've changed, but take a good look at yourself sweetheart at the end of the day neither one of us can proclaim our moral virtues to the world. The people we align ourselves with don't make us who we are; we are who we are no matter how well we try to disguise it._

_I think one of the things that bothers you the most is that I didn't want you to change, I wanted you to be you, I could live with your lies, but I hated it when you lied to yourself and believed you needed Rafe to make you a better person._

_To me you were a far better person without him. Then again better for us means something entirely different to others. I can see you now trying to argue with me that you aren't like me, but face it you are whether you want to admit it or not._

_I made you question Rafe's ability in whether or not he could find Sydney since he was a go by the book man with the exception of breaking the rules and sleeping with the woman he was supposed to be protecting. Don't you find it rather odd how attached you became to him? Did you realize how much he tried to control your life?_

_It was all a game to me then, a matter of wits, a way to see how far I could push the envelope so to speak and you took it hook, line and sinker. Did it make me happy to see you upset? No, but it didn't make me happy that you wanted Rafe in your life either._

_At least one thing was for sure, we were both mad at Nicole and wanted to see her punished for her role in taking Sydney from us the times that she did and for all the heartache her lies had caused us both. When we were summoned to Nicole's hearing at least we were in alliance in wanting Nicole to pay._

_We both testified against her, told the judge what a mockery she had made of the entire situation. How for her own selfish reasons she kept the truth from us. I thought justice would be served for Nicole, but while she did serve some prison time, it wasn't nearly enough._

_I was upset when Brady spoke up for her on her behalf, we had told our side of the story and then he told hers of how she had lost her baby and she lost her mind after her baby died. He spoke of how Nicole suffered and then she went on the stand, crying her heart out, speaking of her remorse. The only bright side I could see to the proceedings was that she was broken, just like I was so my taking Sydney only made it right to have her wonder when and if Sydney would be found._

_Her jail sentence of twenty years made you outraged and when later she was acquitted by the governor for her crimes at least she had time to reflect over what she had done. Payback is a bitch so they say and at least she had gotten some of what she deserved, but do we ever fully get what we deserve?_

_I was glad when you and Rafe broke up again, but it never was for very long. I still can't understand your attraction for him and don't guess I ever will. It sickened me when you claimed it was a miracle when you got back together and you felt like we would be able to find Sydney, especially with Rafe to help us._

_I did something worse; something to make you feel like you had lost Sydney forever. I took some of her clothes, which had blood placed on them and threw them into the river where I knew they would be found. It was a horrid thing for me to do, but I was sick and tired of you flaunting the love of your life in front of me. Was I wrong in what I did? Yes, I know that now. Would I do it again? Before I answer that would you have kept Sydney from me all over again if Nicole hadn't taken her? I believe I know your answer since you answered it for me unknowingly of my presence so I guess it suffices to say we were both wrong albeit in different aspects._

_So I took it to the next level, I was going to prove to you that he wasn't as smart as he and you thought he was and I made plans to leave the country with both of our children. I almost did it too, was going to leave without a trace and you would wonder the rest of your days where your children were and what they were doing without you, but in the end I couldn't bring myself to take Johnny and Sydney away from their mother._

_I made you distrust Rafe again, but you never really had as strong of a bond as you wanted to believe you did anyway. The blind trust you had in him was ridiculous. I told you Rafe was the reason we didn't have our daughter. I told you the hell with you, the hell with Rafe and I meant it. I was so sick and bloody tired of you defending him, of you letting him get more and more involved into our children's lives._

_I told you were in this with Rafe and I was alone. You kept saying we were in this together, but we weren't because you made it clear that he was so important in your life, in our children's lives. I was angry and bitter and rightly so, I had made up my mind, my plans were made and I wasn't going off course. You weren't ever going to completely leave Rafe; you let him come around each time you swore off of him._

_I was going to take the children with me and you'd never see Johnny or Sydney again. I should have done it, went without a second thought of the misery you would endure with our departure. But one very important thing stopped me, the thing that always stopped me, you. Anna told me I couldn't hurt you because I loved you. I argued with her, but she was right, I was still in love with you even if you never were going to love me back. I just wasn't ready to admit it to myself then; I tried to hold onto the hurt you had instilled in me when you lied about Grace._

_I wanted you to have nothing, but I was the one with nothing instead. I wanted you to hurt, but I was hurting all the more with each passing day. I wish I could have left, but somehow you were always on my mind and I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't hurt you, so I brought you back Sydney instead._

_Of course Rafe couldn't let it go; he was determined to find who was behind Sydney's kidnapping. I just wish he had never entered our lives at all. I still hate him to this day. I will never like or trust him as long as I live. I wish I could say I was a bigger person and could overcome it all, but I can't and I won't lie about my feelings for him, not even to put your mind at ease._

_The following months were kind of strange ones for me. I had brought back Sydney to you and while you were happy Rafe wanted the full details. When I saw you smile I knew that not leaving had been the right thing to do in all of this mess. _

_Then one day we were talking, Rafe and you had broke up again and you were sad, you know he made you sad lots of times whether you wanted to admit it or not. It came over me all of the sudden and you wondered what was wrong with me, but I couldn't tell you. I realized I was still in love with you and the enormity of what I had done about Sydney made that realization all the more real to me._

_Realizing that I'd never stopped loving you made it all the worse. Why had I thought getting revenge would make me whole again? The revenge only tore me apart and in the long run kept me from all that I had ever wanted and that was to be with you and raise our family together. _

_Guess you never thought I'd admit that, but taking a long look into your past mistakes and trying to rectify them sometimes just goes to show you how your actions can cause a chain reaction which closely resembles a train wreck of sorts, once it starts it is hard as hell to stop._

_And I surely had one hell of a train wreck on my hands with no way of knowing how and when it would end._

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLII<strong>

Sami decided to get up and stretch, she had a cramp in her leg and her neck felt sore, but she could see she was getting close to the end of the batch of letters along with a few other items wrapped up, and as much as she wanted to open the items she knew whatever EJ wanted to give her would correspond with the letter he had written to her. She was proud of herself for not letting her curiosity ruin whatever kind of surprise she supposed was waiting for her when she opened up those last few packages that were left in the trunk even if surprises had never been a favorite thing of hers to receive.

It was late, she hadn't eaten, but she wasn't hungry for food, she was too intrigued by the letters from EJ to give food much thought even as her stomach was beginning to rumble its disagreement with her assessment. She ignored her stomach, she wanted to reach the end of the letters and hopefully she could fully understand the reasoning behind EJ's motives.

It was uncanny how well he could gauge her reaction when he was writing to her, although she wondered why she was so surprised they were so much alike it was scary and for once she didn't stop to remind herself that she wasn't like EJ anymore. Fact was they were more alike than she even believed before she had started reading the letters.

EJ meant so many different things to her, she had loved him, she had hated him, he had been her best friend, the only one who truly understood her motives even when most people would have shunned her and had done that very thing to her when she truly let herself be who she wanted to be around others.

The only other person who came as close to understanding her besides EJ was her twin Eric and he had been so far removed from Salem and their lives there it was hard to reconnect with him with the few calls and even fewer visits they were able to make with one another.

It was ironic really that she man she claimed she hated was the one who knew her better than anyone else, her present husband included and she knew EJ better than anyone too, his hopefully ex-wife included if he meant what he had said earlier about he and Nicole being finished for good this time. She wanted to believe he was truly rid of that gold digging skank once and for all.

She guessed her hatred of Nicole was the equivalent of EJ's hatred of Rafe, both thought their significant other wasn't worthy of them. Maybe she guessed she could see why it had angered EJ so when she treated Rafe like he was a second father to their children. She wouldn't ever accept Nicole being Johnny or Sydney's mother so why would she expect EJ to accept Rafe trying to be Johnny or Sydney's father?

Lucas hadn't put up much of a fight about Rafe being in a father role with Will and Allie, but she knew Lucas was done with her for good just like she was with him. They were better suited as friends; she should have never married him in the first place and probably wouldn't have if EJ hadn't put up such a fight against her when she had told him she was going to marry Lucas. Once again her stubborn pride had guided her to make another huge mistake in her life.

She sat back down leaning against the trunk and thought about what EJ had said about the chain of events resembling a train wreck which kind of summed up her life for the most part. If anyone knew about train wrecks, of plans gone awry, humiliation to the nth degree and downright being ostracized from polite society it was her.

Ever since she had been a teenager she had went from one bad decision, scheme or failure to another. EJ thought his life was fucked up, well what about hers? They really were suited for one another; they experienced crazy like other people experienced normalcy. They had tried to one up the other one and it just kept going on and on like some weird version of Groundhog Day. Oh god what was she thinking? She and EJ weren't suited for one another; they were supposed to be at odds with one another right now like they had been for the past year.

She wondered why EJ had been surprised when he realized he had still been in love with her that day they were talking at her apartment. She should have known it then from the way he was acting towards her. She had fallen in and out of love with him so many times since the day they had met it made her head spin. Not that she had told him of those countless times because she had fought those feelings of love for him with all the strength she had possessed.

She didn't want to think about his betrayal of kidnapping Sydney. What if she hadn't found out the truth? Would she be married to EJ right now instead of Rafe? Her head was starting to hurt from all of these questions that were bombarding her.

This was the main reason she avoided thinking about the what if's of life because somehow they always came back to EJ. Somehow everything came back to EJ no matter what else she tried to do.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLIII<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_God knows we've had our share of bad memories, more than two people should have to have with one another, yet it's the good memories that are the worse for me. The good ones hurt too much, reminding me of all that could have been but are not. The good memories rip gashes into my soul and leave me helplessly bleeding from the wounds inflicted upon it._

_Lexie realized I loved you and she wondered why it bothered me so because all she said I had to do was tell you, but she didn't know what I had done. Another thing that was always in the back of my mind was I never knew how you would react, if you would reject me again like you had all the other times when I had tried so hard to make you see you loved me like I loved you._

_You, Samantha Gene Brady, are hard on a man's confidence, or at least you are on mine because before you entered my life I never second guessed myself. _

_It was nice that we sort of became friends again; I mean I could even joke with you a little bit sometimes and we were talking, really talking. It was more than nice actually._

_Do you realize one of the things you said you loved about Rafe was that he wasn't like you. I mean why would you want someone who was so different in their way of thinking that they were absolutely the polar opposite of who you were? I thought you were amazing; you didn't have to change to fit a mold. Why would you want to be like everyone else?_

_Something I didn't understand was why Will had suddenly turned against me and why he was so adamant that you not have anything to do with me. I had been good to him and he treated you like you were an idiot for us to even be talking to one another. He was disrespectful to you. I think maybe if Will hadn't been so much against us trying to be friends again it might have been easier for us._

_But who am I kidding? I wanted us to be more than friends. I wanted you back into my life and little by little you started gravitating back to me. It was bittersweet though I was happy, but I knew if you found out the truth my happiness would disappear into thin air and it did in the end. _

_I remember a night when Johnny wouldn't go to sleep for you and you called me, funny thing I was at your door I had wanted to see you and the kids. After I got Johnny to sleep we talked and I even made you laugh. You thanked me for making you laugh and I told you how your eyes crinkled and how beautiful you were when you laughed._

_When you told me you wished you hadn't of ever lied about being pregnant, it melted my heart even more. I thought it might be a good idea if you moved into the mansion with me, that way all the kids could be together with the exception of Allie since Lucas had taken her to visit with him over the summer break in Hong Kong._

_You lost it; I wish you could have seen your face. You went off of me and you didn't want to move in to the mansion with Stefano and Kate. I told you we had an opportunity to make things right, to do this for the kids. I didn't think you would agree, but then you changed your mind._

_Well it took a little while, but you changed your mind. I don't know if it had anything to do when I had been attacked or not, but I was glad you decided to move in with the kids. I thought it would be good for all of us if you only gave us some time._

_You picked me up from the hospital and we managed to get you moved into the mansion and suddenly you didn't want to stay and I had to question was part of the reason you didn't want to stay was because of me. You closed off from me and immediately became evasive. You said you couldn't stay and wanted to go, giving me just an hour to prepare the kids to leave again._

_Then you told me the townhouse was flooded, a pipe had burst and the living room was in four feet of standing water. While I wasn't behind the burst pipe, Stefano was I found out later, I was so thankful that you and the kids would be staying. I wanted you all with me. I wanted the chance for us to all be together._

_You made it very clear to me it was just a temporary situation and that you were just there for the kids, Will, Johnny and Sydney, not for me at all and you didn't want anyone thinking that way about us. I didn't understand why you were so reticent about moving in, but I kept at you and you finally admitted it was because we kissed and I apparently didn't remember it happening._

_I thought you would have known by then what a good actor I was, but no it seemed like you believed me when I acted surprised. Darling, I remember every time we ever kissed, I may have had my head bashed in and was bleeding, but when I asked you not to go, to stay with me and you did._

_My head was hurting like hell, but when you leaned over to me I knew if only for a brief moment I could taste your sweet mouth once more I would take my chances and hope you wouldn't swat me away, so I leaned up and kissed you, taking away your words of worry about me being hurt. It was only for a moment, but I felt it, you kissed me back and for the first time in a very long time I had something I thought was long gone._

_I had hope._

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLIV<br>**

She should have known EJ remembered the kiss way before she told him about it. Oh how he liked to draw things out from her, trying to get her to tell him what was on her heart and mind without her realizing it. As for if she responded to their kiss or not, well…

Okay, she had responded to EJ's kiss, his kisses always made her respond, brought so much intensity from within her that she usually ran away from those feelings. She wondered if she would ever stop running and face things. Maybe one day she'd get the courage to see things through without running away when things got too emotional for her?

There had been times during her stay at the mansion that she had felt incredibly drawn to EJ, the almost kisses, the longing looks, the ever growing friendship, the sweet goodnights to her from him. She thought about all the times when they were to the point of kissing and then they would get interrupted. She thought about the times they actually kissed, how incredible it could be even if it lasted only a few moments.

Of course people had gotten in their way, hell she really didn't know of the times she had thought she was hopelessly in love with someone else only to have EJ come sweeping into her life once more and turning it all upside down. She didn't have the market cornered of turning things topsy-turvy like EJ said she did to him.

EJ had seen her through Austin, Lucas and Rafe and somehow he was still connected to her. Now if he was really getting rid of that skank Nicole for good then there might be some hope for him. He didn't need Nicole in his life at all. She shook her head; she must be hungry and sleepy if she was thinking such crazy things.

Like EJ said the good times could hurt the most because they had some really good times together even if it was in the creepy mansion as she had liked to call it. She thought back to what they had called DiMera family game night, teaching Johnny how to play poker, laughing with one another, late night talks about their kids, how EJ could get her to relax and not worry. It had been so wonderful to get him back in her life as her friend.

She thought about picnics and kind things he had done for her and for the children. She thought about going to the beach as a family and them having fun, really having fun with one another. The camaraderie they shared with one another, the confusion she had felt and how EJ could make her laugh even when she felt like she was crying. Sometimes the looks he would give her and of the times when she hadn't wanted to run away from him.

When EJ told her he had loved her she had responded that she cared about him as a friend and he didn't believe her. She had been mad, she told him she called the shots concerning her life, not him, but when he got close to her, it made her not think straight, and they would kiss or almost kiss and her heart would do that flip flop crazy thing whenever EJ got near her, but she hadn't been in love with him.

She hadn't been in love with EJ, had she?

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLV<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_One day Johnny was acting out, not wanting to listen to you and it got us to talking about how confused he was about the joint custody, that most children wanted their parents together. I could see in your eyes you knew exactly how he felt and before I knew it I let it slip that when we were married things would be different._

_It took you by surprise when I said it, hell it took me by surprise that I blurted it out, but after I had said it I didn't want to take it back either. You were flabbergasted and I saw I needed to clarify my intentions. You thought I was asking you right then if I was proposing and I wasn't, maybe it more of a testing of the waters to see if you were even receptive to the idea of us getting married._

_So while you sat down trying to calm yourself I took the opportunity to get closer, to tell you that when and I meant when I proposed to you there would be no doubt of you knowing it. I said everything will be perfect. I would wait until the time is right, place is right. I'd look you in your eye while I'd kneel in front of you all the while thinking I was kneeling in front of my past. And how, if you would have me, I'll rise to greet my future, a future with you. I said I would tell you how much I loved you, how much I'd always loved you and how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you._

_It was true too every word I said to you that day. I wanted so much for you to want me to ask you, but it was obvious you weren't ready. I could see the confusion on your face as you struggled to comprehend that I was even contemplating marriage between us. I believed it was inevitable and I kept hoping you would see it would be the right thing to do. We belong together; we always have from the moment our eyes met._

_I didn't understand why you kept fighting against it, the constant tug that was always pulling at both of us whenever we were in a room together, the way our eyes could meet and we were instantly drawn to one another, the spark of passion that seemed to ignite whenever we got close enough to touch or even barely touch one another. I knew that wasn't all one sided on my part, I knew it as well as I knew my own name._

_I backed off and decided to wait to propose although it wasn't very long after when I summoned up to courage to ask you for real. I went on the pier and waited for you to come by. I was going fishing so to speak, but what I was hoping to catch was you. I even donned a fishing hat for the occasion; it didn't matter if I made a fool of myself because my pride paled in comparison when I thought we might actually have a chance to be married. I wanted nothing more than to be your husband, to have the right to love you openly and adore you each day for the rest of our lives._

_When I cajoled you into fishing with me and said you had a bite on your line of course you argued with me that you didn't, but I urged you to reel your line in and when you did, there it was the ring tied to the hook. I never even considered the possibility that it might come untied and I would have lost the ring before I even had the chance to ask you to marry me. I was so hopeful and I got down on one knee and really proposed to you. _

_You said you thought we were going to wait, but I just couldn't any longer because I realized how much things had changed for us especially when you asked if you and the kids could come live in the mansion with me. I spoke of my love for you of how much I had always loved you and how even if I spent an entire lifetime on my knees before you I could never fully describe the place you held in my heart and in that moment truer words had never been spoken by me to anyone. _

_I asked you simply to please let me love you. It was all I wanted to do was to love you and for us all to be a family in every sense of the word. I would have done anything for you, anything at all._

_Well anything I guess except to tell you the truth of what I had done in kidnapping Sydney. So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when amidst your tears you told me no. I was so disappointed, I wanted it so badly. You know at first when I was asking you to marry me I thought your tears were tears of joy then I realized you were crying because maybe you didn't want to hurt me since you weren't ready to make that kind of commitment to me._

_It was an awkward moment, I stood up and you tried to tell me how grateful you were to me for all I had done to get you through the past few months and how romantic my proposal was and all I could think was why wouldn't you give me the chance? I wanted to spend the rest of my days making it up to you for what I had done, but I couldn't tell you the truth, I just couldn't see you turn against me. I was scared, I know you don't think I get scared, but I do and I was scared of my emotions, scared you would find out the truth and scared you would leave me and once again I'd be all alone with nothing._

_I learned the hard way that lying to you hurt everyone I cared about, you and the kids meant the world to me and I thought we would all have a life together, but my lies ruined it all. I might've thought I had good reasons for doing it at the time, but in the end it did nothing but wreck our relationship and hurt you. And when you get hurt, you attack._

_On our wedding day when you found out the truth I was behind Sydney's kidnapping I begged you to forgive me, I got on my hands and knees begging you, saying we could get past it. I still loved you and I begged and begged you. I never begged anyone for anything and yet I had no pride left all I wanted was for your forgiveness._

_I told you I loved you, we loved one another and our children and I told you how much I changed. I was the biggest fool that day believing you did love me even though I had committed the more heinous thing ever by kidnapping Sydney and ultimately making you believe she was dead. _

_You replied with such venom in your voice, that no you hadn't loved me that you had loved Rafe all along and thank god we hadn't gotten married. You said anything you had felt for me that I killed it and you were taking my children out of here and that I would never see them again. I had nothing at all._

_I was at the lowest point in my life, I had lost everything and everyone I cared about, but I thought you loved me. Guess I should be glad you set me straight that day._

_Just know this; on our almost wedding day that I had never stopped loving you. I had tried, I had tried so damn hard, but no matter what I did I couldn't get you out of my mind. You ruined me for anyone else. What had you done to me? Then I think what in the fuck have I done to you? You'll probably never get over hating me all the while I still kept hoping one day you are going to choose me and my love. _

_You never would, you never would give me the chance to change. All you saw was your chance to leave and take my children from me and that is what you did._

_I had gambled and lost it all, I actually thought you loved me, some part of you loved me, but you let me know exactly where your heart was and it wasn't with me. I had nothing left to live for and I was going to end it all. I got drunk to the point of not knowing and so after some serious soul searching I knew the best thing I could do was kill myself. I couldn't live my life without you and the children._

_I know you believe in God, but what kind of God makes our lives such a living hell? Why can't I forget you and go on with my life? Why would I still want you? You have lied to me time and time again. When I would get hope up that you might love me, you dashed my hopes time and time again. I was a fool for you Samantha, a fool for you and your impossible love that I could never manage to procure from you, but luckily I won't ever be a fool for love again._

_So I guess I should thank you for that small favor the day you shot me you did more than try to eradicate me from the face of the earth. While I somehow managed to survive, you did kill that hopeless romantic that resided it me and I no longer believe that love conquers all. _

_Love hurts too much and luckily I won't ever have to partake in the poison of love ever again._

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLVI<strong>

She didn't even realize she was crying at first, while she continued to hold the letter, rocking back and forth as she sat on the floor until she dropped it and in her haste to pick it up some of her tears mingled with EJ's words causing some of the words to smear.

She hastily wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands, hoping her tears would stop; she didn't want to mess up this letter with teardrops because it was so honest and real coming from EJ. She could hear the sound of his voice almost as if he had been reading it aloud to her himself.

She thought of how things had been before it all turned into some kind of freakish nightmare that she couldn't escape. The weeks before their almost wedding had been good ones even if she still had been confused with her lingering feelings for Rafe, making her think that by choosing EJ he was like a consolation prize for her.

Had she been that arrogant and full of herself of thinking she was doing EJ a favor by marrying him? She wasn't one to cheat, didn't believe in it and never wanted to be a person who willingly participated in that kind of behavior. She guessed that stemmed from the betrayal she had always associated with finding her mother and John having sex while Marlena had been married to her dad. But she knew when she kept wavering back and forth from EJ to Rafe she had been in the wrong.

EJ had deserved better from her than some halfhearted attempt and agreement to marry him. When she thought back to his almost proposal and then his subsequent actual proposal she knew she had never had anyone say and believe such romantic things about her. She wasn't a person to inspire some grand illusion of love and romance, yet when EJ had proposed to her it was no wonder she had cried because his heartfelt declaration of wanting to love her for the rest of his life had touched her to the core.

She had felt guilty because she had been torn, she hadn't wanted to hurt EJ, to lead him on and yet she had exactly done what she hadn't wanted to do. She remembered the day she had said yes to him, they were all at the beach, having a good time together as a family.

She recalled their conversation of how she had talked about the concept of original sin. EJ had said she was all over the place and she had been and it came to her when he spoke of how he had forgiven her and she had responded of how much of a mistake she had made in the first place.

It had astounded her that he had forgiven her when she hadn't been able to forgive herself. She recalled how EJ quoted Gandhi saying that the weak cannot forgive, that forgiveness was an attribute of the strong. Right now she didn't feel so strong, she hadn't forgiven EJ of kidnapping Sydney, she had went back to the mansion that night after she had been with Rafe and when she found the gun beside his unconscious body she had took the gun and shot him.

She was weak, she had called EJ a monster, but she was a monster. How could she have kicked him when he was at his lowest? Yes, she had been upset, she was in shock after she had found out EJ was the person behind Sydney's kidnapping, and EJ was right when she was hurt, she attacked.

For all her claims of being a better person she had been the one who had started it all, her lies about being pregnant with EJ's child had been the original sin, yet how could EJ forgive her when she couldn't forgive EJ even after he had begged and pleaded with her telling her he knew it had been the biggest mistake of his life.

She had stood there judging him with self righteous condemnation, telling him all along she had never loved him, that she had loved Rafe, hoping to hurt him all the more and that she was taking his children from him and he would never see them again. She should have left it at that, she could have, but no she was determined to punish him.

What kind of person tried to take another person's life and then left the scene of the crime going back and slipping into bed with another man and acting like she had never left in the first place? Sure EJ had been maniacal, but she had been fooling herself all along thinking she was blameless after the truth had came out of Sydney's kidnapping.

Most women would be considered a whore doing what she had done, one day almost married to one man, that night which should have been her wedding night she was in bed with another man and the next day she was accepting his proposal of marriage. All her claims of that she was doing what was best for the kids seemed pitiful. How could they have understood one minute they thought they were all going to be a family with she and EJ and then the same day she dropped them off with her grandmother, went to have sex with Rafe, shot EJ and then after acting like the innocent in the entire scenario she accepted Rafe's marriage proposal.

Looking at it now after reading EJ's letter, it made her feel horrible and she had to finally admit it even if it were only to herself that it was nothing short of acting like a whore. Had she thought just by sleeping with Rafe she could erase the things EJ had done all the while twisting the knife into EJ even more? Just because she was a Brady didn't make her some kind of saint, far from it and EJ had always seen that in her, something Rafe wanted her to be, Rafe had always wanted to place all the blame on EJ.

No she wasn't a saint, neither was EJ, they had both done terrible, terrible things to one another. Right now the only difference was EJ had admitted his wrongdoings and begged for her forgiveness the night of their almost wedding, she had taken a gun and shot him and shown no remorse nor asked for EJ's forgiveness making her question what kind of person was she truly when everything was said and done.

EJ was right she had done more than try to erase his existence from this earth, she had taken something far more important from him, his belief in love was gone, she was responsible for EJ turning away from the hopes and dreams he had for them all and sadly she wondered if she would ever see EJ's eyes light up with joy and love like they had the day she had accepted his proposal.

She had killed his spirit even if she hadn't killed him physically. Really what kind of monster did that make her? EJ had been wrong about her, she wasn't the strongest person he had ever known because she hadn't been able to forgive him and ask for forgiveness in return from him for her part in trying to kill him. She hadn't even thought him worthy of showing any kind of remorse for what she had tried to do to him.

It hit her all so hard, so hard that she was physically sick to her stomach and she had to get up quickly trying to reach the front door hoping she could make it outside before she threw up. It was like reliving that night all over again, it was making her see her role and as she weakly vomited in the bushes outside the house, she tried to keep herself from falling.

She didn't know how long she stood outside, trying to get some fresh air in the night surrounding her, she had no concept of time, only that she knew now she had to make things right between them, prove that she could be a strong person, one who was able to forgive and humble enough to ask forgiveness for her wrongdoings.

Rafe had enabled her to believe she was blameless, that she had been a martyr, that EJ had been the one who had used and abused her, but she was a mirror image of EJ and the past year she had been fooling herself into thinking she was spotless in the blame. She had become something she had never thought she would be she had become like all the rest of them, the ones she hadn't understood in their lack of compassion and forgiveness unless it was to their own kind, always turning a blind eye to others they deemed had wronged them.

She leaned against the doorframe, steadying herself all the while hoping she wouldn't be sick again either. She was a wreck emotionally after reading these letters, but one thing was for certain, she had to make some big changes in her life and one of those changes had to be the way she was living her life because she didn't even know who she was anymore, not at all.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLVII<strong>

_Dear Samantha, _

_Did it surprise you when you didn't kill me and that you were the one in charge of my health care decisions if I was unable to make them? What did it feel like to know that once again you had the power to choose whether I lived or died? Too bad I was out of it at the time to see you squirm or rather lie your way around the hospital acting like you had no clue as to who shot me._

_Did you even consider if you wanted me to die you could do that very thing so that your secret would be safe from the world? I wonder if you even hesitated for a second in making your decision. I wonder if it had been me in your shoes what I would have done? Hmmm, guess we'll never know the answer to that one now will we?_

_I knew there was no love lost between you and Arianna. You didn't like her and she sure as hell didn't like you one bit. While I wished I had appreciated her more than I did I wasn't used to someone who actually wanted to be my friend with no strings attached. She was a good person who'd had a bad lot in life, but she saw right through your holier than thou act._

_I'll be honest with you the more you were around Rafe the smugger you became and that attribute of your personality isn't very flattering. When I first woke up I was very disoriented about things, I wasn't really sure what had happened, but it slowly came to me in tiny flashes, not enough to figure everything out fully. I was weak, but not weak enough to figure out a plan._

_I was going to figure out who shot me. I wasn't sure of who had done it, I hadn't done it, that much was sure, but everything was still kind of fuzzy. But darling your face gave it away from the moment you came into the room and I knew it, you had done it, you had shot me. I just didn't have the proof yet._

_So I did what I did best, I planned things in my head and I could judge how nervous you were whenever I mentioned our being married, guilt does a myriad of things, doesn't it? It was a game of cat and mouse, one we had played several times on different occasions. _

_I had the advantage, even if you were shacking up with Rafe; I had you wondering exactly what was going on in my mind. But Arianna was such an asset to me; she truly wanted to be my friend and to help me. She was the only I could trust and I sweet talked my way into her heart, she wanted to do whatever she could to make sure my suspicions were unfounded._

_I even told you that you could tell me anything, anything at all and I wouldn't stop loving you. I kept hoping you'd tell me the truth, but you didn't. I told you I was terribly, terribly sorry for all that I had done to you._

_You finally told me we weren't married, oh how smug you and Rafe were standing there with your father in tow. I was planning on taking the children away from you anyway and your actions that day just sealed the deal for me._

_I asked Arianna if she would try to find out if you or William had shot me and she did it. The only downside to it all was that you and your son drove her to the point of trying to find an escape from the both of you, resulting in her accident._

_I hate Arianna died; I really could have used a friend especially since you had turned your back on me. She had tried to tell me the truth and luckily though I got the proof I needed although I never thought Nicole would end up being my savior. _

_When you think of it, what kind of man was Rafe if he was willing to keep your secret about you shooting me? For him to be such a law abiding citizen he surely has some mixed up concepts of right and wrong. I don't see how you can justify what you did and how you all hid it and not expect me to try anything I could to get my children back. I wasn't going to let Rafe Hernandez act like he was their father._

_Believe me Rafe never has nor will he ever be the father of my children. While Lucas might kowtow to your wishes, I wasn't going to lie down and let Rafe pretend he was the father of my children._

_Did it even bother you that you turned Rafe against his sister? I doubt it because it didn't bother me in the least to turn Arianna against Rafe. When she realized he had known all about it and didn't turn you in it crushed her. She told me Rafe getting involved with you had been a terrible mistake and she didn't want him to be with you._

_Do you know how I kept a straight face when Arianna was worried about Rafe? It was so damn hard, but I was calm, because I didn't give a fuck about what happened to Rafe and if he were hurt by believing in big bad Sami. The part I didn't figure out until later that Kate had told you that I was going to take the kids and disappear which prompted you to come shoot me in the first place._

_You and Rafe were so determined to keep me from Sydney and Johnny. It was just so fucking hypocritical of you. Rafe was the good guy, he did no wrong yet he lied, just like we all lied. Guess he wasn't such a saint after all._

_Arianna got you to admit the truth and she got it all on camera. I didn't know that at the time, but when it mattered I found out the truth._

_Was that the reason why you fought with her before her death? Or was it because she held the damning evidence against you? You really were slipping to give your confession of shooting me to the woman who actually thought more of me than she ever did you._

_She kept trying to tell me before she was hit by the car, which by the way she was running out into the street to get away from your ever faithful son Will. How does it feel to get your children involved in lying for you? For all your claims of never using the children you sure have a skewed view of right and wrong when it comes to young William._

_I will never be able to thank Arianna personally for what she did for me, she passed away before I knew what she had known, but luckily when Arianna left Brady some of her personal possessions, low and behold guess what was in the box? The video camera with your taped confession of how and why you shot me and you know I may not have used it against you, that was until I found out you were going to marry Rafe and then all bets were off._

_I was so pissed off when I found out you and Rafe were having a stupid wedding. Our children were already so confused, you played one day I'm marrying EJ, and the next few weeks you were going to marry Rafe. Marriage for you is like changing outfits apparently. So when I had the evidence that you shot me I sure as hell was going to get my kids back._

_It was a tug of war for them, we were both so determined the other wasn't going to raise our children. The sad thing was if you had only given into Nicole's request to see Sydney I would have never gotten what I needed to get them from you. _

_Nicole Walker may be a bitch, but she wanted to see Sydney and be a part of her life. The good thing was I was a gambling man and I thought when she asked me for one condition I was willing to listen to her when she wanted to help raise Sydney with me. I thought she had lost her fucking mind, but she had the one thing I needed. The video tape of your confession and it was exactly what I needed to take back what was rightfully mine, our children._

_Nicole told me she saw the video camera inside Arianna's safety deposit box and she took it. She told me how you and Rafe tried to play her so as luck would have it she turned to me. It hit me hard; at least I knew for certain that you had done it. You tried to kill me._

_I gave her a counteroffer, she apologized to me again, wanting me to put the past behind me. She told me she had really loved me and I told her I had loved her for a time, a very short time, and the interesting thing was that I didn't believe in love anymore, so it was all good. _

_Nicole gave it to me and then I went to see you and your hero Rafe. I think at first you were surprised when I was at the door, but you really didn't know what to say when I began to play the video for you both. Too bad your Uncle Bo came by, I almost let him watch it, but watching you both sweat it out was so much more fun or I thought it was at the time. Bo is such a buzz kill though, the man really has no sense of humor, then again I don't know why it would surprise me because he can't solve a freaking case for the Salem PD. _

_You never would say you were sorry to me, that you tried to kill me. You put up a brave front against me, only saying you were out of your mind when you tried to murder me. You said it was a vicious cycle you tried to stop and how you praised Rafe for saving you from a life with me. It was sickening to hear you talk about how wonderful he was to you and our kids._

_We argued about how inadmissible my evidence was with only the tape, but I had something else. I knew where the gun was because you threw it in the river. I found it in the river, had it retrieved. It was nice to be back on top again, I may have been down but I certainly wasn't out._

_I told you I would forget about the fact that you shot me in the head and take your secret to the grave. I wanted the children with me. You stumbled around trying to talk about that we could share time with them; you didn't understand I wanted it all. I was going to have full custody of the children, which meant no visits; you didn't get to see them ever. You were going to be dead to them, just like you tried to kill me._

_You called me a bastard; I told you I was being pretty damn generous considering you tried to kill me. You said I wasn't thinking of the children, but somehow you never saw it that you did the exact same thing saying I would never see my children again. I knew I had you when I spoke of how all three of you kept the truth, you, Rafe and William. All three of you would be going to jail and either way I would get the kids anyway._

_You begged me not to put the children in the middle of this, but that is the exact same thing you had done to me. Why was it all right for you to take the kids from me, but not for me to do the same? Why? You tried to play me, but I was immune to your charms or almost immune anyway. You almost had me convinced that was until I looked up from your heartfelt pleas and saw the photograph of you and Rafe together._

_To think you were foolish enough to marry Rafe when I just gave you a time limit on when I was coming for the kids. I'm pretty sure they are all going to need some kind of therapy, we surely need it too. That news was just too much for me to deal with and I lost it._

_If you were going to marry Rafe, then I had no choice I took Nicole with me. I had given you twenty four hours to say goodbye to the children and you spent that time marrying Rafe. I was so pissed and so I decided if you wanted to hurt me by marrying Rafe, then I would let Nicole help me take them away from you. _

_Vicious cycle just kept turning and turning. I told you how you didn't put your children first. I called you promiscuous too, anything to turn the knife a bit like you loved to do to me. I think the final touch was for me to ask Nicole to take Sydney from your arms. When Johnny asked why you were crying I told him it was because you were so happy that you had married Rafe that nothing meant more to you than for you to marry him._

_I thought my revenge was a good one, you may have gotten your hero, but I got my children back and for a while that was enough. At least until Johnny got sick and then both our worlds turned upside down. _

_I didn't want to believe the doctor when he told us Johnny had cancer in his eye. Neither one of us wanted to believe it was true. When the doctor told us the surgery to remove Johnny's eye was the only way to eradicate the cancer. If they were able to take it that it would keep it from spreading to other parts of the body._

_In light of Johnny's cancer scare it made our games of revenge nothing short of being what it truly was, petty games between us. Revenge wasn't important anymore; I wanted Johnny to be better. We agreed to tolerate each other._

_We talked to the doctor together; asking questions, it was difficult and even more heartbreaking was the talk with our son. We didn't want him to suffer and we tried our best to keep him calm about the surgery. We talked to Johnny about how much we loved him._

_Johnny came through the first surgery with flying colors and I was still hurt with you and told you that was it, you could go, I didn't want you around. It was cruel and I shouldn't have done it, but you know me, determined to show you that you couldn't ever hurt me again. We just kept hurting one another. Looking back now I don't know why I was so intent on hurting you beyond my trying to get past the jealously I had of you being with Rafe over me._

_Jealously is a vicious predator, attacking the soul and making you say and do things that after they are out, you can't take back no matter how many I'm sorry's or not sorry's as the case may be. I knew when Johnny had the second surgery I needed to let go of my anger towards you even if you were blind to the fact that Rafe had turned you into someone I barely even recognized on most days. I guess the same could be said of me when I was in Nicole's clutches._

_I did go to pray for Johnny in the hospital chapel, I knew God really didn't think much of me, but I wasn't asking for help for me, it was for Johnny. I made a bargain with God that day if He'd allow Johnny to keep his eyesight than I would end my battle with you. I didn't know you were listening to me, but I was going to keep my word. _

_I was so thankful when everything turned out all right, Johnny could see and I would let you back into the children's lives. While I wish I could have been a kind hearted man I didn't include Rafe in the bargain he wasn't in my offer of a truce. _

_I still despised Rafe and when my father offered me a proposition to alter his life I took it. It certainly wasn't the brightest move of my life along with me asking Nicole to marry me again. I shouldn't have married her, much less slept with her sister after I married her. If I had been in love with Nicole I wouldn't have done that to her. I thought Taylor was a chance for me to start over, for someone to love me, but I've already told you I don't believe in love anymore so it didn't work out._

_I've talked with Nicole and we both agree it is best to go our separate ways. We both need a new start so I had the paperwork drawn up for our divorce and it should be finalized within a few more days from today. I don't know if you'll even care although I know you will be glad Nicole won't be involved in the children's lives anymore at least not with me._

_So on to the last few packages in the trunk. I am so very tired of it all, the games, the who has what to hold against one another. I think when the other day when Johnny told me I wasn't his father that it broke what was left of my heart. When you asked me to consider doing what was best for my children in signing over rights to you I thought about it non-stop for days afterward and maybe you are right._

_For once I am going to put my children first with no agenda. So open the packages, if you don't think I was sincere in my intentions with these letters after you open them, you will know for sure._

_For once I'm actually taking the high road. Can you believe it Samantha?_

_EJ_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLVIII<strong>

To say she was curious was an understatement, she was proud she had resisted temptation to open the packages that were left in the trunk. Well now she could open them without feeling guilty. Not that after reading this last letter helped any with her mounting feelings of guilt.

Well one thing was for certain, when EJ DiMera wanted to tell someone off he does and you know it by the time he is finished. His last letter had been of many things, talk of how terribly wrong this past year had been and it hit home with her there were many things she needed to do.

The first of which was something she should have done a very long time ago and that was apologize to EJ. Really though how did one go about saying they were sorry for trying to kill you? It wasn't like you could go to the Hallmark store and pick out a card for the occasion. She doubted she would find an I'm sorry I tried to pop a cap in you while you were passed out drunk on our failed wedding day card anywhere in any store across the nation although Salem should be the exception to the rule.

She was sorry, she was so sorry, she hadn't meant it. She had just been so upset that night, upset and confused and scared after Kate called her telling her that EJ was going to kidnap the children and disappear with them and then she would never see them again. She had snapped, something died within her that night and looking back she guessed it was part of her conscience. She had lost it and had done the unthinkable of trying to kill the father of two of her children.

Then when he lived she was in a constant state of panic thinking she was going to be caught, until Rafe told her he understood and agreed to keep her secret. Knowing how she had also influenced Will in his hatred for EJ she felt even more guilty considering how EJ had always been good to Will, never showing favoritism to any of her children, treating them all the same with love even when Will had turned against him.

She realized EJ was the one who had told her he loved her no matter what stupid, drama-queen shit she pulled and she had pulled some doozies on him. There was something about these moments after reading these letters she realized she had been wrong about a lot of things. She never, ever said the words, never begged for his forgiveness like he had the night of their almost wedding, but even without saying it she had looked to him for help fixing whatever she had screwed up in her life and she had screwed up so much. It was the something that made EJ seem larger than life.

EJ was the only person who could give her an ego boost with a single, brown eyed glance and a smile. How could she have turned her back on him when he had needed her the most? When had she lost her compassion for the one man who truly knew like no one else did on this earth?

She calmed herself before she started crying again. She needed to open these things, see what was inside and read the last letter. While she didn't understand why EJ had signed over full custody of Johnny and Sydney she was at least seeing where EJ's heart and mind were and had been over the years they had been in each other's lives.

She reached inside the trunk for the last three packages, each one a different size yet they were all wrapped in plain brown paper, kind of like the paper Grandpa Shawn used at the pub to wrap things in that she remembered so vividly from her childhood. They all had twine string for ribbons, although each one was tied in a lopsided bow in the center at the top of each package.

She opened the smallest one first; it was tiny compared to the rest of the packages. She carefully pulled the string and tore the paper, revealing a small music box with a note wrapped almost all the way around it.

_To save for the girls, maybe they might have better luck than we did with either one of them._

Sami felt a huge lump in her throat, when she lifted up the lid inside the tiny music box were both sets of her wedding rings from EJ. One set she had worn the first time they were married, the other set from her last engagement to EJ. She had thought them long gone especially the last one she had thrown in his face the night they didn't get married.

Both were beautiful in their own right, both signified different times in her life, the diamonds shining brightly when the light caught their facets. He had kept both sets even when she had carelessly thrown them and EJ's love away. She didn't want to cry, she couldn't or she would never stop crying. She took a deep breath and placed them back into the box shutting the lid close and stopping the faint sweet strains of Pachelbel's Canon in D from playing.

She took the flat rectangular one second, she pulled at the string and when it loosened she started to tear the paper. The light hit the glass of the frame and it took a moment for her to see what was behind the glass.

A little note fluttered out and she caught it, taking it in one hand while holding the picture frame in the other.

_I thought one day Johnny might want this picture since I truly believe he will be a famous artist. It is my personal favorite of all of his drawings and I don't want any harm to come to it. _

Sami fully felt the tears in her eyes. It was the picture Johnny had drew of them all together as a family; the one EJ had loved so much. A simple child's drawing that had been a treasure to EJ. She clutched the frame to her chest and held it close to her.

She gently laid the picture down beside her and reached for the third package. This one was quite heavy and bigger than the other two packages. She untied the string and tore the paper away from the last box, never expecting to see the contents of the box much less to be the recipient of what was inside.

The note simply said:

_You are now truly free. I promise to never hold anything over you again._

Her hands were literally shaking. She couldn't believe her eyes. Oh my god, he really hadn't been kidding. The two things she had feared EJ would use whenever he might choose against her were now back in her sole possession.

In the box was the video camera of Arianna's and the gun.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Part XLIX<strong>

_My dear Samantha, _

_Well here it is my last letter to you. Bet you thought you'd never get to the bottom of this stack, did you? I really don't even know if you even bothered with it, this collection of my vast ramblings of the things that have happened to us over the years._

_I just wanted you to understand why I was giving you full custody of Johnny and Sydney something I never ever wanted to do but after we talked on the pier, I realized this was for the best. Giving you sole care of the children is right for them at this particular point in time._

_I have to go away, at least for a little while in order to find out who I really am as a person. I want to be a man these children will be proud of, someone they are not ashamed of being related to and having to apologize to others for my actions. _

_We have said and done some terrible things to one another, things I hate to realize I have been capable of doing to anyone, especially to you. God I loved you to the point where I couldn't see beyond wanting you and doing whatever I had to do to be with you, for you to love me. _

_I can finally see now this was not the way to go about things. I was so lost in finding ways to make you love me that I lost myself. So you have what you need from me. I hold nothing over your head anymore. You are completely free of me and I hope now we both can begin again anew._

_I bought this house, the key I sent to you is yours, you are always welcome here if you and the children need a place to stay, no strings attached beyond that Rafe Hernandez is not welcome here. I am sorry, but this was our safe haven from the storm and he has no part here. I can't tell you what role you want for him in our children's lives after all the damage I have done, but this is a house for you to come to if you need a place of your own or just need to get away from things for a while, a sanctuary if you so desire. Think of it as if you need somewhere to go that you don't have to rely on anyone else, even me before you go with the eye roll you have perfected so well._

_I need some time away, time away to think, to see what kind of man I can truly be away from the DiMera fortune and power. One day I want to be proud to be a DiMera without having to live under the shadow of my father's influence. I want my children to be proud of me. I am not foolish enough to think that you ever will feel that way about me, but it is what it is, I've done far too much damage to ever hope for anything more from you, much less for you to be proud of me._

_I did love you, with all my heart and soul. I would have given my life for yours without hesitation, just as I would for our children. I know you thought I didn't know what love was, but you taught me Samantha, you came into my life and brought a joy I never knew existed before you came into my world. _

_I just never knew that such a steep price came with the joy. Some people search their entire lives for true love and acceptance and I guess I am one of those people who are destined to continue searching for those elusive emotions. I don't know if I'll ever find it, but you should know you had that in me. Yes, this twisted DiMera loved and accepted you for who you truly were and I still believe are somewhere hidden deep inside you, but I now know how to truly love you because I am letting you go. I want you to be happy and I've come to the realization after all this time that I'm not the one you want. I've made you cry, scream, angry to the point of wanting me dead, but not the one who made you happy._

_You be happy Samantha Gene Brady, whether you are with Rafe or on your own or you find someone else in this crazy town of Salem or beyond. You deserve to be happy. I want you to take your broken wings and fly, that is what I'm planning to do, it may take some time for us to heal, but hopefully we'll both get there somehow. Anything has to be better than the pain I'm living in now._

_Please let the children know I love them, I am not abandoning them and if anything happens where you need me, you can contact Justin Kiriakis for my whereabouts, he is the only one who will know how to reach me. This is in an emergency situation only. _

_Funny that I turn to a Kiriakis for help, but Justin seems to be fair. He may not like me much, but he was the one who agreed to help me look over what I had drawn up with the custody papers. I also have their trust funds set up, plus ones for Will and Allie too, I won't leave them out, of course not to be given to any of them until they turn twenty-one, and I also have an account set up for you to use for them, anything they need you use at your discretion. Justin has all the paperwork ready, all you need to do is go see him to get the details of the accounts._

_All I ask of you is that if you so wish, meet me here on Christmas Eve of this year say around 10 pm. I will come back to Salem then, hopefully six months will give me time enough to straighten out this mess my head is in and I can find some semblance of who I am and want to be in this life. Hopefully you can find it in your heart that we can share custody of the children in some capacity, if not I will accept that decision too._

_I'm leaving this completely up to you, no tricks, and no schemes on my part for once. If you refuse to meet me, don't want to see me or think it would be in the children's best interest if I am not a part of their lives anymore you can let me know then by not showing up or telling me in person whichever suits you, I will respect your decision._

_I'm doing what you asked of me to do what was best for the children and until I can get my act together as a human being than this is what is best for all of us. _

_I have lots of regrets, but I'll never regret having you in my life no matter how things turned out between us. I love our children more than my life itself and I am changed forever because of you._

_Goodbye my darling, _

_EJ__  
><em>

Sami held the letter in her hands until her tears blurred her vision and she began to sob. EJ had done exactly what she had asked of him.

She had thought she wanted to be free of him and now that she was she realized the terrible price that freedom entailed. She had pushed EJ to the point where he had to leave Salem to find some peace. She prayed he would find it.

After all she had put him through he certainly deserved it.

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_End of Book 1_**


	12. Chapter 12

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book 2-Part 1<strong>

He didn't have much with him, just a carry on suitcase for the plane. He hadn't really cared what clothes he brought with him and he could buy whatever necessary toiletry items he needed when he got to wherever he was going. Right now all he wanted to do was get out of Salem especially after the confrontation with his father he had last night when Stefano had realized his future intentions.

His mind replayed their conversation and while he knew his father was upset with him he was going to do things his way without Stefano's help or rather his father's interference which usually made things blew up in his face after all things were said and done. He was doing the right thing whether his father believed him or not.

_"You are gone for days from this house with no explanation and suddenly you are back being very cryptic about it all," Stefano had eyed his son with a scrutiny he was known for doing. A person didn't get to the station Stefano had in life by being obtuse. He could sense something was off but he couldn't quite place his finger on it._

_"Father I'm a grown man and have been for quite some time. I don't have to explain my whereabouts to you or anyone else for that matter," EJ hadn't wanted to have this conversation with his father, but he knew he was going to find out about what he had decided to do sooner than later and even though EJ would had preferred later, he wasn't going to have that luxury._

_"Still pouting over losing Taylor, eh? Son, I have told you she is nothing more than a dalliance and as for Nicole, she will forgive you given time."_

_EJ sighed this wasn't going to be pleasant; his father was so off base it wasn't even funny. Not that Stefano would find EJ signing over his rights to his children funny at all. EJ guessed livid was going to be more precise._

_"Father you were right about Taylor, she was a distraction nothing more and now the fascination has faded away completely. I'm not upset over Taylor and me parting ways, and I could care less if Nicole ever forgives me." EJ readied himself because he knew he wasn't going to be able to get out of here without a full interrogation from his father and given his mindset to leave Salam as soon as possible he knew he was going to have to tell his father the truth before he left._

_"EJ how can you say that? Nicole is like us; she will make a good wife to you this time around and would have already if you hadn't fancied yourself in love with her sister." Stefano shook his head; he loved his son with all of his heart and could see he just needed some guidance from him, some much directed guidance apparently._

_"Father, I slept with her sister, if that wasn't enough I am one of the reasons their mother is dead and I don't want either one of them in my life. I am done with both of the Walker sisters once and for all," EJ rubbed his temple, all he had wanted was one drink to calm his nerves after packing a few meager possessions to take with him and he inwardly cursed himself for his bad timing._

_"Bah, you can't be done with Nicole, Taylor I can see since she is a pale imitation of her sister, whereas Nicole is worthy of being your wife. She thinks like a DiMera and that is what you need in a mate."_

_"Like your ever faithful Kate?" EJ raised a questioning brow in his father's direction. "Thank you, but no. Nicole and I are going our separate ways; we are both in agreement on this matter. I never should have remarried her in the first place."_

_"You are not thinking straight. Having a wife will ensure you get your children back full time with you where they belong, that tramp Samantha does not deserve to raise Giovanni and Sydney."_

_It was no secret his father hated Samantha, but everything was already set in motion, he was not going back on his plans now no matter what his father might threaten to do when he found out the truth._

_"Father, for the first time in a very long time I am thinking straight. Nicole and I have already signed the papers for our divorce and they are filed with the courts. I'm not going to live a charade any longer with her. We don't love one another and I'm not going to prolong the inevitable. It was only a matter of time before things fell apart and it is better for us both to be free from one another."_

_"Please tell me you aren't foolish enough to believe you and Taylor will reunite if your divorce from Nicole is final." Stefano started to raise his voice slightly, but it still wasn't at an ear splitting decibel yet._

_"I've told you already Taylor and I are over, it never should have started," EJ knew no matter how he explained it, his father wouldn't understand because Stefano viewed people as possessions, himself included, although it had taken him years to fully realize it._

_'No, it shouldn't have because you have messed things up in trying to secure the future of your children." Stefano started to pace around the room and EJ could see the wheels in his mind turning._

_"Actually Father, the future of my children is my concern, not yours," EJ began._

And then it had all fallen apart from there, his father outraged and stunned when he had told him the truth of signing over all custodial rights to Samantha. He had endured what had to be one of the worst fits of rage ever from Stefano yet he had refused to back down and subsequently told his father if he tried anything to hurt Samantha or the people she cared about there would be no way in hell would ever see any of them again.

He took a deep breath, knowing it had been a necessity to hire the group of men he had to look after Samantha and the children while he was going to be out of the country. He had known before he had even gone to Justin with his plan how outraged his father would be with his decision, but it was for the best. They were discreet and highly paid for their services, a pittance really since this was his children and their mother of course, at least he would not be worried constantly and if trouble arose before his appointed time back then he would deal with that when and if the time came.

Stefano was upset and angry, but for now he had agreed to let him go his own way. Maybe his father had realized how dead set he was in this new plan for his life because no matter his father had threatened him with last night had done anything to change his mind.

He looked around the airport one last time, his mind wistful thinking off all he would be leaving behind and for a brief moment before he boarded the plane he thought he saw a flash of striking blonde hair in a distance, but he shook his head. No way would Samantha ever come after him and ask him to stay, she finally had her freedom and no doubt she was celebrating the fact.

He really needed to put away all those fanciful dreams of a life with her, and hopefully after this trip away he could finally put it all behind him. His letters to her had been a goodbye and he meant it. For once in his life he had put someone else first, he knew what it was to truly love someone because he had let go of everything he held dear in order to ensure their happiness.

He found his assigned seat on the plane, closed his eyes and readied himself for the long flight, hoping in time his heart would agree with his head. He was starting a new life, one without Samantha in it.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part II<strong>

Sami didn't know how long she cried, she cried until there were no more tears left, it was like a cleansing from within from her shed tears. She felt a sorrow in her heart. EJ had given her what she had asked for and even more.

Had she ever done that for another person? Could she give up everything? She didn't think so, maybe she didn't have it in her or maybe she'd never come close enough to examining her own emotions to see why she did the things she did.

So much hurt and pain, yet there had been good times too, the times she had chosen to forget. She remembered the laughter they had shared, the times when she had taken herself so seriously and EJ would come up with some kind of quip or given her one of his sweet smiles to take her mind off of things.

When was the last time she had really laughed? She couldn't even remember. This past year had been nothing short of hell on earth and when she looked back and honestly thought about it all, she wasn't happy.

Was this the life she wanted to live? For all her claims of loving Rafe, that he was her soul mate, it all seemed kind of hollow. Even with Rafe back, she never felt completely sure of things. Her life was a mess, she wasn't happy and she wanted something else, something different than the lot she had drew and was living right now.

She looked at the trunk, saw all the things inside, and felt EJ's pain as sure as she felt her own. EJ had been honest with her about everything and she was tired of living a lie, the lies she had created kept swarming and if EJ could come clean about his feelings, maybe she could start anew too.

And for the first time in a very long time, she wanted more out of her life, she didn't just want to exist and have a man to validate who and what she was, she needed to make some big changes, some drastic changes and while that thought nearly paralyzed her with fear, she could also feel something else trying to come to the surface too.

She felt a small hope, that maybe she could make things right. She arose, wiped the remnant of tears from her eyes and carefully placed everything back into the trunk. If EJ had the courage to face his demons, then she could and would do the same.

First off she needed to make amends, she knew EJ had told her goodbye in his last letter to her, but maybe she could find him before he was gone if only to ask for his forgiveness, like he had done for her. She needed to find the strength that she knew was inside her, she had lived with the lies and in the shadows for so long now that it would be difficult to face the truth about her, but at least she knew she had it in her to make the changes that were necessary.

She could eat and sleep later; right now she had more important things to do. Like learning how to live her life on her own terms, not guided by what a man said or did, but what was right for her and her children. She felt scared, but she knew she could do it. All she had to do was believe in herself and the rest would come in time.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part III<strong>

She grabbed her pocketbook, reaching inside it for her cell phone, hesitating a moment before turning it on, but knowing she needed to do so in case her grandmother had needed her for something. She looked at the display when it lit up, seeing she had several voice mails left on her phone.

She hit the play button, instantly hearings Rafe's irritated voice on the line.

_Where in the hell are you Sami? I've been home for hours and you're nowhere to be found. I called Caroline and she said you asked her to let the children spend the night. _

She clicked delete and listened to the next voice mail, no surprise Rafe again.

_Don't you think you should have asked my permission before you dumped the kids off at Caroline's?_

She hit delete again and looked at the phone, seriously he asked her that question? Like she needed his permission to do anything with the kids, they were her kids.

Then it hit her, they were her kids, this was her life and why in the hell was she allowing Rafe to control it?

Another message, did she even want to listen?

_If you think you can just go running around all over town while I'm here waiting for you to come home you are sadly mistaken.__**  
><strong>_

Delete again, she wasn't going to listen to anymore from him and she was glad she had turned her cell phone off last night while she continued to read the letters. She didn't need this kind of lecture from Rafe and so she deleted the rest of the messages without bothering to listen to the rest of them. She was going to speak to Rafe although she doubted he was going to like anything she said to him.

She put her cell phone back in her pocketbook, reached into the pocket of her blue jeans she was wearing and took the key EJ had given her. She'd lock up the house and come back later. Right now she needed to find EJ before it was too late.

EJ closed his eyes, he had fought off sleep for days, determined to get the letters to Sami completed before he left town and now that he was on the plane he felt himself drifting off. He just wished he could shut off his mind, the past few days reliving all the past had taken a toll on him and all he wanted was some peace.

He didn't know if he'd find peace when he reached his destination, but he surely wanted to try anything would be better than this huge hole in his heart where all he felt was loss and regret for so many things, he missed his family and wondered if he could ever get any of it back.

Could he ever get anything back? Was it even possible?

He had no idea as he waited for the plane to take off. Hopefully he'd find some kind of answers; he really needed some time to heal his broken heart. He was determined to put his life back in order and make something of himself, a man his children could be proud of to have for a father. They deserved so much more than what he had given them.

She hated coming here, if but she was determined to face the demons of her past this was the first step she needed to do. She had tried to call EJ, but only got his voicemail, sometimes she wondered why they even had cell phones neither one of them seemed to answer when someone called them.

Maybe EJ had turned his off too, like she had when she was reading the letters from him. Maybe he needed some time away from it all, but hopefully she would catch him before he left to god knows where and then it might be months before she had the chance to speak with him again.

She pounded on the front door, oh how she hated to be here, to come to this place to ask to see EJ, but she was going to have to swallow her pride about a lot of things if she wanted to make some changes in her life. She didn't know how long she knocked in between ringing the door bell. Did the DiMera's let go of their entire household staff?

Finally the door opened to reveal a somewhat slightly bewildered Harold standing there when he saw her standing outside awaiting entrance into the mansion. "Miss Samantha, what are you doing here?"

"I need to see EJ," Sami stated as she walked into the foyer, looking around hoping she would luck up and not have to see Stefano.

"I'm sorry, but…"

"Look it's really important or I wouldn't have come to the haunted mansion in the first pla…"

"What is this ruckus?" Stefano asked as he walked into the foyer from the library, his eyes instantly narrowing when he saw who was causing such said ruckus. "I should have known it would be the likes of you slinking around here. Harold haven't I told you not to let such trash into my home?"

"Stefano, I don't have the time or wish to waste what time I do have talking to you. I need to see EJ," Sami stressed wishing to herself for what seemed like the millionth time Stefano wasn't EJ's father.

"I don't care about your time or anything about you seeing as how you have wrecked my son's life once again, turned him against me, caused him to believe he needed to sign over custody of his children to you and forced him to leave town," Stefano sneered at her, wishing he could get rid of this annoying bitch once and for all, but knowing if he did he would never get another chance to repair the damage she had caused this time to bring such a rift between he and EJ.

"He hasn't left yet has he?" Sami asked, her pride be damned, she needed answers and apparently Stefano knew where EJ was and she didn't.

"I've said too much, more than you deserve to hear," Stefano waved her off with his hand ready to make his exit from her.

"Please Stefano, I need to speak with him," Sami reached for Stefano's arm, hating to ask him for this small favor and having to touch him even more, but she was desperate to see EJ, she needed to talk to him, to tell him she understood why he had done the things he did.

"I need my grandchildren back in my family too, but it looks like we can't always get what we want," Stefano grumbled as he shrugged off her hand and left the room, leaving Sami and Harold standing there by themselves.

She was going to remain calm, it was apparent Stefano was not going to tell her anything and she wasn't going to concede letting him see the children in order to get a location for EJ. She'd find another way somehow.

She took a deep breath and turned on her foot ready to walk out the door when Harold quietly said, "Miss Samantha, while I know it isn't my place to say anything, I was the one who instructed Chance to ready the limo to take Master EJ to the airport."

Sami's face broke into a bright smile and she quickly hugged Harold to her, "Thank you Harold. Thank you so much."

And then she was out the door, hoping she'd make it to the airport in time.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part IV<strong>

She drove like a madwoman, well most times she drove like that anyway, but today it was very important she got to where she was going. If one of her daddy's patrol men tried to stop her she would just outrun them, she didn't have time to stop explain why she was going way too fast for conditions, she had to get to the airport before EJ left.

Luckily she made it to the airport in record time without having to deal with any of the Salem PD trying to pull her over for a traffic ticket. She quickly pulled into a makeshift parking space, she didn't have time to try and find a proper one, she'd deal with that later, and right now she had to find EJ.

She ran through the corridors, looking for the face she knew so well, but all she saw were strangers, she thought it would be easy to spot him, after all EJ was usually one of the tallest people even in a crowd, but she didn't know where he was going and she didn't have time to try to explain to someone why she would need to page him.

She thought she might have seen him as she strained her eyes, it could be EJ, but he was so far away and for a moment she thought he might have seen her too, but then he turned away and he was gone from her sight.

She sprinted, ran until she got a hitch in her side and inwardly cursed herself for not going to the gym lately. She didn't care if people were staring at her like she was crazy. She only hoped airport security didn't try to detain her because she was sure she had seen EJ.

She got to the last boarding terminal which was at the end of the building, out of breath and looking all around for someone, anyone to help her because apparently everyone for this particular flight had already boarded the plane.

She ran to the desk, maybe this lady would help her, she had to see if EJ was on board of this flight, she needed to talk to him before it took off.

"Miss Do you need some help?" The Delta airline employee asked as she looked Sami over, hoping she wasn't going to have to call security because this woman standing before her had kind of a wild eyed look about her.

"My husband… he forgot his credit card," Sami lied thinking if EJ was on board he would have to have shown his ID so she couldn't have used that excuse to gain entrance to the plane. "I saw it on the dresser after I awoke this morning and knew he would need it when he got to," Sami looked up at the flight destination board for the place the plane was going, "England. I just don't want him to be without it or think he has lost his credit card."

"Miss, they've already boarded the plane, and the flight is in the process of being cleared to take off," the lady began to patiently explain to the very much winded person watching her as she continued to suck in deep breaths of air, the poor thing must have ran the entire length of the airport from the looks of it.

"I need to see him, this is important," Sami said with a plea in her voice. This lady just had to let her on the plane or get EJ off the plane whatever would work, she needed to see him face to face.

"I can take it to him," the lady suggested, hoping this would remedy the situation, she had a protocol to follow and letting unauthorized persons aboard the plane was most definitely not allowed.

"Please, I just need a moment with him, please," Sami knew if she had to produce this mythical credit card to the man who was nowhere near being her husband than her ruse was over and she was more than likely going to be in trouble to with the airport officials.

"It's against the rules," the lady began then stopped before saying more when she could clearly see the desperation in this woman's eyes and while she wasn't completely sure it was a credit card she needed to give to her husband there was something in her manner than made her want to help her. "How about I call for him to come off the plane? What is his name? He'll only have a minute or so."

"EJ DiMera. A minute is all I need, thank you," Sami said with a look of gratitude in her eyes, she forgot sometimes you found kindness in strangers when the people you knew were less likely to give it to you, especially in her case when it was undeserved.

"You can go to the walkway, they'll let him off the plane, just don't go to the entrance or you'll be escorted out of the building by security," the woman warned Sami as she picked up her phone to call to the plane. "Hank, I need for you to page a passenger on the plane."

Sami really hoped EJ was on this plane, if not she sure was going to have some major explaining to do.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part V<strong>

He must have dozed off to sleep EJ thought as he felt someone call his name over the plane intercom. He opened his eyes and looked around; maybe he was just imagining things until the flight attendant came up to him.

"Mr. DiMera, I need for you to come with me."

"All right, any particular reason why?" EJ asked as he arose from his seat causing the passengers in first class seating to look his way as he walked with the flight attendant the short distance to the front of the plane.

"Your wife needs to speak with you," the flight attendant smiled, Sandy was her name apparently or at least that what was written on her name tag.

"My wife you say?" EJ asked thinking what in the hell would Nicole want from him especially since when they had parted he had thought they were on the same page concerning the divorce. He didn't need this kind of aggravation from her, he was ready to go and they had certainly said all they needed to say when they both signed the divorce papers.

"Yes, she was very adamant in needing to see you before your flight left," Sandy shrugged her shoulders while thinking to herself if the man walking beside her was her husband she wouldn't let him fly alone anywhere because he was all kinds of hot. "She's waiting for you in the breezeway, but you only have a few minutes before we have to go."

"Thank you," EJ gave her a small smile and exited the plane ready to face Nicole to give her a piece of his mind when he stopped short in his tracks.

There was Samantha, standing all alone, switching her weight from one foot to the other while she waited that was until she saw his face and then all movement ceased from her.

For once he was at a loss for words when he saw her, he guessed he had used up his word quota for Samantha with his letters. He was shocked to see her standing there waiting for him, not to mention she was calling him her husband.

"Mrs. DiMera I presume?" he finally asked her when he got up the nerve to say something to her at all.

"I had to tell that lady something, somehow I knew she wasn't going to let me see you if I told her I needed to see my ex-husband/friend before he left the country to escape being around me," Sami began to explain only to have EJ interrupt her.

"So you being you, chose to do what you do best, lie," EJ stated matter of fact with little inflection in his voice, not wanting to get caught up in her crazy schemes this time, he was going away to gain some perspective on his life, not get tangled up in hers again.

"Look she told me I only have a minute, so I'll get to the point," Sami walked up closer to EJ where she wouldn't have to speak so loudly. "I don't want you to go. I read your letters to me and I…I need to…"

"You need to get on with your life, like I'm trying to do with mine," EJ finished for her, it would do no good for him to expect more from her, this was just her reacting to him saying he was going, not that she cared about him. This was classic Samantha, nothing more.

"I need to tell you that I'm…"

"I've got to go Samantha, please respect my decision to leave. I did what you asked of me, I gave it all to you, everything, I have nothing left to give to you," EJ said his voice close to faltering as he turned away from her, ready to go back and board the plane when he felt her hand reach for his, grasping it within her own, causing him to turn back to face her.

"EJ, just don't go, we need to talk, there is so much to be said," Sami began once more only to have EJ shake his head at her.

"Please don't make this harder for me than it already is," EJ said in a voice barely above a whisper as he tried his best not to meet her eyes, he had made up his mind and he needed to stick with it. "I'm getting back on the plane. We both need some space away from one another and if after this time apart you still want to talk to me, you know where I said I would be that night."

"EJ, please," Sami said doing her best not to cry.

He released her hand and leaned forward enough to kiss the top of her head, "Goodbye Samantha."

Sami closed her eyes, not wanting to watch him walk away from her. He was going and she hadn't even had the chance to tell him she was sorry. Didn't her coming here after him mean anything at all?

Story of her life, she was much too late and as she watched him board the plane without a backwards glance in her direction, she turned and walked back into the airport corridor, determined not to cry, she was going to have to bide her time before she talked to him. She stopped walking for a minute to watch the plane taxi down the runway and take off in flight, she knew it might be a while before it happened, but she'd have her say and maybe it would be better in the long run if she waited.

She had a lot of things to take care of before she made things right with EJ any way. She walked out of the airport seeing a parking ticket stuck to her windshield and shook her head thinking receiving a parking ticket had been worth it, at least she had seen EJ before he left and maybe that would mean something to him later on if not now.

It had to mean something to him, didn't it?

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part VI<strong>

Why had she come to the airport? Why had she lied to see him? He had been sleepy before and now after the flight had taken off, he was a bundle of nerves. It made no sense, she had asked him to give everything up for the sake of their children and he had done so after pouring his heart and soul out in those letters to her.

He guess he thought she wouldn't read them, much less be affected by them. They had been more of a purging of his wretched soul, for him to finally be honest about so many things, things he had kept hidden from everyone, even himself sometimes. He hadn't imagined all the things that kept pouring out, one random thought to another and then another and another until he had gotten to the goodbye.

She shouldn't have come, he hadn't expected it and when she had he hadn't known what to say to her. It baffled him because somehow he always found a way to articulate what he was thinking, but seeing Samantha and her wanting to talk to him had thrown him off balance.

It hadn't been part of the plan, then when had anything gone according to his plans from the moment he had met that woman? He was doing the right thing by leaving, he couldn't take it anymore, the loss of everything he held dear to his heart, the heart he was determined to steel against the woman who had actually surprised him by showing up unannounced claiming to be his wife just to get him off the plane and see him.

It was good he was going, he needed to be strong again, strong enough to withstand the foolishness of his heart that had actually skipped a beat when he saw her standing there waiting for him. He took a deep breath, he shouldn't put much stock into her coming to see him, she was a reactionary creature just like him and given time she would be glad he was gone.

It was what she had wanted all along anyway, wasn't it? For him to remove himself from all of their lives, for his children to have a normal life without him being around, it was what she had asked of him. He closed his eyes hoping he could stop his heart from breaking whenever he thought of the children; he loved them and couldn't imagine never having a part in their lives again.

He looked out the window of the airplane to only see the clouds below, the town of Salem having disappeared a while back, and he hoped the age old adage of time heals all wounds would be true. In his case his wounds ran pretty deep and he didn't know if he would ever feel whole again.

How could he go on without them? How could he?

She drove much slower on the way back to the apartment; this wasn't something that was going to be easy. Hell she didn't know what she was going to say or do, but EJ's letters to her had made her see that the last year of her life wasn't what she wanted, she had been running from things for far too long. She was through with playing by the rules of someone else's game, she wasn't sure about her future, but one thing was for certain she had to make some much needed changes or she was going to be living a lie for the rest of her life.

And for once, she wasn't willing to accept what everyone else thought was best for her, she was going to live her life on her own terms and if people didn't like it, then they could just be upset with her. She had screwed up her life enough and now she had to do what was best for her and her children.

She parked the car and sat there in the driver's seat for a few minutes without exiting the vehicle. The next few hours were going to completely change the course of her life along with the children's, but for once she was going to be truthful with herself and those around her. She tried to calm her nerves, she was going to need all the strength she possessed to face the future, her future and for once she wasn't going to let anyone bring her down and tell her she couldn't do things anymore. No more limits, she was going to take the first steps necessary to start reclaiming her life.

She could do anything she put her mind to; after all she was Sami Brady.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part VII<strong>

Part of her was filed with dread, another part determined to get this over with Sami thought to herself as she nervously twisted the key into the lock on the front door. She kind of wondered why Rafe wasn't at work, but it was better to get things out in the open and then she would go from there.

He was asleep on the couch, no doubt he had given up on waiting for her arrival and who knew what he had said to her on those last cell phone messages she had erased? Seeing the empty beer bottles scattered on the coffee table and the surrounding mess of food wrappers on the floor she wrinkled her nose in disgust thinking she'd be the one to clean it up later on.

Then the thought hit her, no she wouldn't be cleaning up any mess Rafe made because she wouldn't be here. She hated waking Rafe up, he would be furious with her for being out all night, but it had been important for her to read the letters and for once she was taking a long hard look at what her actions had done and were continuing to do to other people.

What had she done? How did she dig herself into such a hole? How was she going to fix this? Someone was going to get hurt. Somehow whoever she was with ended up getting hurt by her, she didn't know why, but it always was the case.

She needed to fix herself before she could be in a relationship with anyone and she was afraid Rafe wasn't going to understand where she was coming from when she asked him to let her go and do what she needed to do to be the kind of person who didn't hurt people, a person who didn't cause other people to flee Salem just to get away from her.

Austin, Brandon, Lucas and now EJ were gone because of her and it was way past time she owned up to her part in causing them all to leave. For the girl who had only wanted someone to love her she sure had them leaving in droves when they had been around her long enough. She needed to get off this marriage merry go round she was on to see if she could make it on her own.

It was now or never had she thought as she reached out her hand to gently shake Rafe awake.

"Rafe we need to talk," Sami said after she finally managed to rouse him after giving him more than a few shakes on his shoulder.

Rafe grunted and groaned, trying to move up to a sitting position on the couch without making his head hurt so badly. He must have drunk more beers than he thought as he tried to focus on his surroundings. His eyes narrowed when he saw Sami sitting in the chair opposite of the couch.

"Where in the hell have you been Sami? I was up all night…"

"Drinking?" Sami asked with a quirk of her eyebrow as she eyed him from her vantage point of the chair.

"Worrying and maybe I had a few beers too," he mumbled as he tried to sit up straighter even though the effort was only making his head hurt worse.

"Like I said, we need to talk," Sami began only to have Rafe interrupt her.

"You bet we do, if you think you can go wherever you want without even asking my permission…"

"Whoa, back up right there, I don't need your permission to go anywhere."

"You're my wife and you'll respect me," Rafe stated as he started to come over to the chair, but Sami held up her hand in protest.

"Respect goes both ways and I think maybe…"

"That you'll apologize for being so rude and making me wonder what was so important that you couldn't even come home? That you ignored my repeated calls?"

"I turned my cell phone off last night. I just needed to do some soul searching and didn't need any distractions," Sami started again, but it was just so hard, how was she going to make Rafe understand something she didn't fully understand herself?

"Oh so I'm a distraction now? You'd think after all I've done for you that you'd be a little bit more grateful to me," Rafe was tempted to pick up one of the beer bottles on the coffee table because right now Sami wasn't making any sense with this talk she said she needed to have with him.

"Grateful? Why am I supposed to shower you with gratitude?" Sami asked, her temper starting to arise a tad bit with Rafe's attitude toward this situation.

"Are you serious? I mean look around you, I got you away from the DiMera's and given you all of this so that you and the kids would have a stable home life, something before now you have never been able to provide for your kids. You should be thanking me daily for coming into your life and putting up with your crazy to boot." Rafe said smugly as he looked around the apartment with pride.

"You put up with my crazy?" Sami asked quietly, his words cutting into her more than she would like to admit.

"Well you are kind of out there most days," Rafe stated like he didn't even realize how awful it sounded to her, like she should be grateful he was even with her given how unstable she looked to him.

"Hmmm and you think I couldn't make it on my own at all? That is what you are saying isn't it?" Sami questioned as she looked around the apartment also, wondering if she could live like this the rest of her life with a man who apparently thought she was off her rocker and that she should be grateful to him because he rescued her from the big bad DiMera's.

"Sami you can't handle anything on your own that is why we are perfect together, I take care of you and the kids, you need me," Rafe said giving her an incredulous look like this was something she should already know. "Before I came into your life you didn't have a clue on how to do much of anything."

"Rafe you came into my life because I was in the witness protection program, not because I needed a man to take charge of my life."

"Your life was a complete mess, you were pregnant with DiMera's child which you didn't want to tell him since he had Nicole knocked up too, thank goodness I helped convince you to keep that from him. He never deserved you or your love," Rafe hated EJ DiMera with a passion, the man had stole more from him than just a few months of his life, but he had gotten the girl from him in the end even though it had been a challenge for him in the beginning.

"I shouldn't have kept it from him," Sami shook her head thinking of all the hurt and pain she had caused by keeping the secret of being pregnant with Sydney from him. She had hurt so many people along the way, hurts she didn't know if any of them would ever overcome, especially her children.

"Of course you should have kept it from him. He's a DiMera, he is a bad, evil person, the entire lot of them are, rotten to the core each and every one of them."

"Johnny and Sydney are DiMera's," Sami added softly thinking how the hatred toward the DiMera family name would only get worse if time went on if she didn't do something to change things right now.

"They are our kids, you know I love them no matter who their daddy is," Rafe looked at Sami curiously, why it was almost like she was feeling sorry for EJ and that bastard didn't deserve any sympathy from anyone at all.

"Rafe, I just can't do this anymore, I can't pretend my children are our children, it isn't right or fair to any of us," Sami looked down at the wedding rings on her left hand and started to remove them. "I think our problems are too big to overcome and I need some time to sort things out on my own."

Rafe looked at her like she had lost her mind, "Are you freaking serious? I've bent over backwards to make your life great and this is how you repay me? You don't think I'm their father? I'm a better father to those kids than either one of those losers who are their father."

"My children don't need that kind of attitude surrounding them, they need to know that no matter who their father is that I love them and that their father loves them and that I can take care of them without having a man telling me who and what is best for them and me. You came into my life when I was trying to escape my problems and I let you take over, let you take care of things and maybe that was my biggest mistake of all. I lost who I am and I've got to get that back not just for my sake, but for my children too."

"You won't make it two weeks without me," Rafe scoffed thinking Sami was embarking on another ride on the crazy train.

"You really think so?" Sami asked as she pulled her wedding rings off and laid them on the table.

Rafe looked at her wedding rings now off her hand and lying on the coffee table amidst the empty beer bottles. "Sami, I don't know what has gotten into you, but you aren't seeing reason. I'm the one who has helped you try and make a decent life for yourself and the kids. Come on Sami, are you going to let DiMera win? Are you going to let him tear us apart?"

"If our love had been so strong, that we were soul mates, then how didn't I realize you weren't you when I kissed that imposter, even worse when I slept with him? Hasn't that even crossed your mind Rafe? Was this all about sticking to EJ that I was some kind of prize in a twisted game of wits between the both of you? I can't blame EJ for my role in what I did in things. I'm not an innocent victim in all of this, yet you claim that I am, you even helped me cover things up when I shot EJ!"

"He deserved to be shot; I wish you would have killed him!"

"I shouldn't have ever accepted your proposal so quickly after I broke things off with EJ, I was upset with him and rightly so for his role in Sydney's kidnapping. I shot him and we decided to get married while he was fighting for his life. So yes, I guess I am crazy, but not how you think I am, I needed some help and all I did was sex it up with you instead. Then when EJ found out the truth we planned a wedding? How crazy am I?"

"When did he get to you? You haven't given him a second thought and now you are blaming yourself and me? We are the victims of those fuckers and yet you are defending him again?"

"We are as much to blame as EJ is and I'm going to own up to my mistakes even if you never want to do so. Be glad I'm giving you your freedom; you won't have to put up with my crazy anymore as you so aptly put it. And no, before you even ask it I'm not going back to the mansion to EJ, he didn't get to me the way you think. He's gone." She wiped the angry tears from her eyes, her life was such a mess and it was going to be difficult to extricate herself from this marriage but she was going to do it no matter what it took.

"Good, I hate him," Rafe stated heatedly, still not believing Sami was going to go, why would she leave him now, DiMera was out of their lives.

"I wish I did because it would make things so much easier, but I don't, not anymore," Sami said and it hit her then she didn't hate EJ, she didn't hate Rafe either, she just needed to sort things out without either one of them around. She hated it had taken her this long to see things clearly.

"You're a fool then, DiMera won't ever do anything but hurt you and those kids if you let him," Rafe stood, picking up the rings from the table and holding them out to Sami. "Don't let him ruin us too."

"We were already ruined long before this; I just didn't want to believe it. I'm sorry Rafe, one day you'll see this is for the best. I'm filing for divorce, please don't fight it," Sami said as she opened the door.

"Sami, where are you going to go, the pub, your dad's? You aren't thinking things through as usual."

"For once I am thinking things through, don't worry I'll have someone else come pick up our things," Sami looked one more time around the apartment before adding, "Take care Rafe, I'm sorry. I have to do this for myself, I've lost too much of myself already and if I don't do this now I may never have the courage to do it."

He came up to her before she could leave out the door, she really was serious, she was filing for divorce from him, and he could see it in her eyes. "Please don't do this Sami, we can make it work out, we just need some time."

Sami shook her head sadly, "No, it never should have begun in the first place. You need someone who is going to love you and only you and I finally see I can't do that no matter what you have done for me. I really am sorry Rafe, you deserve more than what I can give you. Goodbye."

She walked out the door, hoping he'd let her go without a fight, she needed to start anew and it was going to be hard enough as it was without him trying to cause problems for her. She knew her family was going to be upset with her, but this was the first step in finding out whom she was and who she could be if she only took that first step into the unknown.

She smiled a sad smile when she made it to the elevator without Rafe following her and demanding she come back, maybe in time he would see this was best for them all. She surely hoped so because right now she was scared, she was truly going to be on her own with the kids and she just prayed she wasn't going to screw things up any worse than they already seemed to be at the moment.

This was the start. Now to face her family, somehow she didn't think it was going to be a banner day for any of the Brady's, especially her.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part VIII<strong>

What was she doing here now? It made no sense to him at all as EJ saw Samantha, each standing so close to one another that he could study her face clearly, see her tears falling freely now. His breathing was heavy from the exertion of trying to understand how they found themselves here and what was even happening to them.

"You lied to me." She slowly whispered because she was desperately taking her last chance to change something that had been forgotten somewhere along the way with them. "How could you have kept lying to me when you knew all along where Sydney was? How could you kiss me and tell me you loved me and made me fall in love with you all over again when it nothing more than a lie?"

"What are you talking about, Samantha?" he asked, slightly annoyed with her, she knew why he had done what he had chosen to do, he had told her with painstaking clarity the myriad of reasons why in his letters to her. She knows he doesn't wants to be here, there's really nothing more to say, for Christ's sake. Although he guesses he owes her that, at least a chance to accuse him once more, he figured she was going to finish what she started a little while ago.

"You said you loved me, that you wanted to be with me each and every day for the rest of our lives and yet you let me suffer for months on end and then when I found out the truth and said I was going to take the kids and leave you, I find out you planned to kidnap them all over again. What other choice did I have but to shoot you?"

This is their last chance to say goodbye properly and she wants to go on about shooting him? This really wasn't what he wanted to do with her, all he wanted was to escape the past, it was over and done with, and they were over for good this time. And now that he's thinking about it, for his own good, he should forget about it all, about those stolen kisses in the stairwell, about every single touch, every single time they lips met, how incredible it always felt when his skin touched hers.

Because this hurts too badly and there's nothing he can do about it, at least not anymore.

"We can't change the past Samantha, what's done is done." He answers, and she finally looks at him. He feels his heart speeding up a little bit whenever she turns those amazing eyes of hers on him and him alone. When she looks at him that way is feels like nothing was impossible for them. Almost liked they belonged together.

Hot tears are burning her cheeks now, and she can see his fingers reaching out to wipe them away, but she doesn't let him. "Stop it. Let me finish, EJ."

He waits patiently for her to say something, anything and then when she tries to begin to speak she falters, so she leans up slightly to drag his lips down to hers instead. He can feel his racing heart beat blending with hers to create a rhythm all its own that reverberated throughout both their bodies.

And then before they can get closer, he feels something or someone trying to pull them apart, he shakes his head, he doesn't want Samantha to leave after all, he needs her still.

"Mr. DiMera, you need to wake up, your flight has arrived and all the other passengers have already gotten off the plane."

He looks up at this woman, he knows her from somewhere and then he realizes it was all a dream, Samantha isn't here with him, his flight has arrived.

"Excuse me, I've just had a tiring couple of days and I guess it finally caught up with me," EJ rubbed his eyes, trying to shake off how real his dream had felt to him, it was almost like Samantha had been right there with him.

"It's quite all right," the flight attendant tells him and then he remembers her name, Sandy, she was the one who had told him before he left Salem his wife had needed to speak to him.

If she only knew the truth, Samantha was never going to be his wife again and he needed to stop thinking about her, he was leaving Salem to get over her, not to start dreaming about her every time he closed his eyes. They were over.

He only hoped he would be able to convince his heart of that fact because at the moment it seemed to be very stubborn. Much like Samantha, he shook his head as he reached for his carry-on bag thinking this was going to be harder than he imagined. Then again when were things ever simple when it concerned Samantha Brady?

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part IX<strong>

To say he had been surprised when EJ had called him up last week and asked for a meeting would be an understatement, Justin Kiriakis thought as he was speaking with Sami this afternoon. To now also have Sami in his office as he went over the details of the trust funds for all of her children generously endowed by EJ seemed even more surreal, although he gave no hint of it to the more than slightly bewildered woman who sat in his law office.

He hadn't liked EJ from the moment he had met him, the man was a DiMera and that name to most people struck a bad chord with them if they were a resident of Salem, much less to be a member of the rival family of the Kiriakis'. So when EJ had asked for his help in a very personal matter Justin had been dubious at first wondering if this was some kind of new ploy in what seemed like a never ending battle between said EJ DiMera and Sami Brady.

Sami listened carefully as he outlined the provisions of the legal documents EJ had drawn up and he in turn worked on with EJ to ensure everything was legally correct. She hadn't interrupted him once as he went from one document to the other, just wrote in what appeared to be a small journal of some sort.

When he was finally finished he looked to her and asked, "Do you have any questions?"

Her first question in return was really not surprising considering the amount of paperwork and legal jargon he had covered within the last hour. "Justin, do you think this is all above board? There isn't some kind of legal loophole I'm missing is there?"

"I admit I was skeptical too, more than skeptical considering EJ came to me with this request," Justin removed his reading glasses and placed them on his desk, and then waved his hand over all the documents before them, "but I researched this fully before I even considered being EJ's legal counsel on the matter and there isn't a gotcha in any of the documents. Well other than one maybe…"

"Which is?" Sami asked knowing there had to be something, the things EJ had apparently given or wanted to provide for her and the children almost seemed too good to be true. Plus she had no reason to believe he'd had a change of heart concerning her specifically beyond the batch of letters and the things he had given her which she had retrieved from the trunk in the old house.

"I have been instructed if you so choose to move into EJ's home he purchased, Rafe Hernandez is not to be allowed to live there with you and the children. On that one point he was very specific saying if it were to be the case then you would be asked to leave the premises immediately," Justin stated matter of fact wondering if this would be the point where Sami told him she was not interested in anything EJ could provide for her and the children, although her response was quite different from what he was expecting.

"There is no worry of that happening; in fact I need to ask for how much you would charge in drawing up divorce papers for me?"

Apparently he also realized Sami was probably going to have a name change sometime in the very near future.

Damn if both of them weren't full of surprises for him Justin thought wondering exactly what might happen in the future between those two. For all he had thought Sami hated EJ the woman sitting here in his office appeared to be quite calm despite the obvious overload of information he had given to her.

"Well how about we finish this up first and then we can go over some possible strategies if you want to pursue obtaining a divorce from Rafe?"

"All right, anyway may I ask if you know when EJ purchased this house? Was this just something he had purchased recently or had he bought this before now?" Sami had a feeling somewhere in the back of her mind when EJ might have bought the house, but she wasn't completely sure. She recalled a conversation she and EJ had shared a few days before their non wedding, but surely it couldn't be what she was thinking.

_She remembered EJ coming up behind her, snuggling her close in one of those rare moments they had been able to find their selves alone. Despite the DiMera mansion being so huge it was almost comical how almost anytime they might have had a chance to be alone with one another it rarely happened without someone managing to intrude upon them._

_But that afternoon, she had been contemplating if she could go through with this upcoming marriage to EJ. She had been so torn over what to do, if she was doing the right thing, if she could forget about Rafe if she went ahead and married EJ._

_He had leaned down to kiss her neck, catching her completely off guard and of course flustering her all at the same time. He had a way of doing that as she thought it would be for the best if she moved away from his embrace to look into his eyes, ones she couldn't quite make out if she saw disappointment in when she had spurned another advance of intimacy from him._

_She almost relinquished, but something had kept her from going ahead and sleeping with EJ before they married and while a kiss on the neck wasn't anything remotely connected to them having sex, she tried her best to keep some distance between them. EJ had no idea how much he affected her and she had planned on keeping that way even though he had managed to procure some cracks in her strong veneer she strived to maintain._

_"Sorry," she began only to have EJ shake his head at her apology; it was like he knew he could wait; besides they only had a few more days before they were married._

_"It's okay, I didn't mean to scare you," EJ said softly, and he gave her one of those stares with those beautiful dark eyes of his that made her want to jump his bones, but still she stayed strong._

_"It's not that, I was just thinking about our future together."_

_"Good thoughts I hope," EJ's voice held a slight less than confident tone to it which he usually had when he was speaking to anyone, especially her._

_"EJ," she reached out to touch his face with her fingertips only to have him be the one to back away from her this time._

_"Before we speak of such things, maybe I should wait a while until I tell you the good news or rather what I hope you will consider a good wedding present from me," EJ started to smile and it changed his entire demeanor._

_Sami felt bad, she hadn't even gotten anything for EJ yet, and it was that everything seemed to be happening so fast that she hadn't had time or was it something more? _

_Whatever he had planned to say to her, he didn't say because his cell phone had rang and reluctantly he had taken the call, turning away from her to speak to whoever had called him. Could the house had been her wedding present from him and he had never got the chance to tell her?__  
><em>

"Sami, are you all right?" Justin asked bringing her out of her memories and back to the present. "It's like you haven't heard a word I've said after you asked about the house."

"Excuse me, my mind was wandering for a moment," Sami apologized hoping Justin wouldn't think she was being rude, but these last twenty-four hours had been pretty much life changing for her in more ways than one and she thought this was just the beginning of changes that were going to happen in her life.

"No problem, I know this is a lot to absorb in such a short amount of time," Justin gave her a small smile, wondering what she would do with all of this information he had given to her, she had a lot of things to decide upon doing if she so chose to do so. "Since I'm in charge of EJ's estate until I have further instructions I guess it will be all right to tell you about the purchase date of the house and surrounding property."

"Which was?" Sami asked although she had a sinking suspicion after reflecting back to that day a few moments before.

"June 2010," Justin supplied the answer and then Sami knew for sure.

EJ had bought the house for her as a wedding present, one he had never been able to give to her after everything had occurred when the wedding hadn't taken place after all.

The question was could she move into the house now?

Then she pondered another question, how could she not especially if she wanted to make a clean start away from Rafe and try to live her life on her own terms without any interference from her family too?

She smiled a grim smile, she knew what she had to do and if everyone else thought she was crazy then so be it.

Sami Brady along with her kids was moving out of the loft apartment today.

She hoped she could make the kids understand even though she really didn't understand everything yet herself, but as long as she and the kids had a place to go without being beholden to anyone; it was going to be the right thing to do.

What EJ had called their safe haven from the storm was going to become her new home.

At least for a while anyway, until she got her feet planted firmly on the ground and then after that she would see where life would take her and the kids.


	13. Chapter 13

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part X<strong>

"I don't care how busy Mr. Black is at the moment, I'm his sister and I need to see him!"

Well Brady didn't have to guess who was about to barge into his office, in three, two, one…

His very irritated sister followed by his slightly harried personal assistant burst into his office.

"Miss Sami I've already told you," Tammy began only to have Sami cut her off before she could say another word.

Sami widely gestured towards Brady, "Look he isn't busy, he's just sitting there on his as…"

"Pleasure as always Sami, come in," Brady smiled and winked at Tammy who stalked off in a huff while Sami rolled her eyes at her retreating figure.

"And you wonder sometimes why people dread to see you coming," Brady commented as Sami started to pace the room.

"People do not dread to see me coming," Sami paused midstride to argue with her younger step-brother, but over the past years it had seemed liked he was a true brother to her or at least she was hoping he would be and help her out. "They don't Brady!"

"Whatever you say," Brady leaned back in his chair to study her, something was up because she never came by his work just to talk to him and she had this nervous energy flowing about her from the pacing and the wringing of her hands. "So what brings you here today beyond wanting to harass Tammy into letting you in my office?"

"She needs to chill out, when I need to see my brother," Sami began tersely than stopped and gave Brady a sugary sweet smile, one that he knew she used when she wanted something.

"Let's cut to the chase, you don't have to use that smile on me," Brady commented as Sami finally sat down in a chair to face him. "So spill, what's going on with you? Something with Rafe, the kids, god forbid EJ?"

"All of the above and more," Sami sighed dropping the fake smile she was giving Brady, she needed his help more than anything if she wanted this new plan for her life to succeed.

"What has EJ done now?" Brady asked immediately on the defensive, he hated EJ DiMera and all the misery he seemed to cause in his wake.

"This isn't really EJ per se," Sami faltered, thinking of how best to get what she wanted from Brady without making him say no outright to her idea.

"Then what would it be, are you and Rafe still having trouble? Has he hurt you?" Brady felt a dread growing within him, his sister had dealt with enough over the past few years and he wished her life could be a better one without all the heartache and pain that seemed to surround her most times.

"Yes and no," Sami answered cryptically which only made Brady's brow furrow. "Let me explain, I've thought about it for a while and I don't think Rafe and I are going to be able to overcome this latest hurdle that arose, so I'm getting a divorce."

"Seriously Sami, I thought you said Rafe was the love of your life," Brady mimicked the words she had told him before concerning what she hoped would soon be her ex-husband.

Sami shook her head, knowing she was going to be hearing this a lot today when she faced other members of her family, but right now she needed to focus on this one thing and that was for Brady to come through for her when she needed it the most.

"Brady, I know you don't have time to hear about my love life," Sami stated not wanting to recount the hows and whys she and Rafe weren't going to make it together as a couple to Brady.

"Well I do have a meeting in about thirty minutes, so you might be right," Brady tried to tease her a little bit knowing eventually when she needed to tell him what had happened she would given time.

"I'm just going to lay it out here for you. I need a job," Sami said quickly hoping Brady wasn't going to dissolve into peals of laughter over her request.

The good thing she guessed was no instant laughter coming forth from him, rather he just looked at her like she had grown a third eye right in the middle of her forehead.

"Brady, say something, anything," Sami hated the silence worse than the supposed laughter she had thought he might have when she asked for a job.

"Why do you need a job and more importantly why would you think I would give you one?"

"Because you owe me," Sami leaned over the desk, her hands splayed across the papers that littered Brady's workspace.

"How do I owe you?" Brady gave her a curious glance, wondering what crazy scheme his sister was trying to come up with that apparently involved him giving her a job.

"I was understanding when you were in that tramp's corner, allowing her to steal my baby," Sami stated matter of fact, trying not to let her voice rise because even now the thought of what Nicole had done to her could make her blood pressure jump instantly.

"Sami we've been through this before, you know I didn't know it was Sydney," Brady was on the verge of an apology, one of many he had tried to give Sami concerning the whole Nicole/Sydney incident.

"Look, I need a job, I'm going to start over without a man in my life," Sami cut him off before he could finish with his platitudes concerning the woman Sami despised even more than she did Kate DiMera and that was saying a lot. "I have a place to live, but I'm going to need a job to support the kids."

"Don't give me a guilt trip, using the kids…"

"I'm not using the kids, just telling you how it is, how it is going to be for me. Brady this is my one chance to prove to myself that I have what it takes, that I can provide for my children without having some man to come in to rescue me. I am strong and I can do this, you know I am smart and when I put my mind to it, nothing can stop me. Please I need for you to believe in me." Sami reached out to grasp his hand, looking him square in the eyes.

She was serious, Brady could tell, this wasn't some hair brained scheme his sister was concocting. He hated to tell her no, but Victor would have a fit if Sami worked for Titan Industries. "Sami, I do believe in you, yet you know Victor wouldn't stand for you working for Titan."

"I thought you ran Titan now or was that just some bs you were spouting," Sami raised her brow at him knowing exactly what to say to him to bring out a rise.

"I do run Titan," Brady declared to her.

"Then prove it, give me a job. Who cares if Victor gets pissy about it because I need this more than you can even imagine."

"If I do this, we are even, no more bringing up the past about Nicole," Brady said knowing if he didn't give her a job he was never going to hear the end of it from her and she could hold a grudge longer than almost anyone he knew.

"Nicole who?" Sami smiled innocently.

Innocent my ass, Brady thought hating that Victor was going to be mad, but as Sami said he ran Titan now. Victor would just have to deal with it.

God help them all.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XI<strong>

"What da hell do you mean Sami? Have you lost your mind?" Roman looked at his daughter frowning as he circled around her. His anger growing with each new revelation his daughter was providing to him.

"Yes, Daddy I have," Sami replied sarcastically, sick of this already, but she had tough skin, she could deal with whatever he said to her because she knew what he was going to say.

"Just when I think you are getting your life together, you go pull another crazy stunt," he ranted while her grandmother sat by quietly, listening to her son berate his daughter. Not once trying to intervene or provide her opinion on the matter at hand.

"So I'm crazy if I want to divorce Rafe? Daddy I've tried and it just isn't working," Sami really didn't want to go into specifics on why it wasn't working, but if he kept on with this tirade of her failures she'd tell him and her grandmother and they could just stew over the gory details themselves.

"You've tried?" Roman asked skeptically, his face contorting is disbelief.

"Daddy, I have to do what is right for me and my children," Sami stressed, wanting to get her three youngest immediately and leave the pub. She wanted to explain to them first, she didn't know how Will would react; in fact she was kind of scared to tell him of her plans because his reaction would probably not be favorable.

"Rafe is a respectable guy, you were lucky to get him," Roman remarked, wishing he could get through to his stubborn daughter.

"Lucky? I was lucky to get Rafe?" Sami asked, her ire slowly coming to the surface. "You know what Daddy. I have tried my entire life to please you, but that statement right there just sums it up."

"What are you talking about? I'm trying to make you see Rafe is your chance to have a decent and good life and yet once again you are determined to throw it all away and for what this time? What has got in your fool head that is so important that you need to leave the one man who would be good to you?"

"Well my fool head as you so aptly put it is saying this, I'm not settling on anything or anybody anymore just to make you and the entire Brady clan proud of me. I am sick and tired of trying to model my life after something I'm clearly not. You say I was lucky to get Rafe just proves my point. I want to be a person that someone feels lucky to be with me. Don't you get it? I've searched my whole life for acceptance in this family, trying to defer to your wishes and it's made and making me miserable."

"Don't you go blaming us! We've bent over backwards for you all these years…" Roman started his tirade again, only to have Caroline finally speak.

"Roman, stop it right now." Caroline spoke in a manner much like her late husband Shawn Sr. causing both Roman and Sami to look her way.

"Ma, you know I am right," Roman looked to her for her to back him up, not go against him. Sami was going to ruin her life if she left Rafe.

"No, this is the time we need to listen to Sami. She has a right to live her own life the way she sees fit and it isn't fair of us to expect her to stay with someone she clearly does not want to be with and furthermore we have to respect her wishes." Caroline beckoned Sami to come over to her, which she did. Caroline took her by both hands and looked into her eyes. "Sami girl, are you sure about this? You really want to divorce Rafe?"

Sami nodded her head, she wasn't going to cry, she'd done enough of that reading the letters and she knew what she was going to have to do. It wasn't going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination, but she knew she could do it. She was going to be the woman she always knew she could be, one that was strong, not someone who was dependant on a man to define who she was in this life.

"I am Grandma," Sami tightened the grip on their hands and felt a strength flow between them. Maybe her dad wasn't ever going to understand her, but she felt like her grandmother could see what she was trying to do even if she didn't have a clear cut plan finalized.

"Okay, then I'll support you," Caroline pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you Grandma," Sami whispered in her ear before releasing her and turned to face her father once again. "Daddy, I know what I am doing. You are just going to have to trust me on this one."

Roman shook his head and turned his back on her walking out the door of the pub without another word to either one of them.

"He'll come around Sami. He just worries about you," Caroline said trying to soften the blow of her father's current rejection.

"Either he will or he won't, but I am determined to do this my way," Sami said confidently, more confident than what she felt like at the moment, but she'd show them all, especially her dad, for once she was following her heart instead of a plan mapped out for her by her family.

She turned and smiled again at her grandmother, and then started up the stairs to retrieve Johnny, Allie and Sydney. Tonight they were going to their new home. She hoped they would like it and was up for the many questions she knew would come from them.

After she got them settled, she'd call Will. She wasn't looking forward to that conversation either, yet it had to be done. At least he was living in the dorms at Salem University so if he didn't like her decision to move into the house EJ bought then so be it, she'd deal with it too.

One step at a time, this new beginning was going to be a huge challenge, but she could do it. She knew she could.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XII<strong>

He wandered around the city for quite a while remembering different places he had been in his childhood, a very placid one, that was until his real father had come to claim him from his mother and step father. His very powerful father who had promised him of a better life if he came with him and left his mother behind, promises of gaining an education worthy of his station in life, of career choices he would have if he went with him.

The glamorous life his father portrayed to him had been that, yet he had to relinquish ties to his more than slightly eccentric mother and kindly stepfather. His father had told him several times a choice had to be made, that he needed to think of his future, if he stayed here he would never be the man he was destined to be.

Maybe he shouldn't have been lured by the promises of wealth, then again growing up as a young boy with very modest parents he had always dreamed there was more to life than the simplistic one his parents had given to him. Stefano had promised so many things, yet those promises had come with many price tags, not monetary ones, but they had cost him none the less.

He had basically sold his soul to the devil when he had left here a mere teenager who had thought he was a man, but he had been oh so wrong about many things. He should have never turned his back on this side of his family because this side was the one who had shown him love, taught him true respect and kindness to others and now he didn't know if he could find any part of the idealistic young man he had been before he had told his father yes, he would leave and come with him, allowing him to mold him into part of the man he was today.

He only hoped somehow by coming back here he could find the good qualities he had managed to bury deep inside himself and sadly he wondered if his mum would even be happy to see him return or would she turn her back on him like he had done to her so many years before?

Well he could either continue walking around looking like some kind of lost tourist or go into the pub, a place he knew so well growing up, especially since he had spent almost as much time there as he had his home. He looked to the sign; well the name was the same, although he wondered if she would still be there? He had let so much time go past she might not even be able to work any longer. He felt a quick flash of regret wash over him. He had not even bothered to stay in touch with any of them. Would they even be happy to see him or banish him away just like the rest of his family?

Well he wouldn't ever know if he continued to stay outside and now it was drizzling rain, it wasn't a heavy one yet, but it would be shortly. So with more than a bit of mild trepidation in his heart he opened the door.

He felt like that shy and awkward teenager he used to be, ducking his head so as not to hit the top of the doorframe as he made his way into the place which hadn't seemed to change much in the way of decoration from the time he had left.

He wondered if she'd be there, she always had time for him, and of course a smile and she had never ever seemed to run out of hugs when it came to him. She had always told him he was special. Too bad she had been wrong, terribly wrong.

He wasn't special at all. After all that had happened to him these last few years he had no reason to believe otherwise.

Maybe this was a bad idea he thought as he didn't see her where he remembered her to be and he almost turned on his heel and left, that was until he heard her voice.

"Elvis, is that you?" She asked her voice cracking slightly almost as if she didn't believe who was standing in her pub.

She may have aged some, but some things hadn't changed, her eyes were still the vibrant shade of violet that she had been aptly named for and she still had such a sweet smile, one apparently for him.

"Yes, Nanny Crumb it is me," EJ nodded his head as the tiny woman then proceeded to launch herself into his arms to give him a hug.

"Welcome home son, welcome home," she gave him an extra squeeze before leading him to what she used to call their talk table at the pub, a tiny spot close to the kitchen where they always used to sit and talk about all kinds of things, talks he could still recall to this day.

Maybe he had done the right thing by coming here after all. At least one person in this world was happy to see him and that had to count for something.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XIII<strong>

Johnny noticed they were not turning onto the road that led to the loft apartment, "Where are we going Mommy?"

"A new place," Sami answered and continued driving. It had been a long day and she was dead tired, but they were going to their new home. She had went to the drive-through at McDonald's and ordered the kids happy meals, something she didn't normally do, then again this wasn't a normal day. She would have to go grocery shopping tomorrow after she figured out a budget for them. She didn't have a lot left in savings, but she wasn't taking another dime from Rafe for anything.

The children chattered aimlessly amongst themselves, giving Sami time to concentrate on driving. She was sure they would have more than enough questions for her about their new living situation as soon as they arrived at the house.

They would just have to wing it tonight. She didn't know what supplies were in the house or how many bedrooms either. She was just going on faith that things would be all right. It was kind of scary and exciting all at the same time.

The good thing was tomorrow was Saturday; she'd have the weekend to get the children settled before the twins headed back to school on Monday. Sydney had pre-K classes three days a week so she would have to come up with a plan on how to get her picked up and where she would go in the afternoons along where she would stay since Sami now had a job beginning Monday too.

It was a lot she needed to accomplish this weekend; more than she had been challenged to do in quite some time. It was a good thing though, she had needed to get her act together long before now, this past year had been one mistake after another for her. It was like she was coming out of a fog, sure she still couldn't see which path she needed to choose beyond what she had done today, but she could take things one day at a time.

What was it Grandpa Shawn used to say to her? Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow, do your best today and let the chips fall where they may.

Well the chips were falling; Sami thought as she pulled into the driveway and parked her SUV. She had placed the key EJ had given to her on a lone key ring, one that she had kept in her pocketbook for a long time. It was a shamrock; Grandpa Shawn had given her years before telling her when she found her home to use it.

Today had seemed fitting to place the key on it. She hoped to make this house a home, a real home for her and the kids. She looked to the night sky and saw the stars sparkling, one a little brighter than the rest. Maybe that was Grandpa Shawn giving her a wink from the sky, letting her know she was doing the right thing for a change.

She smiled and helped the kids out of the car, hoping they would be able to see what she felt in her heart, they were home.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XIV<strong>

She took both of his hands in hers, clasping them tightly even though her hands were so very small as they covered his, "I have prayed for years this day would come."

"For me to come home with my tail tucked between my legs?" EJ tried to joke, but the smile didn't quite reach to his eyes, ones that had seen way too much pain over the past several years he had been in Salem.

"Well you always were a cheeky child," Nanny Crumb reflected with affection in the tone of her voice as she now looked upon the man he had become. What had happened to this sweet boy after he had left London? She could see without him even speaking that his heart was broken. Oh how she hated that because she loved him with a fierceness that was born from the first day Susan had brought him around. She had know from the moment their eyes met that he was something special and he was, but she could sense he had lost his way.

"Cheeky you say?" EJ inquired with a lift of his brow, as he recalled the many times this woman would be the first to tell him when his actions were less than par.

"That and more, but when you flashed those pretty eyes in my direction how could I ever tell you no for anything you wanted? How could any woman for that matter?"

"Nanny, my eyes are not pretty," EJ stated flatly, there wasn't anything pretty about him, it was all dark now, and his life seemed like nothing of the sort to conjure up visions of anything remotely connected to the word.

"Tell me another one even though you've lost your lovely accent living amongst those Yanks all this time," Nanny shook her head sadly; her boy didn't even sound the same anymore. What had those people done to him?

""Nanny, I speak the Queen's English quite well, thank you very much," EJ argued with her, granted his accent wasn't as pronounced as it used to be, but there was no doubt he had been raised in England.

"Oh no don't be getting your pants all bunched up in wad," she patted his hand with a comforting gesture to convey she was only kidding with him. "How about a cuppa and a few of your favorite biscuits for us to share while we get reacquainted again? I mean you still do take tea don't you or have you put aside all of your upbringing?"

"That would be wonderful Nanny," EJ was ready to rise from his chair to help her when she primly told him to sit back down, just because she was elderly she could still bring him some tea.

EJ smiled his first real smile of the day as she bustled away from the table, shouting orders at the barmaid to help her round up some tea and biscuits for her favorite grandson, at least some things never changed even though he wasn't too sure he wanted to hear what Nanny Crumb thought of his life now especially since he was running away from it.

Or rather running away from the one woman he still couldn't quite get out of his heart, but maybe by coming here he would be able to think more clearly and see that Samantha wasn't the woman for him. She just couldn't be, not anymore.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XV<strong>

Sami led them in one by one, each child marveling over the sheet draped furniture in the living room.

"Are we moving into a haunted house?" Johnny asked with excitement in his voice.

"Johnny, this house isn't haunted," Sami said turning on all the lights surrounding them so that the girls wouldn't get scared after they had heard Johnny's question.

"Why are there sheets on everything?" Allie chimed in looking around nervously after they all sat in the floor with their happy meals. She hadn't even opened up her box yet, only taking a small sip of her milk instead.

Sydney crawled into Sami's lap, tearing into her box of food, Sami guessed her youngest wasn't worried about anything being haunted rather she wanted to see what her toy prize was going to be when she opened the box, never mind the French fries that scattered as she dug around to retrieve her prize.

"Got it," Sydney exclaimed triumphantly, then her little brow furrowed. "What is it Mommy?"

Sami looked at the plastic encased toy, not really knowing either as she took the task of opening it for Sydney without her even having to ask.

"It's junk," Johnny proclaimed, opting instead to eat his chicken nuggets, girls were so silly worrying about what kind of prize you got instead of eating as he reached over to snag some of the fries that had been flung out when Sydney was trying to get to her toy.

"Just because you think you are so smart Johnny doesn't mean you know everything," Allie stated ready to take up for her little sister when she saw her eyes begin to well up in tears over the thought of getting junk instead of a prize with her happy meal.

"I know more than you," Johnny proclaimed finishing his meal in record time and ready to take their leftovers if they weren't going to eat them. "Boys always know more than girls."

"Hold on little man," Sami said giving Johnny a stern look. "We don't put each other down in this family. Girls are as smart as boys."

"If not more so," Allie added only to have her mother give her a warning look also.

"Neither one of you are going to be arguing with each other," Sami told them both while Sydney nodded her head. Sami touched Sydney on the nose, "You either missy."

"Okay," Sydney leaned back further into Sami's arms opting to finally eat a solitary nugget before handing Johnny her box which he readily took from her.

"Why are we here Mommy?" Allie asked hoping the place wasn't haunted while she thought to herself that anywhere would be better than the loft. She hated it there. It always made her nervous when she had to stay there especially if her mommy wasn't around.

"Well I have something very important to tell you," Sami began as their little eyes turned to her and she started to tell them of her plan so that they could understand they were going to start a new life together here.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XVI<strong>

"Your mother and Edmund are going to be thrilled to see you," Nanny exclaimed after pouring the tea for both her and EJ along with providing them each with some sweet treats from her kitchen.

EJ gave her a doubtful glance, "I'm not so sure thrilled is the correct word to use with my impromptu homecoming."

"They never wanted you to leave in the first place…"

"Another reason that makes me look foolish in their eyes I'm sure," EJ took a sip of tea savoring the flavor, no one made tea like his nanny and he had missed it.

"When people love you, they don't stop even if you have made some rather questionable decisions regarding your life," Nanny said softly.

"Questionable that is putting it lightly," EJ shook his head. "Nanny if you only knew the things I have done. I'm not a very good man."

"Rubbish," Nanny spouted out causing EJ to look at her more closely. "You can't hide behind such remarks and toss out all you have done and meant to our family. Yes, you turned your back on us, but that didn't cause us to turn off our love to you like some kind of faucet. Love doesn't work that way. Have you forgotten all that I tried to teach you over the years?"

"You just don't understand, I've been horrid, my actions have been deplorable on many, many occasions."

"I'm not giving you a free pass on what you have done, but I know how you are, when you get hurt you want to hurt back."

"And hurt I did," EJ thought back to his leaving here was just the start of hurting people. Stefano had convinced him he would be stuck in this town the rest of his life if he hadn't come with him and he had left without a backward glance. His parents in tears, his Nanny telling him he'd be back one day and now he was feeling more sorrow and regret than ever.

"You've been hurt too, and before you can try to deny it, just know I can see it in your eyes," Nanny took his hand again. "Talk to me, I can help you. I would give anything I have to see you truly happy."

"I don't think anyone can help me." EJ withdrew his hand; she just didn't understand what kind of man he had become, one on many days he didn't recognize himself.

"You doubt your nanny? Please child, I have seen and heard it all. So out with it or there will be no more tea or biscuits for you."

The woman drove a hard bargain and he knew she meant it. Some things you just couldn't give up and nanny's tea and biscuits were things he couldn't get anywhere else but from her.

"You're not going to like what you hear," EJ warned as she rolled her eyes at him and he started to tell her about Samantha and the children.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XVII<strong>

Sami awoke with a slight ache in her neck, but she guessed that was due to her children's idea of camping out in the living room last night all together. She looked around for them as she yawned and stretched as she arose. Well she could hear their laughter as they were discovering the rest of the house without her.

She ambled around until she found them upstairs, following the sound of their sweet voices; they were probably making some kind of game of what they might find in the house. She hoped she was making the right decision by staying here.

EJ had told her she could consider this her sanctuary and somehow she felt from deep within it was true. This was a place that held promise for her and the children as she found her three youngest scampering about it what must be the master bedroom due to its size and location at the farthest end of the house.

"Good morning," Sami called out to them instantly causing them to stop jumping around on the bed; she tried not to wince at the dust that was flying up in the air amidst their jumping on the bed like it was a trampoline. The entire house was going to need a cleaning from top to bottom.

"Mommy you were a sleepyhead this morning," Johnny noted while attempting a flip on the bed which immediately made Sami worry, ever since he'd had the surgery to remove one of his eyes, she was always cautious with him, too cautious Rafe had remarked to her on more than one occasion.

She didn't want to think of Rafe, he'd tried to influence way too many of her decisions regarding the children this past year. She felt a pang of regret as she thought of how she had pushed EJ out of their lives, with Lucas it was different he had left of his own accord, wanting to start over in the business world after his marriage to Chloe had fell apart.

Lucas never should have married that tramp in the first place Sami thought uncharitably then again it had been his choice. She hadn't loved him enough to fight to stay married to him, opting to marry EJ in what she had claimed was to stop the DiMera/Brady feud, but deep down it had been more than that even though she wouldn't admit it.

Maybe if she had been more forthcoming with the truth things might all be different now. She wouldn't have divorced EJ and end up marrying another man who hadn't been good for her or her children either. She was slowing coming out of her Rafe induced fog where she had thought he could do no wrong. Why did she keep making bad decisions when it came to men? She should have been alone instead of trying to make an instant family with Rafe. What had she been thinking?

She knew the answer to that question she hadn't been thinking, she had been hurt at EJ, furious with him and more than slightly crazed when she had found out EJ had been behind Sydney's kidnapping. She had snapped and even to this day she had a difficult time reconciling her actions from that time. So she had done what she did best, jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

She knew marrying Rafe would hurt EJ, she wanted him alone and miserable while she was happily married, but it had kind of backfired on her in the worst possible way. EJ had turned to Nicole again; her worst enemy besides Kate and the vicious cycle had started all over again.

"Mommy, did you hear what I said?" Allie asked her looking at her sadly.

"No sweetheart, I'm sorry, Mommy was thinking about things," Sami went over to sit on the bed, hoping her presence in the room would stop them from jumping and maybe breaking what might be weak bedsprings depending on how old they were, plus the furniture was so pretty, she loved antiques and this bed was beautiful, it was a sleigh bed with high curling edges at the top and the bottom, the carvings where intricate. It would be a shame if it were broken in any way.

"Mommy ok?" Sydney came to snuggle up next to her, making Sami instantly smile, she had worried so long that Sydney would never warm up to her and now her baby girl made her feel like things would be all right given time.

She looked at them, they all seemed fine, and it was like they hadn't even been fazed by her decision to move them here. They were all so smart and strong, they were the reason she wanted to do better, to be a stable person, she had wandered too far away from who she was and now she was going to make things better for them all, they would find their way together.

Sami smiled at them all as they gathered around her on the bed, "Yes, Mommy is better than ok, she is great because I have all of you with me."

"And we are going to have an adventure working on the house," Johnny added as he tried to get past Allie to be beside his mother, but she wasn't budging her spot.

"Yes, we are and we need to get started today, we have to choose bedrooms and do lots of cleaning, washing things and…"

"Ugh, girl stuff," Johnny groaned only to have Sami pull him into a hug shaking her head.

"Family stuff," Sami corrected placing a kiss on his forehead and then to the girls too. They had a lot to do today and the sooner they started on it the more head way they would make in turning this house into a home for them all.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XVIII<strong>

"Maybe you should have warned me we would need stronger drinks than my specially brewed afternoon tea," Nanny remarked after summoning up one of her girls that worked at the bar to bring her and EJ some bourbon as they continued their discussion which lasted for the rest of the afternoon.

"You wanted to know the truth so I tried to give you the condensed version," EJ shrugged his shoulders wishing he could have told her of kinder things, but his life these past five years had been little of kindness, more of calculating especially where Samantha had been concerned.

"If you wanted me to see you as a villain, you have not succeeded." While she thought many of the choices he had brought to light for her to try and understand his motives had been less than savory she could also see EJ had done things out of a misguided sense of love for the woman he apparently couldn't win over no matter what he had tried to do for her.

"You'd be one of the few who do not view me that way," EJ didn't want her to feel sorry for him, but at least with her he could be totally honest and upfront. Nanny had seen many things in her life and while sometimes her words had cut him, he knew she only wanted the best for him.

"So you've been battered and bruised," she finished her drink and motioned for EJ to pour her another which he readily did and then also poured him some. "The main thing is that you are still here to tell the tale even if you've took some hard knocks along the way."

EJ thought how nice it was to be able to talk to her again, he had missed her most of all even more than his mother and Edmund. "Getting shot multiple times and having the life almost beaten out of you can make you change your perspective that much is for sure."

"See at least you can still find some humor amongst the carnage," Nanny had tried her best not to burst into tears during some parts of his story; she hated what those people had tried to do to the one person whom she loved so fiercely. She was ready to go to Salem herself and talk some sense into this Samantha person, really was the girl blind? She had to be because Nanny had to quell the laughter from bubbling up sometimes this afternoon when various women some of her employees too had tried to get her grandson's attention.

Sad thing was EJ didn't even seem to notice that his presence garnered attention of almost the entire female population of the pub and she thought wryly even some of the males too. It was like he didn't even seem to notice them at all, he must love this Samantha something fierce even for all his declarations to her this afternoon that he was done with love once and for all. Maybe all he needed was some time away to heal his wounds and then he'd be able to move forward even if he couldn't have the one woman who had managed to steal his heart.

"Well I have to say that while I don't agree with some of your tactics you chose to use I think this Samantha girl may see the light especially after you wrote her those missives…"

"I didn't write the letters to Samantha to get her back Nanny," EJ began only to pause momentarily trying to give a name to what he had hoped to accomplish when had had poured his heart and soul out to the most stubborn woman in the world when Nanny interjected with her words to him.

"While you may be an expert at fooling other people you can't get much past me," Nanny gave him a knowing look, one she used to use when he was a small child trying to convince her of something that he wanted or needed especially when his parents had already told him no.

"I've never seemed to be able to fool you," EJ agreed with her and a ghost of a smile started to form on his face.

"No you haven't," Nanny finished her drink and signaled for EJ to pour her another when he raised his brow questioningly. "Well you may be right; we might need to stop drinking so that when you see your parents we aren't both three sheets to the wind."

"I don't know if I'm going to see them," EJ informed his grandmother to which she cast him a frown. "I didn't even know if I'd have the courage to see you today."

"You are not a coward so don't start acting like one now. They deserve to see you, it's been far too long as it is, plus you need to be around us. We are the ones who truly love you and want what is best for you even when your choices have broken all of our hearts. So before you start to tell me what you are going to do I have a few suggestions myself." Nanny crossed her arms across her chest just daring him to defy her.

EJ knew that he wouldn't dare go against her, his nanny was many things to him, but he didn't want to disappoint her anymore than he already had so he'd go see his mother and step father. Maybe they could help him see that his life wasn't a total disaster even though by his standards he knew it was, but who knew this time away from Salem might be the best thing for him, it sure had to beat having his heart tramped upon time and time again.

But he didn't want to think about that now, he wanted to get over the heartache and somehow try to become a man his children would be proud of instead of a man they might be ashamed of later on if or when they discovered his misdeeds. Johnny turning away from him had been the catalyst for him to change, if his son didn't want him around at this young age what would it be like in the years to come?

He didn't want to be estranged from his children, he missed them fiercely and it had only been a short time they had been apart. He couldn't imagine years of this anguish residing in his heart. He knew better than to expect anything else from Samantha even if she had come to the airport before he left Salem. He had tried not to put much stock into her appearance there and request for them to talk.

He didn't want to think of her anymore, she had been such a huge part of his life for years and he needed to get her out of his heart for good. He hadn't been lying to his nanny he was done with love, Samantha was married to that buffoon Rafe and he had to accept it and finally move on without trying to hurt her for not choosing to be with him.

Samantha had made it plain time and time again that she didn't want him and he was going to try to find a way to forget her. Surely if she could do it, he could too. All he needed was some time and hopefully when he returned to Salem they both could be adult about things enough for her to let him see the children again.

Right now he needed to concentrate on finding the good things in his life and what was important to him and nothing was more important than having his children back in some kind of capacity in his life. He just had to show Samantha he could be the kind of man that would put his children first no matter what else was happening in his life.

He could do it, he knew he could. Maybe Nanny would help show him the way. God knew he needed some guidance that wasn't tainted by the DiMera way of doing things. He had to learn to find a balance between who he used to be and the man he had become and hopefully he'd find the man he'd lost somewhere along the way.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XIX<strong>

The weekend had passed by quickly, almost too quickly Sami surmised as she made her way into the corporate offices of Titan Industries. She was more than a tad bit nervous even if her morning had been hectic getting the kids off to school, dropping Sydney off at her pre-K class and making sure Grandma was going to be able to pick them up today.

She had worked on a schedule that she thought would work, but the true test would be this week, if they could all get where they needed to be and when they needed to be there it would be fine. She just needed to quit worrying about things so much.

Then again, this was her first job in years; it had been ages since she'd been in the corporate world and even with these pre morning jitters clamoring around in her head, she was actually excited. Brady had told her to go to HR first thing this morning to get set up in the system as an employee and afterwards he'd take her around to her new office.

She was going to have her own office! She got through the initial HR questionnaires despite the lingering stares some of the girls had when she had entered the room, she guessed the rumor mill would be running rampant with the news of Brady hiring his half sister to work at the company.

Well she'd prove he'd done the right thing by hiring her even if she had resorted to making him feel all sorts of guilty, but he was her little brother and she could get away with it with him. With Eric, she almost never gained the upper hand, her twin brother saw through every scheme she had been known to come up with usually before anyone else even thought she was capable of such things.

But her scheming days were behind her, or so she hoped they were at least to some degree, right now it was all about providing a stable home environment for the children, or rather her three youngest, since Will hadn't been too happy when he had heard of her latest plans for the future.

_"Are you serious Mom? Did you just say you were leaving Rafe and moving into some kind of house EJ bought? Are you insane?" Will had turned those brown eyes on her with more than a modicum of suspicion while he looked at her._

_"Will I know what I am doing!" Sami replied sternly, god she hated it when he got all cocky with her, he thought he knew it all especially now that he was a freshman in college. But there was so much he didn't understand of what had gone wrong with her and Rafe, of her life in general for that matter._

_"Sure you do, just like the last time you got involved with EJ," Will huffed while pushing a lock of hair out from his eyes, not wanting his mother to also mention he needed a haircut which he clearly didn't but that was beside the point._

_"EJ isn't even in Salem," Sami offered up, thinking this might help be a selling point of why she was choosing to live in a house that he had bought. She had considered not telling Will the truth about who owned the house, that she was renting it instead, but her days of lying were over, well for the most part they were especially when it came to the children._

_"He wise up and leave town just like Dad did?" Will asked in a harsh tone, one that belied the hurt he still felt whenever he realized things were never going to work out for his parents. Lucas had been truthful with him, he had told him that neither he nor Sami had any kind of desire to try again and his moving to Japan for Home and Hearth was his decision. He had needed to leave Salem for his peace of mind and he wasn't coming back ever for more than visits to see the family._

_"That was low Will," Sami said his words reminding her of the way Lucas used to cut her down to size whenever they had a disagreement over how things were going._

_"I learned from the best, you and Dad," Will shrugged and started to turn on his heel, he really didn't care if EJ was gone or not, but he felt bad for Johnny and Sydney, now they didn't have their father around either and it was all due to the woman standing here in front of him, his mother who was notorious for lying and driving men to the point of insanity. _

_He knew one thing was for certain, he was never going to fall in love with anyone, he'd seen firsthand what happened when you gave your heart to someone and it wasn't pretty, no it tore you and your family apart._

_"William," Sami began ready to berate him when she realized it was pointless, he was upset with her and hopefully he'd get over it soon. Maybe in time he would come to understand why she was doing this, it was the best option she had right now to get her life back in order._

_"I'm outta here," Will pushed on the door to the student center and left his mother standing there wishing there was some way she could bridge this ever growing gap that was growing between them. Well one thing at a time, Will would come around, he just had to because she and the kids really needed him to be on board with this new phase in their lives._

"There you are," Brady came up behind Sami touching her shoulders before he came around to his desk to face her while she was lost in thought recalling her and Will's conversation yesterday at Salem University. Brady took one look at her face knowing something was up before asking, "Are you all right?"

Sami gave him a brief smile, trying to get the argument with Will out of her mind, she needed to focus on work today, push her problems to the background for the time being.

"I'm fine, more than fine actually I'm ready to see where I'll be working," Sami felt her enthusiasm trying to bubble it's way to the surface, despite whatever problems she may be facing, this was going to be good for her, she knew it.

"All right, I'll lead the way," Brady held out his hand for her and she took it readily. They walked down the hallway, took a few turns and then Brady stopped at the door of the last office and gestured for her to enter.

Well she thought she was going to have an office all to herself, but apparently she was going to be sharing one with someone and whoever it was their side of the office was tastefully decorated, while her side was painfully bare, devoid of anything personal.

"So who am I sharing office space with and what will I be doing?" Sami asked as Brady broke into a huge smile, he just couldn't help himself even though he knew this wasn't abating Sami's fears of having to share an office with anyone.

"Oh my god, as I live and breathe, it's you honey," a somewhat familiar voice broke into the room as he arrived with a flourish.

"I know you," Sami began trying to place exactly where she had seen this man before.

"Of course you do, we were exercise buddies!" Chris exclaimed merrily before telling Brady he could take it from here that he'd take excellent care of his sister. Brady taking his cue, left them alone hoping he was making the right choice by placing Sami in Chris' office, most people had a hard time dealing with him, he was harmless really unless Brady counted the times he had tried to personally hit on him, but he had been amused more than alarmed and let it pass.

Yes, Sami working with Chris would do wonders for her, she needed a friend outside of their family who could be objective and this man was just the one who might be able to take on his sister and teach her a thing or two about the shark pool she was entering by taking this job. While he had no doubts of his sister's abilities, he knew she might need some help with her people skills and when Chris was on your side at least it was never boring.

He guessed he would know for sure, either Sami would be ready to quit within a week's time or she would be able to do this job that so far had proven to him that it was quite tough to do. At least the last three girls hadn't made it, but this was Sami, she might just surprise him.

Before Sami had time to catch her breath, Chris took her by the hands and led her to chair, eyeing her outfit critically while he spun her chair around making her slightly dizzy.

"Girlfriend this just won't do," Chris said with a tsk.

"What won't do?" Sami asked not knowing what Chris was talking about. Did she have something in her teeth, she thought she had brushed carefully before leaving the house this morning.

Chris swirled his hands all around her, "This ensemble, did you really think this went together when you got up to get ready for work this morning?"

Sami felt a blush come over her, really what was wrong with her outfit? Granted she hadn't had money to buy a new wardrobe and she hadn't had time to get her clothes from the loft, she thought this was ok, although apparently Chris had other ideas.

"Well," she began not really knowing what to say, no one had ever confronted her about her choice of clothing beyond Nicole and she was a bitch so she never even listened to any kind of advice she had offered up to her.

"Wait a minute! Are Stacy and Clinton here in the building?" Chris asked excitement building in his voice as he took a step back in the hallway hoping a camera crew was outside waiting, but to his chagrin no one was in the hall beyond a few harried employees of Titan.

"Who are Stacy and Clinton?" Sami asked thinking her new office mate was quite deranged.

"Oh my god, this is worse than I thought," Chris shook his head sadly, this girl really had no clue and her brother had hired her to work for a fashion magazine.

"What are you talking about?"

"What Not to Wear, Stacy London and Clinton Kelly, anything ringing a bell for you sweetie?" Chris asked with the hopes that this might bring her around.

"Not a clue," Sami shook her head, yep it was official Brady had put her with a crazy person, why hadn't she seen it at the gym that day? Then again she had been trying to make EJ jealous or rather keep him away from that skank Nicole not that it had helped in the long run, but still.

"Well I'm calling Brady to inform him we'll be back after lunch," Chris said taking her by the hand and pulling her up.

"It's morning and I just got here ready to start my new job," Sami said thinking even if she was Brady's sister he wouldn't put up with her already leaving the office especially before lunch.

"Honey, we are working on the magazine staff of _Bella_some of these women in this office are downright vicious, we have to present them with your best not your hand me downs," Chris noted as he pulled on Sami's garment before she swatted his hand away.

"Chris I can't just go out and buy new clothes, I'm a single mom," Sami said a little self consciously, she had to budget her money wisely, she wasn't going to take any money from EJ, it was enough that she was staying at the house, but right now she didn't have plenty of options to choose from so she was going with her gut instinct.

"We have a company credit card for emergencies, and honey this is an emergency," Chris ushered her out of the room before those hags could see her, no way was he going to let them tear into her like they had so many others before. This was going to be such a fun day, he was going to do his very own makeover, he didn't need Stacy and Clinton's help he knew what worked in the fashion world and what did not.

Sami was so pretty if she had the right clothes she'd be unstoppable and so off they went, Sami still unsure and Chris brimming full of enthusiasm and energy. Well Sami thought after they returned to the office much later on during the day that one thing was for certain working at Titan was going to be one surprise after another, at least it was as long as she was hanging out with Chris.


	14. Chapter 14

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book II, Part XX

Sami kept herself busy, her new job was demanding yet she loved it. She was given the responsibility of the fitness section of the magazine while Chris was one of the co-editors over the fashion portion of Bella magazine. She was learning so much from him and it was nice to have a friend, one with no hidden agendas, something she hadn't had in years. Chris was honest with her to the point that many times it almost verged on hurting her feelings, but she was growing a thicker skin and starting to see that he meant it in a good way.

When she thought about it EJ had been her last true friend or she had thought he had been for a while until things had fallen apart. Looking back now with the distance to separate them and no way for her to contact him she really couldn't blame everything that had went wrong between them on him. She guessed the hardest thing was late at night after she had put the kids to bed and she was exhausted from work and then their never ending projects to work on improving the house that she was trying to make herself so tired that she wouldn't have time to think of EJ or any other man for that matter.

Justin had been a huge help to her, especially when Rafe initially contested the divorce proceedings, but after Sami refused to budge on the matter he was eventually backing off more with each passing week. They saw each other in passing a few times, but she no longer felt the need to speak to him or to feel sorry for her decision to divorce him.

The most embarrassing thing had been when Justin informed her that he wouldn't give her EJ's new cell phone number, reminding her EJ had specifically requested no contact with her unless it was an emergency. It had kind of brought out a panic in her when she had tried to call EJ again unsuccessfully of course only to not be able to leave him a message to call but rather a disconnection notice of the phone line.

What had triggered the need to call him the most was a conversation she'd had with the children one Friday night when they were having what was beginning to be their start of the weekend movie night. While they were talking about which movie they might watch this particular evening Johnny seemed preoccupied drawing in his latest sketch pad Sami had bought for him. He really was showing some promise with each new creation he came up with whether he used his colored pencils, crayons, paints or markers.

Sami looked over at his drawing after she had come back into the living room from washing and drying the dinner dishes. At first she had thought she didn't know if she could survive without a dishwasher, but it was all right now, just another thing she was used to doing in the house and she was teaching the children how to help her so it was all good.

"What are you drawing sweetie?" Sami asked coming to sit down on the couch while Johnny continued to draw not even looking up from his work.

"I don't know," he shrugged his shoulders and put an arm up to shield Sami from looking closely at the drawing.

"Johnny, please let me see, you know how much I love your pictures," Sami didn't want to intrude on him, but she was really curious as to what her son might be drawing.

"Johnny is making a picture for Daddy EJ," Allie informed Sami which caused Johnny to look up from his drawing while giving Allie a frown.

"Be quiet Allie," Johnny warned, "it's not like he would want to see it anyway."

"Johnny, your daddy would love it, I know he would," Sami said her heart sinking knowing that EJ not being here with his children was affecting them too more than she even realized. Why had she thought that EJ signing over full custody would be a good thing for them? It was evident they missed him especially when Johnny asked his next question.

"Did I make Daddy run away? I was mad at him for acting like a bad guy, but I'm not mad anymore," Johnny pushed his sketch pad away from him as he looked to his mom with tears in his eyes.

Sami patted the place beside her on the couch motioning for Johnny to come sit beside her which he did, settling in close enough for her to pull him in a tight hug, "Oh honey your daddy didn't leave because of what you said to him. He just needed to go away for a little while."

"Is he in jail? Rafe said he was a bad guy," Johnny didn't want to cry, but he felt the tears coming.

"No your daddy is not in jail," Sami hated this knowing she had spoken badly of EJ to Rafe several times when she had thought the children could not hear them, but apparently they saw and heard more than what she gave them credit for and it made her feel ashamed. She should have kept her opinions of EJ to herself whether or not the kids might have heard her. Plus that had been the anger talking, the anger EJ could bring up in her that few others seemed to trigger.

"That time on the TV they were talking about daddy and I thought that maybe Rafe had put him in jail," Johnny said as he began to cry in earnest.

"Everything you hear or see on TV is not true," Sami said hoping she was relieving his fears, things could seem so overwhelming for kids and Johnny had went through so much this past year, it made her want to cry, but she had to keep strong.

Allie said softly almost where they couldn't hear her, "Johnny said EJ was mean to Rafe, but Rafe was mean to me and he didn't have to go to jail."

Oh god she really was going to lose it, what had she done to damage her sweet children, they had seen and heard more than kids their age should have to encounter.

"Allie there was a good and bad Rafe," Johnny lifted up his head as he tried to explain to her what he knew about the situation.

"All Rafe's yuck," Sydney piped in with her baby voice, shaking her head with a face showing she didn't think much of Rafe before adding, "I miss daddee."

Considering how this conversation was going Sami wanted to agree with her baby girl, but she held her tongue, she'd done enough damage to them without adding fuel to the fire.

Now Sydney began to cry, which made Johnny wipe at his cheeks dispelling his own tear tracks, "Don't be a crybaby Sydney."

"I not cry…crybabee, I big girl," Sydney began to argue with him.

Allie went over to Sydney patting her affectionately, "Don't cry Sydney, your daddy will come back soon. Mommy just said Johnny didn't make him run away."

"Johnny mean," Sydney looked at him, "he make daddy go way."

"I didn't mean to," Johnny tried to defend himself.

"Girls, Johnny didn't make EJ run away," Sami reminded them wishing EJ was here, this was difficult.

"Can I call daddy and tell him I'm sorry?" Johnny asked and it made Sami want to cry all the more seeing how much they all missed EJ not being here with them. They needed both of them, not one parent or the other.

"Your daddy's cell phone is broke," Sami hated lying to them; she didn't want to tell him that she had already tried to call him several times with no success. She couldn't deal with Johnny blaming himself for something that wasn't his fault, EJ had left because of her and how they couldn't come to a reasonable agreement concerning custody of the children. The constant tug and war they had done with these children was terrible and now they were all paying the price.

"Let me see what I can do," Sami said softly gathering them all up in a hug.

"Maybe we could make daddy EJ a video," Allie suggested, "that way he could see us and we could tell him how much we miss him. Could we do that mommy?"

Sami smiled, this might work and she could give it to Justin so he could forward it onto EJ, at least he would know they were thinking of him, this might help him too knowing his children hadn't forgotten him and wanted him home even if she didn't know how things would go between them when he came back. Would she have to move out, would the kids? She didn't have the answers and she did what she was good at, she pushed the unwanted thoughts aside for another day. She just had to deal with things with one day at a time.

The idea that they could make a video for EJ perked Allie up, she had been telling them for months now she was going to be a star one day and she began to talk to Johnny and Sydney telling them what they could do. She got Sami's permission to call her big brother Will to come over sometime during the weekend and film them since she knew he had a video camera.

Luckily Will agreed to Allie's request, he really was a softie whenever it was concerning his younger brother and sisters and while he still wasn't EJ's biggest fan he wasn't going to say to do anything to disparage their opinion of him. Sami suggested they film it at the park telling the kids it would make for a good surprise when EJ came home of how much work they had done at the house that could be their present to him because he didn't know they were working on the house.

So that weekend they made a video for EJ, Sami making sure she wasn't in any scenes, she wanted EJ to enjoy the video and somehow she didn't think her presence would be a welcome sight for him. Unbeknownst to her, Will caught a shot of her with the kids that she didn't know about, he edited it under Allie's direction of course, his little sister was quite bossy about it all so his mother didn't know the final cut he sent to Justin when he went by his office later on the following week.

"Justin, can you send this to EJ? My mom said you knew how to contact him," Will said as he gave him a hard copy along with emailing him a file attachment of their project.

"What is this?" Justin asked wondering exactly what Will was doing in his office according to his knowledge from Sonny that Will hadn't been too ecstatic over his mother's decision to move into the house EJ had purchased although he now seemed ok with her getting a divorce from Rafe.

"Something my brother and sisters wanted to make for EJ, a video telling him they missed him and wanted him to come home soon," Will offered up with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"And you were willing to do this for them?" Justin asked, knowing how hard this must have been for Will, it was no secret Will didn't seem to care much for EJ as a person.

"They love him and you know sometimes he wasn't such a jerk, I mean he was good to me at least until I turned on him," Will hung his head, he really didn't know what he felt for EJ, he had blamed him for so many things going wrong that he needed to see how much EJ meant to his siblings and he had saw that while making the video.

"It's okay not to trust him," Justin offered up, seeing how Will was torn on the subject.

"I don't know if it is lack of trust or something more," Will said matter of fact. "Maybe when EJ comes home we can talk too sometimes that is if he wants to, he might not want anything to do with me."

"Talking things out might help," Justin agreed as Will arose saying he had to go, he needed to work on the website that he, Sonny and Chad were still building so his time was limited.

Justin looked at the video in its case, he wasn't going to invade EJ's privacy by watching it so he took out an envelope and addressed it to his current address he have given him. Then he went to his computer to compose an email of the file too sending it off to EJ's new email address.

While he couldn't claim to call EJ a friend, he could say he admired him for trying to take care of his family while he was out of the country, maybe there was so good in EJ DiMera after all.

^ ^ ^ ^

As the weeks had went by EJ tried to keep himself busy, of course his mother and Edmund had been glad to see him, welcoming him with open arms and it was nice to spend time with them along with his nanny with whom he continued to have daily conversations about his life and what he should do in the future. While Nanny was telling him he should try to mend fences with this Samantha girl he would shake his head telling her once more the romantic fool that used to preside in his heart was long gone.

He had even went out with a few women while he was here, but each time he found them lacking in some area or another and then he would be mad when or if his conscience would creep in with something about Samantha. He tried not to think of her, focusing rather on getting back to being the kind of man he needed to be for his children.

He missed them so much; it was like a huge hole was in his heart whenever he thought of them. He did like to regale his family with stories of the children and asked for their forgiveness in not bringing them to see them. They had all been afraid of Stefano and what he may have done to them if they had tried to encroach upon EJ's life so they had stayed away.

Susan suggested they may come visit Salem in the spring if EJ would allow them, Stefano be damned which Nanny heartily agreed with her, only Edmund stating they would need to proceed with caution if they ventured to Salem especially after EJ informed them they might not even be able to see this children. He didn't have any idea whether or not Sami would see him when he returned or if she would agree to let him see the children again in some capacity.

EJ had returned from one of his many runs he now did sometimes more than once daily along the surrounding city and countryside when Susan handed him an envelope addressed to him from the law office of Justin Kiriakis. EJ frowned as he attempted to wipe the sweat off his brow before opening the envelope with shaking hands. What could Justin be sending him?

He opened the envelope; a single sheet of paper along with an encased DVD was inside.

_EJ, ___

_While you stated you wanted no contact from Samantha this is something you might want to see. I sent you an email too, but have no idea how closely you are checking your emails since you are out of the country and not working with DiMera Enterprises anymore.___

_I don't have a clue as to what is on the DVD; Will brought it by the office asking for me to mail it to you. I hope you are doing well and look forward to you returning home. If you need anything else, please let me know and I will do my best to help you.___

_Sincerely, ___

_Justin Kiriakis_

"What is it son?" Susan asked seeing her son visibly shaken, during his time here he had gradually grown more relaxed, but she could tell this wasn't something he was expecting.

"I don't know," EJ held out the DVD case for her to see.

"I guess the only way you are going to know for sure is to watch it," Susan said before adding. "Do you want to watch it alone?"

"I've told you all my dirty secrets, well most of them anyway," EJ tapped the case against his hand.

"Whatever you want," Susan went over to stand behind EJ as he got out his laptop to place the disk into it.

"You can stay," EJ said as the DVD began to play and suddenly his computer screen showed the children at the park playing and then it went to each of them telling him they missed him and wanted him to come home soon. He placed a hand to his mouth, not expecting this and he began to cry.

"They are so beautiful," Susan said in awe as she viewed them on the screen with him.

"They are," EJ readily agreed although he was having a hard time finding his voice as he continued to watch them. They looked so happy and it pierced his heart when he heard their sweet voices especially their sentiments of asking him to come back home.

"Looks like you are needed back home," Susan stated quietly, not wanting him to leave just yet even though it had already been two months since he had arrived on their doorstep his nanny proudly presenting him to them.

"I don't know where my home is anymore," EJ replied feeling more lost than before making his mother reach out to hug him from behind.

"Yes, you do, home is where your heart is," Susan patted him on the chest and kissed him on the top of his head like she used to do when he was little boy.

"Don't you know I don't have a heart mother," EJ replied his voice barely above a whisper as the tears continued to flow down his face after the screen faded to black.

"You do too and while Edmund, Nanny and I will be simply heartbroken to see you go, you have to for these precious children. My grandchildren that I am going to meet soon," Susan said firmly hoping her voice wouldn't break, her son needed to go back for them if nothing else. She hated that Sami girl didn't seem to have much sense because anyone could see her son was a catch, but he needed his children even if he couldn't have the woman he loved. She could see he loved her enough to let her go or he wouldn't have left in the first place.

"I'm not supposed to go back before Christmas Eve," EJ hit the replay button again he needed to see their faces, hear their voices again. This had to be one of the kindest things anyone had done for him and it would be one of his most treasured possessions from now on.

"Sometimes the best laid plans need to be tweaked a bit now and then sweet pea," Susan kissed his head one more before stepping back from him, she didn't want him to leave, but this was for the best for him, her son that was still so broken and confused.

"I guess so," EJ agreed touching the computer screen, his darling children wanted him back so even if he wasn't sure he was ready to return to Salem, he would do so for them.

He'd just have to make the best of things and hopefully Samantha was going to let him back in their lives. The children's lives, he wasn't going to attempt anything with Samantha, that bridge was long burned to the ground.

Burned with no chances of crossing back over it, sadly he was sure Samantha felt the exact same way about him too. He had come to realize some things were better left in the past. They just were.

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book II, Part XXI

It took another month before EJ could arrange things to his satisfaction to return to Salem, all the while debating several times whether he should go back or not. He kept making excuses for delaying his return until Nanny threatened to take him over her knee if he didn't get a move on back to Salem. He wasn't still completely convinced that he needed to go back despite the DVD from his children, although it meant all the more to him that Allie had wanted him to come back home too. No matter what the DNA tests had proven, he'd always considered Allie to be his also. He'd felt it from the moment he had seen both of those babies in the hospital.

The time lag was not all due to scheduling conflicts as he had tried to claim to his mother, nanny and Edmund, he was just delaying the inevitable, because a huge part of him was not ready to face Samantha again. He had completely bared his soul to her, with the letters he had written to her he had given her an insight into places he had never let anyone into before and he had thought by the time he was scheduled to come back he could face her that is if she even wanted to see him.

He knew deep down her impromptu arrival at the airport that day was a knee jerk reaction, in typical Samantha fashion. While she had surprised him by coming there, a part of him had almost expected some kind of grandstand performance from her; it was what made her the one woman he somehow still couldn't get out of his mind.

He had wrestled with his emotions ever since he had left Salem, by writing the letters and giving her those objects he had held onto and some of them against her; he had truly wanted to close the door to his past with her. Writing the letters had been cathartic and he had thought it would provide some kind of closure on a chapter of his life that didn't need to be revisited ever again. He would always be grateful for the blessings of his children, but he couldn't say the same for his time with Samantha. The woman had ripped him open literally and left him to die, something he needed to keep in mind when he had to deal with her again.

Well he'd put if off long enough it was early November, he wished he could wait, but he'd made the children wait long enough. If their video was any indication of their wishes, then they wanted him back in their lives. He didn't know what kind of game Samantha was playing by sending it to him through Justin, was the video just to taunt him of what he had lost by his various heinous actions or was she truly trying to reach out to him?

One never knew with her, many times he had believed he could trust her and every single time she had betrayed him. At least this time away had strengthened his resolve not to fall prey to those mesmerizing blue eyes that somehow still haunted his dreams.

All these things he thought on the flight back to Salem. There were so many lose ends he needed to tie up. He had avoided contact with anyone, especially avoiding the attempts from his father. He knew it would be difficult to make his father see why he had decided upon this new juncture in his life, just another reason he had tossed his cell phone, he'd felt guilty enough especially after receiving the video from the children.

Johnny, Sydney and Allie were the sole reason he was returning to Salem. He knew he would never be whole again if he didn't have some kind of role in their lives, and he hated the uncertainty of everything being contingent upon the one woman who could cause such havoc in his life. As the announcement that the plane would soon be touching down his anxiety increased tenfold.

He'd always been in charge of his fate or so he had thought until the day he'd met that blue eyed devil named Samantha Brady. He was glad he had declined the last offer of drinks he would need all his facilities intact when he saw her again because Samantha held all the cards on whether or not he would see his children ever again.

He just prayed this time apart she had decided he was worth the duty of being a parent, he didn't know what he would do if she decided it would be better for the children if he didn't see them. Hopefully she would see he had changed, he was no longer a good DiMera soldier for his father, and he was his own man.

One that only wanted to share a part of his children's lives no matter how small it might be, his future was all in Samantha's hands whether she realized it or not. He hoped she wouldn't crush his dreams again like she had done so many times before.

Well he'd find out soon enough, as soon as he departed the plane he was headed to see Justin no matter that it was late, he had paid him generously for his services and he needed to see him to get some kind of gauge on how to deal with Samantha.

Not that gauges ever helped with her, but he didn't need to be going into things blindly, he may have changed his devious ways, but he wasn't a simpleton either. He felt better emotionally than he had in years, but he knew that all could be wiped out in mere seconds of Samantha deemed it so.

After departing the plane with his carry-on bag he took out his new cell phone, dialing Justin's number before he even started driving his Mercedes. While Justin didn't seem thrilled with EJ announcing his arrival back in Salem, he agreed to meet with him.

So within the hour of his return to Salem, EJ was seated in Justin's law office, them being the only ones in the building since it was nearing eleven in the evening.

"Justin I wanted to thank you for all of your help and to apologize for the lateness of the hour in which I summoned for you…"

"Adrienne isn't too pleased that I left her this late in the evening, but I was curious as to why you have returned before you told me you were coming home," Justin interjected wanting to know the reason why EJ was back in Salem. He wasn't sure of his motives, but he had only seemed to want to help Samantha and the children so that was why he had agreed to help him in the first place.

"While you are privy to my current business affairs, I don't really feel the need to share my entire life story with you," EJ wasn't sure he could trust Justin beyond what he had helped him draw up in the custody papers and the trust funds for the children.

"EJ, I'm not trying to pry, that is more the style of some of the nosy citizens of this town, you just had my curiosity piqued that was all," Justin shrugged his shoulders, EJ was a hard man to figure out, and he still wasn't sure why he had chosen him in the first place beyond thinking that Sami would trust him with the news he had imparted to her when EJ had left town.

"I didn't mean to come as standoffish, it's just that I really don't know what to expect and I needed some help," EJ hated showing any kind of weakness to anyone especially a Kiriakis, but Justin had proved he was more than worthy of his trust because he had handled these legal matters for him with discretion.

"What kind of help do you need?" Justin eyed him carefully, EJ was such a contradiction of sorts, one moment being closed off, and the next seeming to act like a friend to him or what he considered a tentative friendship would be with them since they were on warring families and had been for as long as he had known the DiMera family.

"I wanted to know how my children were," EJ began haltingly, "umm, it's just that I want to see them and since I gave Samantha sole custody, I'm not sure where to start."

Justin was quiet for a few moments before he phrased this question to EJ, "Are you wanting to know about Sami?"

"Well things hinge on her allowing me to see the children again, I gave up my rights to them at her request," EJ looked down at the floor this was awkward, he had hated relinquishing his rights, but at the time he had thought it was for the best for the children, they didn't need to be caught up in the cross fire of their father slowly self destructing.

"She is doing well," Justin supplied, "more than well actually, I mean she has surprised me by her actions."

EJ raised his head up meeting Justin's eyes with curiosity of his own, "Surprise you how?"

"You need to find those things out from her yourself," Justin replied cryptically.

"I hate having to go to that bloody apartment complex to see her," EJ said before he even realized he was letting Justin in to his personal thoughts on the matter.

"EJ, Sami isn't there,"

"Where is she then? She hasn't left with the children has she?" EJ felt a cold dread start to form inside of him. What if Samantha had left Salem with the children? He hadn't even thought of that option before since he had been so wrapped up in own personal journey to find out who he was without welding the DiMera power and influence on others.

"No, she hasn't left Salem," Justin assured him, wanting to avert the instant panic that had come across EJ's face when he had pondered the thought that Sami might have left Salem with the children. "Sami is here, she just isn't living at the apartment anymore."

"Where is she then? Where are my children?" EJ asked, relief flooding through him that his fears of the children being gone was just a terrible thought he had and not some new kind of reality for him to face upon his return to Salem.

"They are at your house."

"The mansion?"

"No your house, you know the one you bought before you left Salem?"

"Really? I never thought she would go there," EJ said in disbelief.

"Did you not want her to? I mean you left her instructions that she and the children could go there if they so desired." Justin didn't know what to think of EJ, he seemed to be all over the place emotionally.

EJ shook his head, "I just never thought she would go there. I specifically told her in the letters she wasn't to go there with Rafe."

"Rafe's not there," Justin offered up, looking at his watch, knowing Adrienne was waiting at home for him in their bed and he really wanted to get back to her. "So EJ let's make an appointment for tomorrow, I'd really like to get back to my wife."

EJ nodded his head; his mind spinning with all sorts of scenarios, none of them had Samantha not being with Rafe.

"EJ, I'm going home," Justin said as he stood, patting him on his shoulder as he walked past him.

"Okay, I guess I'm going to my house then," EJ said kind of dazed, wondering exactly why Samantha and the children were there at the house, but he had told her she could go there if she had felt the need.

"Good idea," Justin led EJ out of his office; trying to stifle a chuckle that threatened to come up because there weren't many times he had seen any of the DiMera's baffled so this was something for him to savor.

EJ held out his hand to shake with Justin's, "Thank you."

"No need to thank me, I'm just doing my job of being your lawyer," Justin replied matter of fact to EJ.

"Of course, goodnight Justin," EJ shook his head, trying to come out of this fog his brain seemed to have came upon with the news of Samantha being at the house, the one he had bought when he was being sentimental and reflecting on his life. While he had hoped she would go there he hadn't really believed she would even consider his offer.

He drove away from Justin's office feeling like he was on autopilot, driving past many of the familiar sites of Salem before heading out to the place he had bought never thinking Samantha would go there. When he arrived it was almost midnight, the house was dark with the exception of one lone light that was on in what he thought had to be the living room.

He almost didn't go to the front door, but he guessed if she was up she had heard the noise of his car driving up if she was still awake. He didn't want to worry her if she was up, he was sure the kids had been asleep for quite some time if they were still on their sleeping schedule they had before he had left the states.

He stood outside the door, hesitating before he knocked on the front door and then he reprimanding himself, he wasn't some cowardly timid man afraid of facing Samantha. So he rapped on the door, quietly at first and then with more force in his knocking so that she would hear him, he didn't want to ring the doorbell if it even worked because he needed to talk to Samantha before he saw the children if she let him see them.

He almost turned to leave, it was apparent no one was coming to the door, maybe Samantha had left the light on and she was asleep. He could wait until tomorrow to see her, it wasn't like she was expecting him to be there anyway and then the door opened to reveal a very sleepy looking vision of Samantha.

"Will, it's late," Sami said sleepily as she stood in the doorway, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness of the outside when she paused, it wasn't Will standing in the doorway.

It was EJ, oh my god he had come back and he was standing on her doorstep awaiting some kind of response to her. She almost shut the door in his face, she wasn't prepared to see him again, but it was his house after all, she was a mere guest here so she stepped back and opened the door wider.

"Come in," she said softly while she waited for him to cross the threshold, which after a few moments he reluctantly obliged, neither one of them saying a word to the other as she shut the door behind him as he entered the house.

They looked at each other, still silent until Sami held out her hand in what appeared to be a greeting of sorts, "Hi, I'm Sami Brady."

EJ looked at her warily, what kind of game was she playing with him and she was using her maiden name too, this woman was so confusing. He almost didn't take her proffered hand, but he knew that would be terribly impolite so he decided to play along with her taking her smaller hand in his larger one, trying to stifle the instant electricity he felt as soon as their hands touched one another.

"Hi, I'm EJ Wells DiMera."

"Wells huh?" Sami asked wanting to pull back her hand, but she wasn't going to appear meek and mild in front of him despite his late night appearance throwing her off balance.

"Brady eh?" EJ countered back with a question of his own to her as he let her hand drop from his, not knowing how much longer he could take the contact with her without wanting more from her and he wasn't going down that road again.

"Yes, Sami Gene Brady," she supplied to him standing up straighter, wishing she wasn't in her pajama pants and a tight tank top, but she hadn't been expecting company at this late hour.

"Is Sami a nickname?" EJ asked her as if he didn't know the answer to the question he was posing to her.

"Yes, Sami is short for Samantha, but everyone calls me Sami."

"Would you mind if I called you Samantha? The name Sami doesn't seem to be worthy of such beauty," EJ wanted to kick himself mentally, but the words had slipped out of his mouth before he thought about them, this woman had that air about her, no matter how many times he had told himself he needed to leave her alone when he saw her in person she just did something to him and all rationale seemed to go by the wayside.

She didn't answer him immediately, but secretly she was happy he asked her that question. She tried to look nonchalant and replied with a shrug of her shoulders, "If you wish."

EJ nodded his head and gave her a smile, not a big one, but a smile none the less as she motioned for him to enter the living room. He wasn't sure where this conversation was going, but it was start and maybe they could come to some kind of amicable arrangement concerning the children, and that was all he wanted nothing more, nothing less.

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book II, Part XXII

EJ took a seat on the somewhat spacious couch in the living room while Sami chose to sit in the chaise lounge which was situated a little away from the couch in a corner angle, all the while she unconsciously pushed some stray strands of hair from her face which had apparently fallen from the messy up do while she had slept. Neither of them knowing exactly what to say, so many things had happened between and it was difficult to make small talk.

Sami wished she were more appropriately dressed, being here with EJ in her pj's, no makeup and hair that wouldn't behave wasn't what she had planned for when they would see each other again. She was thrown off with him coming here in the middle of the night, while she had thought he may have come home sooner after the video the children had sent him than he did, she still wasn't prepared to see him in the flesh.

It wasn't fair that he looked good even if his suit was slightly rumpled from what she guessed was the plane flight in from god knows where he had been, thinking of which made her frown slightly. Exactly where had he been and what had he been doing? Then she shook her head, it wasn't any of her business, not anymore, she had given up that right long ago to know EJ's whereabouts.

EJ made the room seem smaller, Sami deduced as she squirmed opting to grab a throw from the chair she was sitting in, wrapping it securely around her form, and hoping it provided some kind of barrier. EJ could unnerve her with a single glance and she needed to give off a confident air around him instead of one of being unsure of everything about her.

"Are you cold?" EJ asked the obvious as Sami grasped the throw around her a little bit tighter.

"A little," she admitted, not wanting to let him know that it kind of embarrassed her that she was hardly clothed in comparison to him.

"Sorry for the late night intrusion, I just got in a little while ago and after seeing Justin he told me you and the children were staying here," EJ slouched a bit, placing his elbows on his legs while his chin rested in the palm of one hand as he looked at her, his eyes not giving any indication of what he was thinking.

"That's all right isn't it?" Sami asked, tucking her feet up under her body, seeming to draw away from him more physically. She had always hated surprises and EJ arriving in the middle of the night wasn't something she was ready for no matter how many sleepless nights she had wondering if and when he would return.

EJ shook his head, "Of course, I offered…"

"In your letters to me," Sami stated quietly, guessing now was as good of a time as any to bring up the reason she was here in the first place. If EJ hadn't of written the letters to her, she would probably still be playacting like she was happy being married to Rafe in the loft apartment. Something she was glad she wasn't doing anymore, but still she wasn't sure exactly where her life was going to lead her in the future.

"Yes, the letters," EJ shifted and leaned back on the couch. He hadn't expected her to bring them up so soon, if ever, he wondered to himself if she thought he was a fool for even writing them to her in the first place, but she was here with the children so that had to mean something, didn't it? "I guess this means you've read them?"

"Every last one of them," Sami replied with a slight nod of her head, wishing she didn't feel like she was a teenage girl again, his letters had been the most real thing she had ever read and they had literally changed the direction of her life. It was more than a bit disturbing that EJ could have seen into the real her by exposing what she knew had to be his true heart to her even if it was via the stack of letters she had in the trunk which was now situated at the foot of her bed, kind of like some kind of hope chest young girls kept long ago before they were to be married.

"I guess you think that was quite foolish of me, but given the circumstances," EJ's voice trailed off, he didn't have a clue of how or if his letters had affected her they way they had for him while he had written them to her amidst the drunken days he'd spent here in this very house before he left town.

"No, it wasn't foolish, it was quite romantic," Sami said, the throw slipping off her form as she moved off the chaise longue and went to sit by EJ, wishing she could reach out to him more, but this was all she could give him at the moment. He made her feel skittish and more than part of her was afraid to say more to him.

EJ scooted back a bit after Sami sat down on the couch beside him, he couldn't get closer to her. He shook his head, opting not to look into her eyes while he admitted softly, "Well you don't have to worry about that emotion from me anymore, that hopeless romantic within me died the moment I finished writing the letters to you."

"Did he really?" Sami asked him before she thought better of it, maybe it would be easier not to know the truth, but she was trying to live without the lies she had lived with for most of her entire teenage and subsequent adult life.

"He did," EJ said with finality in his tone that Sami hadn't heard before coming from him. He had many more questions for her, but it was late and he needed to go. He hadn't thought the conversation would be steered in this direction and he knew how wrong things could go between them, misunderstandings with Samantha were the norm, not the exception.

He attempted to stand to take his leave from her when she reached out her hand, placing it on his arm.

"Stay," she suggested, before removing her hand from his arm when he looked at her like she had burned him with her touch.

"The children…"

"Will want to see their father," Sami said thinking how delighted they would all be to see his face again. They had missed him so much and she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret from them that EJ was back in town.

"I guess I could sleep on the couch," EJ shrugged, hoping it would be comfortable, even though he detested sleeping on couches.

"Uh, we fixed a room for you," Sami began to rise from the couch; she couldn't believe she was saying it, but it was true, she had chosen another bedroom when they had moved into the house, opting to leave the master bedroom if EJ returned.

"Why would you do that?" EJ looked at her with confusion; he didn't understand her at all.

"It's your house," Sami replied as she motioned for him to follow her.

EJ almost said aloud that it was their house, but luckily he stopped himself before he uttered the words. He didn't follow her, just stood in the living room considering his options, he was tired, but still he didn't want to confuse the children by his sudden presence here in the house.

Sami realized he wasn't following her and she turned back to him, "Look I know it may seem strange…"

"That's an understatement," EJ broke in before he saw her narrow her eyes slightly so he kept mum from saying more to her.

"I know I've hurt you and you've hurt me. So I guess what I'm asking is can we just call it even and try to go on from there?"

"Even, like we just forget the past?" EJ asked, with a shake of his head, feeling like he had stepped into some kind of weird version of the twilight zone with her.

"The kids need you here, I'm not asking you to stay for my sake," Sami huffed, not wanting to fight with him, why couldn't he see this was the best option for them all. "I mean it's not like I'm asking you to move in with me, not romantically or anything else of the sort."

He guessed she was throwing in the romantically part for his sake since he had informed her earlier he wasn't that kind of man anymore which was good, no use in him pretending to be something that was long gone.

"So you suggesting we both live here?" EJ raised a curious brow in her direction.

"Yes, platonically, you know as friends," Sami stuttered slightly, not wanting him to think more into this than what she was offering.

"We're not friends anymore Samantha," EJ stated matter of fact hating to see her face fall after he said the words to her.

"We could be, if we really tried," Sami said her blue eyes searching his hoping they could do the impossible, they needed to for their children. "For the children, EJ, we need to do this for them. God knows we've screwed up their lives enough as it is already."

Oh great now she was throwing in tons of guilt about their kids, something he knew she was quite capable of, hell he was too for that matter.

This wasn't a good idea, it wouldn't work he thought as he pondered if such a thing was actually possible given their past history. All he knew was that it always hurt to have her close, but out of reach, because he knew she'd never be his. He was sick of the constant heartache; he was tired of feeling like his heart had been stomped upon by being around her. That was the reason he had left Salem to find some kind of release from the strange hold Samantha had on his heart from the first moment he had laid his eyes upon her.

He had willingly stepped out of the picture so they could find some kind of peace and solace away from each other. Now she expected him to move on like she _cared_ and actually wanted to be his friend again.

He should get out of here now while he still could, but then he looked back into those fathomless sapphire eyes that could still bewitch no matter how much he claimed they didn't. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her no, that he'd find somewhere else to stay, but those eyes were almost daring him to take her up on her challenge.

He let out a deep breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and nodded his head, "Okay, show me to my room."

He only hoped he wasn't making a huge mistake by agreeing to stay here.

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book II, Part XXIII

He had to admit, it was a nice room, the bedroom Samantha had ushered him into before telling him an abrupt goodnight. He guessed it would be complicated for them to both live here together, well not in this room, they would be roommates. He sighed it wasn't like they were going to share this room together.

He looked to the bed, it was big, big enough for two and that was saying a lot considering his height and body frame. He shouldn't think of the bed in that context though, he was finished with impossible dreams and schemes of trying to win Samantha over. He had meant it that he wanted no part in anything resembling romance.

His days of being a fool for love were dead to him. He wasn't going to risk his heart ever again, especially not to the woman who was sleeping in another bedroom somewhere in this very house. He wanted to check in the rooms to see his children sleeping, but he didn't want to wake them.

He would have time to see them tomorrow; it would be Saturday which meant no school for them. While he didn't know what type of routine they were now in with this school year he would familiarize himself with it during this next week. He paced the bedroom, even though he was tired after speaking with Samantha he wasn't ready to go to sleep, plus he didn't want to go to sleep with her on his mind, no doubt he'd be dreaming of her and he didn't want his subconscious to bring visions of her into his dreams.

It was going to be difficult enough living here; he might just stay for a day or two until he found another place to live. He wasn't going back to the DiMera mansion; he had meant it when he had told his father he was breaking ties with the family business. He wasn't going to be involved in things that could come back to harm his family in any shape or form.

You would think his father would understand his decision to step down and away from more of the sordid aspects of their business. While EJ could claim DiMera Enterprises did in fact have several legitimate businesses, it was the other side venues that he no longer wanted to have any involvement in because ultimately when the children grew up they would be confronted with some very ugly truths about their father unless he stayed true to this new course of action and distanced himself from his own father, their grandfather.

The drug running and distribution, illegal gambling, money laundering, even prostitution were things his family were involved in and while he had partook in overseeing some of these less than seemly projects he didn't like it. His own life was a mess, he certainly didn't want to add to other's misery any more and the bottom line was those sidelines of their business destroyed others.

Not that he was now some sort of do-gooder, but he really wanted to be a man his children would be proud of to have as their father along with their family name and it was going to be an uphill battle to make those necessary changes. So if being a man of ethics was what it would take to facilitate this change, he was going to have to buckle down and do it.

He thought back to the many times Stefano told him about the importance of family. It was a mantra his father repeated to him time and time again.

___"Family comes first in life. It is a man's most important duty to protect his family from any form of harm. Be willing to lay down your life if need be to ensure they will be safe. The bonds of family are strong, stronger than anything else in this world. Honor your family with respect and loyalty. Without family we are nothing!" ___

  
>EJ only wished his father had taught him of love, of the sacrifices a person must be willing to give to others, of how to bring happiness into a home without hidden agendas and threats to have other comply with your wishes. His father had taught him what his father had taught him, too bad neither had stressed the importance of the power of love.<p>

EJ loved his children, had loved them enough to let them go, now he hoped Samantha would see that he was going to do whatever it took to make his family feel safe, protected and most importantly loved.

He took off his jacket and placed it neatly on a nearby chair, his other clothes followed until he was left with only his boxers on. He was too tired to retrieve his suitcase from his car so he would just try to get some rest, he would need it for tomorrow. He and Samantha had so much to discuss, but he wanted to see his children first.

He turned off the lights in the room, then pulled back the comforter on the bed and settled into it, thinking that Samantha had put a lot of work into this house because it had been in desperate need of restoring and repairs when he had purchased it months ago. He hadn't thought she would take him up on his offer of taking sanctuary there, but then again she often surprised him when he least expected it.

There would be time enough to talk things through with Samantha. He had been out of the loop for months, cutting himself off from Salem so that he wouldn't think of her. He was going to remain true to his resolve to steer clear of her; he really didn't know what her angle was by inviting him to stay in the house with them.

He was quickly falling asleep, the exhaustion of the trip was finally catching up to him, but before he closed his eyes in slumber, something caught his attention in the moonlight. He rolled over in the bed to get a closer look at the picture that was placed on the nightstand beside the bed. Sitting up he reached over to retrieve it from its resting place and his breath caught.

He'd almost missed it, but there it was the picture he'd framed of Johnny's drawing of their family that he'd given to Samantha when he had written her the letters. The one thing EJ had told Samantha before they were engaged that he wanted most of all, for them to be a true family in every sense of the word.

He was confused, why would Samantha make him a room for him even when he hadn't been there with them and then placed what was one of his most prized possessions in there for him? He held the picture to his chest momentarily and then gently placed it back on the nightstand, careful not to put it too close to the edge where it might fall off and break.

He wasn't sure of anything at all anymore; he turned away from the picture and faced the other way. He shut his eyes tightly and did his best to push the images away of that summer he had thought they would all be a real family once and for all. He didn't need to get sucked back into believing anything was possible because the heartache he had endured over the last year had almost killed him, literally and figuratively.

He was going to do his best by his children, but that was all. He wasn't going to harbor hopes of sharing a life with Samantha any longer. He doubted they could even be friends like she had suggested earlier. His last thoughts before he fell asleep were of not being sucked back into false hopes; he would never survive another round with her ever. His tattered heart just couldn't take it.


	15. Chapter 15

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book II, Part XXIV

Sami punched her pillow again, hoping this time sleep would come to her. She'd been wide awake for almost two hours now. She'd tried everything from the time tested counting sheep to mentally listing her various chores for home and work for the upcoming week and nothing helped to make her drowsy.

Every time she closed her eyes, she thought about EJ, he was here in the house with them and apparently her nerves were on hyper-drive. She'd never been uneasy in this house from the first time she had walked across the threshold, but now knowing EJ was near she couldn't relax.

She didn't know what to make of his arrival. Their talk had done little to break the ice between them. It was really more like an iceberg between them instead of them just seeing each other again after their time apart from one another. EJ seemed to be another person altogether and she wasn't sure if she could deal with him being so honest with her.

His words of them not being friends and no longer believing in love or romance set her back, that was it. She wasn't used to him not having an agenda around her any more; it wasn't like he was playing some kind of cat and mouse game with her. They had been at odds for so long now that this new phase in their relationship was making her feel off kilter.

She sat up and mentally scoffed at being so foolish, they didn't have any kind relationship beyond being parents. EJ had made that point very clearly to her tonight. He reminded her they weren't friends anymore.

Why did that thought seem to bother her now? It wasn't like she had taken him for granted countless times during these past few years.

She knew she was a fickle person, it was in her nature apparently, but nevertheless she was trying to change some of these less than admirable traits she had in her possession.

She looked at the clock, another thirty minutes had passed and still no sign of sleep coming forth. She hit her pillow again and grumbled. She would look horrible in the morning if she didn't get some sleep.

Then again what did it matter what she looked liked in the morning? Tomorrow was going to be just your run of the mill Saturday, nothing out of the ordinary or special.

Well nothing special unless you counted EJ being in the house, which of course she didn't, she was happy for the children's sake that he had come back home, that was all.

Which she kept repeating in her mind until sometime later she finally fell asleep.

A few hours later, she was awaken by the alarm, the incessant beeping making her want to sweep if off of her nightstand to shut it off. She hadn't had nearly enough sleep and now she had to begin her day with deciding how to play things with EJ. She yawned and stretched after she dragged her sleepy body out of bed. She immediately went to brush her teeth and contemplating doing something with her hair, then decided to hell with it. She wasn't going to put on airs for EJ.

What he saw was what he got. Well not literally, but she wasn't splitting hairs over the matter this morning as she silently padded her way down the stairs into the kitchen.

She had needed about three hours more of sleep she thought as she turned the corner, wanting to get a head start on making breakfast before all the children were up. After they realized EJ was back home, it would probably be mass chaos around here for the rest of the day.

She was in the process of attempting to get the coffee pot in order to make some much needed coffee. She didn't need to be slow or sluggish around EJ. She smiled when the coffee was brewed, the aroma was heavenly, exactly what would help perk her up.

She wasn't even paying attention to her surroundings as she arched up on her tiptoes to reach for her favorite coffee mug that had somehow been pushed to the back of the cabinet. Damn she hated being short as she leaned in closer to the counter when suddenly out of nowhere an all too familiar form was standing directly behind her.

"EJ," she acknowledged without turning around. Instantly realizing her mistake of not even putting on a robe on as she felt herself go all tingly inside by his closeness and her body's natural reaction to having him so near. Of course he would walk in to find her struggling with something that was just beyond her reach. Nothing was going right this morning.

Surprisingly he made no witty comment about her lack of stature as he continued to stand behind her, then he reached up and grabbed the mug for her. She turned around ready to thank him for his help when she realized that she was snugly trapped between him and the counter top.

"You really should wear more clothes around here in the morning," EJ commented as he pushed back her fallen tank top strap back into place while her heart began to race all on its own accord. "You never know who might be stopping by or arriving unannounced. Somehow you can drive any man to distraction without even trying."

Then he pressed his body into hers just a little, letting her know how serious her lack of attire could be especially in his presence.

She shook her head, trying to find the words to tell him she understood as she tried to break away from his hold on her, wriggling in the process but making no headway in trying to escape.

"Let me go," she croaked out in what she hoped passed to be an order to him which only made him roll his eyes at her.

"Stop trying to squirm away, it's only making matters worse. Sweetheart I only have so much control when it comes to you." He pressed his hips into hers a little more firmly and there was no doubt he was sporting a huge morning erection. She instantly gulped trying to get more air into her lungs because it felt like she couldn't breathe properly anymore.

"Please EJ," she pleaded, "you need to take a step back and think about things rationally."

She heard him laugh lightly and before she could stop him, she saw his mouth coming towards hers in what seemed like slow motion. Sami felt her heart began an erratic beat like she was running a race. The seconds seemed to stretch out like minutes before his lips finally touched hers.

EJ kissed her like he was starving for her. She opened up to him and felt him trace the inside of her mouth before deepening the kiss even further. It was incredible to have him kissing her again, even better than before if that was possible and before she tried to analyze his actions she was reaching out, pulling him closer to her, wanting to feel him deep inside her when he began to move to her neck, sucking lightly on her skin as she started to moan for him to continue with his kisses. She pulled upward and wrapped one of her legs around his body hoping he'd hit that sweet spot of hers that was begging for his immediate attention.

"Samantha, you need to stop," he spoke in warning, pushing back from her slightly as she continued to shamelessly rub up against him.

"Don't want to stop, want to fu…"

He cut her off before she could complete her sentence, not that he didn't know what she was asking for, the one thing he wanted from her too for them both to lose control and let whatever it was between them happen. She was so ready for him to take her right there in the kitchen and she grabbed the bottom of her tank top and started to lift it over her head when suddenly she heard a loud ringing that wouldn't stop.

"What the hell," Sami muttered one of her father's well known catch phrases as she frantically looked around the room, wondering why she wasn't in the kitchen with EJ as reality crashed down around her. She had been clutching the bed sheets which now resembled nothing more than a tangled mess around her.

It took her a minute to get her bearings but finally her eyes adjusted to the morning light streaming into her bedroom where she quickly realized she was all alone. Sami placed a hand over her wildly beating heart.

Her dream had felt so real, achingly so in fact as she was instantly aware of wetness in the lower vicinity of her body, and wondered if she would have climaxed if she had kept on dreaming.

She shook her head, she had only wanted to get some sleep, not be having dreams of having sex with EJ. She had told him last night she wasn't interested in anything romantic involving him, only his friendship and now she was having erotic dreams about him and he had only arrived last night.

She only hoped this was a one-time thing for her with his unexpected arrival and now the next time she fell asleep she wouldn't even see him in her dreams in any way, shape or form. She didn't want EJ in that way; she truly wanted them to be friends and she was determined to get him back as her friend because that was what would be what was best for their kids.

She rushed to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and resolved to get fully dressed before leaving her bedroom this morning. No way was she walking around in her pj's, not while EJ was living in the house.


	16. Chapter 16

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book II, Part XXV

She got dressed in record time after brushing her teeth; she also attempted to brush at her wayward hair which of course wasn't going to behave for her this morning. She almost put on mascara and then shook her head; she was determined not to primp for EJ. He was here for the children, that was the reason she had asked him to stay, not for her to sashay around the house trying to attract his attention.

Because she wasn't going to do anything like that around him. She had come such a long way in these past months, she was reclaiming her life on her own terms, she felt like she was finally giving her children the attention they deserved and needed, she hadn't had any kind of drama going on in her life and they had all worked so hard together on the house.

She was proud of this house too, she had learned she could do things she hadn't thought possible. She wasn't a needy clingy woman desperate for a man's attention either. She was budgeting her money wisely and the only funds she had used from the fund EJ had set up for her use was to help refurbish the house and even then she hadn't used more than she had deemed necessary.

She smiled as she walked into the kitchen ready to make the children breakfast. She liked this time of the morning before anyone was up; it was her quiet time which was a rarity in this household. She went to the coffee pot first off; she had to get her first cup of coffee in her before she began cooking.

She was glad it was the weekend; it meant the children would be able to sleep in a little while later and it also was nice not to be so rushed in the morning. She had learned what it was like to keep things all together for them all without being in a harried mess too. She knew now she could take care of the children along with herself and not fall apart when things didn't go exactly as planned.

She had relied too much on her grandmother and other family members to help take care of the children when she should have been doing it on her own. So she guessed she did have EJ to thank in a roundabout way in helping her grow up and take responsibility for her actions.

Well most of them anyway, she wasn't ready to admit to all her faults and yes she knew she had faults and shortcomings, but she was trying to rectify many of those things. At least she was being realistic everything wasn't going to change overnight for her even though patience was still something that was hard for her to achieve.

Much like how she knew it was unrealistic to hope for her and EJ to be friends again, but even as she had said it to him last night that she had wanted that to happen, she really missed the man who had written her such honest letters about their lives together and apart.

Maybe this could be a new phase for them; she could be friends with a man without becoming romantically involved.

Her first cup of coffee finished she arose wanting to forget that stupid dream from the night before, she needed to make breakfast. She pondered what to make wondering if she should do something special since EJ was here and then she decided against it. No special treatment for him, he could just eat what she prepared for all of them or he could make something else himself.

She nodded to herself, feeling better already. She was going to keep their routine and hopefully her sanity too. EJ being here wasn't going to be difficult for her because she could handle him being around the house.

EJ awoke feeling more than slightly disoriented along with a case of jet lag from his flight back to the states, he wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and go back to sleep. He needed to get dressed or dressed enough to retrieve his bags from his car so that he could get some fresh clothes, he didn't hear the children up yet and maybe he could freshen up some before they awoke.

He got out of bed, quickly making it up and reached for his pants, pulling them on and then his dress shirt next, not worried about getting all the buttons buttoned on it since he was going to get out of it as soon as he got his other clothes anyway. He walked down the hallway wondering which rooms belonged to who and guessed he would find all that information out sometime later in the day.

He walked down the stairs, ready to go out the door to his car when he stopped in his tracks, something smelled really good. He shook his head, he must be imagining things, Samantha didn't cook, but sure enough as he walked into the kitchen there she was with her back to him, singing some sort of song in an off key voice and swaying her hips as she was flipping pancakes.

He looked around thinking once again he was in some kind of alternate universe because she just didn't do these kinds of things or he didn't think she did, then again what did he know? He had been away for a while and he hadn't expected her to be here in the first place. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, and then as if she sensed his presence in the room she stopped singing and turned to face him, the spatula in her hand.

"You can set the table if you want to," she suggested before turning back around to work on finishing up with the pancakes, she wasn't going to burn them, especially if EJ was going to eat breakfast with them.

"Just let me get my bag from the car, change and then I guess I'll be right on it," EJ stated still wondering if this woman who looked like Samantha, but was a doppelganger instead. Why she was acting like him being here wasn't anything out of the norm.

"Good," she replied not turning back around to face him, placing her perfect looking pancakes on the plate she had by the griddle and then went to cutting up the fruit, never once breaking her stride.

EJ left the room, went to his car and hurried back to his room, opting to just splash some water on his face, he could shower later. He put on a pair of blue jeans and a polo shirt and was back in the kitchen pretty quickly. It was nice not to be dressed up, in fact in the last few months he had begun to dress more casually and found that he actually liked it.

Sami had finished up with the fruit and was pouring her another cup of coffee when EJ emerged, she took in his appearance noting his clothes and of course his hair that was cute, sticking up in places that weren't the norm for him. Damn how could he look good this early in the morning?

"Where are these dishes you need for me to set?" EJ asked thinking if he kept on task of working he wouldn't be distracted by how fetching Samantha looked this morning.

She turned to a cabinet and opened it for him, "The dishes are here, the silverware is in there, and I'll go get the kids up."

EJ stopped and looked around, his face unsure for a moment even though he didn't say anything.

"EJ that is ok isn't it? I mean you want to see the kids, don't you?" Sami asked almost placing a hand on his arm, but not quite making it since she wasn't sure how he would take the gesture.

"More than anything," EJ admitted quietly, "but are you sure this isn't going to confuse them by my being here?"

"I think they need to see you as badly as you want to see them," Sami answered honestly, she wasn't going to use the kids against him ever again, she was tired of how they used to wage war with the children as collateral damage so no matter what happened between them in the future she wasn't going to keep him from his children anymore.

"Okay," EJ tried to smile, but his insides felt like they were doing somersaults. He went to task of setting the table so that he could keep his hands busy.

Sami left the room; she knew he was apprehensive, although she also had talked to the children many times telling them when the time was right they would see their daddy again. She went to the girl's room first; Sydney and Allie shared a room because neither of them liked to be alone at night.

"Time to get up sleepyheads," Sami gently nudged them, Sydney awaking easier than her older sister and she clamored out of her bed, instantly going into her mother's arms.

Allie liked to sleep in and turned away from Sami mumbling incoherently about two more seconds or something along those lines, but she finally got up too, going to give her mother a hug while Sydney still clung to her tightly.

"Let's get Johnny up," Sami suggested as Allie trudged to her brother's bedroom while Sami held Sydney in her arms.

Allie jumped on her brother's bed to wake him up telling him if she had to get up then he had to do the same. Johnny was a lot like Allie not wanting to get up, yet he didn't want his twin giving him a hard time either about being lazy either.

Sami led the way with Sydney in her arms, the twins following her as the rounded the corner and entered the breakfast nook of the kitchen, none of them expecting to see anyone else in the house until Sydney reached out her tiny arms and squealed, "Daddy!"

Johnny pushed past Sami, thinking his baby sister was imagining things, but there he was, his daddy. "Daddy you are here!" He rushed up to him immediately grabbing EJ by the legs tugging on him as he reached down to give Johnny a big hug.

"I'm here son," EJ said trying to keep his voice from cracking as he hugged him tightly. Sami let Sydney down and she toddled over to him too wanting to get in on the hug. Allie hung back not sure of what she should do when EJ looked up with a smile and gestured for her to come to him too. She smiled back and reached out to them all as EJ sat in the floor and they all crawled in his lap.

EJ was overcome with emotion, he loved these children more than his life itself and they must love him too if this welcome was any kind of indication. He looked up from his spot on the floor and mouthed a silent thank you to Samantha as he continued to hug them to him, not wanting to let them go. He had missed them so much.

Sami mouthed back you're welcome to EJ and then she stepped back allowing them some time with their father, she stepped into the other room, wiping the tears from her eyes all the while thinking at least this was a good moment for them all, one that had been long overdue.

And she hoped they would have more moments like these in the future, god knew her children deserved some stabilty and happiness and she was determined they would have it no matter what the cost might be to her. Her children were worth it all.

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book II, Part XXVI

While Sami had grown quite used to the barrage of questions her children could come up with for any given situation, EJ wasn't as prepared for the multitude of questions they seemed to have for him once they had reached the table and began to eat breakfast together. It almost made Sami want to laugh out loud, but she didn't want to offend EJ either.

He was trying to field their queries as best as he could as his children interrupted one another in hopes to garner his full attention. He finally had to hold up his hand in the air suggesting they eat before their breakfast got cold along with reminding them it wasn't nice to interrupt each other while they were having a conversation. Reluctantly they stopped trying to one up each other for a few minutes and Sami was impressed, at least EJ could make them do things they did not seem to want to do.

She was curious too as to what he had been doing these past few months although she would never admit that fact to him at all. She wasn't going to give him the big head thinking that she had missed him, the children had missed him, but she had been far too busy to give the man sitting at the table with them sharing breakfast like it was something they did every morning more than a cursory thought every now and then even though she knew that wasn't true at all.

She took a bite of her fruit medley savoring the combined flavors all the while trying to convince her mind that she wasn't going to be thinking of him beyond what they would need to do in the raising of their children. She really wanted to be friends with him again, but he didn't seem too keen upon the idea himself. Maybe in time they could regain their friendship or at least she hoped so because if they didn't living here together would end up being quite frustrating.

Well she had friends now, Chris was without a doubt her best friend, he always told her the truth, painfully so many times. She had grown to respect and admire him, he was who he was and didn't let anyone else's opinion of him drag him down, something she was slowly learning how to do on her own. She had also made some friends with a few of the girls at work, at least the less catty ones and she was able to discern who actually wanted to be her friend from the ones who only wanted to get closer to her brother Brady by an association with her.

At least she was finally getting along with Brady; he hadn't condemned her for moving into this house and trying to start her life over even if she was doing her best to keep him away from that serpent Nicole. Why Brady hadn't tried to fire her after Philip left town was a mystery to him. He insisted that while Philip wasn't in Salem, he was still in charge of the broadcasting portion of the company. Somehow Sami believed he wanted that ho Nicole around or he could have found a way to let her go from her job if he had really wanted to do so.

Luckily Nicole wasn't where she could come into contact with her for the most part except for when she did news excerpts of the upcoming spring issue of Bella magazine. Brady had stressed to them all the more positive publicity the magazine received the better the circulation would be in the long run which would benefit them all. Sami still thought Nicole was only doing the interest stories to get Brady to notice her once more, not because she actually cared if the magazine actually succeeded. She knew the tactics you had to use to get what you wanted and Nicole was taking full advantage of this situation to further her own agenda.

She grimaced thinking that most men couldn't see that gold digging tramp for what she was, present company included, which was nothing short of a misty circle of skankiness to the upmost degree. So lost in thought about her nemesis that she barely heard Johnny ask her if they were still going to paint another room today, that was at least until Allie chimed in asking her mother if they could go thrift store shopping today instead especially since EJ was here. Then Sydney was babbling about her daddy needed to play dolls with her and no work today.

She shook her head, trying to grasp the conversation around her as EJ gave her a look as if he was wondering where she had gone to in her mind while they were all eating breakfast together. She guessed he was trying to keep up with all of their conversations all at once while she had zoned out momentarily.

Today, she had something planned of what was she supposed to do today when it hit her like a ton of bricks, Chris had agreed to come over this morning to watch the kids for her while she went to Keith's spin class. Since she was writing a piece for the fitness portion of the magazine she needed all the experience she could get before her article was finished. She really wanted to do a good job on it since it was going to be her first published piece for Bella magazine.

EJ coming in last night had completely made her forget that she had to get a move on because Chris would be here any minute and she hadn't even given it a second thought about having to take spin class this morning. EJ's arrival had thrown her off course to say the least.

"Hey guys, remember Chris is coming over this morning," Sami reminded the kids as she started to get up from the table in a rush, needing to get the breakfast dishes at least to the sink because there was no way she'd have time to wash them before it was time to leave she would just have to take care of that chore when she returned home.

"Yay Chris!" Johnny and Allie both said in unison which caused EJ to slightly frown.

EJ thought to himself who the hell was Chris and why were his children so happy to know that he was coming over this morning. Sami saw the look that crossed his face knowing he wasn't particularly happy with this turn of events although before she could explain who Chris was in regards to her and the children, he let himself into the house coming into the kitchen amidst the chaos his arrival had caused.

Chris hadn't even noticed EJ sitting at the table while he asked, "Girlfriend why aren't you ready to go to spin class? I got up early on my day off just for you and here you are sitting around…"

"Chris, sorry I totally forgot that I'd asked you to babysit for me. EJ came in late last night and it slipped my mind completely," Sami tried to explain when Chris stopped in his tracks, giving EJ a through once over, his eyes lighting up with something akin to mischief in them which starting sending warning bells off in Sami's head knowing there was no telling what might come out of his mouth because Chris usually said what he thought before he realized it.

And with Chris you never knew what he might say and she surely didn't need for him to be telling EJ any of her secrets. EJ didn't need to know her thoughts she had shared with Chris about him, not at all.

Moonlit Wishes banner made by Amy-thank you!

****Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book II, Part XXVII

EJ wiped his mouth on his napkin, before scooting the chair back and standing up to his full height, instantly towering over Chris' stature, he still wasn't sure what role this man was playing in Samantha's or his children's life although he was determined to find out. It wasn't that he was jealous, just cautious, you never could be too sure about these shifty types his former wife let into her life.

Chris wasn't daunted by EJ in the least as he tried to curb his smile; he just looked him over as if he knew something the extremely tall man standing before him apparently didn't know. He was trying very hard not to glance in Sami's direction at all because she was wearing one of those you better not say a word or I'll kill you later look, one he was beginning to know very well over these past few months.

"You don't remember me do you?" Chris asked thinking he sure remembered Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome very well, not to mention that his new best friend was still hung up on him even if she didn't want to admit that fact to anyone just yet.

"Pardon," EJ tried to place the guy, but he was failing miserably, maybe after Samantha had shot him it had done something to his short term memory, one never could be very sure what a shot to the head would do to you over the long haul.

"That's okay, I'm going to let you off the hook because I know Sami isn't going to leave the room until she decides that we can get along with one another," Chris stated in a matter of fact tone which caused Sami to start to walk over to where he stood also.

"Chris," Sami began while EJ tried his best to remember where he had seen this guy before and then he got it.

"Oh yes, you're the guy from the gym that Sami pretended to be buddies with in hopes of getting me jealous," EJ started to smile as he recalled the scene vividly now that he had thought about it some.

Sami huffed as she linked her arm within Chris' arm, " I did no such thing at all. As you can plainly see, Chris and I are friends and have been friends for like forever."

Somehow EJ most always could tell when Samantha was lying which was about 90 percent of the time give or take a few percentage points, although he would let it slide since it appeared that while the first time he had met this man he and Samantha were not bosom buddies apparently they were now.

"Well are you going to spin class or not?" Chris asked eyeing the cupboards so that he could get him a plate down to eat breakfast with the kids.

"Yes, I'm going to change for class," Sami unlinked her arm and left the room although she wasn't sure if she should of not. Both of these men knew way too many of her deep dark secrets than was entirely necessary and she didn't want them to start trading stories she had shared with either one of them.

"Spin class?" EJ asked after she left the room wondering exactly why Samantha was going to a class to learn how to weave yarn.

Chris looked at EJ as if he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, surely everyone knew what spin class was, then again the man could be all looks and no brains despite what Sami had told him. "You know you ride the stationary bike with the rest of the students in the class for like what seems an eternity yet it reality it is only an hour."

EJ rolled his eyes; Samantha was going to go to a class to ride a stationary bike for an hour. That would be so easy and here this man was talking like it was torture.

"You've never been to class before?" Chris asked as an ideal sparked, this would be fun if he could get him to agree to it.

"Doesn't seem like it would be much of a challenging class, I mean it's a bike that doesn't go anywhere," EJ said with doubt in his voice, why he bet anyone could do it.

"Well I would go with her, but I promised Sami I'd stay with the kids this morning and then there is that one other thing too," Chris said then stopped before saying more.

"What thing?" EJ asked thinking it couldn't be much of anything, but Chris was sparking his interest a tad bit.

Chris leaned into EJ and whispered so that the children couldn't hear him, "Those spin bitches kind of scare me sometimes."

"Excuse me; did you just say spin bitches?" EJ asked back low enough for the kids not to hear him either.

"Well some of those women take the class very seriously," Chris said solemnly with a nod of his head.

"How hard could this class be? I mean it's a bike that doesn't move," EJ scoffed thinking Samantha was probably wasting her time with an exercise class that wouldn't be all that hard to do anyway, he doubted you even broke a sweat during it.

Sami came into the room catching the last part of EJ's remarks, her hands going to her hips, "EJ why don't you come to class with me, I mean if you think it is so easy and all."

"You should," Chris chimed in with her. "I mean I'm already here set to stay with the kids and you could go work out for a while with Sami and then come back and have the rest of the day to spend with your family."

"I've got some clothes in the car," EJ said thinking he could show Sami a much better way to work out if she was determined to go the gym.

"I'll wait for you, but we need to hurry," Sami said thinking EJ wasn't going to know what hit him when he got to class.

"You mean a lot of people want to take this class?" EJ asked as he went over to kiss each child on the top of their head before he went to go get his clothes.

"Well a few," Sami said while Chris stood behind her mouthing those crazy spin bitches which EJ thought was kind of odd, but Chris appeared to be somewhat of a different kind of character anyway. He turned and went to get his clothes.

Sami leaned in to Chris, "You are so bad. He has no clue as to what he is getting into by taking the class."

Chris tried not to giggle, "I know, I'm a devil and you love it."

"Of course I do," Sami agreed happy that she had him as a friend. Chris was fun and he being slightly evil was just a plus.

EJ came back a few minutes later changed into some workout clothes, "I can drive if you would like Samantha."

"Great let's go," she smiled brightly at EJ and then told the kids goodbye all the while hoping Chris wasn't going to burst out laughing that she was dragging EJ into taking a spin class with her. Poor man was about to see how tough it was riding a bike that went nowhere and she was going to love every minute of it.


	17. Chapter 17

Moonlit Wishes

Book II, Part XXVIII

They drove to the gym in relative silence, neither one of them wanting to venture into engaging into a full conversation with one another even though there were so many things they needed to discuss. Sami thought it was best to keep it light this morning and then she wanted to keep quiet about the spin class they were about to take. She was afraid if EJ asked too many questions about it she would feel bad and tell him he didn't need to take the class with her this morning; then again maybe he needed to see what kind of workout she took several times a week. No doubt she and Chris would have a good laugh about it later because EJ had been so smug about the class without ever taking it.

Yes, it would do EJ good to get a big dose of reality, especially such a strenuous one this early in the morning. She had to suppress the devilish smile that threatened to cross her features while they were riding with one another in EJ's car. One she hadn't ridden in with him in such a very long time, it almost seemed like a lifetime ago since they had even been close enough to even want to be in the same vehicle together.

EJ almost attempted to begin a conversation with Samantha a few times on the relatively short drive to the gym, but each time he began he stopped himself before he uttered a word to her. It was different being around her now; he really didn't know how to act or what to say to her. He knew one thing though, he didn't know if he liked this new phase between them, it wasn't like they were friends again, much less anything else, but really if they were still sworn enemies they wouldn't be cohabiting the same house together much less going somewhere together, would they?

He didn't like being in a state of limbo, but damn it this woman seemed to be the master of keeping his life that way no matter what situation they were in, whether they were fighting or attempting to get along with one another. He frowned wishing he had the upper hand with her because he was a man who wanted to be in control of his emotions and had been that kind of man, that was until he had met Samantha Gene Brady and then somehow control along with most of his rational emotions had fled the scene from the moment their eyes lit upon each other.

So lost in his latest musings of her that he almost failed to turn into the driveway to the gym until Samantha gently nudged him, "EJ you are about to go past the gym."

He shook his head, and cruised into the parking lot finding a spot to park not wanting to get to close to the building where most of the cars were parked. He tried to baby his car, especially since it had been woefully neglected in his absence from Salem. He didn't want anyone to place a ding upon her and yes it was a her, she was a fine driving machine, not as fine as the racecar he used to drive, but she was a very close second in his heart.

"Still afraid someone is going to hit your car?" Sami asked with an arch of her brow knowing perfectly well why EJ was parking in the far corner of the lot.

It was uncanny how she could almost read his mind, almost being the operative word though. EJ just gave her an almost scornful look, but he couldn't fault her for knowing some of his peculiarities of his personality, after all she was the mother of his children, even though most times he didn't think that counted for much from her perspective at least.

"A man can never be too careful," EJ said as he switched the key into the ignition to the off mode and pulled it out not bothering to look her way as he said the words.

"You never used to be careful with much of anything," Sami replied softly thinking of the times they had tried to tear each other apart with their harsh spoken words.

EJ knew this wasn't the time or place to begin this type of conversation, only adding this before he exited the car, "I did until it seemed pointless, but I know better now."

He didn't offer to open up her car door, just stood outside waiting for her to join him. Sami thought sadly as she reached for the door handle from the inside for herself that it was one of the many simple small things she had taken for granted from EJ when he used to do things for her so generously. She guessed those days were long gone, EJ's time of gallantry he had shown to her was just one of the many casualties their long waged war.

She put on a smile she certainly didn't feel and went to his side, forcing her to act as if they were just acquaintances agreeing to take a class together. She hefted her gym bag to her shoulder and suggested they enter the building; she pointed the way to the appointed classroom from which the ultra loud music was already spilling out into the hallway.

EJ followed Samantha into the room, noticing the lights were already turned off and most people were already situated on various bikes that lined the room in a circular fashion in two separate rows. One lone bike was in the center of the room up front facing the other bikes with a rather intimidating man hunched down on his bike pedaling furiously to his own rhythm while most of the class was in varying states of what seemed like preparation for this class.

The man barely glanced up for a brief moment acknowledging Sami with a nod before asking her if she could help the new person set up his bike which EJ assumed meant him. Sami told him she would get it ready which EJ thought to himself was kind of weird, but he let her lead him, while she quietly told him to stand beside the bike which he of course towered over by his height.

"Stand up straight and scoot over close to the bike seat," Sami ordered and if she hadn't of looked so serious EJ would have probably began laughing, but he did as he was told all the while very aware of how close she was standing by him as she turned the knob on the back of the seat and pulled it up to where his hip bone was which was pretty far from where it had been before he came to stand beside the bike. "Stand still for a minute," she urged and he complied still thinking this was quite strange as finally she synched it into place, motioning for him to get on the bike.

She then cranked the knob on the handlebars up for him, stating he wouldn't need them as far down as they were located now especially for his first class, when she was satisfied that she had his feet locked into what he thought were rather ridiculous harnesses for each foot then she went straightly to her bike right beside him and quickly did the same things for the bike she was going to ride.

EJ thought the entire scenario rather bizarre especially when the man up front finally spoke or rather barked out orders to the class, telling them to get ready since this wasn't yoga or anything of the sort like it and for a brief moment EJ thought he had this in the bag, that was until a few minutes later when he was already sweating profusely and from what he now dubbed the drill sergeant in front yelled were they are ready for class to begin now that the warm-up was over.

EJ cast a worried glance in Samantha's direction immediately noticing her smirk before she averted her eyes away from him and back up front to said drill sergeant who began shouting out different commands for each song, yelling for them to get with it and pedal, sometimes telling them to turn up the tension on the bike or to release it and EJ thought he would topple over when the crazed individual told them all to hover which apparently meant to ease up and ride without your bottom touching said seat which was becoming with each passing moment more unbearable to ride.

When the instructor aka crazy man announced they had reached the fifteen minute mark and only had forty-five more minutes to go he thought he might faint from the strain on his muscles thus far, surely the man was wrong, maybe he meant they only had fifteen minutes left to go in this class, but when he looked to the wall where the clock was situated he knew with fleeting hope he had to suffer through, no way would he give up trying to keep up with Samantha and these other deranged individuals who acted like they were enjoying this class.

One time he almost threw up, but luckily he kept it down, telling himself he was tougher than that and took small sips of his dwindling water in the water bottle Samantha had supplied him along with a towel before class telling him he would need it before it was all over. Most times the sweat dripped down in his eyes before he could wipe it away, the sting of the sweat making his eyes water more than they already were by the exertion of the class itself upon his body.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity of misery, the man barking orders announced they were hitting the cool down portion of the class, although EJ doubted he would be cooled down anytime soon. Then they had to do stretches on the bike and EJ almost hit the floor when it was time to get off said bike which he thought should have been named a torture devise. He tried to control his rapid breathing not wanting Samantha to see how hard the class had been for him, but she would have to be blind and deaf too not to notice it, nevertheless he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of thinking she was right especially after he had scoffed earlier thinking this class would be an easy one.

Apparently he didn't have to say anything to her to make her smile which bordered on becoming an all out giggle, but she pressed her lips together trying to keep any sound from escaping when most of the rest of what Chris had most appropriately dubbed as spin bitches leaving the room thanking Keith for a great class before the exited the door of the classroom.

Sami looked over to EJ ready to say something when EJ gave her a death stare before uttering, "Not a word Samantha."

She took her towel and flicked it in his direction intentionally hitting him on the rear before she headed for the exit herself smiling that devious smile of hers when she was full of herself for doing something and only whistled lightly instead, a tune he couldn't quite place, but he was sure it was something smug to match the devilment that sparked in her eyes.

If he hadn't of felt like falling down he would have flicked her back, but at the moment he didn't think he had the energy to hit his intended mark of her quickly disappearing figure proudly sashaying down the hallway away from him. He only had one thought at that particular moment was that he would get her back for this somehow, just not right now, but he would when or if he got his strength back.

Damn that class was hell. He would never disparage any class at the gym ever again, that much he was sure of as he tried to catch up with that woman who seemed to be almost skipping her way back to his car. Oh he'd get her back for sure now when she doubled over in laughter by the time he reached the car too.

Somehow Samantha had managed to get the best of him without even trying, next time he would make sure the odds were in his favor. No way was Samantha getting the best of him without some kind of retaliation, he'd just have to bide his time and strike when the time was right.

God he hoped the time would be soon because she laughed all the way home…


	18. Chapter 18

Moonlit Wishes

Book II, part XXIX

"You can stop anytime now," EJ suggested wishing anything would curb Samantha's incessant giggling that had contained the entire way home, well her home, his home, his children's home, hell right now he was so confused he really didn't know what to label it. Maybe it would be best to think of it as their children's home and leave it at that for now because all he really wanted to do when they got there was take a nice and preferably long shower, a cold one too, not something he went to when he needed to calm his libido either. He was still hot and tired from that tortuous spin class which of course Samantha had known would be a difficult one although she hadn't felt the need to impart that pertinent bit of knowledge to him.

Well he had scoffed over how much strain a simple class involving a stationary bike could entail. Now he knew, it was awful and even worse was having this woman laughing at him in the aftermath. Her laughing wasn't with him; it was a deliberate laugh at his expense. But in all fairness, it was a magical laugh and one he hadn't been allowed to listen to in what seemed liked ages. God she was enchanting when her eyes lit up the way they were now and the tinkling quality of her voice. It made him think of days long gone by, days when they were best friends.

"EJ, are you getting out of the car?" Sami asked breaking him from his reverie, as she stood by the passenger already out of the car on her side, peering back into the vehicle to garner his attention.

EJ shook his head, hating how he seemed like a ninny no doubt to her. He shouldn't be waxing nostalgic over Samantha. He needed to remember how she could decimate him with her cruel taunts instead of craving more of her laughter.

"Sure," he answered, exiting the car, slamming the door slightly harder than need be as he started to move ahead of her, even though his gait was slower than he had anticipated.

"Just wait until tonight or tomorrow that's when the real soreness kicks in," Sami mentioned as she quickly moved passed him, then rummaging around in her gym back for her key to the front door which she secured and proceeded to open the door for them both.

"Thanks for the warning, however late it may be," EJ replied with just enough sarcasm to make Sami turn back to face him, bumping into him in the process. She quickly regained her balance though and distanced herself from him, wrinkling her nose as she did so; apparently the aroma he was emitting wasn't a pleasant one.

"You may need to hit the showers, gently I may add," she couldn't seem to help herself, EJ had made such an easy target with his superior attitude earlier that it just made her continue to pile on the snarky comments his way.

"You too darling, you aren't smelling like a bouquet of roses either," EJ noted, wincing as he realized he had called her darling. He needed to curb those nicknames for her. They were trying to be friends or at least that is what Samantha had told him she wanted for them to attempt last night so he didn't need to be going back to old habits. She wasn't his darling or anything of the sort, she was just the mother of his children. "Sorry, didn't mean for that to slip out, forgive my poor manners."

Sami smiled over the moniker he had bestowed on her until she saw his facial expression. She could sense without him saying a word that he had slipped up by calling her darling. Now that those times were gone, she could honestly admit that she missed his pet names for her. He didn't want them to have such familiarity. So she tried not to let her disappointment show and simply said, "No harm, no foul. How about we both freshen up and then maybe we could spend the rest of the day with the kids?"

"All right, we could do that, separately of course," he quickly added, not wanting for her to think he would want her to come with him to shower.

"Of course," Sami agreed, although for a fleeting moment as she watched him walk away from her heading up the stairs to what she viewed as his bedroom she wondered what he would think if she just barged in on him and joined him in the shower. She shook her head, she didn't need to be thinking of such absurd thoughts, it was crystal clear EJ was only here because of the children, not her and she needed to act as such.

Wanting more from him would only lead to heartache for her and she had vowed to herself months ago she could handle things on her own without a man. She just needed to keep repeating that mantra and hopefully once she was used to EJ being back in their lives that it would take hold. At least she hoped it would. Neither one of them need further complications into their already mixed up lives.

Moonlit Wishes

Book 2, Part XXX

EJ felt better as he felt the cold water beat down upon his body, it was exactly what he had needed, something for him to get his bearings back. He didn't need to be slipping up and calling Samantha sweet endearments that certainly meant nothing to her anyway.

He was back for his children, to have a place in their lives and for that opportunity he was grateful to Samantha, nothing more, he wasn't going to fall for her trappings that included laughter and smiles. All he had to do was run his fingers through his thick head of hair to find the cruel ridge where the bullet she had used to shoot him with his own gun no less, scarred his head.

Touching the hidden scar instantly brought reality crashing back to him with vigor. He needed to be on his guard with her, Samantha Brady wasn't some kind and gentle woman, she was a holy tyrant of a woman when need be and he had been the man to trigger that white hot temper of hers more than once. Several times in fact.

He tried to banish those unwanted memories away, of the night when he had lost it all, the night he had thought he was gaining the world only to be crushed to the point where he had wanted to take his own life, to kill himself after Samantha had told him she wasn't going to marry him, that she was taking his children away from him forever.

He had thought he had gained the world only to lose his soul; his deals with the devil always came back in bit him in the arse, so he needed to be cautious, not start acting like some lovesick fool just from the sound of her laughter. He stood in the shower for a few minutes more, he needed to be strong, not become putty in her hands once more.

Turning off the knobs to the shower, he did just that, steel his thoughts and once again his heart. He wanted to spend time with the children, not her, she wasn't part of the package and never would be because if he let her get her hooks into him she would shred whatever was left of his heart and quite honestly there wasn't much left.

He needed to play it cool, not let her get under his skin again, he needed to pretend that whatever she said and did, it didn't matter to him because if she ever got the upper hand with him again, it would be bad for him. Of that much he was sure of…

Moonlit Wishes

Book II, Part XXXI

After Sami had showered and changed into some other clothes, ones that weren't so revealing, her work clothes she wore when she worked in the house while they were doing projects on the renovations, she felt better. She needed to get immersed in a project, perhaps painting the laundry room today. She had put it off for months thinking since no one but she mainly saw that room it could be put off for later.

Well later would be today, she needed some kind of distraction to keep her mind off of EJ of how well he looked, especially when they had taken spin class together. There was no doubt he was in great shape no matter how much she had disparaged his attempts at a class that had whipped her several times when she had begun taking the class a little over a year ago.

She had confidence in the gym, at work doing a job she truly loved and with her family, all with the exception of EJ and she had to admit now that Carrie had returned to Salem with Austin in tow that she still felt inferior to her older sister. Not that she wanted Austin anymore, god no, that ship had sailed long ago, it was just that Carrie always had a knack of making her feel like she would always come in second best whenever she was around.

She dreaded the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday with her family. Her mother and John both wanting all of their family to be present during Thanksgiving dinner. Sami didn't want to go, but maybe she could persuade EJ to go with her and the kids. God knew she would need some kind of buffer to help her survive the few hours she would be expected to be in attendance. If she didn't show, she would never hear the end of it and she really didn't need to deprive her children of being with her side of the family especially since she didn't let Stefano or Kate come near them now.

Which was something else she guessed she would need to address with EJ about since he was now back in town because no doubt he would be going to see his father even if he apparently wasn't going to move back into the mansion with his father and his step-monster of a wife. That name caused Sami to giggle again; it was no secret she and Kate couldn't stand one another.

She tightened the kerchief around her head, not wanting for paint to get into her hair and she cast a glance in the mirror at herself, wondering why she was in such a good mood. Surely it couldn't be because EJ was back in town, no she was just glad to have a place to live, that her children all seemed to be happy and adjusted, even morose since their father was here with them.

She heard their laughter floating out from the living room as she made her way in there too. EJ was with the children having the crawling all over him apparently while they laughed. She stood back and felt Chris come behind her.

"Girlfriend, I'm heading out now that lover boy is here with the kids."

Sami turned to Chris shooing him out of the room and earshot, "Chris, EJ is not my lover boy or anything else. He just got back to town last night."

"And came promptly here, to see you."

"To see his children, that point he made perfectly clear. I had to practically beg him to stay here last night and this is his house," Sami continued to steer Chris to the front door; she didn't need for EJ to hear him talking with her about him. He might get the wrong idea.

"Oh I bet you did, beg that is, god knows I would for such a fine specimen of a man," Chris sighed dramatically. "You better stake your claim in him before some gold digger wants to get a hold of him." 

"He just divorced the gold digger a few months ago" Sami stated with more force than she meant to come out while she was talking to Chris, but whenever she thought of Nicole it made her blood pressure leap a few notches. "Besides, I'm not interested in starting up anything with anyone romantically, especially EJ."

"You can lie to a lot of people, but I see right though you girl. Your mouth is saying one thing, your eyes a completely different story."

"I am not lying," Sami exclaimed as she put her hand over Chris' mouth.

Chris shook his head, "Deny, deny all you want for now. Mark my words, you'll be clamoring all over him before everything is said and done."

"I will not," Sami shook her head in defiance like Sydney did when someone said something she didn't want to believe.

"Want to make a bet on it?" Chris asked as soon as he shook loose from Sami's grip on his mouth.

"I am not stooping to such childish measures with you," Sami opened up the door to usher Chris out of the house.

"Afraid you will lose?"

"No," Sami answered as she rolled her eyes at Chris.

"Then we are making a wager, something really good for it because you are going to lose the bet. I know if I had something that dark, tall and undoubtedly delicious in my vicinity I'd be all on it like white on rice."

"Ugh, I don't even want to think about what you just said," Sami scrunched up her nose in disgust as if the mere thought of EJ and her together would turn her stomach.

"Yes you do, so I give it six weeks, maybe even less, a month even let's say by the time we have our Christmas gala for Bella you'll be under that Brit's spell once again."

"I won't," Sami disagreed with Chris; there was just too much baggage between her and EJ for her to even be thinking he would be interested in her beyond being the mother of his children.

"Ok if I am wrong, I owe you a huge spa day along with a total shopping spree," Chris offered up knowing the many times Sami would say to him how badly she needed a spa day, plus she was a closet shoe lover, so the ideal of a shopping spree would entice her since she would rarely spend any money on herself.

"What do I owe you if I lose? Which I won't, but just wondering what I would have to do for you."

"Hmmm, I'll let you know, it has to be something awesome just like me," Chris said with another one of his impish smiles.

"Go before EJ hears your insanity and I have to throw you out of the house," Sami pushed Chris out the door and closed it only to hear his muffled voice with a sing song quality to it stating he was going to win anyway.

She shut the door hoping his voice wouldn't carry. No way did she need for EJ to think she was remotely interested in him, which she wasn't.

She would win that bet with Chris. She needed a spa day something fierce.


	19. Chapter 19

_Moonlit Wishes__**  
><strong>__Book II, XXXII_

Sami made sure the door was shut and listened for Chris' car to leave the driveway before she let out a sigh of relief. She loved Chris dearly, she truly did, but his way with words and seeing things could get her into tons of misunderstood trouble with EJ if he heard snippets of their conversations.

The one thing she didn't need was more misunderstandings with the man who was in the living room delighting their children with what she supposed most be tales of his trip while he was away from Salem. She could hear the inflections of his voice rise and fall depending on what the children were asking him. She just needed to let them have some alone time together and go about her business of making this house look presentable. It was the least she could do for all that EJ had done procuring the house for them in the first place.

She doubted EJ even had an inkling over how much she loved and appreciated living in this house; it was without a doubt the first place she had felt truly at home, that she belonged here with her children. This house held such memories for her before the children were even conceived and somehow she believed it had been some strange twist of fate that she lived here now. She had put so much time and love into refinishing the rooms. Before she had taken on the projects she had never known how much she could accomplish with hard work, plus the work had helped ease her conscience of living here without EJ.

EJ, she thought no wonder he had been in her thoughts constantly since she had read his heart felt and oft time gut wrenching letters to her. If he hadn't given her that precious gift of his insight she might still be living a lie, hating EJ too and blaming him for all the wrongs in her life when she knew most of them lay at her feet, a product of her many years of scheming to get what she wanted, when she wanted it. She could claim she had grown up, but looking back over the past few years she had run away from her problems, not grown up and matured.

So it wasn't any surprise that it still bothered her conscience, yes she believed she was allowing that pesky attribute have a much bigger voice in her life than she had before, and that he had decided to allow her to stay here. This was his house, yet he had given her this place to escape to after she had left and then ultimately divorced Rafe. She only thought of Rafe in passing these days, he wasn't a part of her or the children's lives anymore. Both going their separate ways when their divorce had been final. She had hoped Rafe would leave Salem, but as far as she knew he was still around working for the Salem PD. Her dad had expressed his disappointment that her marriage to Rafe was over, but for her it had been a liberation, a letting go of something she had tried to mold herself into fit and now that she was free of it, her life held new meaning. For once in her life she was her own person, a man didn't define her, she was uniquely Sami, even if sometimes being true to herself made her family think she was strange. She could finally say that she was on her way to being content, not exactly let's throw and party and celebrate all out happy, but for once her life wasn't one mishap after another. Maybe for now that was enough for her.

She decided to stop her musings and went down to the basement, leaving her children with EJ to find the bucket of royal blue paint she was planning on using in the laundry room. She had found it on sale when apparently someone had brought it back to the hardware store, she guessed they hadn't liked the color, but she had thought it would be perfect for the laundry room.

So she grabbed the bucket of paint by the handle, along with finding her drop cloth, and the various paint brushes she would need to begin this latest project. It would be nice to be able to paint in peace, she bet the children wouldn't even miss her, so entranced they were by EJ at the moment. She couldn't even feel an ounce of jealously that she had sometimes felt before when they were with him because she knew they along with him needed this time together. She had denied his access to his children for far too long.

So she immersed herself into the project, carefully taping around the windowsill edges, and began painting, transforming the room from the stark white color that resided to the lively royal blue. It was time consuming work, but one that she lost herself in as the room was being brought to life with each stroke of her paintbrush. Time passed quickly as she worked, she kept her full concentration on what she was doing and thus failed to hear EJ coming up behind her in his search to see what had become of her after they had parted ways after the rigorous exercise training they had taken together earlier in the morning.

The kids were hungry and wanted to go eat and Allie suggested they go see a movie afterward since she was all enthralled with anything movie related due to her wanting to be an actress when she grew up. After Allie's suggestion of a movie all the children quickly agreed this would be a fun way to spend the afternoon and with little prodding on their part EJ had agreed, so he was curious as to where Samantha had gotten herself off too, he wasn't used to her being so quiet and her giving him so much time alone with the children.

There she was leaning up on the top step of the small ladder she was using to help her reach to the top of the ceiling. She was reaching to a far corner and almost lost her bearings, trying to right herself while doing her best to keep the paint can from tumbling over in the floor.

She muttered under her breath, "Damn it!"

Then he couldn't help himself, he chuckled at her. It was so like her to get frustrated with something even if he knew she wasn't going to ask anyone for help. Her pride got in the way of so many things, too many things.

Holding onto the ladder, she turned her eyes to him noticing EJ was observing her with one of his subtle smiles he had when he looked like he knew better than she did, which was a look she knew by heart, one she had seen from him many times even if she didn't like to admit it to anyone, especially him. She tried to hide the irritation she felt when she saw that look, although she guessed she failed when his expression became one of outright amusement.

She almost lost her balance completely, luckily EJ's reflexes were quick enough to prevent her from falling off the ladder into the floor, and the only downside to it was that she smeared paint on his shirt in the process. He steadied her by the waist and Sami hated the instant fluttering of her heart by his nearness, not to mention what she thought was her clumsiness when she realized the paint was on him too.

She huffed as she tried to move from his embrace, "You startled me!"

"Sorry," EJ couldn't help but grin when she pushed the fallen hair from her kerchief back in place which caused a streak of the royal blue paint to mar her cheek.

"What? Why are you staring at me?" She asked trying to sound more out of sorts with him for surprising her instead of him realizing his nearness was affecting her. When he was sure she wasn't going to fall he removed his hands from her waist, his gesture of preventing her from falling no doubt hadn't enamored him in her eyes as she stepped down from the ladder onto the floor to face him making sure there was some distance between them, this room wasn't very spacious and it started to make her feel claustrophobic with him standing so near.

EJ reached out to her cheek, trying to see if the paint would come off when he touched her and it did onto his fingers, "You've got a smidgen of paint on your face."

"Oh," Sami self consciously tried to remove the residue of the paint with one of her cloths, but she couldn't see what she was doing and only made the area of paint grow on her face.

"Here, allow me," EJ offered taking the cloth from her and wiped carefully. "There all better."

"Thanks," Sami replied warily. She pointed to his shirt, anything for a distraction to get her thoughts away from wishing his hands were back on her waist. "Sorry for getting paint on your shirt. I hope I haven't ruined it."

He looked down at the sleeve of his shirt and shrugged, "If you have, it isn't a big deal. Luckily I have plenty more. The reason I had come to find you was that the children wanted to go grab a bite to eat and then see a movie. I was just wondering if you might like to join us that is if it is all right if I take them out this afternoon."

He looked uncertain as if he might have overstepped his bounds, but he was so happy to see the children again he hadn't even thought that Samantha might not want him to take them somewhere without asking her first.

"It's more than all right," Sami nodded. "They would do almost anything to get out of working on the house. We've put in plenty of weekends just trying to get the place to look more livable."

"You've done a great job with what I have seen so far. I'm impressed Samantha."

Her smile lit up her face by his words of praise, "You really like what we've done so far? I mean we have tons more to do…"

"I hadn't even expected you to come here much less turn this house into a home, but you have a knack with it from the looks of everything."

"Thank you EJ. It means a lot. I love this house," and then she stopped herself from saying more, thinking she was revealing far too much as it was with him.

"I'm glad," he replied softly. "So how about that offer that you come with us then, I mean it could be fun."

Part of her wanted to jump at the offer, but part of her wasn't sure she should, EJ needed time with the children and she'd had so many more memories with them then he did. Maybe it would be better if she stayed at home, finished this painting job and let them all go. Yes, that would be better. The kids didn't need to get all confused thinking she and EJ were getting back together because he didn't seem all that interested in her anyway. She had to keep reminding herself he was back for the sake of the children, not her.

"You guys go and have a good time. I think I'll stay here and finish this project," she pointed to the two unpainted walls that needed a coat of paint on them also.

"Well if you are sure, I mean I hate to go and leave you to it," EJ looked at her questioningly because for a moment there he thought she might say yes and go with them.

"I love doing this type of stuff," Sami added as she stepped back a few more feet away from EJ, acting as if painting these other two walls were of great importance to her.

"All right, well I guess we will go in a few minutes then," EJ stated as Sami's eye caught the splotch of paint on his shirt again.

"Hand me your shirt and I'll try to get the paint out of it while you are gone," Sami said not thinking he would just strip it off and hand it to her, but he did causing her to try to look anywhere else except at his bare chest.

"Thanks Samantha," EJ stood in the doorway for a moment and then he realized he had taken his shirt off in front of her. Feeling rather uncomfortable being underdressed in front of her after the fact.

"You're welcome," She held onto his shirt and shooed him off. "Have a good time and I'll see you all tonight."

"Tonight then," EJ nodded and stepped out of the laundry room, calling to the kids to get ready because they were going out as he headed up the stairs to his room.

Sami stood there still holding his shirt in her hands, feeling the residual warmth from it and the faint aroma of his aftershave. She pressed it to her nose for a brief moment before tossing it in the laundry bin. She'd try to get out the paint stain for him, after all it was the least she could do for him even if it wasn't going to get the vision of him standing there shirtless in front of her out of her mind anytime soon.

She yelled her goodbyes from the laundry room, not wanting to see him. EJ probably thought she was an imbecile anyway. She groaned as she picked up the shirt again, determined not to smell it again as she began to find something to take the paint out of the shirt. Maybe she could accomplish one thing today without seeming like a lovesick school girl; at least she hoped she could.

Living here with EJ was going to be harder than she originally thought.


	20. Chapter 20

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Book II, Part XXXIII_**

For all of his worrying while he was away in England about how things might be when he had returned to Salem, today had proven to be quite the good day as far as days went for him. First off he would have never imagined finding Samantha and his children living in the house where he had wanted to make a home for them all. It had been a pipe dream, something he had wished about too many times to count, yet never believing it would come to fruition.

As he was driving back home from the movie with his wonderful children, it hit him like the proverbial ton of bricks, Samantha had trusted him enough to take them off somewhere without her being present. He could have taken them anywhere, left the country and disappeared with them without a trace, leaving Samantha all alone crying her heart out and wondering where they were, but he hadn't.

He would be lying if he hadn't of thought of that very scenario playing out several times, especially after Samantha had went through with that ludicrous marriage to Rafe in the woods, his features clouding darkly for a few seconds as he thought back to those months. He despised Rafe for his role in trying to steal his family from him and although he hated to admit it, he still harbored the intense feelings of betrayal from Samantha for allowing the man into her life and the lives of his children.

Then the sound of laughter from the kids brought him back to the present, a present he was truly grateful to be experiencing tonight. He needed to push back those feelings of jealously that lingered within him, it did no good to ponder on those things for if he did, he realized that while he and Samantha were at a tenuous place in their relationship, it was going to take some time before he would ever truly trust her.

How could she trust him, especially with the most precious things in her life? He doubted if the roles had been reversed that he would have extended her the same courtesy she had bestowed upon him tonight. He guessed he had been burned too many times by her to fully believe they would move past the ugliness and lies.

They pulled into the driveway and EJ ushered them into the house, carrying Sydney who had fell asleep in the car, while the twins were valiantly trying to keep their eyes open as they crossed the threshold. He passed the living room on the way upstairs to their bedrooms, glancing over to see Samantha fast asleep on the couch.

He wouldn't wake her and put a finger up to his mouth, signaling for the twins not to wake their mother while they made their trek to their rooms. EJ first tucking Sydney into her bed, while Allie hung right by his side as his kissed his youngest child on the forehead and pulled the covers up over her, opting not to put pj's on her since he didn't want to wake her.

As soon as Sydney was down, Allie tugged on his hand and he gave her a smile as she walked to her bed, crawling in and then EJ tucked her in too. Kissing her forehead also just like he had Sydney's a few moments earlier.

Allie could barely hold her eyes open, but she reached for EJ's hand again. "I love you Daddy EJ."

EJ's heart melted, he had loved Allie from the first moment he saw her in the nursery in the hospital, no matter what anyone said he would consider her his child also. "I love you too sweetheart. Goodnight, sweet dreams."

"You'll be here tomorrow?" Allie asked sleepily, not letting go of EJ's hand just yet.

EJ nodded, "Yes, I'll see you in the morning."

"Kay," Allie murmured closing her eyes again and after a few minutes her hand went slack in EJ's and he carefully let hers go, standing up to adjust the nightlight in the girl's room before he headed to Johnny's bedroom.

He looked in Johnny's room, taking note that his son was already fast asleep on top of his bedcovers; EJ took off Johnny's shoes and carefully placed him under the covers, not wanting Johnny to get a chill during the night. He leaned over and kissed him on the forehead too, and then sat there for a few minutes just watching his son sleep.

He had so much to be thankful for; these three children were living proof of it. He loved them more than his own life. He finally got up from his spot on Johnny's bed and went to the doorway looking back once more before he went back downstairs to the living room.

He debated on whether or not to wake Samantha up to let them know they had returned home. She slept so soundly, her beautiful and serene figure curled up on the couch across from where he had taken a seat in the chair to face her sleeping figure. She shifted slightly and a wavy strand of hair fell across her forehead. Without thinking he reached over and gently brushed it behind her ear. He froze, realizing want he had done; panicked Samantha would open her eyes and demand to know what he was doing.

His fears were unfounded. Samantha slept on, with a small smile on her face. EJ sighed in relief and quietly returned to just watching her sleep. He decided not to wake her, instead took one of the blankets that rested on top of the couch and placed it gently around her.

He rose from his task, not allowing himself to touch her sleeping form again. He wasn't going to go all soft on her, he had told her upon his return that he wasn't the romantic type anymore and he had meant every single word of that statement.

Yet here he was, back with his children and bewildered that this woman was here in the very house he had dreamed of them sharing together with their family, sleeping soundly like she trusted him once more, not worrying about when or if they would return home to her. He was so confused, he didn't want to care about her anymore, didn't want to let his guard down against her. And if he were smart, he would stay away from her.

He sighed deeply, he was a smart man, at least he was until he was around her and then somehow in her presence it was like all bets were off and he lost complete control of each and every situation in which they encountered together.

Samantha stirred slightly, whispering something EJ couldn't quite decipher, but he thought he caught his name falling from her lips. He wanted to walk over to the couch once more, but he refrained from doing so, instead walking away from her and up to his bedroom.

He had to keep his distance or he'd lose what little sanity he had left. She had taken so much from him and vice versa. He had to hold onto the cold hard fact that they weren't building a life together, all they were doing was coexisting at the moment, trying to do what was best for their children.

All that mattered was the happiness of the children, as for himself, he was content to have them back into his life. He didn't need Samantha to make him happy, he didn't and as he entered his bedroom he vowed to keep his heart protected from her.

He had shed the fairy tale ending he had dreamed of for them when he had written the letters to her. Now they might possibly be friends, which was more than he had originally thought when he had placed all those things in the trunk for her.

A friendship between them would be good for the children, nothing more. He wasn't falling into her trap again, he wasn't.


	21. Chapter 21

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Book II, Part XXXIV_**

Sami awoke with a start, rising up from her position on the couch and looking around the room, realizing it must be in the early hours in the morning. She sat up noticing a blanket had been placed around her as she began to stretch her arms above her head. She felt her arm muscles were slightly sore from the painting she had done in the laundry room yesterday afternoon, but nothing too major.

She must have been more tired than she realized not to have heard anyone come home last night, and if she hadn't of seen the blanket that had been placed around her she might have been alarmed that her children were not at home. It had taken a great deal of faith on her part to allow EJ to take the children with him without her going with them, although she knew they needed some time together. It was going to take these small steps for her and EJ to repair the damage they had caused one another and she hoped last night proved she was trying her best to believe they both could work together raising their children without the fighting and tension that had been ever present between them over the last year until EJ had left Salem.

She continued her stretching while she walked up the stairs, making her way to first Johnny's room and then to the girl's room, smiling as she watched them quietly sleep. She enjoyed this time of day, when the house was quiet since those moments were all too rare these days. Her children were a rambunctious bunch, something she was glad of most times. No wallflowers amongst the lot of them, they were all going to forge their way through this life leaving their marks on the world as they traveled through it.

Then she smiled to herself, how could they not be that way? After all she was their mother and with EJ as their father, then she stopped for a moment thinking about Lucas also. Her taste in men ran from one extreme to the other apparently because Lucas and EJ had been as different as night and day, throw Rafe into the mix along with Austin and her time with Brandon and she began to shake her head.

Her love life hadn't been boring, but she was glad she wasn't on the merry-go-round of love anymore. For the first time in a long time she was on her own without any kind of machinations to snare a man or worrying about how to keep one with her. Her life was taking a different direction and while she wasn't sure exactly where she was going, she felt more confident she was on the right path.

Before she walked into the entrance of her bedroom her eyes glanced down the long hallway to the master bedroom, noticing the door was slightly ajar and instead of going into her bedroom she tiptoed to the door. She cocked her head slightly knowing she shouldn't look into EJ's bedroom, but of course her curiosity always seemed to get the best of her and she looked in anyway.

EJ was asleep, sprawled out sideways on the bed with only a hint of the sheet covering him. There was no doubt about it, he was the most handsome man Sami had ever seen, his features were ones that an artist would love to paint or create a sculpture in his likeness. She shook her head, her mind was going fanciful and it was too early in the morning to have thoughts like these running through her head because if she kept this up she would do something stupid like walk on into his bedroom and climb into the bed with him.

She needed to walk away and quickly because how would she be able to explain it if he awoke and saw her standing there. EJ would think she was crazy and maybe she was for even entertaining thoughts of sneaking into his bedroom in the wee hours of the morning.

She turned on her heel and walked away, needing to get into the safety of her bedroom and close the door. Apparently she needed more sleep or something. As she quietly shut her bedroom door, leaning up against it for support, she hoped it was sleep because she didn't need to entertain thoughts of the man lying asleep in his bedroom down the hall.

Hopefully they were on their way to being friends again, if she was smart she would know she shouldn't expect anything else from him.

Then again when was she ever smart when it came to EJ?


	22. Chapter 22

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Book II, Part XXXV_**

The next few weeks went by pretty quickly as weeks go, at least it did for EJ as he tried to get acclimated to the schedule his family had, from the early morning rush of the kids eating breakfast and getting ready for school and Sami running around the house trying to snatch a bite of food to eat herself while ushering the kids around to get their day started. He was quite amazed at Sami's ability to juggle it all and she never complained.

He tried to help out where he could, offering to take the kids to school which of course they seemed to love that idea, all vying for who would sit by him in the car. Then he would go back to the house to work on various projects that Samantha hadn't been able to do or had time to do yet. While he had never considered himself a handyman, the DiMera's always had people to do their manual labor, he thought he was doing a fairly good job.

The nights were filled with dinners where everyone ate together, Sami's rule she had informed him no one skipped mealtime unless they were too sick to come to the table and while their fare was simple, and it was surprisingly good. Then they helped the kids with their homework or played games. It was almost surreal and felt too good to be true.

While he had always had a great relationship with the children, it was another thing entirely to actually have Samantha thrown into the mix too with them because beforehand when they had actually been married and the time later on when they had lived together before their non-wedding she had always held herself back, shied away from becoming too close to him, opting rather to keep to herself for the most part. Which of course had frustrated him to no end, he had grown accustomed to Samantha's standoffish behavior and now for her to friendly and even kind to him, well it just threw him off balance.

To put it point blank, he didn't understand her at all. So of course he was wary of her true intentions, this friendship thing she had offered up to him was something he wasn't one hundred percent sure of that it was genuine. He hated to feel that way, but given their past history what else was he supposed to think?

After they put the kids to bed at night, that was when it got kind of weird at least it did for him because then he made some lame ass excuse so as not to spend any time alone with Samantha, he didn't want to get involved in some heartfelt talk with her. He had revealed too much of himself with the letters to her and now it felt like she wanted to open up to him and frankly that thought literally scared him to death.

He didn't want fall back in love with her, especially after he had forced himself to unfall for her . After all having someone shoot him in the head and leaving him for dead was a sure sign to not get involved, he never wanted to love anyone ever again in that type of capacity, because he had been there, done that, even gotten the scars to prove it.

But there was something about how confident Samantha was now, beforehand she was skittish and unsure of herself, and now it was like she had this demeanor about her that commanded your attention because she was comfortable in her own skin and it was sexy as hell.

He didn't want her to be sexy, he wanted to be neutral around her, kind of like Switzerland, you know amicable but not fully engaged in what was going on in her life. He hadn't expected her welcoming him back home, because he had faced the facts a long time ago that she was going to go into the category of unrequited love for him.

He could tell she was kind of disappointed when he shied away from her overtures to talk when they were alone, when the kids were around they were busy being focused on them. He just couldn't deal with having Samantha trying to be all friendly and introspective with him since she looked at him differently like she wanted more from him than what he was giving up to her, but he couldn't do it. He knew if given the chance this woman could turn his life upside down like she had done so many times before.

Late at night when he was alone in his bedroom, he thought about these things about the new Samantha that was blossoming right before his very eyes, the woman who could juggle a career, take care of their kids along with the household chores, she refused his offer of hiring a maid to help out, and during all this he was afraid he was falling into her trap more every day. It had to be a trap and for once he didn't want to be ensnared.

So to occupy his days, he had gone to Justin to ask him for a job. He wasn't going back to DiMera Enterprises ever and had thwarted any attempts from his father to go back into the fold as he liked to say. At first Justin thought he was kidding, but EJ told him he was dead serious, he wanted to work and what better way to go legit then to join the Kiriakis legal firm.

At first Justin had said no, then when EJ threw out how much it would get a rise out of both Victor and Stefano if they joined forces to work together, Justin agreed with a gleam in his eye. Between them both, they had enough legal experience and know how to give the other law firms in town a run for, plus the added intrigue of the two rival families actually coming together caused quite a stir in the community.

Now he was beginning a new career, one of his own choosing rather than his father's and he was busy enough not to think of Samantha during the day and he had the excuse that he needed to work on his cases in the evenings so he really didn't have time to spend with her.

It was a win, win or so he thought until the night he was passing through the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice to drink and overheard Samantha on the phone with Marlena.

"Mom, it is so nice of you to offer, but really I think we'll just stay here for Thanksgiving. I mean you'll have a house full of company if Carrie, Austin and Brady are going to be there."

While EJ couldn't hear Marlena's part of the conversation, he could decipher Samantha's body language and tone as she continued to speak with her mother. It was like she was shrinking right before his very eyes, the weariness creeping back into her.

"No, really you'll be so busy you won't miss us." Pause from her, "Yes, of course I know you want to see the children and it is a holiday, but I don't want to leave EJ alone. No, we're not sleeping together, we are friends, just friends, barely that really, he has been busy."

Another pause and EJ knew he should walk away, this was Samantha's problem dealing with her crazy family, one he didn't want to be a part of anymore, but the sound of her voice was bothering him.

"Okay Mom, I'll come for dinner, if it will make you happy. Yeah, I love you too. Bye." She clicked off her phone and put her head in her hands while she sat at the kitchen table, slumping her shoulders after ending the call with her mother.

He was about to leave, she didn't have to know he had overheard her conversation, probably would be mad if she knew he was eavesdropping, although he knew she wasn't happy after speaking with her mother.

Damn his conscience, sometimes it still reared its ugly head from time to time even though he tried his best to keep it tamped down. Knowing he was probably going to regret it he pulled up a chair and faced her.

"Hey," he began startling her momentarily and then she tried to regain her composure.

"Hey," she returned his greeting with one of her own. "I thought you were busy with your files."

EJ pointed to his now empty glass, "I was taking a mini break and returning the glass to the kitchen when I heard you talking on the phone."

"Guess you heard my mother grilling me about Thanksgiving."

"That among other things apparently."

Sami looked startled for a moment and then shook her head, "Sorry Mom thinks we are in a relationship, but I tried to set her straight."

"Well I guess it looks like we are a couple, I mean we are living together."

"As friends," Sami interjected quickly. "I mean why can't people think I can actually be friends with a man?"

"Well," EJ began only to have Sami cut her eyes at him.

"I mean I think we are friends, aren't we?" She asked looking at him hoping to get a positive response.

"I guess," EJ answered honestly even though it made his heart twinge a bit when he saw the crestfallen look on her face with his answer. He was about to speak again telling her that yes they were friends when she starting rambling to him about her family.

"I just don't want to go over there. I know you are supposed to want to be with your family during the holidays, but Carrie will be there along with Austin and I am afraid Brady is going to invite that tramp Nicole because she keeps hounding him at work."

"Nicole, as in my ex-wife Nicole?" EJ asked thinking no wonder Samantha didn't want to go over there even if she had the kids with her.

"Is there any other ho in town named Nicole that I despise?"

EJ had to stifle a laugh that threatened to erupt, Samantha and her nicknames for Nicole were something less than to be desired even though it did provide for some entertainment for him now that Nicole was no longer his wife.

Sami began to say something, then paused, muttering something under her breath EJ couldn't understand.

"Excuse me, what did you say?"

"Nothing, I just had this idea that maybe it would be fun for us to go together."

"Samantha, while I would love to spend the holiday with the children, I don't think…"

"Please EJ, god I don't think I can handle it if I have to face them all alone. I mean, it's just they are all so accomplished and here I am…"

"Doing fantastic," EJ offered up to her to which she only rolled her eyes.

"Carrie is the golden child even if she isn't my mother's daughter." Sami stated tiredly.

EJ knew how much Carrie bothered Samantha and if Brady was stupid enough to ask Nicole to go with him as Samantha feared he would, then she was going to have a rough day. He was quiet for a few minutes, not really knowing what to say.

Sami sighed, pushing back her chair, "Hey don't worry about it. This is my problem. I'm just going to have to put on my big girl panties and deal with my crazy family who will no doubt diss me all day."

He couldn't help it, he began to laugh especially after Samantha's proclamation of girding her underwear as if she was going to face battle.

"Don't you dare laugh at me," Sami threatened him as she walked over to where he was sitting at the table.

"Sorry," EJ stifled his laughter when he saw the uncertainty in her eyes, something that hadn't been present in her for the most part since he had returned. Then he did something he was probably going to regret. "Samantha if you want me to I'll go with you and the children. I mean if you need some moral support since we are friends and all."

Her eyes lit up at his offer, whether it was from his agreement to accompany her or that he admitted they were friends he wasn't sure. Before he knew it she impulsively leaned down to give him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you EJ. I didn't want to go alone. We'll show them you really can be friends even though they don't believe me."

She smiled and turned to leave the room, standing upright with purpose.

EJ sat there his cheek still tingling from her quick kiss wondering what in the world had he agreed to do for her.

Thanksgiving was going to be quite the experience, of that much he was sure of…


	23. Chapter 23

_**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II. Part XXXVI<strong>_

The days after her telephone conversation with her mother passed by quickly, more quickly than Sami wanted it to go since she was dreading going to her mother's apartment for Thanksgiving dinner. While she had been happy EJ agreed to go with her, she was still worried over how the day would go.

Her and holidays usually spelt disaster, not joyous memories to relive over and over once the occasion had passed. The kids were excited, it had been ages since they had experienced a holiday with both of their parents, not having to be shuttled from one place to another and for that fact Sami was grateful for not having to endure the added stress.

When she and EJ were at odds, it really made for a hellish time and god knew the children were apt to remember more of the bad times instead of the good or maybe that pertained more to she and EJ instead of them. She shook her head, most days she had a better handle on things or she had lately, but she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit she was already rattled and she hadn't even stepped foot into her mother's domain.

She'd really tried to not lie to herself lately, well about most things anyway, her burgeoning feelings for EJ was the huge exception to her rule. Well most times she tried not to think about him if she possibly could, although it was darn near impossible for the most part since they were living together.

Kind of living together, she guessed the kids were glad they had both of them under one roof, yet at times she was still unsure if they were doing the right thing because she knew things wouldn't work out. They never had where they were concerned.

She knew she was the big reason they hadn't worked out before, she had shunned EJ, ran away from him countless times when he had swallowed his pride and practically begged her to admit her feelings for him, to give into the constant pull both of them felt for one another.

Yet she hadn't done it, she'd been too afraid to let go because letting go meant losing what little control she had over her life. EJ hadn't realized what a force he was in her life, he could destroy her completely and several times she had felt that way after dealing with him.

Too many times to count, if the truth were to be told, still the mere thoughts of them tearing into one another would rear its head from time to time. She could see it in his eyes too, that was when she could ever catch him looking her way which was seldom.

These days when EJ was around her, he usually made sure the kids were with them and then concentrated solely on them. The other night when had agreed to come with her and the children for Thanksgiving had been a rarity. It was like EJ preferred to keep his distance from her.

Or maybe that was just her overactive imagination working again. Chris told her time and time again that she was overthinking things when it came to her ex, to which she calmly told him that she'd always had to be two, preferably three steps ahead of when dealing with EJ.

Chris scoffed at her, saying it was only a matter of time before they crossed this crazy boundary they had with one another.

She just rolled her eyes at her new best friend; he didn't know the entire story of how volatile things were between them. No one really did, except for them. Sure her family knew some things, but not all of them and she really wanted to keep it that way. Her family was bad enough and now she and EJ were in a few short hours going straight into their line of fire.

Thankfully it wasn't the Brady gathering, that would have been even worse.

Right?

Guess she would know soon enough, as she heard everyone in the house in various stages of getting ready to go. She really didn't want to go, but what could she do and it would make her seem ridiculous to EJ if she admitted how badly the prospect of spending time with her family scared her.

So now things were different, but even though she had come so far over these past few months, she was afraid all her hard work would be vanquished from one harsh criticism from her mother.

She hoped her children didn't feel that way about her ever.

She wished she could get sick, just so she wouldn't have to go, but EJ would see through her, he'd know she wasn't really sick. She ususally could pull off a pack of lies to everyone around her, but not him.

Why was that? Why could EJ always see when she wasn't being truthful? And lastly why did it now bother her if he thought she was lying about anything? It never had before.

She ran her hands through her tangled mass of hair and shook it out hoping in the process she could shake out her bad case of nerves that had developed today along with the startling realization that she cared what EJ thought about her.

She wished she could say to herself that today was going to be just fine and dandy, well she could, but somehow when she glanced at her appearance in the mirror it wasn't helping.

She just hoped dinner would go smoothly and quickly…

_**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XXXVII<strong>_

The minutes flew by and of course she wasn't ready to go, her room was evidence of that seeing as she had more than a dozen outfits scattered all over her bed and a few even lying on the floor where she had tried on various things thinking this outfit would be the one when she would turn around to look in the mirror and then shake her head. This one the color was all wrong, the next one slightly a bit too tight in the bust line, and then the next one she tried made her ass look as wide as a barn.

"Damn it!" she cursed as she was in the process of tossing another outfit onto her bed, not even noticing Allie standing at her doorway while she reached into her closet to find another outfit to try on.

Allie could sense her mother was nervous about something; she got that way sometimes when they were pressed for time, so she backed out of the room, opting to go find EJ to help her with her barrette for her hair. She knew Sydney was too little to get it in straight and had been hoping her mom could help her, but after watching her for a few minutes without interrupting her she thought her mom needed more help getting ready than she obviously did.

She walked downstairs, barrette in hand, wanting it to be affixed in her hair which she had proudly braided all by herself without her mom's help, but she was afraid she was going to pull the braid out if she tried to get it into her hair. She didn't dare think of asking Johnny, he would pull her hair out and laugh if she got mad at him for doing so to her.

EJ was in the living room with Johnny and Sydney, all of them sitting on the couch together, both huddling up close to him reading them a story while they were apparently waiting for she and her mother to get ready. The sight made Allie smile, she liked EJ living there, he made everything better and he never made her feel left out ever even though he wasn't her real daddy. Well sometimes she imagined he was her dad just like he was Sydney and Johnny's, but she never told anyone that, they just wouldn't understand and she didn't want to hurt her daddy's feelings although she hadn't seen him in months, just talked to him on the phone since he was still working in Japan for Grandmother Kate's company.

She stood there for a minute not wanting to bother EJ, but she really needed her hair fixed, she wanted to look nice today and EJ was always telling her she looked like a princess. She almost decided not to wear the barrette, but it was her favorite and it would look really nice in her hair.

EJ looked up from reading the story when he realized Allie was standing there so quietly, switching from one foot to the other like she sometimes did when she was trying to decide something. EJ put the book down and held out his hands to Allie to motion her closer to them.

"Sweetheart, do you need something?"

"Well," Allie began and then stopped before asking her question. EJ would think she was being vain wanting his help, but her mom had looked really busy. She still had her barrette in her hand, although maybe it was silly wanting to wear it today. She almost turned on her heel when EJ realized she wanted his help.

"Need help getting this in your hair?" EJ asked as Allie slightly nodded her head.

"Mom was busy and I didn't want to bother her." Allie said with a sigh.

"I'm afraid I'm not very talented in this area, but I'll try my best," EJ offered up as Allie handed him her barrette, standing very still in front of him especially when she heard Johnny groan aloud about girls being so silly. EJ looked to his son, shaking his head in warning for him not to say anymore, his son had a long way to go in learning the ways of women, but hopefully that would come in time. He was still learning so he couldn't expect his son to do much better. He put in the barrette the way Allie instructed him to do and finally he assured her it was perfect, just like her.

The smile and hug she bestowed on EJ when he was finished with the task was worth all of his clumsy efforts. She was going to be a beauty just like her mother, Allie being the child that looked most like Samantha out of all four of her children. For a second, he thought uncharitably she had lucked out by not getting any of Lucas' features and then stopped himself; he didn't need to think that way. Jealously hadn't gotten him anywhere and he was the one here with the children, he didn't add Samantha too into the mix, since he was trying his best to keep his distance so as not to get sucked back into wanting her again.

"Thank you EJ," Allie stepped back from him, as she swirled around once, her happy mood was infectious and the kids joined in telling her how pretty she looked.

"You are quite welcome sweet girl," EJ replied.

"Daddy, when are we going to Grandma Marlena's apartment?" Johnny asked growing impatient with being all dressed up and apparently not going anywhere.

EJ looked down at his watch, noticing the time, they should have been there already, but Samantha was nowhere to be seen.

"I think Mom may need your help," Allie offered up recalling how her mother hadn't been dressed and ready to go a few minutes earlier.

"I don't know about that," EJ began only to have all the children say they were ready to go. He sighed hoping she would suddenly appear at the bottom of the stairs announcing she was ready to go, but he knew better. Samantha didn't want to go to her mother's for dinner and she was probably racking her brain at the present moment trying to figure out a way to not attend.

He stood up from the couch, "I'll just go check on your mother to see if she is about ready to go."

"Good," Johnny uttered, as he pulled at his tie. He really didn't know why they had to get so dressed up. His daddy liked to wear suits, but he certainly didn't.

Although EJ didn't want to go to Samantha's room, he knew he really didn't have a choice seeing as Johnny was ready to start planning a mutiny if they didn't go soon.

Her bedroom looked like an explosion had occurred, an explosion of fabric of various colors that is, until a shirt hit him on the side of his face. He swiped it away only to see Samantha dressed in a barely there lacy slip over what he hoped was a bra and panties because he didn't know how he would deal with it if she was naked under that flimsy undergarment. She was so aggravated she hadn't even noticed him entering into her bedroom.

Well he hadn't given her notice of his presence, but the sight of her standing there, hands on her hips as she stood in front of her closet declaring to no one in particular that she didn't have a damn thing to wear was sorely tempting his resolve not to get close to her. Right now a lower part of his body was taking serious notice of her half undressed state and it was demanding he do something about it like go over there to her, flip her over the chair by her bed and take her from behind because it had been so damn long since he'd had sex that he felt like he was on the road to becoming a monk.

He told his lower regions to shut to hell up, no way was he doing something that disastrous, especially with her, the woman who could simultaneously make his blood boil and dash his dreams with a flick of her wrist as she tried to slap him away from her along with reminders of her voice laced with cruel rejection telling him he was never the one she loved.

Then his lower regions brought up the vision to him about her small hand grasping him tightly like she had done the night Sydney was conceived and he almost groaned aloud until he heard her scream.

"EJ what in the hell are you doing in my room?" Sami reached for a hanger with an outfit to bring in front of her.

That shriek instantly brought the vision quickly to an end, this was reality, and Sami still didn't want any part of him being near her intimately, her immediate reaction to seeing him in her bedroom was proof positive. He had to say something quickly or he was afraid she was going to start launching her discarded shoes in his direction and right now he didn't want various body parts to be harmed since one in particular felt like rock hard stone. She might break it off with a well-aimed hit from one of those monstrous high heeled Jimmy Choo's she loved to wear.

"The children were getting quite antsy waiting on you and they sent me to find out when you would be ready. I hate to tell you but we should have been at Marlena's fifteen minutes ago or at least that is what time you had informed me we needed to be prepared to face the firing squad as you called it."

Sami dropped the outfit she had clutched to her body and turned back to face her closet, her shoulders slumped in defeat as she announced, "EJ, I don't have anything to wear."

Sometimes he didn't know how he did it, but he walked over behind her, not close enough to invade her personal space even though he could smell the slight dash of perfume she had already placed behind one of her ears. He reached into her closet bringing out an emerald colored dress, one of his particular favorites he liked to see on her and held it out beside her so that she could take it from him.

"This one will look smashing on you," EJ stated quietly as she turned to face him, her doubt written all over her face in spite of his declaration. She still hadn't taken the dress from him as she turned to look into his eyes, wondering how he had ever been interested in her as a woman, she was a mess, a complete mess who couldn't even figure out which outfit to wear. "I always loved seeing you in this dress; you are such a vision of loveliness whenever you wear it."

"Thank you," she replied softly taking the dress from him and turning from him to pull it over her head, no need for shyness now EJ had seen more of her than her dressed in a slip and she hated that she had made them late, she didn't want to be the last one to show up which would only make her mother comment about her tardiness when they had dinner waiting. She reached behind her to try and zip the dress, but she was having trouble getting the zipper all the way up.

EJ stood there for a moment uncertain if she needed him to finish zipping her up; they hadn't been in such close proximity especially in a bedroom which had been a conscious effort on his part. He sensed she didn't want to ask him, damn they were such stubborn people, both of them in very different ways, but he needed to be a gentleman to her, there had been too many times when he hadn't shown her the respect she deserved.

"Allow me," he moved behind her and finished zipping up the dress, noting how it clung to her figure in all the right places and for the hundredth time he wondered what in the hell he was doing back in her life, living here because he was still attracted to her and this wasn't going to end well if they didn't put some space between them. He leaned in for just a moment and then pulled back from her.

"Thank you," Sami smoothed the dress down and looked at her reflection, thank goodness she had already applied her makeup or they would even be later than what they were already going to be and she was extremely grateful that EJ wasn't making her go alone with the children.

EJ simply extended his arm to her, which she took as he led her from her bedroom. She'd have a mess to clean up when she returned home, but at least he had given her the push to go, she had to face her family and hopefully with EJ by her side they couldn't do as much damage.

They and the children drove to Marlena's penthouse apartment, quiet for most of the way, the children talked enough so that it wasn't necessary to carry on a conversation anyway beyond answering their questions about what they thought they might have to eat for Thanksgiving and what Santa would bring them next month when Christmas came.

EJ helped get the children out of the car and was about to head in when he realized Samantha was still sitting in his car, he went over to her car door and opened it for her, stating she was going to have to get out sometime. He took her hand without thinking about it and told her as they were at the doorway. "Now smile like this is going to be the best night ever, and think it is just a few hours out of your life, we make an appearance, eat some food while the children get to see part of their extended family and then you can chill out when we get home and have a drink to relax."

"And forget about how awful my family truly is," Sami blurted out right as Marlena came over to greet them at the doorway, thankful she didn't catch what Sami had said to EJ about her family, which only caused EJ to break into a huge smile himself as he noticed how uncomfortable Marlena seemed to be with his presence by Samantha's side.

"Good evening Marlena, so lovely for you to invite us to dinner," EJ said after Sami had slipped her hand away from his and he took her mother's in his hands and placed a kiss upon her hand.

He had to stifle what he was afraid was going to be laughter when Marlena made a funny noise in her throat over his gesture and he was pretty sure he was going to have a great handle on this entire situation this evening, that was until he looked up and made eye contact with his latest ex-wife Nicole who had without thinking swept Sydney into her arms as soon as she had walked into the room.

He could feel Samantha start to bristle over the sight and knew she was going to make some smart ass retort. He reached back out to grasp her hand, knowing it would do no good, but hopefully Samantha wouldn't want to cause a scene in front of the children.

Sami tried to take her hand from EJ's feeling the pressure he was giving to her hand as she opened her mouth to tell that whore to take her hands off of her baby when suddenly he pulled on her, drawing her into his arms as he did the only thing he knew that would shut Samantha up from saying anything she would later regret.

He looked into her eyes which were flashing with ire and did something he knew he would regret instead.

He kissed her…


	24. Chapter 24

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, Part XXXVIII<strong>

Sami curled her fingers into EJ's hair without even realizing it, and in turn pulling him closer as their lips melded together in this very unexpected kiss she was receiving from him. His kisses were as awesome as she remembered, not that she would ever admit to him that his kisses were awesome since she knew the knowledge would make EJ's ego grow exponentially.

She arched against him, pressing her body to his as the gentle kiss of their lips grew in intensity. EJ shifted slightly wanting her even closer to him as they lost themselves within the kiss as everyone and everything else in the room seem to fade to oblivion beyond this sudden connection they were sharing.

Finally it hit them exactly where they were and more importantly what they were doing when Johnny ran up beside them in a sing song voice proclaiming his mommy and daddy were kissing. Hearing Johnny made Sami tear her mouth away from EJ, although somehow it was like she was in a pit of quicksand when she couldn't pull herself out of his arms as she held on tightly to him waiting for his reaction to what had just happened.

EJ didn't make a move to extricate himself either, he simply watched her amazed she hadn't instantly pulled away from him over his impromptu gesture like she had so many times before in the past. Usually Samantha treated his attempts at closeness with something akin to catching a plague of some sort.

_Why doesn't he say something?_Sami thought EJ always had some kind of reasoning of why he kissed her when he did all those times before, yet this time he was mum, looking as uncertain as she was in how it had all happened in the first place. He searched her face making her heart rate increase and jump erratically as she returned his gaze in anxious anticipation.

Before they could say anything to one another though Brady shattered the mood when he decided to question his step sister in front of everyone, "Sami I thought you told me you and EJ were just friends."

"Friends with benefits maybe," Nicole interjected snidely as Sydney was holding out her hands for John to get her, the exchange between her parents unfazing her unlike Johnny, Allie and even Will as she giggled when John swept her up in his arms taking her from the clutches of Nicole.

Marlena was still standing there with her mouth agape, for once at a loss for words when usually she had an opinion for any and everything under the sun, while Carrie and Austin had ambled into the living room wondering what the commotion was all about. Carrie stopping as soon as she saw Sami, her eyes narrowing as she deduced of course it would be the arrival of her sister who always managed to cause a scene no matter where she went. Austin just had the dazed look on his face he usually wore, his expression never changing much unless it was to amp up his complete adoration for his wife Carrie.

Then to top it off, the doorbell was ringing again and they all turned slightly as none other than Belle with Claire in tow came bustling through the front door.

For once, Sami was grateful to her younger sister for stealing the spotlight as cries of welcome surprise burst forth from Marlena and John and the rest of the family over Belle's arrival. Sami used this much appreciated diversion to her advantage.

She grabbed EJ's hand and ushered him out in the hallway.

As soon as they were out in the hallway alone with the door shut as the commotion of Belle being home allowed her a chance to speak with EJ because she had some questions for him, namely this first question she asked him.

"EJ, what in the hell was that?" Sami asked vaguely of him in an exaggerated whisper.

"What was what?" EJ apparently decided to play dumb with her, knowing there was no need to get into some philosophical explanation of why he was such a complete and utter idiot when it came to this woman who was standing in front of him with a perplexed look upon her face.

Sami waved her hands in the air between them in a swirling motion as her voice became louder, "You know."

EJ acted like he was just catching on to exactly what Samantha meant, "Oh the kiss?"

"Yes, the kiss. Why did you kiss me?"

"Look it didn't mean anything, I was just trying to diffuse the situation I knew was about to erupt when Nicole grabbed up Sydney into her arms." EJ explained in all seriousness, he knew better than to make this into something more than it needed to be. He learned long ago not to read more into anything that happened between them because when he had it usually meant those actions gave Samantha complete access to stomp on his heart and he decided to strengthen his resolve not to let his heart get engaged with feelings for this woman again.

"It meant nothing? It was just something to do to distract me?" Sami asked trying not to sound hurt, but she couldn't help the feeling from creeping into her being.

"Of course," EJ immediately answered, "I didn't think we needed to start World War III in your mother's living room."

"Silly me, Nicole only stole my baby from me and kept that knowledge hidden from me for almost a year, but hey no big deal right?" Sami switched her disappointment over to anger in a flash, it would be better to be pissed at EJ anyway. She'd been a fool to expect anything else from him. He'd made it clear since he had returned to Salem that he wasn't interested in her anymore.

Sami turned on her heel away from EJ and brushed a hand under her eyes which for some odd reason decided to turn traitor on her and fill with unneeded tears. She wanted to run away, escape from this hellish day, but if she did it was going to cause even more tension within her family and probably with her and EJ also.

EJ was at a loss, he didn't understand why Samantha was so upset over his words, and it wasn't like she cared for him, cared what he thought of her, did she? He tentatively reached out a hand to turn her back around to face him which she resisted at first, until she blinked her eyes trying to dispel any tears that might be lingering in her eyes.

"You know things are never going to be easy with Nicole around," EJ began only to have Sami snort and roll her eyes in response.

"She stole our baby EJ," Sami blurted out the hurt apparent in her voice along with her features. If anyone knew how badly she'd felt over the entire Sydney situation by what that whore had done to her it was EJ.

The look on her face when she spoke those words should have been enough for EJ to pull her back into his arms, but those haunting memories of all that Samantha had done to him too were screaming inside his head to not further engage in this matter with her at least not now out in the hallway while part of her family was probably waiting for them to come back inside, not to mention their children were in there.

So he decided the comfort route with her wasn't going to be the wise one in which his heart could take, at least not at this moment.

"We've all done bad things Samantha," he began only to have her cut him off before he could finish his entire sentence.

"You think?" Sami narrowed her eyes and EJ could visibly see her start to shut down, the change in her entire stance and tone of voice was like seeing a complete transformation. The vulnerability she had just given him a glimpse of was erased as she turned away from him.

For a brief moment EJ wanted to reach out and grab her arm once more so that she would turn back and face him, but he let that temptation pass. It was better for Samantha to be disappointed in him than for her to expect him to be some kind of knight in shining armor, riding to her rescue. No, that role was for others to play in her life.

Not him, never him.

So he let her go back into the apartment, saw her paste a false smile on her face as she faced her family with her head held high and hoped he could make it through the rest of the evening without wanting to kiss her again and tell her things were going to be all right. He couldn't tell her he was here with her because he wanted to be here with her, that he was proud to be here with her, that he always wanted to be where she was because she was the only woman he ever wanted to be with from now on.

He guessed some things were better left unsaid, after all writing those letters to her should have been enough for her to know how much he still loved her even though he had proclaimed to her that romantic fool which resided in him had died. Somehow he was afraid that fool for love was being resurrected no matter how hard he was trying to fight against it.

And that thought scared him more than he wanted to admit, so he pushed it aside and played along with Samantha as the evening began. They were both so good at pretending and tonight would be no exception.


	25. Chapter 25

_Author's note: Just wanted to tell everyone thank you so much for reading, reviewing and or favoriting Moonlit Wishes. What started last year as a one shot for EJami turned into my biggest story ever. I really appreciate everyone who has been with me along the way as the story continues. I am so grateful for your support and love you have shown me. Hope you enjoy this latest part, please if you have time let me know your thoughts. _

_Hugs, _

_Karen_

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Book II, part XXXIX_**

Pretend they did during the entirety of the evening, from which EJ would be extremely thankful when they could make their escape. They both carefully evaded any further questions about their relationship and if the conversation veered in that direction, they quickly diverted it to something else, each playing off what the other would say until something new could be brought into the discussion.

EJ was impressed, Sami could still fool everyone so well when she put her mind to it, the only exception to her act was that she studiously avoided Nicole, and it was almost like she had created an invisible barrier in which she was deaf to anything the other woman said in the conversation during the meal they all partook together.

Well that along with the fact that Sami kept getting her wine glass refilled each time the bottle was passed along the table during the meal. It wasn't like she was getting tipsy or anything from what he could gather, but she wasn't saying no either whenever the wine came by her way. Since he was driving tonight, he had abstained from partaking; besides he had figured Samantha would need more fortification the wine could provide against her family instead of him anyway.

He had to give Samantha credit, any time Nicole even glanced their way she never made Samantha's veneer crack once. Then again, why was he surprised? When Samantha made up her mind that something wasn't so or didn't exist even when it plainly did to all around them that was what she held onto with such an unrelenting strength it would astound anyone if they truly knew what she was doing.

Then again, he was an expert when it came to knowing how Samantha would pretend something or someone didn't exist. She had done it to him so many times in the past either ignoring their attraction to one another or ignoring him in general especially when he had tried to make her admit that she had feelings for him other than him being the father of their children.

How many times had he wanted her to just let go and see what could happen between them? Too many and now it was too late, he had seen the error of his ways. God knew it had taken more than a bullet or two to knock some sense into him, but this time he was stronger against her feminine wiles.

He knew they weren't good for each other, even if she could still make his insides melt with just a mere kiss from her lips. Those lips that could do such amazing things if and when she would let them play…

"EJ, are you all right?" Belle asked gently tapping him on his forearm after EJ had failed to answer her questions she had directed to him.

"Of course, please forgive my lack of manners for not answering you sooner," EJ broke out into what he hoped was one of his most charming grins and somehow managed to drag his eyes away from Samantha's face to look into her younger's sister eyes instead. He hadn't even realized he'd been staring at Samantha until Belle's insistent voice had broken through his latest musing of Samantha's lips.

He shook his head, trying to clear his errant thoughts of wanting to kiss those lips of Samantha's again when of course that wouldn't be a good thing at all, especially since he was pretty sure Samantha was pissed at him for kissing her earlier to divert a nasty catfight with Nicole. Samantha might have played along with him to fool her family, but he knew better. She was mad as hell at him, no matter how sweetly she smiled at him, occasionally even touching his hand during the feast they were sharing with her family tonight.

Belle looked at both EJ and her sister thinking something more was going on between them then the just being friends excuse Sami had used explaining EJ's presence to her right before dinner had started after they had shared a quick hug of greeting with one another upon Belle's arrival. While they might be fooling most of them here at the dinner table, she wasn't buying it, especially after catching EJ looking at her sister in a more than friendly manner more than once.

Belle simply smiled as a plan dawned on her, she was going to help her sister whether she realized it or not because it was plain as day to her that Sami and EJ were more than just friends. Or they would be if she had anything to do with it.

"That's all right EJ," Belle patted his arm once more thinking her sister was still oblivious to the man's feelings that had been right in front of her for such a very long time. "You know I was wondering since Claire and I have been away from Salem for quite a while that it would be so nice for all of the kids to stay here tonight where they could all get reacquainted with one another again. Claire has missed her cousins so much since we have been away."

EJ looked back to Samantha trying to gauge her thoughts on this invitation to which he met a puzzled expression on her face, almost like the one she'd had when he had kissed her until he had spouted off that lie to her that he had only kissed her to stop a fight between her and Nicole.

"Belle, I'm sure Mom and John isn't prepared for all of the children to spend the night," Sami began only to have Marlena interject quickly.

"I think that is a wonderful ideal Belle," Marlena smiled warmly at her youngest child as John grabbed Marlena's hand and squeezed it signaling that he fully agreed with Marlena.

Of course her mother would think any suggestion that came out of Belle's mouth was golden even if Sami wasn't completely sure she needed to go home alone with EJ tonight especially without the buffer the kids usually managed to provide for them. So if she disagreed to Belle's offer she would once again be the bad guy because her mother would find some way to turn this around to Sami being selfish and not wanting Belle to be happy.

Her mother was always finding something to fault her with and she knew if she said no it would probably raise more suspicion that she had a problem with being alone with EJ and it would negate all their protests that they were only friends.

Because true friends had no problem being around one another alone, so this would be a piece of cake. Wouldn't it?

That's all she and EJ were, friends and not friends with benefits like that skanky Nicole had said either.

All those thoughts swirling in her head at one time could be pretty confusing so to keep them all off of her back, she wouldn't let any of them guess she wasn't sure of anything when it involved EJ especially after he had kissed her tonight in front of all of them no less.

"Of course the kids can spend the night," Sami agreed her voice so sweet it didn't seem like her own which immediately put EJ on alert. Sami didn't want them to stay, but she was trapped. They would all know something was off with them if they didn't want the children to stay and go home with them instead.

And now so was he, how would he ever survive a night all alone in the house with Samantha without the kids being around?

God help him he was almost afraid to go home, but here was their one chance to escape even if escaping her family meant they were going to be alone with one another.

Surely they could manage one night alone, right?

After all they were just friends.

Yeah right…


	26. Chapter 26

_Moonlit Wishes __**  
><strong>__Book II, part XL_

Somehow they made their goodbyes without any further confrontations or accusations from any of her family which was a feat in itself considering all the company they had encountered tonight for the Thanksgiving dinner gathering. Kissing the children goodnight was the easy part for her, although watching EJ kiss them goodbye wrenched at her heart because she knew it was the first night he had spent away from them since his return to Salem. She was tempted to reach out to touch his shoulder to comfort him, but then she stopped short when the ugly truth of the matter hit her again that EJ could have comforted her earlier when she was clearly upset about Nicole, yet he had done nothing of the sort.

They made their way back out to his car, Sami walking fast ahead of EJ, not even bothering to wait upon him to accompany her back to the vehicle. She didn't care about niceties from him or anything else for that matter. He had made his choice loud and clear earlier this evening in the hallway.

He choose not to side with her, of course why would she expect him to side with her whenever that tramp had been concerned. She hated Nicole as much now as she did then, even more so if the truth be told, the age old adage of time healing all wounds apparently didn't hold true when skanky bitches were involved. She huffed trying to control her anger and hastily reached out ready to wrench the car door open because she didn't need EJ's help for a damn thing.

Why was she surprised when the car alarm immediately started to clank loudly with a horrendous screeching sound that would surely wake even the dead in Salem? God rest their souls as her grandfather would say to her on many an occasion. She yanked back her hand almost as if she had been burned and stumbled slightly until EJ reached out to keep her from falling on her ass out on the cement.

His arms were strong as they kept her from falling, at least falling on the pavement that was, damn her heart for skipping a beat when he pulled her close for a few brief seconds righting her back to stand beside the car while he reached to retrieve his car keys to turn off the car alarm before all the neighborhood came out to see who was stealing a car.

He should of known she wouldn't say thank you to him, how many times had he saved her ass, this time literally and never a word of thanks would she utter to him? Too many times to count, so he shouldn't be surprised. Frankly, he was amazed she hadn't starting cursing as soon as he had kept her from falling.

Then again as he finally hit the switch to stop the alarm and open the door he heard her mutter something under her breath as she tried to walk widely around him to get into the car, only to hit her head on the side of the doorframe of the car.

"Ouch!" Sami cried out clutching her left temple with the palm of her hand as EJ immediately crouched down beside her on the wet pavement completely disregarding the fact that he was probably ruining one of his best pair of trousers he owned.

"Are you all right darling?" EJ asked swiftly taking her hand away from her head as he tried to examine to see if she was hurt. The term of endearment he used for her instead of calling out her name slipping out without his even realizing it, he never wanted to see her hurt regardless of whatever situation they may find themselves in with one another.

She wanted to be mad at him, but she had longed to hear him call her with sweet nicknames such as darling or sweetheart for such a long time and the way he was looking at her right now like he was worried she was hurt melted all the anger she had felt brewing for him all evening.

She nodded and winced slightly at the movement, which only caused EJ to gently push her over in the seat so that he could sit down beside her, one of his leg flushed next to hers since she couldn't move further away because of the console in the car while he faced her.

"I'm okay EJ," she finally managed to answer in a quiet voice.

"Good because you know I would never want to do anything to hurt…"

Sami pressed her fingers against his lips preventing him from saying more to her.

"I know," she nodded her head once more as a lump formed in her throat, oh god please don't let me cry in front of him, please no, her mind screamed when she had the good sense to finally remove her fingers from his lips. "Look can we just go home? I'm tired and this evening has been a huge disaster…"

"Sure," EJ nodded and quickly moved away from her, shutting the car door gently so as not to jar her any.

How could she go from being pissed at him to wanting to throw her arms around him and hold him tightly to her? For all the times she thought EJ was a huge jackass sometimes he could be really sweet.

EJ DiMera sweet? I must have bumped my head harder than I thought I did as he finally came around the car and made his way to the driver's seat, immediately turning the key in the ignition to start the car.

They drove in silence, neither of them wanting to say the wrong thing to one another because that is what they usually did, said something hurtful or stupid and then the regrets would come later on.

Maybe neither one of them wanted to regret things, Sami thought to herself, maybe EJ was afraid of upsetting the balance between them that had settled ever since EJ had returned home. He was a different person than before, even more cautious if that were possible or maybe she was slowly coming to see that all her reservations towards having a relationship had prevented her from truly being happy.

Happiness wasn't something she was used to unless it was when she was with her children, especially these last few months and she had to admit even more so since EJ had come back into their lives. She chuckled quietly to herself as she looked out into the darkened sky while they drove home. Who would have ever thought having EJ around equated to happiness?

Finally they arrived and after EJ stopped the car Sami wondered what might happen between them. For once there weren't any children to make sure that they had baths, no bedtime stories to be read, no one to tuck into bed with sweet goodnights and assurances that all was right with the world.

As he exited the car and began to walk over to help her out of the car, she almost panicked and then she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and put a smile on her face as he opened the door for her. As she arose to get out of the car, it hit her she may have imbibed a bit more than she should have at dinner as she felt a tad unsteady on her feet.

When EJ saw Samantha turn her foot he decided he better guide her to the front door, he would feel even worse if she fell down and knocked herself out cold at his feet. They made it to the door and EJ opened it, all the while never letting go of his grip on her forearm.

Sami wanted to roll her eyes, sure she might be a little tipsy, but she wasn't full blown drunk which she would have probably enjoyed the evening with her family so much more if she had been. When they had crossed the threshold of the house, Sami extricated her arm from EJ and promptly reached to take off her high heeled shoes, her feet were hurting and all she wanted to do was to sink down on the couch for a few minutes before she headed off to bed.

EJ watched her walk unsteadily to the couch and then stifled himself from laughing when she plopped down on it throwing her arms above her head; that was until she uttered a soft groan when her head hit one of the cushions on the sofa.

EJ was by her side quicker than she could blink her eyes, as he sat on the couch looking down at her, pushing her hair aside to see a faint purple bruise was spreading on the side of her head.

"Let me get you some ice," EJ offered as he arose and went to the kitchen promptly gathering some ice cubes from the freezer and wrapping them in a dishtowel for her. He brought it back to her quickly and before she could protest he placed it gently against her skin.

"EJ," Sami began to sit up as she reached to remove the makeshift icepack EJ had made for her. She didn't need babying from this man.

She looked at him and knew what she needed and she hoped he needed it too.

She wanted his kisses, not an icepack, she wanted him and before he could say anything to contradict her she wrapped her arms around him securing her hands behind his head and pulled him into a kiss


	27. Chapter 27

_**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book II, part XLI<strong>_

No, he wasn't expecting this kind of reaction from Samantha at all when he brought her a compress to sooth her aching head. Not that he minded being on the other side of the coin for a change by having her initiate a kiss between them, and what a kiss it was too. Somehow this woman always seemed to manage a way to completely throw him off balance by her impulsive actions.

Her kisses were like none other, he couldn't lie to himself, he wanted her and if she kept this up by scooting around to where she was on top of him her with her supple body rubbing up against his incredible hard on he was suddenly sporting he didn't know what he would do. He was already aroused by her and those little mewling noises she was making all the while trying to unbutton his shirt at the same time could drive a man simply insane.

Sami knew this was better than a cold compress. EJ still made her heart beat erratically and it was a thrill running through her each time they kissed, his kisses were intoxicating and now she wanted more of him. She pulled back from his lips, briefly meeting his somewhat unfocused gaze he bestowed upon her, she wished he could read her mind and realize the commitment she was beginning to realize she had for this man but wasn't able to say out loud to him just yet. What could she say to tell EJ how much she cared for him when she had only started to accept the possibility of it herself after she had read those impassioned letters he had written only for her? Before she had always pushed him away, she'd been too scared of what might happen if she surrendered complete control to him, she'd been worried what her family would think of her if she chose to be with a DiMera.

Maybe he can see it in my eyes what I'm still too afraid to say, she thought as his gaze darkened with what she hoped was desire for her and the gentle hold he had on her became more like a possessive grip instead. She waited those few seconds holding her breath as she anticipated his next move. He stroked her hair with one hand, being careful not to touch her where she had bumped her head, dropping it to caress her cheek and then his lips locked with hers once more.

Gently, he shifted their positions, sitting up all the while cradling her in his arms and heading for what Sami hoped was his bedroom. Lost in his kisses he had resumed upon her, she barely noticed when he had stopped moving until she felt him release her legs so that she could shakily stand before him.

Then before she knew exactly where they were in the house he abruptly ended the kiss and pulled away. Gasping at the sudden loss, her eyes snapped opened in distress. Why was he stopping? She was sure they would have reached his bed by now if he had only kept moving forward with her in his arms. His dark head bent toward hers slowly until their lips were only a mere centimeter apart.

"EJ, please don't stop," Sami whispered, her lips parting into a smile when he kissed her once, twice more, each kiss sparking a fire that was smoldering while she was waiting for him to take things further, but then he pulled back again even though he saw the frustration that was flashing in her eyes.

Sami stood on tiptoe, trying to bring him closer to her, sighing contently when their lips connected again. She tugged at his hair while she rubbed up against him. For EJ it was the signal he'd been waiting for, he abandoned his taunting, finally taking her mouth in a surge of ravenous hunger.

He couldn't get enough and began to lift her shirt with shaking hands, his inexplicable desperation she felt from him moved her in a way she knew she wouldn't be able describe even if she had been asked. She could feel his heart pounding in sync with the rapid beating of her own heart where he was pressed against her. Briefly she realized he had indeed made it to his bedroom, all they needed were a few more steps to go and they would reach his bed.

She stepped back and before she knew it she was tugging on him causing them both to fall on his bed, his huge bed that was plenty big enough for both of them to inhabit and hopefully in the future she'd be sharing it with him. Right now though they could have been on a cot, the floor, anywhere as long as he would keep touching her and driving her crazy with desire like he was doing at the moment.

Their pent up sexual tension was prevalent in the air seeming to make the atmosphere around them hot as if they were in a fire. Sami could feel his arousal growing, there was no doubt he wanted her as their kisses continued until the need for oxygen became more insistent and they parted for a brief moment.

EJ drew a harsh breath and looked down at Samantha, really looked at her and it hit him they were about to have sex if they continued and he would have taken her too, his need for her could render him incapable of thinking things through and do the right thing by her, he knew it without a doubt in his mind. Together they were in a damn the consequences kind of mood, but he knew things would surely look different to her when the dawn broke in the morning and that stopped him completely.

He was tired of living with the repercussions of his actions and didn't want to be blamed for taking advantage of her when he knew she'd had too much to drink earlier on in the evening. This wasn't like Samantha to come on so strong to him, she'd always put up a fight citing reasons why they shouldn't be kissing, touching one another. Always she was the one who stopped things before they went too far between them.

So this time he stopped them before she could call a halt to this madness herself.

He tried to catch his breath and calm his raging libido down even though his body was screaming for his conscience to shut the hell up and take her now because they both wanted it.

Sami frowned and started to reach toward him to draw him back closer and he shook his head and grasped both of her hands in his so that she couldn't touch him.

"We've got to stop Samantha."

She looked at him like he had lost his mind and maybe he had a tiny bit. He could tell she was upset with him for stopping things before they went any further, going past what he had deemed in his mind were secure boundaries for him when he was with her after agreeing to move in the house.

Really what had she expected that they could fall into the same old patterns? He couldn't kiss her and have her run away from him like she had always done before. She'd done that exact same thing time and time again and for once he wasn't going to be the one begging for her to give in to him.

He watched her cautiously; once again he had been driven by a need he didn't fully comprehend, the lust and love and anger were all still there mixed together for her and he had sworn to himself that he didn't want to hurt her ever again. If anything, he had come to terms with their physical relationship because he knew how she would react to his advances and now Samantha was acting completely the opposite of the way she used to be with him. It was like turning on and off light switch with her and he knew any minute now she'd see the error of their ways and they might be able to salvage their newfound friendship which was barely hanging together by a thin thread.

Didn't she realize he hated himself enough already for what he had done to her all those years ago? His actions to make her his and his alone had driven her to the point of desperation where she had wanted him dead, had shot him in the freaking head for crissakes.

Just when he thought he could stop this completely she leaned up toward him whispering in his ear. "Please EJ?"

He didn't even recognize the neediness of her voice and his hips rolled forward on their own involuntarily, instantly melding them together once more, the instinct to connect with her so strong that it was fogging up his mind's ability to think clearly and above all things he needed to think.

"No, we can't," he answered sadly, physically aching already for her even while he was trying to push her away, so filled with desire for this woman rushing through his body, everywhere she had touched him and was touching him was igniting a fire within him. His skin felt like it was scorched wherever they touched.

She wouldn't look at him as he tried to move back a few inches, her head was slightly bowed forward as if she was afraid to look him in the eyes when she realized he meant it, he was telling her no. EJ DiMera was calling a cease and desists against her advances and quite frankly it shocked the hell out of her.

EJ really wanted her to look at him. He wanted to talk to her, to see her face when they spoke, not her hair. He needed for her to understand where he was coming from by his refusal. He gently placed his fingertips under her chin bringing her eyes back to look directly into his. "Samantha, please look at me, this is important."

She tried not to avert her eyes, but it was difficult and when she finally spoke her voice was quiet, reserved even. "EJ, I don't understand why you don't want me. Don't you want me EJ?"

Want was not the question; want for her in his life, in his bed, for her to love him in her heart had been the driving force in his life ever since he had met her, this woman he couldn't forget, the woman who had caused him countless heartache and distress. EJ shook his head. "I can't do this. It isn't fair for you to ask me to do this with you, Samantha."

"EJ, I know it's not fair." She sighed softly, "None of it is fair, but when have I ever played fair before? When have you played fair? Playing fair isn't something either one of us does. It's not in our nature to play by the rules. We take what we want by any means possible come hell or high water."

"Samantha," he groaned and pressed his lips to her forehead before he knew what he was doing. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. This isn't right; we are not in a good place with one another for this to be happening. For once I don't want to face the hell or high water; I want to be sure of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it."

Here they were, full circle and he was still feeling the same way he used to feel about her. It was hard to look at her while she was willing to forget it all and have sex with him, for him to pretend he'd never lost anything along the way with her, but he had and it had almost killed him. He couldn't lose himself again because he was afraid if he did he would never be whole again.

She had tears in her eyes, she was so stubborn, and why wouldn't she listen to reason? For once he was being the voice of reason while she was being the ultimate temptation to him, she was offering herself up to him for the taking and he couldn't do it.

"It still wouldn't change anything, Samantha. You know it wouldn't. For god's sake we've just gotten to the place where we consider each other to be friends and now this? We can't go there."

She blinked and sniffled. "EJ, I'm not running away this time. I want this, I want to be with you and suddenly you have this sudden change of heart concerning me?"

"You of all people know this is not sudden. I'm just refusing to be your fuck buddy. I still remember all too clearly the night we made love and you chalked it up to no more than a girl just wanted to have fun sometimes. Well while it may be something you can do, I can't do it, and I just can't. For once in my life, I want more, I deserve more and whether you realize it or not, you do too. It should mean something more than us just fucking each other. If we ever do come together I want it to be for all of the right reasons because we both love each other and neither one of us has any doubts or reservations of whether it is right or wrong and right now it isn't the time for us and it may never be again. I won't use you because I want sex. I know we are compatible sexually and you do too, but I won't do it this time Samantha. Please respect my wishes on this, please. All I ever wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you and you proved to me very clearly that you didn't no matter what I did. It took me a long time, but I finally accepted it because I know I did some terrible, horrible misguided things to you in the name of love when I really didn't know what love entailed and what it fully meant. I just don't want to fuck everything up this time and have my life fall to pieces. For once in my life I need to do the right thing."

And with that admission from him for the first time in their twisted relationship he was the one to get up from the bed and leave the room in a hurry, leaving Sami lying on the bed all alone and more than a bit confused by his confession.

Now she understood how EJ must of felt all those times she had backed away, tonight she had seen the fear in his eyes as clear as if she was looking into a mirror because she knew deep down within her heart it was the same look she'd given him too many times before right before she would choose to run away from him and the love he offered her.

She pulled herself up off from the bed and walked to the window, looking out to the night sky thinking how much it really sucked to be the one standing all alone after begging for the other person not to go. That was when she heard the front door slam and the sound of EJ's car roaring to life as she saw him speeding out of the driveway in a hurry and she felt the track of tears starting to flow down her face.

Could she ever truly come to EJ with what he wanted from her? She had thought they would have sex and let come what may afterwards, but apparently he wasn't going to play that game this time around.

As she looked out into the night sky she knew he wouldn't give into her no matter what tricks she tried to pull because EJ DiMera had wrote the book on trying to get what you want. The next time, if there was a next time she better be prepared to give him her heart and soul because EJ wanted her love and she was afraid of that emotion more than anything else, especially with EJ.

Well this was going to be a new concept for her. Somehow she was going to learn how to conquer her fears, that is if she wanted EJ in her life in each and every way imaginable.

Because she knew without a doubt that EJ DiMera was worth it. She just had to find a way to prove it to him

_End of Book II_

_Author's note: Book III of Moonlit Wishes will begin soon. Thank you to all of you who have read, reviewed or favorited Moonlit Wishes. I truly do appreciate each and everyone of you._


	28. Chapter 28

_Moonlit Wishes__**  
><strong>__Book III, Part I_

Well he must be the biggest pansy alive on the planet after baring his pitiful soul to Samantha, EJ thought to himself in disgust while driving away from her leaving their house in the dust; he hadn't wanted to reveal those feelings to Samantha. The letters he had written her had been enough, hadn't they? What had compelled him to pour out his heart once again to the one woman who could and probably would use those things he said to her against him sometime in the future?

Because apparently he was a glutton for punishment and he knew without even looking he was going to have to deal with a terrible case of blue balls to prove that very fact. Hell Samantha had held his balls in a vice for as long as he could remember. He doubted she even knew the full extent of her hold over him and hopefully she never would if he could only keep his big mouth shut.

He had gotten as far to the city limits sign of Salem and was prepared to blow past it and leave town once more, this time to never return, but he knew deep down in his heart that he couldn't leave the children behind and truth be told he couldn't leave Samantha either. He swerved the car over to the roadside just past the city limit sign causing gravel to spray by his sudden stop of the vehicle.

Somehow no matter how hard he was trying to fight it, all roads led back to Samantha. Tonight had proven to him though while his heart still yearned for her that he finally listening to his head which insisted if he wanted to find some kind of peace and sanity in this life then he should let her go completely.

And he hadn't let her go completely; he'd been lying to himself all this time.

He thought he had let her go, told her as much in those letters he had let her go so she could find what she was searching for and then it hit him like a ton of bricks subconsciously while composing those letters to her he must have been hoping that somehow she would see he was the one she had been searching for all along. That he was the man who could make her happy.

He wasn't a naïve fool, he knew they were players; both of them were masters when it came to playing mind games on other people, especially upon each other. How many times had each one of them tried to up the other only to fail miserably when the inevitable truth came out no matter how hard each one of them tried to hide it from the other and the shit hit the fan?

Maybe it was due to the simple fact that he didn't get off on the mind games anymore, he just wanted Samantha to want him as much as he had wanted her, and deep down he knew that he still wanted her for all of his protests to the contrary.

He reached into the glove apartment of his car and withdrew a pack of cigarettes. He had sworn years ago to give up the habit, it was a terrible one to have, one no one even knew about him or at least he didn't think they did beyond maybe catching him smoking an occasional cigar, but he kept a pack hidden in case of emergencies and telling Samantha no when he could have taken what she was offering up to him surely counted as an emergency.

He stepped out of the car taking the pack of cigarettes with him, tamping on the bottom of the pack to release one of them out for him, and then leaned back into the car to fish out his lighter and when he finally found it, he brought it to life watching the flame flicker in the darkness as he lit the cigarette taking a deep draw from it while the acrid smoke filled into his lungs.

Hopefully this would calm his nerves because nothing short of jacking off later was going to relieve the pressure in his balls from taking the high road and saying no to Samantha. He finally finished his cigarette and tossed the butt of it in the gravel, crunching the last burning embers into the stones with his shoe. Most times he was more earth conscious and wouldn't had tossed the used cigarette, but tonight his mind was too troubled to think of such things.

He stood there for a while, listening to the night sounds and watching the sky wondering what he should do. Could he go back to the house and act like nothing had happened between them? He really needed a stiff drink, next thing if he kept up this line of thinking he'd be writing lyrics to love songs and composing sonnets proclaiming eternal love for a woman whom had never reciprocated those feelings to him at all.

Oh god he really did still have it bad for her which was exactly the last thing on this earth he needed. Where had his resolve gone to stay strong and resist the force of nature that was Samantha Brady?

If the ache in his lower regions was any indication apparently it had gone south. Just when he was sure he didn't have much of a conscience when it reared its head it chose the most inopportune times to do so.

Maybe he should move out, but the thoughts of leaving his children even if it was just across town were enough to make him want to wretch right there amidst the dirt and gravel. For once he knew the children were happy and he didn't want them to think they had done anything wrong to make him leave.

No, he'd offer a compromise to Samantha. He would try to do better to steer clear of her so that they wouldn't have a repeat performance of tonight's catastrophe. Somehow when and if either of them found someone else they would just have to try to make it work so that the children wouldn't suffer. Those sweet innocent babies had been drug through the wringer emotionally from the battles he and Samantha had waged against one another over the years and he was determined not to do that ever again to them.

He just hated that when he had tried to be with other women it just turned out to be cheap hook ups in which he used them in half-hearted attempts to forget his feelings for Samantha. Apparently Samantha Brady had ruined him for anyone else, but knowing this pertinent bit of information didn't mean he was going to become a monk again like he tried before when he couldn't have her or plead for her to give him one more chance to prove how good they could be together. His days of begging for someone to love him were long over.

Surely he could find some kind of diversion to take his mind off of her. There had to be something or someone to help him get past the stark realization that he couldn't get Samantha out of his system no matter how hard he tried or he really would go insane if he wasn't already on the road there anyway.

He took in his surroundings with him standing out in the freezing cold when he could have been at home in bed probably appreciating the afterglow of having what he bet would have been mind-blowing amazing sex with Samantha by now he was pretty sure he was traveling the road to crazy town.

Yep, he was crazy his body shouted to him letting him know he would pay for not taking Samantha up on her offer. In what universe did you turn down having sex with the woman you loved when she was practically begging you to take her?

EJ guessed the universe in which he wanted to be loved even if he wasn't sure if he deserved to be loved after the kind of life he had led up to this point. Being a cold hearted ruthless bastard sometimes had its drawbacks. But he hadn't always been that way, Samantha having his children had shown him he could put someone else's needs before his own even if his father had taught him not to let anyone drag you down with the chains of love.

Nope, you did the right thing tonight his mind reiterated to his body. You don't need to settle for less than being loved for who you are flaws and all.

Oh no, EJ thought in horror surely that hopeless romantic wasn't trying to claw its way back up to the surface? EJ had assured himself that part of his ragged soul was dead and buried, locked away for good after suffering all the hurts that love could inflict upon him. Writing those letters to Samantha were supposed to be the last showing of that love sick fool who had believed that one day someone was going to love him as much as he loved them.

He looked up to the stars and started to make a wish upon them only to stop himself before he could complete the thought. He wasn't going to do this foolish dreaming anymore; he could be strong enough to hold out for what he wanted.

He was never going to settle for less ever again, he just wasn't.


	29. Chapter 29

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book III, Part II

Sami sniffed and wiped at the residue of tears after EJ left the house in such a hurry, she looked around EJ's room, taking one last glance at his bed where they had lain together and stifled the urge to straighten up the covers so that it would look like they had never even been in bed together at all. No, she wasn't going to erase what happened between them tonight although if she was a betting woman which anyone with a drop of Irish blood surely was, she'd bet EJ was going to acquire a sudden case of amnesia where she was concerned.

Not that she could blame him because she knew she was woman enough to own up to that specific act because she could and had played it to a tee several times over the years with EJ. One minute she could be hot as fire, the next cold as ice and EJ had been the recipient of her bipolar personality on several occasions.

When the other shoe was on your foot though somehow it sure felt a whole lot heavier and didn't fit well at all and it was something she had tried not to think about seeing as how deflection was deeply ingrained into her being. Denying the truth when it was staring her straight in her face was a specialty of hers; acting like she didn't care when in fact she was too scared to take the risk because she might get hurt.

She'd always went with the safe route choosing men she could mold and bend to her will, better to know what you were getting yourself into and could control than going into something blind hoping that you wouldn't crash and burn if you took that daunting leap of faith that would send you into the unknown.

When she'd had the chance she shied away from choosing EJ after she found out his true family lineage, he'd lied to her about who he was and she'd been mad at herself for not being more wary of him from the start. With EJ DiMera you never knew where you stood or where he might take you emotionally, and she didn't even want to venture into the physical attraction she had felt from the first time she had met him. There had been something in his eyes sparking with mischief that dared her to find out exactly what he thinking.

She remembered how excited she felt as she was getting to know him and then when she'd realized he was a liar just like her, it changed everything for her. EJ wasn't charming he was playing a game and he'd played her.

Thinking of how he had fooled her into believing he was her friend that he preferred her company over her perfect sister Carrie was the first brick she used in building the wall to protect her heart from him. No one could love her for her, sure she'd had men in her life who professed their love, but when the chips were down they all left her. No one wanted a liar and a schemer for a girlfriend or heaven forbid having a wife who had those attributes to her personality.

They just didn't. Men had claimed to love her, but really they had just wanted sex, something she knew she excelled in because she knew sex equated to power and she loved having that kind of power over men.

EJ had been different though, he challenged her to tell her family to go to hell if they didn't like who she was, but he hadn't meant it. He'd just wanted her for some sick game of revenge that Stefano cooked up to make anyone related to the Brady's pay.

Sometimes she wondered why her family's approval had meant so much to her because now she could honestly say she really didn't like most of them. Sure she loved them, but you could love your family and not genuinely like them. The dinner from hell tonight had been just another prime example of how her family didn't understand her or she them.

She hated the little small voice that was telling her EJ understood her or she thought he did most times even if he'd spurned her advances tonight. She'd really acted like a ho tonight begging EJ, my god she'd even said please which was a difficult word for her to articulate, but she was tired of being lonely and while she knew a lot of women wouldn't admit it, she liked sex.

She liked it a lot.

She'd really like another chance to have sex with EJ because he had some moves that defied logic, not to mention gravity. Well unless he changed his mind, which she highly doubted especially after that little speech he had given her earlier, she was either going to have to keep fantasizing about him which she had to admit she'd gotten pretty good at ever since she'd read those letters he had wrote her or break down and tell him how she truly felt about him.

That pesky insecure side of her was screaming no, don't you dare because he'll reject you just like he rejected your advances tonight. She really didn't know how EJ had done it, she'd spurned him so many times and he had kept coming back for more.

Trouble was she was still kind of confused on those feelings because when she thought of EJ she had so many different emotions where he was concerned that it was difficult to pinpoint all of them. How could she categorize what she felt for EJ? She'd thought she'd been in love several times in her life and each time the feeling had left her feeling less than satisfied.

Or maybe those men couldn't satisfy you or keep you interested, her inner goddess threw in there for good measure.

Did she love EJ? Was the way he made her crazy one moment and downright furious the next what love was? He was right on one thing tonight, they were compatible sexually, but could they really make things work in a relationship like a husband and wife? She knew they could handle the day to day things with the children, they were quite good at it if she did say so herself when they were working together instead of fighting one another and trying to keep the other from seeing the children.

The nagging voice in her head was screaming if she'd gave him a chance when they were actually married instead of trying to avoid him at every turn she might already know the answer to her question.

She'd almost given in the night he begged her not to leave, to just admit she had feelings for him and even though she had whispered to him that he knew she did, she had handed him back her wedding ring and then ran away because her insecurities were huge wherever EJ was in the equation.

EJ was one of the few men who actually scared her because he had a temper as volatile as hers and when they fought it was awful, but for all the awfulness there had been laughter too when she had let it come back into their relationship. She really did like EJ being her friend.

Could her friend EJ also become her lover too? Could EJ the man she'd been searching for all along?

There had been times she had thought she might lose him and she remembered the fear thinking EJ wouldn't be there anymore. That feeling left her reeling and it was scary to realize someone could be that important to you.

Was that love?

Hell she was so screwed up that she honestly didn't know, but at least she knew EJ was in the same boat with her because he was messed up too.

How did two fucked up emotionally handicapped people have such beautiful and wonderful children?

Sometimes life was a mystery and that had to be one of the biggest of life's mysteries, for her at least.

Did she love him? Some days she really didn't think she loved herself or anyone else beyond her children whom she loved unconditionally.

Was she going to try to find out for sure even if EJ would probably fight her every step of the way if tonight was any indication of what he felt about her now?

Most definitely…


	30. Chapter 30

Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part III<p>

Well she could either hide away in her bedroom wishing for a redo of the night to erase the memories swirling in her head or stay up and wait for EJ to return. Sami thought she probably wouldn't sleep anyway so she would wait EJ out. He had to return sometime, but as the hours dragged with no sign of EJ on she felt her eyelids drooping and she finally succumbed to sleep curled up on the couch.

Which was exactly where EJ found her when he returned home somewhat worse for the wear considering he was exhausted, cold and more than a bit cranky due to being so sexually frustrated that he could barely stand it, never mind he had called a halt to said sexual activity.

He stood back in the shadows of the living room, the small table lamp was the only light on in the house and it didn't dismiss all the darkness of the room, just provided a small glow of light to the immediate area by it thereby illuminating a sleeping Samantha.

Apparently she had left a light on for him and he guessed had tried to wait up for him to return. His lips drew into a grim smile and he shook his head wondering why she even bothered. He wasn't used to anyone caring if he went or came back and he wasn't sure she did either. He was guessing her motives because she had thrown him for a loop tonight with her actions.

He stood there for a few minutes more, the entire house quiet and the woman he just couldn't quite figure out sleeping before him.

A part of him wanted to go over to her, reach out, awaken her and take her back to his bedroom to finish what they had begun earlier in the evening, but he knew he wasn't going to take that route with her. If they had slept together it would muddle up their already complicated relationship and they needed to have clear boundaries with one another so as not to wreck their friendship and thus upset the balance in the household.

Their children deserved to have a stable environment and that meant he needed to be cordial to Samantha, not jumping her bones and causing god knew what kind of turmoil that might arise if he had given into her.

Yes, it was better to guard his heart, keep his distance and doing his best to make things work for the entire family. He could shelve those pesky desires for her that wouldn't seem to die no matter what they did to one another or however much time had passed.

She stirred slightly turning over so that he could see her face better and murmuring in her sleep uttering something he couldn't understand so he moved in a little closer trying to catch what she was saying. Even moving closer her words were too faint to hear.

No telling what she was dreaming of he deduced as his hand reached out to brush back her hair from her face. There wasn't any doubt she was beautiful no matter what state he seemed to find her in and it was nice to see Samantha like this, her guard down, no games going on between them.

A strange thought flickered in his mind briefly wondering what it would be like to be able to feel her body snuggling close to his every night, to see her face each morning when he awoke, to be able to tell her and show her how much he loved her more each day.

He could feel her breath on his hand and it took all he had in him not to caress her further, to trace the contours of her lovely face, but he withstood the temptation and withdrew his hand so as not to wake her.

He took a step back from her and then another, thinking it was best to leave her alone, something he wished he had learned to do a very long time ago and then maybe his heart wouldn't be in the shape that it was in now. They'd had enough confrontation for one evening and frankly he was so tired he didn't think he would have it in him to refuse her again if she asked him for anything, anything at all.

He needed to be stronger; he needed to fortify his heart against her so that they could remain friends. He wanted her friendship, realized how much it meant to him and maybe that would be best to work on being friends and forget trying to forge something stronger between them.

So he turned and walked away from her, making his way up the stairs to his bedroom even though his heart wanted to do the opposite and go back, pick her up and carry her with him.

He'd love to wake up with her next to him just once, for them to spend the entire night together, not to have sex, just experience the intimacy of sleeping beside one another, but he knew better because he was afraid if he was to have her with him for even just one night he wouldn't ever be satisfied.

He'd want her with him forever.


	31. Chapter 31

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book III, Part IV

When she hit the hardwood floor after turning over again in her restless attempt to sleep on the couch she was startled and more than slightly disappointed that she hadn't stayed awake long enough to see whether or not EJ had made it home.

"Damn it," Sami swore, knowing she'd have a crick in her neck from sleeping on the couch and hoping she wouldn't have another bruise on her from falling off said couch. She got up off the floor, rubbing her neck in the process and looked sleepily around the room.

She ventured to the front door and pulled back one of the curtains of the window beside it, noting that EJ's car was once again parked in the driveway.

Well at least he came home, but he sure as hell didn't wake her up when he arrived. Sami let the curtain drop back into place and walked back into the living room turning off the light. She went to the stairs walking up them in the dark, glad to know that she felt at home here enough within the few months she had lived her that she already knew her way around in the dark.

She made it to the top of the stairs and looked down the hallway, noting that EJ's door was slightly ajar. Sami knew the smart thing to do would be that she should just go to bed, in her own bedroom, forget this embarrassing night of rejection and try to go back to sleep.

Then again, how many times had she chosen the smart route?

Not many, her inner voice claimed sarcastically, which of course she studiously ignored as she walked onward heading straight to EJ's room instead of going on her own. She pushed the door open, hoping the door wouldn't creak on its hinges and luck was with her for a change.

She paused at the doorway, taking in the sight of EJ sleeping on the bed, his body sprawled out all over the bed, he didn't have the sheet or the blanket draped over hi, apparently he must have kicked it off of him sometime during the night. As Sami eyed him from afar, she was glad he was hot natured even during the cooler winter months because she could look at him to her heart's content.

She took a few steps into his bedroom, just to get a better view she told herself even though another part of her wanted to climb into bed with him.

Damn why hadn't she appreciated how well EJ was built when she could have had him, when he wanted her? She shook her head, she knew her stubbornness had made her miss out on some good things, some very good things she noted as EJ turned over, and giving her an even better view of his body from the front, although she had to admit his backside was pretty appealing too.

So appealing that somehow she found herself walking closer without even fully realizing it until she was at the foot of his bed, close enough to reach out and touch him.

Which of course she did, because honestly she was sick and tired of listening to her head when her heart had been calling out for EJ all along, and so she crouched down beside the bed and slowly skimmed her fingers across his chest, barely touching him and then pulling back quickly when he moved in his sleep again.

She stood up and brought those same fingers to her lips, kissing them lightly and carefully placing those fingers against EJ's cheek.

"Goodnight EJ," she whispered and then turned to leave his bedroom, knowing it would take time to get him to come around to her way of thinking, but she smiled as she left his room. When she was determined to get something she would do whatever it took to get it. She would just have to play it cool and act all innocent if EJ tried to call her out on anything.

It would probably take some time and a whole lot of strategic planning on her part, but she was sure she could get EJ to see her way of thinking.

Sami climbed into her bed, knowing she wouldn't be able to fall asleep for a while, but that was all right because it would give her time to formulate all the things she would need to do to garner EJ's full attention.  
>She smiled as she thought EJ wasn't going to know what hit him. She was going to show him they could be the best of friends and more because she knew she wanted him and somewhere deep down inside of him she knew he wanted her too.<p>

She just had to find a way to make him see it. It may have taken her years to come to this realization, but she finally knew they belonged together.

Mission plan to get EJ DiMera fall in love with her again would officially be launched tomorrow.


	32. Chapter 32

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book III, Part V

What is ringing so loudly? Sami wondered as she groggily opened her eyes and looked around her bedroom. Then she realized it was her alarm going off and she was tempted to slam down on the button to make the noise go away, but she needed to get up.

Today was an important day for her.

And an important day for EJ, although he didn't know it yet and it might be quite a while before he realized what was going on between them was more than what he told her last night.

Yes, she was going to concentrate on fully regaining their friendship, she wanted that too. She was enjoying the aspect of them becoming closer as friends like they had been when EJ first came to Salem and now she knew exactly who and what EJ DiMera was as a man.

The man who was the father of their children, the man who had as many faults as she did if not more, which was quite comforting in her twisted way of looking at things because it was nice not to have to pretend to be something she wasn't.

Well she might have to pretend that she wasn't falling for him, just to keep him from being defensive with her. EJ was good at playing defensive; he had been doing it ever since he had walked back in the door.

EJ was wary of her and her motives, but she'd make him see she was sincere.

Somehow, someway, she would convince him to see that he hadn't stopped loving her even though it had taken so many things for her to see what had been right in front of her all along.

She hoped she wasn't too late in realizing these things.

No, she shook her head. She wasn't too late. She was only beginning.

Which reminded her to retrieve the journal which she had begun keeping when she moved in the house a few months ago as she tried to make sense of where her life was going and what she needed to do with her life. She took it from the nightstand and tucked it away safely under the mattress of her bed because no one needed to find it, especially EJ.

Because after she couldn't sleep she had scribbled down a list of things she needed to do to make EJ realize she was the woman for him. The only woman he would ever need.

She just had to turn his tricks around on him because one thing was for sure EJ DiMera knew how to seduce someone when he put his mind to it.

How many times had he invaded her personal space, pushed her to the point where she had chosen to run away instead of facing her feelings? Too many times to count, but she was going to play it smart, she would push him in small increments.

EJ might not even realize what she was doing or when he did it would be too late for him.

She would have him fall under her spell. One thing she was proud of was that her confidence was growing daily. No longer was she the girl who felt like she wasn't good enough. She was good and even more importantly she could be bad when and if the need arose.

With that thought in mind, she got out of bed, quickly made it up and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, shake her hair to make it fall into a messy disarray all around her head like she didn't have a care in the world and had a full night's sleep. She ran the eye roller under her eye that Chris had suggested to her a while back to ensure there wasn't any dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep and then swabbed a light coat of mascara on her eyelashes to make her eyes pop that brilliant blue color and lastly she ran a light coat of clear lip gloss on her lips.

She then retrieved what she knew was her tightest tank top and the shortest sleep shorts in her possession and put them on. She went back to check her appearance in the mirror before heading downstairs noting she was a tad hoochie for early morning, but they would be alone for a while before the kids came home and she wanted EJ to know what he was missing out on by not taking advantage of her invitation last night.

She had to quell the giggle that was threatening to surge up in her. She knew she didn't play fair so she wasn't going to start today either.

She also knew EJ was an early riser; he liked to get up early in the mornings to go for a run, so she'd just be there to greet him.

No harm in telling EJ good morning before his daily morning run dressed in next to nothing.

No harm at all.


	33. Chapter 33

Moonlit Wishes**  
><strong>Book III, Part VI

It didn't even matter whether he set the clock alarm each night because most mornings EJ woke before the alarm ever went off signaling him the start of another day. This morning was no exception as he looked over to the time on the clock as he reached over and flipped the switch debating about getting up from bed.

He didn't have to go to work this morning, it was technically a holiday if he wanted to take it due to it being the Friday after Thanksgiving. Justin had informed him earlier in the week he wouldn't be in at all until Monday morning, then again EJ figured Justin didn't have crazy things going on in his life, aka mainly a woman named Samantha, where he might need the escape work could provide.

Work would be the place to be, immerse himself into his cases, trying to find ways to help his clients. It still amazed him he even had clients and they didn't hold him bearing the surname DiMera against him either.

Well he had to admit the people who did fear or despise the DiMera name generally had a reason to do so, although he had been doing his best to steer clear of his father ever since he had decided to leave Salem and upon his return he had steadily blocked any attempts from his father when he tried to make contact with him.

While he knew he would eventually have to see Stefano sometime in the future, he had needed the time away from his father's influence, plus he'd had no desire to see his stepmother Kate either. EJ was amazed how well he had done without his father's interference in his life.

It certainly had made things better with Samantha.

He didn't need to be thinking of her yet again. Why did almost everything he thought about come back around to that incredibly infuriating woman when he was trying so hard to stop thinking about her as much?

He guessed it didn't help matters that he was living here with her in the same house. Well not technically living with her as in sharing all parts of their lives together, they were just roommates, not lovers.

Although you could have been on the road to that last night as his lower anatomy could attest as EJ got out of bed and headed to his bathroom, making the necessary absolutions for the day as he debated going for a run or not this morning. He usually went on one before work and most times on the weekend too. It cleared his head better than anything else seemed to do and most mornings he was up and out running before anyone else in the house even awoke.

Another reason to go run, he wouldn't see Samantha because he knew in the light of day she would act like nothing had happened between them last night anyway so it would be a win, win situation. He'd get a good start on his day, he'd miss seeing Samantha because no doubt with the kids not being here and her not having to go into work herself this morning she would probably sleep in later than usual.

Good thing they were complete opposites in this matter, he was a morning person while it usually took Samantha about two or three good cups of coffee before she was even in a mood to speak to anyone beyond a mere grunt accompanied by a general narrowing of her eyes when he would even attempt to speak a good morning to her.

So he would put on his running clothes, go for an extremely long run this morning to clear the cobwebs of last night from his head and then clean up and head out to work without even seeing her. He'd stay gone for most of the day and then be home in time to kiss the children goodnight and then there would be one day out of the way without having to think about this crazy situation with Samantha.

Maybe Samantha's way of dealing with life by simply choosing to ignore it when it was too hard to deal with was the way to go, god knew he didn't want to have to face her this morning when he was still so conflicted over how last night had went.

~~~~~~

Sami could hear EJ stirring in his room, well she could hear him if she walked close to the stairway which she had stayed close by most of the morning anticipating him coming down. She'd already drank a cup of coffee so she was awake and ready to take him on, well she almost was as she heard him leaving his bedroom.

Quickly she made her way back to the foyer and opened the front door, almost gasping at the cold breeze that hit her as she stepped outside for just a moment. She glanced down; yep her girls looked pretty perky from the cold air as she quietly closed the front door and scurried back into the kitchen. She knew EJ would come by the kitchen to get a drink of water before he left to go running and she'd be there to greet him good morning.

In one, two, three seconds…

EJ was so ready to go running he didn't even notice Samantha was in the room until it was too late and he immediately collided against her, almost knocking her over in the process since he was so much bigger than her anyway. It kind of threw him for a loop since he wasn't anticipating her even being up much less plowing into her tiny frame as he was on his way to fix a drink of water before his run.

He had her in his arms haphazardly as he tried to right them back up to positions away from each other, glad he hadn't fallen against her on the floor because he might have really hurt her if he had done so.

Damn what was she doing up so early this morning and as he tried to stand away from her after pushing away from her lush body what in the world was she wearing?

Almost nothing, could that tank top be any tighter and the way her breasts looked so inviting, much less could those tiny shorts she was sporting be any shorter? It almost made him want to break his resolve to stay away from her and take her right there on the kitchen table. He felt his breath quicken along with his heart rate like he had been running already.

He was about to ask her what the hell she was doing up when she sweetly said, "Good morning EJ."

He stood there dumbfounded, words stuck in his throat while she stood there smiling at him all the while looking like she'd had the best night of sleep in her life.

Had he imagined last night? Was he really losing his mind? It was like he had walked into some weird alternate universe in which this woman greeted him like this dressed in clothes that hardly covered her womanly figure which was looking more and more appealing by the moment to him. His body betrayed him instantly, wanting him to scoop her up in his arms.

"Something wrong EJ?" she asked as if nothing were wrong, still wearing that smile and almost nothing else.

He shook his head once, thinking he was seeing things and closed his eyes, surely this was a mirage or something even though he hadn't drank a drop of alcohol last night.

Sami touched his arm, causing him to quickly pull back away from her touch. No she was here, literally in the flesh acting all sweet to him.

Finally he found his voice although he was sure he wasn't making much sense. "I, I was going…"

What was he going to do? It had escaped him for a moment as he looked at her again.

"Going to run this morning?" She asked him as she went to the cupboard to get him a glass of water, filling it up from the faucet and bringing it to him for him to take a sip.

He took the glass from her and took a large sip of water, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Yes that's it; I'm going on a run this morning."

"Would you like some company? I mean with the kids still at mom's I could go with you if you wouldn't mind."

Samantha never wanted to go running this early in the morning. Had aliens come down last night and took her with them leaving someone who looked incredibly like her instead? Had she been invaded becoming a host for such a creature? That had to be it.

"EJ?"

It took a few more moments for him to answer her.

"Sure, if you'd like, but don't you think you should maybe, should" he pointed in the direction of her body not saying anything else.

Sami looked down at her choice of dress trying not to laugh out loud, "Oh yeah, I guess I should go put on some more clothes if I'm going running with you. I'll be right back."

She walked away from him swaying her hips as she pulled off her tank top as she began walking up the stairs, completely pulling it off before she reached the top stair and headed down the hallway to her room, knowing EJ's eyes never pulled away without her having to look back at him.

She smiled as she entered her bedroom and started to get ready to go on their run. She'd keep up with him if it killed her because she believed she had gotten his attention this morning. She quickly pulled on her running clothes, tying her Nike running shoes in tight bows and knots and made her way back down the stairs in record time.

Funny EJ was still standing in the same spot where she had left him.

Yes, today was going to be a fun day indeed.


	34. Chapter 34

_Author's note: Sorry for the delay in posting a new part to Moonlit Wishes. Real life has been super busy lately, but hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently in the upcoming weeks. Thank you all who placed this story on your favorite list, reviewed, followed and most importantly read the story. You are all so awesome! Much love to you all._

_Karen_

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part VII<strong>

"I'm ready," Sami announced smiling brightly as she reentered the room, her arrival bringing EJ out of his temporary stupor.

He nodded his head, giving her a once over, noting thankfully that she was sporting more clothes than she had previously.

"Great," his voice relayed to her although it was clear he wasn't very enthusiastic about her going with him for a run at all.

Sami wasn't going to let his lack of excitement bring her down, she was in the beginning stages of her plan and that usually meant slow going at first, so she'd take what she could get and right now her option of spending time with EJ meant running with him at the crack of dawn.

She knew it was going to be cold outside even before EJ opened the front door and gestured for her to go out first. She noted to herself that he always was a gentleman with her or tried to be when she had given him the chance.

Too bad she hadn't given him chances more often to be an actual gentleman with her because she could sense his unease with her as they began to quietly stretch preparing their bodies for what Sami could only imagine would be a very strenuous run.

She didn't like it when he was quiet and introspective. It made her second guess herself which was something she didn't like to do. Unfortunately whenever EJ was concerned quietness had beforehand equated to her trying to figure out what kind of angle or game he was playing with her.

They were finished with their necessary stretches to prevent physical injury to either of their bodies while they were running, but sadly she wasn't worried about her body when she was around EJ, now it was she was concerned for her heart. A heart for the man before her who apparently had given up on her a while back since she hadn't given him much reason to hope they would ever be in a real relationship.

She was going to have to find a way to prove to him they could make sense of whatever it was that flamed up between them whenever they were in close proximity to each other. She knew now it was more than just a physical attraction. Funny how the tables had turned on her, all those years of fighting what she felt for EJ and with him and it looked like she had convinced him it would never work.

It could work, she was sure of it and if she had to run in the freezing cold everyday from now on to convince him she was going to do it. She was going to have to swallow her pride which was going to be hard for her to do, but she could and would if it would bring EJ around.

She realized quickly it was going to be difficult to keep up with him after he began a slow jog which eventually turned into a full out run, never saying a word to her at all. Damn it if he wasn't trying to leave her in the dust literally or rather snow as the case was this morning as she did her best to dodge the icy sludge that flew up from their feet while they ran.

She wasn't going to let him beat her; one thing they definitely shared was a strong streak of competition. She just had to quell her beating heart and try not to gasp for breath while she strived to keep up with his pace. It really wasn't fair; EJ had incredibly long legs whereas hers were much shorter in comparison to him.

Fair or not, she wasn't going to lag behind. She wasn't a quitter, never had been and she wasn't going to start today out by letting EJ get the best of her. She felt her endorphins kicking in from the extreme exercise and the crispness of the air surrounding him and continued on right beside at least most times she was up with him and if she started to fall behind she made herself push through the pain to keep up with him.

EJ couldn't figure what was up with Samantha this morning. He had assumed she would do her usual routine any and every time they had come close to or actually had been intimate with one another, she would shut down on him; build walls against him, pick fights anything to keep him away from her.

Now he was pushing himself to the limit by trying to outrun her and damn if she wasn't keeping up with him as they continued to run. He had wanted to distance himself against her emotionally and physically and hoped given their previous history would prove him correct and yet here she was doggedly hanging with him when for once he desperately wanted her to be gone.

Why wouldn't she go? No way was he going to concede and stop running. He had hoped she would fall behind a while back although she had hung in there with him the entire way even when he hadn't spoke a word to her at all, barely even glanced her way even though he could see her out of corner of his eye.

He had to admire Samantha. This woman continued to surprise him with her tenacity and her spunk. He almost wanted to stop in the middle of the road, pull her up to him and kiss her senseless or at least until they both passed out from lack of oxygen which if they kept running it wouldn't take long to accomplish.

But he veered off a ways instead and began to head back home, their home of sorts which he was trying to figure out what he was going to do with her.

One thing he knew for sure was that he wasn't going to kiss her, which would be the worst thing to do by giving her mixed signals.

Not that Samantha wasn't the queen of mixed signals, hell she'd practically had kept his head spinning for years while he had tried to prove his love for her in his own dysfunctional way.

But how many times did she have to say to him over the years "I don't want you in my life anymore" before he had gotten the picture? This time it wasn't a matter of them being with different people in relationships that somehow never worked out, no matter how each of them had vowed to the other that they had finally found the love of their life and they didn't need each other at all.

No, they had fought each other tooth and nail, screamed hateful obscenities and uttered terrible things to one another. Why couldn't Samantha be surly and childish to him? He needed for her to lash out at him, not trying to show him a side of her he hadn't seen too many times from her after she had found out he was a DiMera.

And even though I had tried to convince myself otherwise I had known from the start that I was always going to somehow fall into that sucky zone of unrequited love with her. How could someone like her ever love someone like me? Let's go back to our romantic first meeting—she was trying to find a wrench so that her dimwitted bland boyfriend/fiancé could fix their shower; I was trying to keep my towel around my waist. Well I hadn't really tried all that hard to keep it snug, but she had intrigued me from the moment I saw those incredibly blue eyes of hers.

Those blue eyes that lit up when she smiled at me, it hadn't taken her long to trust me, confide in me; and what did I do in return for her outreach of friendship? I fucked with her head, made her believe in me, that I was her one true friend when my father had given me a terrible agenda to follow out against her family. And hell, that was the good times of those early days we spent together.

The sad thing was that most times when I was around her I had forgotten what my father had wanted me to do in the first place which was to destroy the Brady's from within. I had begun to consider Samantha my friend and then I had done the stupid thing and fell in love with her. I was a fool.

Though I hopelessly dreamed that somehow Samantha was going to love me back, I always knew, no matter how much she was intrigued by me, curious about me (to which I had lied to her so many times it was hard to keep my story straight), even seemed to like me, she'd never be in love with me.

Really how could she love someone like me, a liar, a thief, basically a con artist to the extreme because I had played it to the hilt with her from the start? If I couldn't answer that question, how can I expect her to answer it?

As we round the corner that will lead us to the driveway of our make believe home, she's still right with me, never letting up even though I have ran like hell trying to make her give up and quit. She doesn't want me, she just likes the challenge I'm presenting to her by saying no for the first time. Like the challenge I just presented to her in this form of torture of continuing to run when I would have been content to run two miles this morning, I turned it into a fast paced five miles instead.

This has to be a novel idea for her, nothing more as I finally really look at her when we reach the doorway, both of us putting our hands on our knees as we take in gulps of air, trying to slow down the fast rate of our hearts from such a strenuous run. I can't even talk at the moment and I'm glad she isn't saying anything either. At least I wiped that smile off her face from earlier when she offered to go running with me.

She can't have feelings for me, she can't. She just wanted some companionship last night and I was the guy there and she assumed I'd sleep with her because I practically begged her countless times before. She's just playing some kind of twisted game with me trying to lure me back into the fold and when she gets me right where she wants me, she'll cut me loose and I'll be the fool all over again.

That's all she is doing? Isn't it?

When she finally seems to catch her breath, she breaks into a megawatt smile, cuts those amazing blue eyes my way like she used to do in the old days before it all went to hell with us and says, "That was awesome. We'll have to do that again. Thanks for the run EJ."

I know I'm looking at her like she has lost her mind and maybe she has and apparently I can't find my voice to save my life, so I just nod dumbly and go open the front door for her, trying not to look at her shapely backside as she turns on her heel to add, "Well guess I'll go clean up. I'm kind of hot and sweaty after that incredible run this morning."

"Me too," I finally speak wishing for a brief moment that we could go clean up together, share a shower and then have lots and lots of sex, but I made my feelings clear to her last night. I want more from her than she can ever possibly give to me. I almost want to forget my newfound principles of the previous evening and take her up the stairs, make hot and sweaty love to her so she'll truly know the meaning of the words she has just spoken to me and then get into the shower together.

But unless and until she tells me differently, that she truly loves me, EJ DiMera, I'm going to stay strong because never in a million years will Samantha Brady fall in love with me, much less tell me that sentiment. The only time I've ever heard those words from her have been in dreams I have of us, not reality unless you count that one time she was just trying to keep me away from Nicole which absolutely doesn't count because she was just saying whatever she thought it would take to make me leave Nicole.

So with that resolution firmly entrenched in my mind I don't stop her from heading up the stairs alone without me.

Unrequited love sucks, it just does.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Moonlit Wishes**__**  
><strong>__**Book III, Part XIII**_

By the time Sami made it to her bathroom she thought she would throw up, her knees were wobbly from overexerting herself with the_ I didn't think EJ was ever going to stop running_run she shared with him this morning.

I bet he thought I was a complete and total idiot, she thought to herself. _That was awesome my ass. _It's a wonder I didn't fall out on my ass. Sami looked at her image in the bathroom mirror and frowned thinking how terrible she looked, her hair falling out of her high ponytail; face flushed a bright red and sweat soaked all over.

"Ugh" she groaned as she stripped off her wet clothes and turned on the water in the shower. Maybe she'd feel better about herself after having a shower and hopefully she could get more than a handful of words out of EJ later on during the day.

EJ could hear the shower running as he passed by Samantha's bedroom, he hurried his steps instead of pausing at her doorway, knowing he should get out of this house as quickly as he could possibly go. He'd go into the office for a while, get some work done on the cases he had and surely after a couple of hours the woman he knew as Samantha would return and this other woman would be gone.

Cheerful Samantha was not the norm, scowling and wanting to fight with him Samantha was what he was more akin to dealing with in regards to her various mood swings. Even though he could argue with himself that ever since his return to Salem, Samantha had not argued with him as much as she used to do, still this agreeable woman was something of a mystery to him.

He quickly tossed his clothes in a pile on the floor of his bathroom and turned on the shower spray, opting for water as cold as he could stand. He was not going to be thinking thoughts of luring Samantha into his shower or his bedroom either. He was pretty sure she would take him up on his offer especially after last night, but he wanted more than the temporary release that sex would give them both.

After he was sufficiently clean and cooled off, he donned some dress clothes and made his way downstairs, determined to get out of the house before he had another encounter with Samantha. He just needed to stronger and he could be, he just needed to get his mind off of her.

He jotted a quick note in cause she wondered where he was going and left. He'd get some coffee on his way to the office.

Sami heard the front door closing just as she came downstairs. She sighed realizing EJ had left. She walked to the front door, resting her head on it for a moment and then headed to the kitchen seeing the slip of paper on the table.

_ Samantha,_

_ Gone to work, don't know when I'll be back._

_ EJ_

Well this wasn't one of his heartfelt missives to her, she surmised as she took the paper into her hands, tracing the words with her fingers. This was short and really not all that sweet to her. Not that his letters had been all sugary sweet to her in the first place though she knew his heart had been in those revealing letters, ones she kept in the trunk EJ had left her. She didn't want him to run away from her, not now when she was openly trying to get him to realize they could be something more than just friends.

They could be, she just knew it. She just had to convince EJ.

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part IX<strong>

EJ decided since he was in a hurry, he'd just go by the Brady Pub to get a coffee instead of going to the Java Café which was out of his way. The Brady Pub wasn't a place he frequented, he knew that most of Samantha's family wasn't thrilled by her choice to live in his house even more so now that he was back in town.

He doubted after their appearance together at Marlena's last night for Thanksgiving dinner it wouldn't take long for the speculation of their relationship status to be in even more question. He shouldn't of kissed Samantha in front of her family, but at the time it had seemed like the right thing to do because he knew Samantha had been about to explode seeing Nicole holding Sydney.

The weird thing was it hadn't bothered him as much to see Nicole, although he didn't like seeing Nicole holding Sydney either after all of her lies, he guessed part of it was due to that he knew in his heart he'd been over her for such a very long time. Really Nicole hadn't had much of a hold on him because he had never truly opened up enough to give her his heart.

His heart had belonged to Samantha from the first time he saw her and even after all these years it still did, even if he wasn't going to admit that to her or anyone else for that matter.

Musing over his messed up love life or lack of one, he failed to look up and see one of the people he despised most of all in Salem that was until he bumped into him soaking both of them in hot coffee.

"Son of a bitch," Rafe muttered under his breath as the liquid spilled on him realizing he was looking at the man he hated and deemed responsible for breaking he and Sami up and their subsequent divorce afterwards.

"Likewise," EJ countered flinging at his now stained dress shirt. He knew he should have just taken the extra time to go to the Java Café instead of coming here. No doubt Hernandez would still come by here, probably crying to all the Brady's who would listen how Sami had broken his heart. It wouldn't surprise him if at any moment in time if Bo or Roman came out from the back cursing him for being a DiMera or anything else they thought was going wrong in Salem or the world in general.

"I had been hoping you wouldn't show your face here," Rafe stated as he placed his now empty coffee cup on a nearby table.

"Why wouldn't I come by here? My children's family runs this establishment so why wouldn't I stop by for a cup of coffee, or to see Caroline to thank her for always being such a wonderful help with the children."

"Your children with Sami," Rafe began with a huff of disgust.

"Of course my children with Samantha, the ones you tried to convince Samantha that you would be a better father to instead of their own, but luckily she finally saw through you and kicked your sorry arse to the curb where it belonged," EJ knew he shouldn't engage this idiot into a war of words because frankly he knew Rafe wouldn't be the victor. He really didn't have a wide vocabulary.

"Good to know you've still got the bitter in check." Rafe eyed EJ with a hatred that was mirrored back to him in return.

"Glad to see you're still rocking the lumberjack look," EJ spouted off before he thought better of it. He couldn't help it though the man seriously needed a stylist, his wardrobe was atrocious.

"Well I'd rather be a honest hard working man, than a low life criminal like you DiMera," Rafe sneered in his self-righteous voice.

"Oh haven't you heard? I am working hard at a legitimate job one that I'm off to as soon as I can get a cup of coffee. I am working at Justin Kiriakis' law firm. I no longer work for my father in any shape, form or fashion."

Rafe snorted, "Wonder how long that will last? I can't believe you didn't run back to dear ol' daddy as soon as your plane landed in Salem. Are you sure you aren't doing this so called legitimate business as a ruse to get back in Sami's good graces? God knows you've fooled her enough lately. She's the laughingstock of the town running off to live in the house you bought. Isn't that kind of like being a kept woman?"

"You shut your mouth Hernandez. Whatever goes on between Samantha and I is none of your business. You just leave my family alone."

"Oh so Sami is your family now? That's rich coming from the man who lied to her, stole her baby from her…"

"At least I'm not in the habit of going around and stealing another man's family, that seems to be your status quo, not mine," EJ could feel his anger rising along with the tone of his voice which no doubt brought Caroline out from the back of the kitchen to see what the ruckus was going on in the middle of the pub.

"Break it up you two," Caroline ordered placing herself smack in the middle of the two men, using each hand to push both of them away from each other.

"He started it," Rafe claimed to which EJ just rolled his eyes in derision. Seriously the man sounded like a three year old, no that was giving three year old children a bad name. Rafe was just an imbecile plain and simple.

"Well I'm finishing it," Caroline stated ushering Rafe to the front door and opening it for him. "Good day Rafe."

"But Caroline, you know EJ is no go…" EJ couldn't hear Rafe complete his sentence since Caroline shut the door on him.

"I apologize Caroline for acting like a ruffian in your establishment," EJ offered up sincerely. He knew he shouldn't have let anything Rafe said bother him, but those wounds were deep and he'd be lying if he said he didn't hate Hernandez anymore. He doubted he would ever get over him trying to turn Samantha and his children against him.

"Well don't do it again," Caroline warned gruffly, then seeing EJ's crestfallen face she broke out into a smile. "EJ I know you don't like Rafe."

"I despise him," EJ replied to which Caroline took him by the arm and led him to a stool at the bar.

"Even so, you can't go acting like a couple of kids ready to duke it out on the playground." Caroline went around and grabbed a cloth, wetting it for EJ to dab at his dress shirt while she went to pour him a cup of coffee.

"I shouldn't have come here," EJ said after taking the proffered cloth from Caroline and tried his best to remove what would most likely stain one of his dress shirts he wore to work.

"I've wondered why you haven't stopped by before now," Caroline said more quietly as she busied herself with wiping down part of the bar.

"I wasn't sure you'd be happy to see me, especially since I supposedly wrecked Samantha's marriage to Rafe. I know how much you like him and that I'm not really a welcome sight around here or to any of your family."

Caroline stopped wiping the bar, threw the rag she was using back across her shoulder and came over to EJ offering him up a spoon for the sugar bowl along with the creamer for him to stir into his coffee.

"We may have had our share of disagreements and I've been disappointed in your actions more times than I would like to count, but EJ do you even realize how much you have helped Sami grow up and take responsibility for her life and the lives of your children?"

"I didn't do anything Caroline…"

"Don't argue with me," Caroline pointed a finger at EJ to quiet EJ from saying more to her. "I don't know what you did when you left Salem, but when you did, it changed Sami and not in a bad way either. She took charge of her life, made some tough decisions that most of her family didn't like, yet she went through with anyway. She got a job, starting putting all of her free time into being with her children and you allowing her to stay in your home with no strings attached was the catalyst to bring about this change. So for that I am thankful to you."

"You don't need to thank me," EJ said solemnly, he knew he wasn't responsible for the change in Samantha, she was doing this all on her own.

"But I do. You don't know how I prayed that Sami would be happy and find her way in life. She's always been a lost soul even in the midst of our big family. Now she has direction and purpose, something I had hoped to see before I pass away from this life into the next. Something I wish Shawn Sr. could of seen because he loved her so, Sami always tugged at his heartstrings even when he didn't understand why she did the things she did sometimes."

"I wish I understood why she does what she does sometimes," EJ replied wistfully. "She is so special, one of a kind. She's like no one I've ever met before."

"The one your heart can't forget?" Caroline asked looking EJ straight in the eye.

EJ reached out to tap Caroline on the tip of her nose, "Don't you know we DiMera's don't have a heart?"

Caroline swatted his finger away playfully. "I used to think that EJ, but maybe you're changing my mind."

EJ shook his head not believing her and reached into his pocket to extract some money to pay for his coffee, but Caroline waved him off.

"This one's on the house," Caroline patted his shoulder gently. "I'll let you pay for the next one when you come back again, which better be sooner rather than later. You are welcome here at the pub anytime EJ."

"Thank you Caroline. That means more to me than you'll ever know." EJ told her as he stood up and then turned to make his way out of the pub feeling glad he had stopped by here this morning even if he had ran into Rafe, just by talking to Caroline at least he knew she wasn't against him having some kind of part in Samantha's life.

Now if he could only figure out what kind of part he would have with Samantha it would make things so much simpler. Then again, simple and Samantha didn't ever belong together in the same sentence. At least not where he was concerned anyway.


	36. Chapter 36

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part X<strong>

Sami dreaded picking up the kids from her mom's. First off she didn't want an inquisition from her mother who would probably be trying to shrink her head while doing her best to chink away at what exactly was going on between her and EJ. Secondly, at this juncture in time she really had no clue what was going on between them other than EJ was opting to stay as far away from her as he possibly could. Thirdly she was wondering if she was a slut for wanting to jump EJ's bones last night.

The only thing she was thankful for was not having a hangover this morning. She might have drunk more than her fill last night, but she knew exactly what she had been doing, or rather not doing after EJ put the brakes on their foraging through another romp in bed together.

Right now though it wouldn't have even mattered if they hadn't made it to the bed, but she'd just have to wait him out. Surely EJ would cave soon enough.

Honestly she didn't know how EJ stood it every time she had turned him down, because this one refusal by him was driving her crazy as she racked her brain hoping she could come up with something to make him change his mind. She knew he wanted her, he'd admitted as much, but still he had held off.

Well time enough to worry about that later Sami thought as she put on what she hoped was a happy smile as she knocked on the door to her mother's penthouse apartment. Her family wouldn't know she got shot down because she and EJ were trying to convince them they were just friends.

EJ could lie to himself all day if he wanted to, but she wasn't going to lie to herself anymore. They had something she couldn't quite define, but she knew it was something incredible and for the first time ever she wasn't going to run away from EJ and whatever it was that was between them.

Those thoughts were instantly shattered as Marlena greeted her daughter, "Good morning Sami. How are you doing?"

"Couldn't be better," Sami lied through her teeth, not wanting her mother to think otherwise, better for her to think life was fine and dandy than for her to suspect anything else or Sami would never escape from her mother's presence today.

"Well the kids are still asleep, they stayed up way past their bedtime playing with Claire, they were all so excited to see one another again," Marlena gushed happily.

Sami wasn't a fool, she knew her mother was happy for Belle's return because Belle was a perfect sweet daughter whereas she mainly was either a source of embarrassment or aggravation for her mother. But Sami had to admit she was glad Belle was home even if it put her lower on the family totem pole than ever.

Sometimes being lower kept you under the radar which was a good thing considering the one thing Sami didn't want was her mother's interference or advice concerning EJ.

Usually Marlena didn't hold EJ in high esteem even if EJ had been the one to turn on his father and bring John back to her when Stefano had kept John captive and erased his memory.

Damn their families were both twisted, she doubted many families had so many combined skeletons in their closets, but she guessed in Salem anything was possible.

"Sami, did you hear what I said?" Marlena asked and Sami hated her mind was wondering off in a thousand different directions when she needed to be focused on keeping her mother out of her business, not in it.

Sami smiled even wider, "Sorry Mother, I was just thinking how wonderful it is to have Belle back home with us."

"Sami, what a sweet thing to say," Marlena pulled her into a hug which Sami tried to return without grimacing. Her mother and hugs were not something she usually associated together all that much.

"I have the best big sister in the world," Belle reached for Sami pulling her away from Marlena's clutches something Sami was secretly thankful for because Marlena hugging her frankly made her uncomfortable as hell.

"Glad you realize this," Sami joked with Belle as her younger sister led her to the couch and they both plopped down on it together while their mother looked on at them.

"Of course I do," Belle said taking Sami's hand within her own before adding, "Mom would you mind giving me a Sami a moment alone?"

"No, you go ahead I'll just be in the kitchen whipping you up something for breakfast," Marlena went into the kitchen providing Sami and Belle a chance to speak without her being present.

"Want to come over to my house for breakfast instead?" Sami asked in a quiet voice knowing her mother couldn't cook a single thing without burning it to a blackened crisp. The family dinner last night had been catered, every single bit of food that had graced the table last night Marlena hadn't touched beyond taking it out of the box that it came packaged in for delivery.

"Can I? We need to have some girl talk."

"Sure, but don't invite Mom. I can't handle her this morning," Sami spoke honestly with her sister.

"Okay, let me get on some clothes on, wake the kids up and we'll go because I am dying to see your new house," Belle said hopping up from the couch before Sami could tell her it wasn't her house, it was EJ's. "You tell Mom not to worry about cooking."

"I'm on it," Sami went to the kitchen to tell Marlena she was taking Belle and the kids back to her house promising to bring Belle and Claire back later thus insuring she wouldn't have a surprise visit from Marlena sometime today.

A little while later they were back at the house, the kids running around having a great time playing with each other, Belle gushing over how everything looked, praising Sami for her decorating choices. Seeing the house through Belle's eyes made Sami feel proud. She had done this, well most of the renovations on her own and after EJ came back he helped her too so it was a joint effort.

"I am so impressed," Belle stated as she and Sami went to the breakfast nook, each with a cup of coffee in their hands.

"Well I can't take all the credit," Sami began in between taking sips of coffee.

Belle started to giggle, "That's a switch, Sami Brady not wanting the full credit for anything."

Sami shot her a look, then broke into a smile, "I know it's hard to believe, but really if it hadn't of been for EJ we wouldn't even be here right now."

"So speaking of EJ," Belle placed her cup down and took Sami's hand in hers. "Spill now. I want all the juicy gossip. What is going on between you two? I wanted to talk you about things last night, but you know how Mom can be and things seemed kind of tense with Brady having Nicole as his date."

"Tense doesn't begin to cover it," Sami stated as a frown started for form on her face. She really did hate Nicole. "I just can't stand that gold digging whore and now she's trying to get her hooks into Brady once again."

"Forget about Nicole. We just have to introduce Brady to someone new and maybe he'll drop her without a second thought. Now quit evading the subject, I want to know how all of this came about, the kids, you and EJ all living here."

"Long story," Sami looked around not really wanting to talk about EJ. She was so frustrated and confused over everything how could she make sense of it talking about it to Belle? "But before we go into my life why are you back in Salem? Boat getting refinished, Shawn D. visiting his parents while you came to see yours?"

"Not exactly," Belle looked down and began to fiddle with a button on her jacket.

"Not exactly what?"

"I'm back in Salem for different reasons. Shawn and the boat are sailing somewhere in the Caribbean as we speak."

"And you?"

"Look at Claire," Belle pointed out to Sami, "she's happy, she needs her family around her, not for us to be sailing from port to port. I guess I just got tired of the nomadic life. I want to be back home with people that Claire and I both love."

"Don't you still love Shawn? I mean I thought he was the love of your life?"

"Part of me will always love Shawn, he was my first love, but there's another part of me…"

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?" Sami asked her younger sister as it was finally dawning on her on a reason why her sister might be back in town after sailing around the world for a couple of years.

"I'm not saying anything, I just wanted to come home," Belle dismissed anything else from being said about why she was here in Salem.

"Sure you did and it wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that Philip has moved back to Salem with his son Parker without that tramp Chloe coming with him?"

"I wouldn't know anything about that at all. I've been out of touch with everyone." Belle shrugged not giving anything away. "But I want to hear about everything you've been doing since I was away. Things certainly have changed between you and EJ."

"I don't know about that," Sami replied with a shrug. "I mean we aren't fighting with each other anymore, but as for more than that…"

"You mean you two aren't together, together?"

"Far from it Belle, EJ and I are just friends that's all."

"You and EJ kissing last night at Mom's didn't seem like just friends."

"It is, there isn't anything going on between us beyond us working together to make sure our kids are happy and safe."

"Yeah right," Belle said skeptically. "You can't tell me you haven't noticed how hot EJ is and you haven't made any kind of move physically."

"You think EJ is hot?" Sami asked wondering what in the world had gotten into her little sister.

"Seriously Sami, you can't fool me. EJ is a total hottie, the looks, that voice."

"Are you interested in my…" Sami stopped herself before saying more, stumped on what exactly EJ was to her at the moment.

"Your what Sami, your boyfriend, lover, ex-husband, enemy? What is EJ to you?"

Sami slumped down in her seat some, "I don't know what EJ is to me. It's so confusing."

"You mean you two haven't slept together again?"

"I wish," Sami blurted out before she clasped her hand to her mouth, realizing what she had just said out loud to her younger sister.

Belle burst into laughter, "If you could only see your face right now. Looks like the queen of denial is slipping in her old age."

"First off, I'm not the queen of anything, much less denial and furthermore I'm not old."

"Whatever," Belle rolled her eyes not believing anything Sami was trying to disclaim at the moment. She reached down into her bag she had brought with her and handed Sami a book.

"What is this?" Sami asked as she took the book in her hand as recognition dawned on her. Surely her sister wasn't reading such smutty trash or so she had been told it was such when she could hear some of the women from the office gossiping amidst bursts of laughter.

"I'm finished with this one and I'm reading the second one right now. Maybe you need to read this and see if you don't think EJ kind of sounds like he could be Christian Grey."

"I can't believe you are reading this type of book," Sami began only to have Belle start to laugh again.

"Apparently there are lots of things you don't know about your little sister. Read the book, you won't be sorry."

Famous last words Sami thought hours later after Belle had taken Claire back home along with her kids too since they were begging to spend more time with their cousin Claire thus leaving Sami only with the company of the book which somehow engrossed her so much she failed to hear EJ enter the room while she was sitting on the couch reading intently, lost in an entirely different and decadent world.

"Samantha, didn't you hear me? I've been calling for you and the kids ever since I came home five minutes ago."

Sami looked up from the book with a guilty look on her face, immediately pushing it behind her back so that EJ couldn't see what she was reading.

Now he sought her out apparently wanting to talk to her, she never would understand men.

"Samantha, what were you reading?"

"Nothing," Sami shook her head, hoping EJ would just let it drop, she didn't know if he knew about this book, and she sure didn't want to talk to him about it, especially after Belle had mentioned EJ could be like the lead male character in the book.

While EJ had tried to keep his resolve about not engaging Samantha in any kind of conversation, he realized they would have to speak about something and now she had his curiosity piqued over whatever book it was she was trying to hide behind her back.

He moved over closer to her, only to have her scoot as far back on the couch as she possibly could go without falling over the side of it.

"Let me see it," EJ said as she firmly shook her head no to his request. "Come on Samantha, it's not like you are reading porn or something is it?"

"No," Sami's voice went up an octave or two which immediately let EJ know she was lying, plus her face was a delightful shade of pink.

This was too good to pass up, Sami obviously was reading something she didn't want him to see so that made he want to see it all the more. So he reached around her back and pulled out the book she was reading from behind her.

"Oh my," EJ exclaimed as he examined the cover of the book and began to open it to a page that was earmarked.

Sami stood up on the couch hoping to reach EJ better and pull the book out of his grasp. "Give it back EJ!"

"Samantha Brady reading this type of literature," EJ started to laugh seeing how exasperated Sami was becoming when she couldn't take the book away from him.

"EJ I'm warning you," Sami gritted her teeth as each time she tried to grab the book back EJ only held it away from her, making his way across to the other side of the room.

"Oh my, my, my this is naughty," EJ started to read a passage aloud only to have Sami start yelling for him for god's sake to please shut up and take a running jump at him knocking him down on the floor as she scrambled trying to get the book back from him.

EJ was caught off guard by Sami's tactics, but his reflexes were quick enough to roll Sami over so that she was beneath him.

"EJ get off of me," Sami grunted having the air knocked out of her by him.

"No way," EJ shook his head. "You tried to tackle me and I'm just retaliating in self defense."

"Self defense my ass," Sami snarled as she tried to wiggle out from under him. "If you hadn't of been nosy and stealing my personal property I would of never had to take you out."

"Take me out eh?" EJ asked with a devilish smile bringing one hand up to brush Sami's hair out of her face as he looked into her eyes. "How exactly do you plan to take me out when clearly I'm the one in control?"

"EJ you know what they say about control don't you?"

"No, what?

"It's highly overrated."

Then her eyes darkened with desire feeling EJ's body above hers and she just went on pure emotion and reached one hand of her own to pull EJ closer to her and she kissed him, softly at first, then it grew into something more quickly.

This was no gentle press of lips for them, this was a kiss that instantly consumed them both, her body pressed against his, her fingers woven through his dark hair tugging him closer to her. EJ's body went rigid for a moment, pulled his lips away from hers surprised by her impromptu action, but then he relaxed against her momentarily, his fingers reaching out once more to brush her cheeks, to tenderly touch her which was in stark contrast to the intensity of the kiss they had just shared.

His lips parted again and for what seemed like an endless moment in time they kissed like it could be their last. Then EJ pulled backed again and stared at her with wide eyes full of bewilderment, their breath coming in short gasps in the otherwise quiet house.

"Oh god Samantha, I'm sorry."

Sami fingers lifted to brush EJ's lips. "Why EJ?"

He pushed up and away from her, not wanting to meet her inquisitive look she was giving him. "You know why Samantha. We discussed this last night.

"Right, we did," Sami concurred although she knew EJ was feeling it just as strongly as she did. They had a connection that hadn't faded over time, if anything it was growing stronger with each passing day.

But she could wait him out, he wasn't ready for this even if her body was quivering with unspent desire for him. She took a shaky breath of her own, ran a hand through her messy hair and scooted over to where she could retrieve her stolen book from where it now lay discarded on the floor.

"You know I've got to go pick up the kids from Marlena's. We can just forget this ever happened."

Now that sounded more like the Samantha he knew. He nodded his head in quick agreement with her. This was for the best. They were just playing around with one another and it had gotten quickly out of hand.

Sami disappeared further into the house a secret smile on her face. EJ wasn't immune to her at all and even though she'd rather be still on the floor with him, getting up and leaving him behind wondering what her motives were was worth a little guilt she might be feeling.

EJ was eventually going to come around to her way of thinking. The amazing kiss they had just shared was a very clear indication she was heading in the right direction.

One step at time, no matter how long it took her she knew EJ DiMera was going to be hers, heart, body and soul.


	37. Chapter 37

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XI<strong>

The next few weeks went by rather quickly due to the upcoming Christmas holiday, the kids kept her busy, actually kept both of them so busy in fact that she never got the chance to get EJ alone.

She refused to believe that EJ consciously maneuvered situations to keep them away from one another, much less to actually find time for either of them not to be alone without anyone else around. Needless to say, it halted her project _Get EJ DiMera to Fall Back in Love with me_, extremely difficult if not impossible for Sami.

Not to say that it hadn't been nice to do the normal family holiday things, because it had been awesome, not having some drastic happenings occurring every five seconds of the day which had been the norm for her so long that this new phase in her and her children's lives felt almost surreal.

She wasn't going to complain, it was wonderful to have a tree beautifully decorated; cookies cut out of dough, baked, iced to perfection, Christmas carols sung and all the school plays attended. After a whirlwind few weeks, the kids were out of school for Christmas holidays and Sami was going to take off a few days to get her Christmas shopping finished.

Belle had graciously agreed to take the kids with her so that Sami could complete the last purchases she needed to make and in turn Sami would get Claire when Belle needed to go shopping. Sami hadn't wanted to ask Marlena for anything and somehow Belle could sense that without her even asking and for that Sami was grateful.

She had kept close tabs on EJ's work schedule without him even realizing it, she knew he didn't have court today and he wasn't due into the office either because he had already told her he could stay with the children instead of her taking them to the pub to stay with Caroline since they were out of school. She was going to have some one on one face time with Mr. EJ DiMera whether he liked it or not.

So she hadn't told him of her plans for the kids to be absent from the house and she had made them be mum to their father about that fact too telling them she needed to go talk with Santa one last time before Christmas Eve to make sure they were all still on the nice list.

She however hoped to be on Santa's naughty list before the year was out, preferably with EJ.

She was already dressed for the day as if she were heading into the office; she knew if EJ saw her in almost next to nothing when he walked into the kitchen it would immediately put him on guard.

She was looking out the bay window admiring the new snowfall appearing not to have a care in the world when EJ walked downstairs. She could hear his footsteps as he approached and had to keep her anticipation tamped down. It wouldn't do for him to realize that she had planned this day out for them to spend time together in her head.

"I thought you would have already headed into the office by now," EJ said as Sami turned around to face him.

"I'm not going into work today," Sami stated with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Won't Brady be upset with you? I thought you all were on a deadline for the premier issue of Bella." EJ asked her wondering exactly why Samantha wouldn't be going into to work. She had been working almost nonstop this past month only taking time to make sure she didn't miss any of the special things the kids were doing for the holidays.

"He'll deal with me being out today," she said with confidence. "I had some last minute things I needed to get done before Christmas and all of my duties are finished for the issue beyond helping with the launch party on New Year's Eve."

"So you still need for me to keep the kids today since you'll be busy?"

"Well there is just a slight adjustment to your schedule today," Sami began as she noted EJ was starting to form a frown on his brow.

"What kind of adjustment?" EJ asked immediately on the defensive with her.

"The kids are with Belle and Claire today. They are going ice skating."

"Then, I'll just go into work," EJ started to turn away from her. He wasn't sure what Samantha was up to, but he really didn't want to find out either. Samantha and plans usually seemed to go awry if they included him in the mix.

"No, you won't," Sami shook her head and shot out a hand to grab his arm before he could exit the room. "We can go run errands together EJ, finalize the last things we need to get for the children for Christmas. You know how excited they all are getting about Christmas."

"Samantha I don't think…"

"EJ come on, don't be an old Scrooge," Sami moved in closer to him, a teasing lilt in her voice.

EJ tried to keep himself from sighing; Samantha could be so persistent when she set her mind upon something. In the past week he knew she had been going out of her way to be polite and make conversation, asking him what he thought of this thing or that idea.

It was like she actually cared about what he thought about everything and how they should run the household together. It was almost like they were in a relationship with one another; at least one without sex which he knew was of no fault but his own making.

Oh god, he looked into those sapphire eyes of hers so full of life and excitement and he thought of how he needed desperately to keep the distance between them, but he knew if he tried to argue the point with her, she could counter back until he was worn down and out of inane excuses to give her for why they shouldn't be spending time together with one another.

Then she added for emphasis to her case, "Also I'm trying to help the environment by not taking the SUV for only me. I thought you cared about saving the earth and this is just a measure for us to be more eco-friendly in our decisions. Your car is the energy efficent one, not mine."

"Fine," he looked her in the eye, hating it when she tried the guilt route on him, "but if you come along with me, you play by my rules, not yours."

Her mouth drew in a slight bit and he could tell she didn't like the sound of this condition. He wondered how far he could push Samantha until she dropped this charade of sweet politeness with him. How long would it take before she snapped at him and went back to hating him on a daily basis?

If Samantha would just get pissed off and tell him to go straight to hell like she had been wont to do in the past he wouldn't have to worry so much about trying to keep his hands off her. Oh, he would still want to touch her, he always had that temptation lurking whenever she was around, but if she was mad at him she would keep her distance from him which would solve this problem.

"Okay," she agreed a bit too quickly for his liking, giving him a smile that appeared on the surface to be all kinds of agreeable. Where were the complaints and arguing she was known for with anything he ever asked her to do for him? Apparently they had all flown away and this baffled him almost as much as her actions had lately.

Well there was no way to get out of this without being utterly nasty to her and he honestly didn't want things to be ugly between them anymore, so he'd just have to suck it up and take her along with him.

Although he agreed to take her with him that didn't mean he had to be all kinds of sociable with her. EJ was as quiet as a church mouse when he got into the car, never saying a word at all. He fiddled with the car stereo until he found a classical music station thinking this would drive her crazy, but she never objected to his choice of music today.

Sami stared out the car window wishing EJ would say something, anything to her. So far things were not going her way beyond actually getting him to ride in the car with her. Not that she'd really had a concrete plan, she just knew she had wanted to get out of the house to remind EJ how much fun they could have if he would just lighten up some.

"Where in town are we going exactly?" she asked him making it seem as if he had asked her to go with him instead of the other way around, as he silently drove, hoping she could get him to start talking about something, anything with her.

He couldn't help himself as a smart ass retort came out of his mouth before he thought better about saying it to her, "Well Samantha, I thought I might hit a club on the other side of town, day drink for a while and possibly pick up an attractive woman while I was there right in front of you, hopefully see an all out catfight erupt, have the police come and threaten to haul us all to jail and then after that rousing round of entertainment faded I'd let the chips fall where they may," he gave her a tight smile, "but since you've decided your needs are always above mine, I'll have to wait and to do this adventure another day instead."

Sami wanted to yell at him that he was such a smartass, but kept her mouth shut, she had insisted EJ take her, despite the fact he clearly did not want to be in her company at all. She slumped back in the leather seat of his car, watching as the trees blurred quickly by as she continued to look out the window instead of facing him. Her eyes were stinging with tears, but she refused to cry. She wasn't going to use tears on him as a means to beg him to see that she really had changed.

She decided on another tactic, her voice low and apologetic, "EJ, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tricked you into taking me…," she started to tell him, but he cut her off before she could finish her sentence.

"We'll go to the Java Café and then decide where to go from there after we have a vanilla latte, skim milk, no sugar." How could he always remember her favorite things to eat and drink even when only moments before he was being all snarky? His voice was soft now, no traces of his 'smartassedness' of moments before left in his demeanor. She glanced his way, and the tender expression on his face she saw made her feel for a second like he cared about her again.

"EJ, are we ever going to talk about…?" Sami stopped before she finished asking her question, seeing his face instantly change right before her eyes as she noted how quickly his body tensed up.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he didn't want to talk about anything personal between them. Fine, she would just have to practice that damning patience that was so hard for her to achieve. EJ would have to crack eventually, just not today apparently.

EJ watched Samantha as she took her fist sip of her latte he had ordered for her. She looked so miserable and he knew he was the sole cause of her mood by his reticence to not speak of any kind of emotional entanglement with her, that his thoughts of keeping the distance between them was slowly retreating to the background before he could think better of it.

Maybe all Samantha had been going to say was something about their friendship, maybe he was too full of himself thinking she wanted anything else from him beyond that since he hadn't been close to her physically since the day he had stolen her book from her a few weeks ago.

Well he wasn't going to ruin the rest of her day although it was a wonder she ever wanted to be around him when he acted like such an ass to her even if she hadn't told him so today.

So they left the Java Café a while later and hit the mall, buying what few things they had left to get from the wish lists the kids had made for them earlier in the month, and after a while he got Samantha to smile again.

They stopped by some run down looking tavern neither of them had ever been to before and got a drink, and then another one as time passed by, both laughing about day drinking now even though it was quickly becoming afternoon.

"EJ, do you know what I like about you?" she caught him off guard by this latest question.

"Let me see, my charm, my sexy English accent, my superior intellect as compared to your other paramours or could it be my rugged good looks?" EJ asked her enjoying the moment of just being silly with her since those moments had been too few and far between them in what seemed like forever.

"You're not that good looking," she said with a frown, refusing to let him know she thought all of those things about him and more that he hadn't guessed. She paused a moment before adding, "It's just that I never have to pretend with you. I don't have to act like I'm a saint or even that you're funny, when you're clearly not…,"

EJ raised a questioning brow her way, but she only stirred her drink and took another sip before continuing on, "I like that I can be myself with you; that you accept me exactly as I am even when everyone else can't stand to be around me. Or at least you used to accept me; lately I think you just tolerate me like everyone else does."

He reached out to trace her cheek and looked her straight in the eye. "I still accept you Samantha, that hasn't changed and I hate that I've made you believe otherwise. Most people are afraid of your zest for life, your fire, but somehow you always seem to draw me in to it whether I want to go or not."

"I miss you and I miss our friendship. Why have you turned your back on what we have? Doesn't it mean anything to you? You act like I'm some kind of poison if you get too close to me now."

"Samantha, our friendship meant everything to me." The truth spilled out before he thought about what he was saying to her.

"Do you hear what you are saying? Meant as in past tense?"

"You're twisting my words around…"

"Then why? Why have you thrown what else we could have away when I'm plainly offering it up to you?"

EJ felt like he had been given a reprieve when he heard his cell phone ringing. He couldn't deal with this; he didn't know what to tell her. He didn't want to go forward with this conversation because frankly he wasn't sure where it would go before they were finished. He could, however, put it on hold for now. He took the phone out of his pocket and saw it was Stefano.

His face fell; this was just another reason as to why he shouldn't take things further with Samantha. Sooner or later he was going to have to deal with his father whether he liked it or not and this was just a vivid reminder of why things would never work out for them. Hadn't Samantha told him time and time again how much she hated his father?

"EJ, aren't you going to answer your phone?" Sami asked wondering who was calling EJ after seeing his reaction to whosever name was showing up on the screen of his cell phone.

EJ hit the dismiss button and placed his cell phone back into his pocket. He couldn't handle talking to his father either, especially after having Samantha opening up to him like she was doing right now. It was just a harsh reminder of how cruel fate was, no matter what either of them did, there was no denying that she was always going to be a Brady and even when he ran from it he was always going to be a DiMera.

"No, it's not important," EJ said rising up from his chair and taking Samantha by the hand. "Let's get out of here."

"Okay," Sami agreed, not pressing the matter further. Something else was bothering EJ beyond her asking him why he wouldn't give them a chance. She would have to back off and let things slide for while. Maybe she had given him something to think about though.

"I don't want to go home yet," Sami stated after they were settled into the car again. She didn't want their time together to end yet, so she searched her brain for something to keep him with her for a while longer.

"Where do you want to go?" EJ asked, knowing he would probably regret asking her later on.

"Just take a right on Bedford, then another right on Stapleton and then a left on Rockdale," Sami ordered as EJ put the car in drive.

After a few minutes of Samantha's navigation EJ realized she had taken him to one of the parks the kids loved to play at when they got a chance to go there.

The car hadn't even completely stopped when Sami flung open the door and headed out making tracks in the snow with her high heeled boots in the abandoned park, void of children due to the vast amounts of snowfall that had taken place the night before and continuing on during this day, holding her face upward to feel the new falling flakes of snow.

"Samantha you are going to catch your death of cold," EJ told her to which she just shook her head and kept going onward until she made it to the monkey bars. He noted that her legs didn't even come close to touching the ground as she started to swing from bar to bar. The thing was just a few inches taller than he was; but even with the amount of alcohol she had consumed earlier she was reaching for the rungs like a seasoned pro. Her confidence grew until suddenly her grip slipped, and she started to fall down from her perch.

EJ reached forward and grabbed Samantha before she could hit the cold snowy ground below. He pulled her close to him, wrapping her in his arms before he lost his balance and slipped on a hidden patch of ice that was under the snow making them both fall. Her skirt ripped slightly in the process and Sami looked at him quizzically when he tried to smooth her skirt down for her inadvertently causing them both to shift even closer together. Their eyes locked on each other and for a moment neither of them spoke.

"You didn't let me fall. You caught me." Was all she said softly looking at him in amazement as he tried his best to shift their weight without hurting her. He needed to move her away, she was too close to him and it was playing havoc on his last shreds of self-control he was trying to maintain with her, but she wouldn't let go of him. She clung even tighter to him when she realized how scared he looked.

"Don't," he said quietly as he finally was able to tear his gaze away from her eyes, those knowing eyes that could always see into his soul no matter what they had said and done to one another in the past. "You make me crazy Samantha."

"I know," her honest answer made him give in, leaning his head down and catching her lips in a soft kiss.

She sighed in contentment, despite the cold air surrounding them she didn't feel it at all because all she could feel was his kisses, which could always make her forget where they were and what they were doing. He kissed her like he would never kiss her again. And that was what finally got her attention, it felt somewhat bittersweet as she felt herself slipping out of the unstable grasp they had on one another.

They both stopped before she was displaced on the snowy ground he was trying to protect her from and then she shifted her weight off of him so that they could both get up and get out of the weather. He looked away into the distance as she tried to straightened out her clothes on her own without his help this time, tugging on the ripped skirt as best she could to keep her legs from being more exposed to the chilling air then they already were.

He didn't know what to do or say that wouldn't make the situation any less awkward, so he just held out his hand to her and they walked back to his car in silence. She instantly took his hand in hers and felt it all over again. They had a connection that she had never felt with anyone else before and she knew deep down inside of him somewhere EJ had to know it too. Walking hand in hand, at least it seemed like she had she had proven a point to him. She didn't want to scare him away, she just wanted him to see that no matter what happened between them in the past and what may happen between them in the future they were always going to be connected to one another, no matter how hard they tried to ignore or dismiss it that it wasn't going to go away.

She prayed he saw it, felt it like she did, but he was so quiet on the way home, almost too quiet and she didn't get to say anything else to him after they arrived home because Belle was waiting on them with the kids and EJ quickly excused himself to disappear into his room to shower and change out of his wet clothes.

All evening she tried to get his attention again, but after he returned from his shower, he focused solely on the children until they went to bed and before she could speak to him after the bedtime stories were told and kisses were given to the them he went into his bedroom alone and she heard the click of the lock turning on his door as she approached it outside of his room.

She sighed this time in frustration, while she realized she made EJ crazy he was making her feel that emotion in an all together totally different way. As she made her way into her bedroom and got ready for bed, she wondered how EJ had kept it together in the past from all the times he had begged her to see and acknowledge what was between them and she had stubbornly refused him each and every time he had pleaded with her to please give them a chance.

She just had to be patient, EJ couldn't walk away from what was happening between them no matter how hard he was fighting it at the moment. She had to believe it, believe he could still love her despite all the things that had happened.

She wasn't going to give up, she just couldn't. This was too important to let go. She realized how fleeting happiness could be and she was going to do whatever she needed to do to make him see it too.


	38. Chapter 38

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XII<strong>

The excitement of the children was difficult to contain, they were literally bouncing off the walls, running around, being loud and rambunctious all throughout the house. This feeling of anticipation, the harmony that was between all the children was quite comical. They all had promised they had been so good that surely Santa was going to come visit them tonight.

Samantha had reminded each of them that Santa couldn't come to their house until they were fast asleep. EJ had wanted to laugh when Johnny had countered with that she needed to go to sleep too then, but he'd kept his laughter at bay when he saw Samantha turn her eyes to him silently daring him to overrule her on this matter, much less laugh at her.

EJ wished he felt better; he had been fighting off a nasty cold since Monday when he and Samantha had been on the playground together. So much for his earlier warning that she would catch her death of cold that day, apparently he had caught it instead.

No, she wasn't sick at all, Samantha looked beautiful tonight, her eyes full of merriment as she had repeatedly told the children to close their eyes and fall asleep. After almost an hour of this, she was still in a good mood when they finally gave up their protests and now they were all sleeping like the perfect angels they claimed to be earlier.

EJ was ready to climb into bed himself, he had chills and his head was hurting, but he knew he couldn't allow Samantha to put out all the toys that Santa would be bringing the children by herself, so he pushed himself onward to follow her retreating figure back down the stairs to the living room. He admired the view she presented even though he wouldn't admit it to her. It wouldn't do any good anyway.

Sami was surprised to see EJ, she knew he didn't feel good and had expected him to disappear into his bedroom like he did every night when he was sure the children were asleep in their beds, safe and secure. He hadn't given her much to be hopeful for these past few days, but she'd taken it in stride, trying not to push him away any further.

She went to the room she had claimed as her office, telling them all this was the one room no one was allowed entry into and so far they had respected her ruling. Good thing too since she had stashed all the gifts that Santa was going to bring to her brood in there.

She could sense EJ was close behind her, yet he didn't come into her makeshift office either. She drug out the huge bag of toys doing her best not to trip on her way back out to the living room where their Christmas tree was situated.

"I could have helped you get those out," EJ began only to have her wave a hand in his direction while she kept pulling at the sack with the other.

"I can handle it, you go on to bed." Sami stated thinking this wouldn't be the first time she had done this alone and it probably wouldn't be the last either if EJ continued to thwart all of her attempts to get him closer to her.

"I want to help you get the toys out for the children if you don't mind. I mean I haven't ever done this with anyone else before…"

"Not even Nicole," Sami blurted out interrupting EJ while she raised a disbelieving brow at him as she plopped down on the floor. When she saw his face fall a slight bit she immediately felt bad. "Sorry old habits die hard and I know you were married to her during Christmas years before so I just assumed that…."

Her voice trailed off before she completed her thought. She really didn't want to think of Nicole ever being with EJ and tried her best not to bring up the past since EJ had been so good not to remind her of her previous failures in the romance department, well at least he hadn't lately.

EJ shrugged his shoulders as he sat down beside Sami, their backs to the fire in the fireplace that he had built at the children's insistence earlier in the evening. "No, Nicole fell asleep before we did anything like this, you know like a real family and I was up alone getting things ready for Johnny the year you were gone."

A pang of instant regret hit Sami at his slight reference to when she had been gone in the safe house with Rafe. If she had only been truthful with EJ that she had been pregnant with Sydney, things might have been completely different for them now and that thought made her sad.

"EJ, I wish I had done things differently, you know when I was expecting Sydney," she said quietly, laying down the doll that was going to be Sydney's on the floor beside her as she turned to face the fire instead of facing EJ.

"I gave you no reason to tell me the truth," EJ replied as he turned to face the fire also even though he didn't dare look into her eyes.

"I guess truth telling hasn't ever been high on either one of our lists of priorities."

"No, it wasn't, but now…"

Sami gave a snort of laughter as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Oh EJ, now you lie to yourself like I used to lie to myself all the time."

"I do no such thing," EJ shook his head even though he wouldn't tear his gaze away from the embers.

"You do," Sami disagreed with him as she finally turned her head to face him, but EJ wouldn't do the same, still keeping his eyes on the fire instead of facing her, making sure he wasn't touching her either. "Every time I try to get close to you now, you shied away from me like I have the plague; it's like if you get too close..."

"I'll burn," EJ finished her sentence for her, the first time he had been honest with her since he had told her she drove him crazy.

Sami sighed, he was right even though she didn't want to admit it because she had and still felt the same way about him, only now she wasn't afraid of the fire, she wanted to embrace it with him.

"Let's just get the toys arranged for the kids before we say anything we'll…"

"Regret," Sami added softly. "It seems like all I have done lately is regret things, terrible things I did to you." She took a shaky hand raising it to barely touch the place where she had shot him in anger only a mere year before. Even though his hair had grown back, she could feel the ridge of the scar she had given him, a painful reminder of what happened when they lost it with one another, when their anger guided them instead of their hearts.

As soon as she did it, EJ finally turned to face her, and he felt traitorous tears well up in his eyes, ones he had held at bay since the night he had contemplated ending it all. He grasped her hand and pulled it away from him before saying, "You know Samantha you only get so many chances to fuck something up before it's just too fucked up to mend."

She acted like he hadn't said anything, like she didn't believe what he was trying to tell her. "There is something going on between us," she paused, waiting for him to disagree with her.

"Samantha I have never denied there was something going on between us, that's been a given from the first day we met. It's just an attraction, a passing fancy, a curiosity for us."

"You're a bigger liar now than when you were lying to me about who kidnapped Sydney."

"See, the past is always going to haunt us," EJ stated. "I really did believe you when you had told me the slate had been wiped clean between us."

"If you recall said slate cleaning was done way before that happened."

"I recall clearly my dear, probably much better than you."

"You don't think that night we spent together meant something to me?" Sami asked incredulously.

"We didn't spend the night together, we had fun remember? You can't call it a night when you run out of it before the night is over."

"You know why I ran," Sami raised her voice slightly.

"Maybe for the same reasons I am trying to run now." EJ was attempting to push himself up from the floor, but Sami grabbed him before he could get up and away from her.

"EJ, don't go. I didn't mean for us to argue, it's just…"

"What we do, which is argue, lash out at one another, fight like we are in a duel to the death and then we hurt each other. Can't you see I don't want to hurt you anymore? I'm trying to be a better man."

"You're just trying to take the easy way out."

"Oh sweetheart, there is no easy way out with you. There never has been and I doubt there ever will be. I see you are taking the grass is greener approach with me now and I want you to know it doesn't make you a bad person, but I'm not that gullible where you are concerned anymore."

"We kissed the other day and you felt something for me when it happened," she stated as if he hadn't even spoken those previous words to her.

"I took advantage of you like I always seem to do when you are at your most vulnerable."

"You didn't take advantage of me. I wanted you to kiss me. EJ, I want you to kiss me again and again and again."

His body reacted to the words instantly. If he even touched her it would be bad for both of them, no telling what might happen if they actually kissed. "Samantha, it was just a kiss."

"Our kisses are never likened to a simple kiss."

"Of course not, everything is complicated with us, always has been."

"I dream about you, about how things could be if we were truly together."

Like he hadn't dreamt of her countless times and no doubt would probably dream of her tonight.

"So you had a dream about me. Dreaming doesn't predict the future, it doesn't mean anything significant."

"Not one dream, I've been dreaming about you every night since you wrote those letters to me. The letters the man you still are even though you try to fight it, that spoke the truth even when the truth hurt me and I can take the hurt if you'll just admit the truth of how you really feel about me."

Yet she still hadn't spoken any words of love for him and he doubted he ever would hear those things from her as stubborn as she had been and still was to this day.

No he knew as soon as he admitted he still loved her, she would turn away from him, she always had in the past and each time it had hurt him a little bit more than the time before.

He closed his eyes, trying to block out countless visions he had of her. He wanted her in his bed; in the shower, in front of this very fireplace right now. He needed her so much it hurt.

"EJ, I, I…" she faltered, the words she wanted to say stuck in her throat. Why was this so difficult?

He opened his eyes to look at her. She had played so many games with his heart and he in turn hers. One thing he didn't want to hear from her was lies, not this time.

"What are you wanting to say to me Samantha?" he could barely get the question out, partly out of fear of what she might say to him, partly that he didn't want to get his hopes up again when he knew they would be crushed by her.

"I have these feelings for you, and at times I want to rush full steam ahead into wherever it may take us and at other times I want them to stop, but whatever this is, it's too strong. I need to know what it's like. I have to know what it's like to be with you without any kind of deception between us, without anyone else trying to stop us from being together, whether it is our families or someone else trying to tell us we how wrong we are for each other."

EJ held his breath. Did she really care about him, or did she just want to get this out of her system once at for all? It was probably the latter, it was too mind boggling to consider anything else at the moment.

He suddenly realized it didn't matter anymore. He was worn down from trying to run from her at each and every turn lately. Tonight he knew without a doubt that she wanted him and god only knew had badly he wanted her. So the choice would be that simple to make if he'd let down this wall he had built up so highly against her.

All he had to do was take her in his arms, or maybe even barely lean over in her direction and let whatever may happen take this crazy course that they seemed to be destined to take with one another.

He could let her see into his heart for just this one time and he would worry about tomorrow, later.

Yes, tomorrow would be a good time to worry about consequences, tonight would be a different story.

Tonight she would be his and his alone...


	39. Chapter 39

_Author's note: Just a reminder, in this fic EJ and Sami didn't have grief sex since this story began the summer before that happened on the show the following November. You'll understand why I had this prompt listed after you read the next chapter._

_Also a huge thank you to everyone who is reading this story, liking it, putting it on your favorite list, commenting because you all make me want to continue to write the best EJami romance that I possibly can for this couple. You all make the long hours I have put into writing this story worthwhile. __  
><em>

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XIII<strong>

It was like Sami could see a visible change overcome EJ's features after she spoke those words of wanting to see what it would be like to be with him without all the hindrances they had faced before. While she was trying to fight off a triumphant smile, somehow things just didn't seem right with EJ. It was almost as if he had resigned himself to forge ahead with things even though she could plainly see he was troubled by his decision.

Then she pushed that nagging thought aside when he asked her, "What are you waiting for Samantha? You want to see what things could be like between us? Make a move then or was this all just a game of chicken to see if I would back off if you pushed me too hard?"

Sami felt like she could barely breathe. This was what she had been working for with her crazy plan to get EJ to fall in love with her again.

All she had to do was move over a tiny bit to close the distance between them and she'd get her wish. She tentatively leaned over in his direction, reaching out her hand to rest behind his neck to draw him in for a kiss, but he still didn't move.

For a brief moment in time for Sami it was like being a teenager all over again; the thinking you wanted to kiss a boy and yet not being quite sure of what to do. So she skipped his lips and pressed a kiss to his throat instead. She could feel his rapid pulse beneath her lips even though he still kept still, making her decide what to do next. She scooted over some more and her hands reached for the top button on his shirt, but they were shaking so badly that she couldn't manage to even get one button undone, much less tackling the entire daunting row of them all at once.

EJ finally had some mercy on her by placing his hands on top of hers, holding them steady even if he wasn't helping her unbutton his shirt. No he kept them still and she looked into his eyes and saw everything that she was feeling reflected in his eyes. That all consuming heat they seemed to radiate when they got too close to one another, the ever present desire that flared up dangerously and yet there was something underneath those feelings of passion too that she couldn't quite place her finger on exactly.

He almost said something else to her, but then she guessed he thought better of it because suddenly his mouth was on hers; crushing her to him with a kiss that almost seemed brutal and demanding instead of the gentle coaxing he had done to her several times in the past when he had been the one to try to make her admit her feelings for him.

His hands wove their way into her hair, preventing her from moving away from him and thus causing them to deepen their kiss even further. Sami felt disoriented momentarily when EJ quickly switched their positions from sitting to feeling her back against the wooden floor of the living room with every hot inch of him leaning his weight upon her.

She gasped into his mouth as she felt his hard length pressed against her thigh. She knew from memory of how large his girth was and she tried to spread her legs wider to accommodate him, wanting to feel him against the rough material of her blue jeans which she desperately wished she wasn't wearing, no she wished right now she was naked before him, offering herself up to him.

Then it was like she couldn't get enough, she wanted the roughness of him, she could take whatever he could dish out to her and return it tenfold. Her hands found their way under his shirt after her failed intent to unbutton it earlier and her fingers sought out the defined muscular structure of his abs as she tried to rid him of his shirt this way, she wanted to feel his bare skin and in turn she wanted to be rid of her clothes too which were preventing her from this feat.

She needed to take a breath and reluctantly broke the kiss. Her head fell backwards on the floor and she winced until she felt his hot lips land on her throat. He sucked on her neck, his memory of exactly what spot was so sensitive to her was impeccable, causing her to moan and incoherently beg him for more.

EJ lifted her arms up above her head and he pulled her t-shirt off quickly although he left on her bra which slightly annoyed her until his hands cupped her breasts through the lacy bra she was wearing. His mouth ventured to her collar bone taking his time before he reached her nipples, his tongue tracing hot patterns of fire through the lace of her bra, even though he wouldn't move the fabric away from her breasts.

"EJ please," she managed to get out, pushing him away from his task to make him look at her.

"Please what?" He finally asked looking at her quizzically. He was doing what she wanted, wasn't he? He could give her sex, but he wasn't going to give her his heart, not this time. He just couldn't do that for her this time.

"I want more…"

"Don't you always?" The question hung heavily in the air, it spoke of her greediness to get what she wanted, when she wanted which he knew exactly how she could be that way since he basically was the same way too even if he had been trying to restrain that side of his personality lately.

"Yes, but I can't help it." She honestly replied even if she still couldn't tell him she loved him. Every time she had told a man she loved him whether it had been Austin, Brandon, Lucas or Rafe it ended badly.

That wasn't to say things went south pretty quickly for she and EJ most times even without those words, but it terrified her to think if she told him she loved him that he would end up being disappointed in her too, just like all the others and in the end, her love wouldn't be enough to make him want to stay.

Her love was never enough for any man apparently.

"You know I don't have any protection with me?" EJ asked which somehow brought her out of her reverie of the disastrous relationships she always managed to procure.

"What?" Sami asked in return, a frown creasing her brow momentarily.

"Condoms? EJ offered up more plainly by way of explanation.

Then it dawned on her, if they continued onward, they could risk the possibility of another pregnancy.

EJ sat up and away from her, removing his body from hers, to which she instantly felt the loss, not just due to the lack of her shirt, but it had felt right for EJ to be so close to her.

Well close physically, an idiot could tell he wasn't close to her emotionally at the moment and was trying his best to make her be the one to stop this from insanity from happening between them.

"I'm not on the pill," she stated flatly.

"I know you aren't, you never were on them being the good Catholic girl you were brought up to be," EJ said a bit too contemptuously for her liking, but before she could argue he laid it out for her in no uncertain terms. "Our track record has been two for two so far. Are you sure you want to tempt fate and see what happens the third time we have sex with one another?"

She pulled her knees up to her chest, trying to block out the cold she felt as soon as EJ had moved away from her as much as the cold hard facts EJ was presenting to her. If they continued on, they could create another baby with one another.

EJ said having sex, not making love with one another. It was like he wasn't expecting anything else from her in return anymore. If she wanted sex, he would go through with it, but he wasn't going to be emotionally invested in the act.

Damn it, she wanted him, her body was practically screaming for her to say screw it literally, to go ahead and have sex with EJ. It had been so long since the last time they had been together. Sydney's conception seemed like eons ago, and they both had been completely different persons then. Sami knew partly one of the reasons she had slept with EJ that night beyond trying to satisfy her curiosity had been the jealously that had consumed her when she had realized EJ was starting to fall for Nicole, that gold digging tramp who lied as easily as she took each breath.

Not that she wasn't a liar, she knew she was, but her feelings for EJ this time around were something else entirely, this wasn't jealously that goaded her to stake her claim on her then husband, this was her wanting to show him how much she cared about him, that he truly was her first and only choice from now on because she didn't ever want anyone else, she just wanted him.

She needed to be the one to quit lying to herself instead of claiming EJ was the one who was doing all the lying. She wasn't curious about seeing what could happen between them, she was head over freaking heels in love with him. The kind of love that she had dreamed about since she had been a girl who believed in fairy tales that the prince would fall in love with her, sweep her off her feet and after they confessed their undying love for one another, they lived happily ever after.

She, Sami Brady was in love with EJ DiMera and she needed to tell him that she loved him right now if she wanted her happy ending.

She opened her mouth to say it and unfortunately nothing came out. It was like she had been struck mute on the spot.

All she had to do was say **I LOVE YOU**.

So why couldn't she tell him those three little words? She had been the one pleading for his honesty with her when it was clear she wasn't forthcoming with the whole truth with him.

There was no denying she played a good game with him, prompting him for honesty when she wasn't able to do the same for him. Somehow EJ always got shortchanged when it came to her and in the past that hadn't bothered her, but now her conscience was screaming for her to not let him compromise what was best for him to make her happy.

She recalled what EJ had told her the night they had almost made love with each a few weeks ago before he had pulled away from her completely.

_"For once in my life, I want more, I deserve more and whether you realize it or not, you do too. It should mean something more than us just fucking each other. If we ever do come together I want it to be for all of the right reasons because we both love each other and neither one of us have any doubts or reservations..."_

EJ had major doubts and reservations, it was written clearly all over his face and he was trying to make her finally see reason by bringing up the possibility of getting her pregnant again if they continued.

_"All I ever wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you…" _

Oh god, was this what unselfish love for another person felt like beyond the love she felt for her children, for their children? She wanted to build a life with him, why couldn't she utter those words she knew he was desperate to hear from her?

She reached for her shirt and reluctantly tugged it back on before his eyes, knowing that would be answer enough for him.

"Goodnight EJ," she got up from the floor, quickly got out the rest of the toys from the bag, and placed them in stacks for each of the children all the while under the watchful eye of EJ. When she was finished she turned to look at him only to find him nowhere in the room.

So much for some Christmas Eve sex from EJ, he wanted more from her than sex and somehow she would have to try and find a way to get past this fear of hers about love to give it to him.

Sadly it just wouldn't be tonight…

Damn it she hated it when her conscience won.

She just hoped said conscience enjoyed being incredibly sexually frustrated.


	40. Chapter 40

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XIV<strong>

EJ fell into his bed, his head hurting even more after this latest encounter with Samantha. Not to mention another head that got no relief either his mind was all but screaming at him to which he promptly tried to ignore.

No such luck, fifteen minutes later he was still hard as stone and as much as he hated to admit it, he wanted Samantha.

Wanted her badly…

Well his body wanted her badly, his mind still was firmly entrenched with the wanting something more from her.

Much more…

Which apparently she couldn't give to him because he had thought for just a brief moment there that she was going to say something to him and then nothing, not a damn word beyond giving him a dismissal of goodnight.

He stripped down to his boxers, haphazardly throwing his clothing off into the floor, not caring one way of another it if reached the dirty clothes hamper.

Looking downward there was no mistaking that he needed some kind of release or he was going to go crazy or worse case scenario explode.

Guess he'd be taking another cold shower, one of many he had taken over the past recent months. Hopefully the cold water would also break this damnable fever that was seemingly climbing higher with each passing hour.

He stripped off his boxers too and headed for the shower when his vision blurred, making him lose his balance and he hit the floor.

Sami was downstairs rearranging the toys one more time, doing anything to divert her mind off what was really bothering her, that being her inability to tell EJ how she truly felt about him. She could kick herself for chickening out, but there had to be some kind of reason why she couldn't vocalize those three important words to him.

She had turned off the lights and was heading up the stairs when she heard it.

A huge thud…

Oh no, any moment now she expected to hear one of her children crying out for her because one of them must have fallen out of their bed.

Thank goodness she already had the toy situation taken care of if the noise caused all of them to wake up. Then she was surprised, no one was crying or calling out her name.

She crept cautiously to each of their bedrooms, barely opening their door a crack to find that none of her children were crying for her or had fallen out of bed.

If that was the case, what had caused the noise? She hadn't been hearing things and she didn't believe in ghosts.

Well sometimes she believed in ghosts. Oh hell she believed in ghosts all the time, she was Irish for god's sake, but surely a ghost wasn't haunting the house.

Maybe she was losing it and was taking to hearing things now, but something was nagging her to go check EJ's room just to make sure he was ok.

It was either him or a ghost.

For once she was almost ready for it to have been a ghost instead because she knew EJ didn't want to see her again.

He'd probably think she was crazy or trying another angle to garner his attention, but she walked to the end of the house where the master bedroom was and tapped lightly on the door.

No answer, not a peep from inside and that made her mad. No way in hell EJ was fast asleep already. He had just left her not even fifteen minutes earlier.

Insufferable jackass she thought as she twisted the knob on the door, half expecting it to be locked like he had been known to do lately. It wasn't like she was going to come into his room and attack him.

To her surprise the door opened easily and she was ready to tell him off for trying to scare her when she stopped dead in her tracks.

EJ was there in his bedroom, or rather halfway in the bedroom and the other half in the bathroom.

She rushed to his side, only to be more than slightly mortified when she realized EJ was out of it and apparently out of his clothes too all at the same time.

What in the world was she going to do now?


	41. Chapter 41

**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XV<strong>

Her mind was racing with various scenarios as she considered what exactly she should do since EJ was passed out naked on the floor!

One, should she try mouth to mouth recitation to revive him? Granted that had helped the time EJ almost got electrocuted because of her in the steam room when she was pregnant with the twins. But now he might think she was just trying to cop a feel on him.

She looked downwards from where she had averted her eyes moments before realizing even with EJ being incapacitated one of his body parts apparently hadn't went down with the ship so to speak.

She looked away and up to the ceiling, "Really God do you have to test me all the time? I mean I know I haven't been a model citizen or anything during my lifetime, but couldn't you at least have let me found him with his boxers on?"

No answer from the man above on that one since when she looked back downwards there was that part of EJ that was not even at half mast and still he was the most well endowed man she had ever laid eyes on.

_Or had the pleasure in the past to lie something else on it too. _She scolded her inner slut, now was not the time to be thinking of having sex with EJ. For god's sake he was passed out on the floor.

Which brought her back to the reality of the situation at hand and that was trying to find a way to revive him because really how could she ever explain to the paramedics that she just found him that way?

So two, she could throw a towel over the lower portion of his body, get a glass of water and douse him with it. Maybe that would wake him up and she would scramble out of his bedroom before he had time to question her on why she was in here in the first place since EJ had made it abundantly clear that his bedroom was off limits to her.

Or three she could just leave him here lying on the floor which would save her the embarrassment of seeing him naked, but then again something could be seriously wrong with him. She knew he had contracted what seemed to be a bad cold, probably due to her dragging him out in the snow.

Good sense girl told her to go get the glass of water, Slutty girl who really wanted to get laid was yelling go for it girlfriend, kiss him and then jump on that thing before he fully realizes what you are trying to do. No conscience girls was saying take the easy way out and just leave him there and hopefully he would come to in a little while all by himself without her help at all.

She looked downward once more eyeing him fully and then sighed.

Slutty girl wasn't going to be happy and she was sure No conscience girl was going to give her hell later on when she was sure somehow EJ would find a way to blame her for whatever happened next.

Good sense girl won out and she reluctantly got up from the floor, walked into the bathroom, grabbed a towel to toss over him and then got the glass of water to pour on him.

Sami leaned over EJ and poured the cold water all over his face, causing him to instantly come to, sputtering and looking about the room with a rather confused look on his face as he found himself staring up at Samantha.

Well there went your free shot chance to get some, Slutty girl shouted to Sami.

Damn that girl really needed to shut up, Sami thought as she crouched back down on the floor besides EJ's head.

She just hoped the towel wouldn't shift and fall off of him because she didn't know how much longer Good sense girl was going to win out because temptation was rearing up its head at her.

Stop it! Don't think about any kind of head! Good sense girl warned her.

Think of it, think of it! Slutty girl cried out hoping she could get No conscience girl to go along with her and they could kick Good sense girl to the curb.

Sami seriously wanted all three to shut up because if they didn't she was going to run screaming out of the room and EJ needed her right now to take care of him.

At least she thought he did or was that just foolishly hoping he needed her?

Guess she was about to find out…


	42. Chapter 42

**_Moonlit Wishes__  
><em>_Book III, Part XVI_**

"Samantha?" EJ looked at her dubiously, cautiously moving to an upright position as tiny rivulets of water ran down his face.

"EJ, are you okay?" Sami scooted a slight bit away to give him some room, but not far enough away when the towel slid dangerously down a few inches.

"What did you do to me?" His voice immediately accusatory instead of being grateful she had come to see what had happened to him.

"I didn't do anything," Sami began to explain only to have EJ cut her off before she could finish.

"Of course you didn't," EJ scoffed as he looked at himself and then back to her.

Sami's eyes narrowed, he could be such a jerk sometimes. "You know what? Forget that I came in here because I was worried that something had happened to you when I heard you crash unto the floor."

"How did you hear that? Were you skulking outside my door?"

"Look I already have four children to raise; I don't need a fifth…"

"Which is why you immediately turned away from me when I told you I didn't have any condoms with me tonight, I know you don't ever want to have another child with me."

Where in the world had EJ come up with that conclusion? Not that she wanted to get pregnant anytime soon, she'd had a hard enough time trying to be a good mother as it was without adding another child into the mix.

"I was being sarcastic, not hurtful," Sami started then stopped when it was plain EJ didn't believe a word she was saying.

"Really what is the difference between those two actions because those are two things I can readily expect from you?"

"You're an ungrateful jackass, all I was doing was checking to make sure you weren't hurt…"

"The only thing that hurts right now is my head and your screeching isn't helping one bit."

He was trying to pick a fight with her to get her to leave. Had he found her playbook on how to deal with men and was using reverse psychology on her?

Well she wasn't going to leave because he was being a jerk. He'd have to do more than that to get her to stomp out of his room now. Instead she reached out her hand to place it against his forehead before he could move away from her.

"EJ you have a fever. I'm going to get you a glass of water and some aspirin."

"Are you going to toss it on my head this time around too?"

"I was trying to wake you up. You must have passed out earlier" she stood up so that she could go. "Don't move and I'll be right back."

She started to scurry away and then he spoke, "Get me some bourbon instead."

"No, I'm going to get you some food too. When was the last time you have eaten? I know you didn't eat any supper."

"You can't make me eat anything. I'm not hungry."

Sami placed her hands on her hips immediately equating this statement with something Johnny would tell her and wondered why EJ thought she was the stubborn one. She decided to change direction with him, "I guess I could call Lexie then if you aren't going to let me help you."

"Samantha, for god's sake it is Christmas Eve. Lexie is at home with her family. I'll be fine. Just leave me alone."

"You're so fine that I come in here to find you passed out on the floor and when I touch your forehead you feel like you are burning up with a fever."

EJ glared at her, but wouldn't respond to her statement.

"The way I see it you have three options you can either let me look after you tonight or I'll call Lexie to come over or if I have to go to extreme measures I will drag you to the ER.",

"Bloody hell, you can't pick me up."

Sami eyed him up and down as if she were trying to gauge the best way to start pulling him out of the room if she had to do so.

"You can't do it."

"EJ, do you really want to try me? I can do anything if I put my mind to it."

EJ leant back against the bed contemplating that she could and would do anything if she truly thought she needed to do it.

"If you don't want to eat and apparently it looked like you were headed to the shower. Do you want me to help you take a shower?"

"Samantha there is no way you can hold me up in the shower."

"I could draw you a bath instead," she offered up. "It might break your fever."

"Sponge bath?" EJ inquired hoping this might deter her from attempting any such thing for him.

"Whatever it takes, I just don't want our first Christmas together in our home ruined."

"Our home?"

"That's right I forgot this is your home, not mine. Stupid me." It stung realizing that no matter how hard she had worked in this house, it wasn't her home, it was EJ's.

She turned ready to leave the room, tears stinging her eyes she was so full of disappointment when EJ's voice stopped her. She turned around, determined not to cry in front of him, what he had said was the truth, this was his house, he bought it, it wasn't as if they had gotten married and decided upon living there together as husband and wife with their family.

She needed to accept that cold hard fact among many others, but right now she was worried about him even though she was so tired herself that she felt like she could fall asleep where she stood.

"Samantha, don't go. You're not stupid; please don't think that of yourself ever. I'm cranky because I'm not feeling well, that's all. I'll go take a bath and if you still will I would really appreciate it if you would bring me some food instead."

She looked at him not really sure what to think of his sudden change of heart when he began to get up, but she averted her eyes before she could see him naked again.

"You know for someone who was volunteering to help me in the shower or give me a sponge bath, you sure are acting jumpy because I'll have to remove this towel…"

"Shut up, it's not like I haven't seen a naked man before and by the way the sponge bath was your idea, not mine."

EJ cut his eyes her way as he lowered the towel a tiny bit, making her blush although he didn't know if it was from the fact he was nearly naked or that she had blurted out her vast knowledge of the male anatomy.

She pushed past him, heading into the bathroom, leaned down to turn on the faucets and started to draw him a bath. She tried her best not to think about him standing only a few feet away from her.

She didn't dare look at him at all while she ran the water, checking it to make sure it wasn't too hot or too cold like she would if she were doing this for one of her children, but when she turned off the faucets she wasn't prepared to see him standing right behind her and especially when he was certain that he caught her eye, he unceremoniously dropped his towel right in front of her.

"Here's your damn bath," she uttered as she tried to escape the room without drooling, sick or not EJ was hot in the other sense of the word as her sister Belle had reminded her a few weeks ago instead of just temperature wise.

She could hear him chuckle after offering up his thanks to her as she went to go fix him some food.

She stomped down the hallway thinking EJ DiMera was such a jackass sometimes.


	43. Chapter 43

_**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XVII<strong>_

EJ lowered himself into the bath Samantha had drawn for him before she had quickly left his bedroom to go prepare him something to eat while he tried not to think of her doing anything nice for him. He really didn't deserve for her to be nice to him, especially after acting like such a jerk towards her.

He sighed, even if his head was hurting from what he guessed was due to him contracting a very bad cold, he shouldn't have been on the defensive with her. He had to admit Samantha was taking everything he was throwing at her with a calmness he hadn't ever expected to see from her.

Well he knew she was slightly pissed off at him when he had dropped his towel right in front of her eyes, but sometimes he just couldn't help himself. Even if he had tried his best to keep his distance from her, he still loved to tease her, to see her blush from something he said or in this case did by dropping the towel that covered at the exact moment she had turned around to inform him that his bath was ready.

Well maybe pissed off was a good thing for her to be because Samantha being mad at him was so much easier to deal with then her being all nice and concerned about his well being.

Liked she cared about him when she clearly did not.

Well he thought she didn't but lately her actions were proving him wrong because sometimes it really felt like she cared.

He sunk down lower into the bathtub, trying to get that nagging feeling to go away. Where was his strong resolve not to resort back to that foolish part of him that still believed in love?

He was such an idiot. He still loved her because if he wasn't in love with her he would have taken her on the floor earlier tonight without a second's hesitation. No his conscience was in control these days whether Samantha would ever believe it or not.

It was lust, not love on her part because if she loved him she would have said it earlier when she had the chance, which of course she didn't and that was problematic for roughly a billion reasons or so not to get involved with her ever again.

Complicated = Samantha Gene Brady and he'd do well to remember that equation in future dealings with her.

Not that he had any room to talk about morality on any kind of plateau, Samantha couldn't help it if she wasn't in love with him, anymore than he could help not being able to stop loving her despite all his protests to the contrary.

At least he didn't try to do bad things to manipulate situations to get her close to him anymore he thought as he shifted slightly which made the now tepid water slosh a bit in the tub. Then he looked around, noted he was naked in the tub while she was downstairs in the kitchen preparing god only knew what for him to eat when he didn't have an appetite for food at all. He didn't even have to look down to know what part of him was hungry and it was all for her, not for any kind of food.

He wanted her still and wondered if he just let his guard down she might come to see that she loved him too.

Then he shook his head at the absurdity of that thought.

The water cooled and he was able to get out of the tub without slipping even though he was still a slight bit woozy by sudden movements. Luckily he managed to dry off and find some clean boxers to put on as he made it onto the bed prior to her return.

He found some kind of solace knowing Samantha wouldn't have to help him like he was some kind of invalid. He didn't like showing any kind of weakness around anyone, especially her.

He leant back against the pillows closing his eyes momentarily and when he heard her approach. He opened his eyes slightly to see a tray of some kind of soup, a glass of water and of course the bottle of aspirin.

"Are you feeling better? I was thinking I might have to haul you out of the tub myself when I returned, but I see you did it all on your own." Sami stated in an overly bright voice

"Yay me," I quipped, wondering if my smart ass remarks would ever stop, but apparently me feeling bad doesn't kick in the filter I need when I speak to Samantha.

"At least you can't run away from me here." She went to the other side of the bed, carefully distributing her weight on the bed so as not to topple over the tray she had placed before me.

There is a part of me that wishes I could run away right now. I mean I can totally see why that was such a great option for Samantha in the past because apparently it really does help when you are trying to avoid any kind of in depth conversation, but she isn't going to let me get off the hook that easily.

"Why are you doing this Samantha? I can take care of myself. I have been alone for a very long time and this just isn't necessary."

"Can I not care about what happens to you EJ? The thinking you are alone is just plain BS. Surely you know by now that we are a family and family takes care of one another."

For a moment I am scared she is channeling my father with her talk of family. Where is the woman who was determined to shoot me in cold blood and leave without a second thought as to my well being?

Apparently not in this room because at the moment Samantha really looks like she is worried about me.

"I can see you don't believe me, but wait right here. I have to get something for you and then I'll be back."

Like I feel like getting up and leaving my bed after I finally got situated in it. She knows that I feel terrible, yet she is determined to tell me something whether or not I want to hear it.

Somehow this woman can always make me do things I don't want to do, but hasn't that always been the case with us from the start?

As I watch her retreating figure I wonder what she thinks she can possibly say to convince me that she is my family.

I don't have to wait long to find out though because she returns rather quickly with an envelope in her hand.

"I know it is a few hours until Christmas is officially here, but I want you to have this now or rather you can have it after you take some aspirin." She stated firmly as she removed the tray away from the bed, satisfied that I had eaten at least some of the soup she brought me.

Reluctantly I take the proffered aspirin along with a sip of water and hand the glass back to her wishing she would just go, but I can tell by the determined look upon her face that she won't go until she's finally had her say.

"This is for you."

It's an envelope with my full name addressed on the outside of it. There is a moment of dread building up inside of me because I really have no idea what is inside and that worries me.

Samantha crawled back on my bed, facing me with expectant eyes. "Are you going to open it or not?"

What choice do I have? If I don't open it she will badger me until I do.

I am careful not to tear the envelope and then within a few short seconds I see it, this present Samantha is giving to me and I really can't believe what my eyes are seeing. My mind must be playing tricks on me and I reread it for a second time just to make sure of exactly what it is that I am looking at.

It's a legal document stating that as of December 25th, I will be sharing joint custody of our children with her, along with giving me power of attorney in the event that something were to happen to her for any decisions that might need to be made for the children, each of them, not only Johnny and Sydney, but Will and Allie too.

Samantha is giving me back something I never expected, she is in fact giving me back my family legally even though I have known for quite some time even if I hadn't wanted to admit it that she had given them back to me as soon as I had walked back in the door of what now feels like our home, the first place I can actually call home since I was a young boy living with my mother and Edmund in England.

"Merry Christmas EJ," she began apparently not knowing exactly what to make of my silence because frankly I am stunned.

"Samantha, I don't know what to say."

"Thank you would be a start," she shrugged her shoulders as she continued to look at my face.

I carefully place the documents on the nightstand beside the bed almost afraid that I am dreaming, surely this can't be happening and I'll wake up momentarily to find out this has all been a figment of my imagination.

I can feel her shifting closer to me on the bed, yet I'm not sure I can look her in the eye since mine are threatening to tear up.

"EJ, you know you've changed my life right? If you hadn't of had the courage to write me those letters I would of probably still be stuck in my rut of a life trying to please everyone else, well everyone but me."

I still can't look at her, this can't be real, it can't be.

Then I feel her bring her fingers under my chin, subtly turning my face to hers.

"Yours letters made me want better for our children's lives, to expect more from my own life and they forced me to take a long hard look at who I truly was and I have to tell you I didn't like what I saw, but it helped me to make some much needed changes in my life. Can't you see that by knowing you, you've changed me forever too?"

I shake my head in negation, and then added, "All I've done is wreck your life time and time again."

"No, you've brought me back to life. EJ can't you see that?"

"All I can see is that you've decided to change your song and dance where I'm concerned. In case you've forgotten we've done terrible, horrible, unspeakable things to one another and now you're telling me you're grateful to me for changing your life? It doesn't make sense Samantha."

"We're getting along with each other now EJ. You know we are things are different between us this time around."

"Yes, Samantha, we have managed to get along for a few months but how long will it be before we're back to trying to destroy one another?"

"You say that like it couldn't be possible for us to continue to get along with one another, like we don't care about each other, but we do. This pull we feel toward one another isn't diminishing, if anything it is growing with each passing day."

She still won't admit a smidgen of love for me though and then I laugh bitterly and it sounds like breaking glass all around us. "You aren't seriously using these past few months as an example of when things went well for us, are you? We're just making nice for the sake of the children, that's all."

"Things have been good and you know it. Why do you only want to remember the bad times?"

"Because there are so many more of them for us, or have you gotten a sudden case of amnesia? I'm a still a DiMera; you're a die in the wool Brady."

Her face screws up in a slight frown and I can tell she's holding on to this pipe dream of hers by a thread. She may have done this out of some misguided sense of goodwill that comes along with having a Christmas spirit, but I know she hasn't forgotten the past and put it all behind her. God knows I haven't, not by a long shot.

"Remember all the times I outright lied to you, the times I made you feel like you had no choice but to do what I wanted you to do even if you were so against it? The fights, the ugly words and recriminations against one another or how about when I made you believe Sydney was dead when I had her safely hidden all along and played you like a fiddle?"

She takes a deep breath and then speaks quietly... "You weren't yourself, you were upset with me for choosing to be with Rafe, for my idiotic actions of trying to push you out of our children's lives even though you were and are a good father, you didn't mean to do all those things to me."

"Oh, I meant to, Samantha. I meant to hurt you. Making you think your child was dead after the torment you went through after Grace died was acceptable collateral damage to me. Don't you remember what set all this off? You're lying to be about being pregnant with my child because I wasn't fit to be a father. All DiMera's are evil, every last one of us. I'm no saint and never will be one."

I can see my words have finally hit their intended mark and no doubt she'll be running back to have this legal document she has given to me revoked before the year's end. Her face starts to change right before my eyes and I'm terrified that she will begin to cry and I'll lose my cruel bravado I've brought out in a last ditch effort to stop this insanity that has made her believe that I have changed.

I can see her fighting to maintain control, to not go off on me because this is something I am well familiar with, the moment she realizes she might care for me until I prove her wrong because ultimately I'm still that selfish bastard who wants her and is willing to do whatever it takes to have her even if it might not be the right thing for her.

I hate doing this. I absolutely hate it. But she has to see. She has to understand that I'm not who she thinks I am. I can never be what she needs in a man. I will disappoint her if she foolishly puts her faith in me; I've never been the knight in shining armor that she has dreamt of having her entire life. Hell I'm not even close.

"That's not fair, EJ, all those things happened a long time ago. So much has changed between us since then…"

"Have you forgotten how even after I begged you on my hands and knees to forgive me on our wedding day when you found out the truth I was behind Sydney's kidnapping? Don't you remember telling me anything you had felt for me I had killed it by my actions? That you hadn't ever loved me? I will never, ever forget those words. Nothing in my whole life has hurt quite as much. Nothing compares to having that last bit of hope that was taken from me as I contemplated killing myself when you left taking the children away with you. Samantha I wanted to end my life that night and apparently you did too."

Those tears which threatened to fall moments ago begin to course down her cheeks and I finally have to look away from her because now I know she remembers what kind of man I truly am. It is quiet in my bedroom for a few minutes while I hear her try to compose herself even though I want to cry myself. This is why I don't believe in love anymore because I know what we are both capable of doing to one another. The mere thought of surrendering to love once more terrifies me now.

I'm expecting her to leave any minute, but she hasn't moved away from me yet. She must be as big of a glutton for punishment as I am.

Her next words surprise me, "I know EJ you have reasons to doubt me, just like I still have reasons to doubt you when I think of the past. But EJ, I forgive you for everything. All of it, every lie, every time you made me cry, every torment, every harsh word we've spoken to one another in anger, everything EJ."

I hate her forgiveness, she shouldn't ever forgive me. I hate how she is willing to give this gift to me even though it is clearly evident that I don't deserve it. I turn back to look at her, wanting to throw these misguided intentions she has for us back into her face, but I look into those beautiful eyes of hers that have haunted my dreams for years and I can't do it and suddenly I'm at a loss for words.

"Things change, EJ. I started to realize that when I read your letters to me. I saw that I wanted to risk everything for a chance to be really happy, even if it meant the possibility of being hurt more because along with the hurt it meant the chance that I might could find what I've been looking for my entire life had been right in front of me all along. You're the only one who can give me that, no one else, only you. Hopefully in time if you can truly forgive me, that'll be a start. But more than anything, you need to forgive yourself. We could have it all EJ."

We're clearly in uncharted territory here. How can she want to be in the same room with me in spite of all the hurt and hatred that has resided between us? How can I even let myself think that she might even mean these words she has spoken to me?

I don't know how to go about doing what she has asked of me. Can I truly forgive myself for hurting her? Forgive myself for all the damage I have caused by my reckless actions and in turn forgive her for hers?

For once in my life I am able to admit my shortcomings and with that the honesty of my next statement to her, "I don't know if I can do any of this Samantha."

She is quiet for a few minutes, and she gets up from the bed to leave me to my thoughts and then I hear her say the words, words it feels like I have been waiting my entire life to hear from her.

"I know you don't believe me because god knows I haven't ever given you reason to do so, but I love you EJ. I've been afraid to say the words out loud because anytime I have ever uttered them before, no one thinks I am worth all the trouble that my loves brings into their lives. I don't know why I would think it would be any different with you."

If I was stunned by her actions before, now I'm in shock. Surely my hearing is impaired because Samantha Gene Brady didn't just tell me that she loves me.

I almost let her leave, she has turned away from me, but then my next words stop her before she can exit the room.

"Please don't go Samantha, stay with me. I don't want you to go."

"You don't have to pity me; I know I've lost my chance with you ages ago. You're sick, you don't feel good and here I've gone and unburdened my soul on you when you needed to get your rest and the kids will be up before long and…."

I interrupt her before she can list a thousand more reasons why she should leave with a simple question. "Did you really mean what you said, that you love me?"

She shakes her head that she does even if she doesn't say it aloud again. I guess saying it once took a lot out of her by the looks of her right now.

I scoot over enough to make room for her and pull by the sheet back offering her a place beside me in the bed if she'll take it.

She takes a few steps toward the bed and then stops, "EJ you're sick."

"I'm not suggesting we have sex. I just want you to sleep beside me, for us to wake up together in the morning. I mean I never did get that the other go round, you know the night we made Sydney…"

I see that teasing comment makes her smile, a real smile, the likes of what she used to give me long ago before it all went bad between us and for the first time in a very long time I feel it coming back to me.

Hope.

Hope for a future with her, something I never imagined or expected when I wrote those letters to her.

As she snuggles next to me and I reach over her to turn off the lamp on the nightstand I almost expect her to disappear into thin air and then the reality hits me when I kiss the top of her head and tell her goodnight and she tells me to have sweet dreams that she is really here with me, not just physically but emotionally which is what I never thought would be possible to happen between us.

Samantha Brady has willingly come into my bed, and not just for sex which I hope will happen as soon as I get to feeling better, but tonight is special because it will be the first of what I hope will be many more nights with her.

Maybe, just maybe I will get to spend the rest of my life with her and before I drift off the sleep with her in my arms I say a silent prayer of thanks that she is here beside me.

Who knows maybe God has been listening to me after all and that I'll be able to give this forgiveness thing a true shot and we'll both be able to start healing?

And maybe like Samantha had told him long ago in the stairwell at the hospital that anything was possible, anything at all.

As my eyes close I think as long as I have her with me, those things just might end up being true.


	44. Chapter 44

_**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XVIII<strong>_

Sometime during the middle of the night after I must have fallen asleep, I feel something or rather more importantly someone stir beside me, murmuring soft words that bring me out of my slumber. It's completely dark in the room and for a moment I tense up because it has been ages since I've had someone else in the bed with me.

I can't imagine who would be here with me and then the realization hits me when I look at the visage of her, the woman I have loved, the one I could never quite attain no matter how hard I tried is here, with me. I must be dreaming again,

But it feels real and she feels real, snuggling her backside up to me, so for once I may not be losing my mind and she finally decided she wanted to be with me. I shift slightly which brings my lips close to one of her ears and decide to tell her the thing I've been most terrified of uttering aloud since I departed from Salem months ago after pouring out my heart and soul to her in letters since I couldn't tell her my most innermost thoughts to her face.

"I love you too," I whisper so quietly I can barely hear the words myself, but somehow my musings must have reached her even in her sleep because she turns, which makes her face to face to me and her eyes flutter open and I see she is trying to acclimate herself to her surroundings also.

"I was wondering if you were going to tell me that you loved me after my confession of love for you." Her words seem to be on the border of teasing me, yet there's a note of insecurity that somehow rings out, an emotion I'm all too well aware of since it has resided in me constantly concerning this woman.

I guess she might have been pretending to be asleep for a while wondering when and if I would wake up and now I've gone and told her the one thing I had sworn to myself I wasn't going to say, but it's true I do love her, never stopped loving her even though I tried to convince myself otherwise.

"I thought you were asleep," I admit deciding honesty may be the best policy this go round even though there are things I need to ask her that she probably will not want to hear or rather face, because I know this woman, once she has made her mind up about something she will do whatever it takes to get what she wants.

"I was for a while, but then when I was about to turn over, I felt something mysteriously hard against me," she begins in all seriousness, but I know better. Samantha has probably heard enough double entendres from me to last her a lifetime and she is trying to give me a dose of my own medicine.

Better to head this off before we venture into a place I won't be able to extricate myself from because while it is very true, I really want to wait before we take things too far. We're both creatures of wanting too much too soon and for once I want to do things differently.

"Samantha," I began, trying my best to think of how to say what I need to say without scaring her away, but we've come this far and I refuse to back down from what I need from her this time around.

"EJ," she counters back, trying her best not to bust out into a giggle, but she fails and her merry laughter starts to fill the darkened room.

Who knew Samantha Brady was a giggler? Not me, or rather I haven't seen this side of her in such a very long time that it takes me by surprise. I believe I am starting to get visions of my long lost friend whom I could make laugh, one that has been gone for so long that it takes a minute for it to truly register with me.

She stops and starts to look a bit worried instead, "EJ is something wrong? I was just trying to joke with you about you know being…"

I place a finger on her lips before she can say more. I need to get this out before I lose my courage to do what I need to do to finally make things right and totally truthful with us so that Samantha fully understands where I am coming from with this line of thinking.

"I need to ask you something," I begin, only to become flustered when she starts to kiss my finger. I quickly move it away from her lips only to feel her hand snake up behind my head, drawing me down for a kiss.

Her lips are so sweet and I want to kiss her, I really do, but I have to stop her before she gets to that aforementioned hardness and it takes control of the situation instead of allowing me to talk to her.

I pull away and she gives me a wary look so before I can give her a full blown complex I just blurt it out, "I want us to wait."

"Wait as in wait to have sex?"

"Wait as in wait before we make love," I reply, which makes her smile in the darkness, and I realize I've scored some good points with her for stating the difference.

"EJ, I know you don't feel well…"

"Samantha, it's not that, I'm feeling better…"

"Then let's celebrate with an early Christmas present," she suggests and starts to pull me back down to her, but I resist even though it's getting more difficult with each passing minute that I'm lying next to her in my bed. She's almost got me down to her lips again, but I stop.

"Wait, I need to ask you something."

"You know I'm not on the pill."

"We've already clarified that earlier tonight."

"I know you don't have any condoms."

"Right again," I answer only to feel her tug on me and I topple on top of her momentarily.

"Stop," I push up on my arm, separating us by a few inches, looking down at her and by now she looks totally confused.

"We've both told each other we love each other. I heard you, you can't take it back even if you thought I was asleep," Samantha begins to argue with me and it reminds me so much of our children I want to laugh out loud, but she's got to let me get this out in the open for once and for all.

"I do love you," I say and her frown turns into another smile and then back into a frown as if she is trying to figure out what in the hell I am trying to convey to her.

"Then what is it EJ? We've admitted we love each other; we're both consenting adults, so what gives? The kids will be up soon and it would be really awesome to…"

"I want us to be married before we, well you know…"

"And here I thought I was the only one who had trouble talking about sex sometimes," she begins and then stops herself as it dawns on her what I've just said to her. Her eyes grow wider and she sits up and reaches over to turn on the lamp on the night stand by the bed. After we're both sitting up facing one another where we can see each other better she seems to have lost her current train of thought or rather action she was wanting from me.

Well I've gotten her speechless which is a rarity because Samantha Gene Brady can usually reply with a comeback for me no matter what situation occurs between us.

"EJ, did I hear you say you wanted us to get married or am I just imagining things?"

I pause for a second, gathering up another bit of courage because frankly I'm about as scared as I've ever been in my life because if she turns me down this time that I propose to her it will crush me.

"Samantha, will you marry me? I want us to be together forever, I want our children not to be confused because if they catch us in the same bedroom, not to mention the same bed you know it's going to make them wonder what is going on and we need to be sure this is what we want to do before we take things any further. You telling me you love me is huge, I mean I never expected it, but like I've said before we deserve more than just fooling around with one another. I want you so bad, you know I do, but unless you want the same things as in us building a life together with one another as man and wife then I'm going to have to pass on the offer for us to celebrate early for Christmas."

She's gone stock still from this latest proclamation from me and then I see a tear form, then two.

God the last thing I wanted to do was make her cry, I'm such an ass, but damn it, she has to see that this is the only way for things to truly work out for us this time. We've gone past the dating stage long ago; I'm ready for the long haul with this woman.

I reach out to wipe away a tear that is starting to slip down her cheek and then the most amazing thing happens when I touch her face. She nods her head and I feel it.

Oh my god, she is going to say yes, I can feel it and then miraculously I hear it, the sweetest words she's ever uttered to me beyond admitting that she loves me.

"Yes, I'll marry you EJ. I want to marry you too."

I pull her into my arms, hugging her tightly, and kiss the top of her head, only to start laughing when she says in a muffled voice, "I'm calling Eric right now because I'm not waiting for months before we have sex."

"Make love," I correct her for the second time tonight.

"That too," she agrees, this time she succeeds in kissing me, but this time she pulls back and gets out of the bed ready to go call her brother.

I reach out to grab her hand, "Samantha it's the middle of the night."

"Semantics EJ, it's almost morning and Eric's a priest I mean it's not like we're interrupting something for him. Not like he's getting busy or anything with anyone. I mean all he's doing is probably sleeping."

"Samantha," I begin again and she cuts me off before I can say anything else.

"I get your no sex before we're married conditions, but I am a woman in need here…"

"You cannot tell your brother about this…"

"Oh yes I can, we're twins EJ," she states with a flip of her hair and then before I know it she's out the door of my bedroom muttering about where in the hell she put her cell phone.

I shake my head and start to get out of bed, because if I know Samantha, she'll be demanding that her brother get over here right now because it's an emergency.

Poor chap doesn't know what he's about to step into, then again he is Samantha's twin.

Let's just hope the kids sleep a bit longer because I definitely don't want them to accidentally hear her mother talking to her brother about needing to get married because she is ready to have sex.

I can hear her talking on her phone, "Yes Eric, it's an emergency. You've got to come over here right now. I'll explain everything when you get here."

Well one thing is for sure, life is never going to be boring around here.


	45. Chapter 45

_**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XIX<strong>_

When Eric arrived he looked more than a bit harried and frankly he was downright worried because when his twin sister called stating it was an emergency that he needed to come over as soon as possible, he wasn't exactly sure what was going on with Sami. For them to twins, they were as different as day and night.

Speaking of night, it must be something awful for Sami to have him come over in the predawn hours of Christmas morning no less. First off he was tired from performing the midnight mass, which of course his sister didn't attend, while he knew he was more devout in his religious views than she, she still should have made an attempt to be there since the rest of the family had come out for the ceremony.

"Thank goodness you're finally here," Sami said as she opened the door, a goofy smile plastered on her face which immediately didn't figure in with his thoughts that his sister was distraught and needed some brotherly advice from him. Then again when did Sami ever make much sense to him? Most times she completely mystified him with her take on life in general.

"Yes, I'm here," Eric stated as Sami held out her hand to take his coat from him.

"So you don't wear that white collar all the time now," Sami remarked as she led Eric into the kitchen where the coffee maker was already brewing a pot of coffee.

"I was in a rush to get over here. Surely you didn't call me over here to take notice of my clothing," Eric started to get peeved at his sister; he was exhausted while it appeared Sami was in a happy go lucky mood.

Sami pulled out a chair for him and they both sat down together at the table after she poured them both a cup of coffee.

"No, I was just merely stating a fact that it's nice to see my brother in something other than priestly robes because sometimes it feels like I'm going to confessional when we talk and right now I just need to talk to my brother first, the priest second."

"You get me worried that something is wrong when you call in the middle of the night and then won't tell me what's going on until I get over here," Eric took a sip of his coffee, noting that Sami always got it right, just a tad of cream in his, no sugar, then again that is how she drank hers too.

"Why do you always think the worst when it comes to me?" Sami asked as she placed her coffee mug back down on the table.

Eric didn't reply at first only raised an eyebrow in her direction. "Do I really need to go there this early in the morning?"

Sami rolled her eyes; sometimes her brother could be so infuriating. "No, you don't need to go there, for once this is something good, but I need your help."

Sami needing help could be a precursor to something else besides goodness Eric thought to himself, although he didn't voice that opinion out loud. Instead he took another direction with her, "So you need my help in something good, yet you felt the need to get me out of my bed and over here stat."

"Hey you're still young, lack of sleep isn't going to kill you, but I'm going to if you don't help me out," Sami stated matter of fact.

Yes, he was familiar with this side of Sami; the one who liked to boss her brother around, maybe everything was all right with her.

"This help you need, is it brotherly help or priestly help?" Eric asked picking up his coffee mug and taking another sip of his coffee.

"A bit of both," she replied cryptically with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "You see Eric I need for you to marry EJ and I as soon as possible."

Eric quickly put down his coffee mug before he accidentally spilled it all over the kitchen table. Now it was all starting to make sense, his sister calling him over stating she needed his help because it was an emergency "Sami please don't tell me you are pregnant again."

She began to laugh and it was in at the exact moment EJ had walked into the kitchen when she told her brother the reason behind her request. "I'm not pregnant Eric, but EJ won't have sex with me if we aren't married."

Eric almost spit out his coffee, his sister had officially lost her mind and he could see EJ out of the corner of his eye trying to quietly escape the room after he heard Sami's declaration to her brother.

"Get back in here EJ," Sami and Eric said simultaneously, albeit for different reasons.

EJ thought it was really too early in the morning for this conversation and wished he had stayed out of the room for a few minutes longer so that he could avoid this, but curiosity had gotten the best of him and now he guessed he was stuck in here with the woman he loved and what he could only consider to be his soon to be brother in law if Samantha had any say in the matter. He pulled out a chair and sat down facing them both while awaiting for the round of questions Eric was sure to have for him.

"Good morning Eric," EJ began with a slight smile on his face, but as he looked at Eric he could tell that he wasn't smiling at all, no his face looked rather perplexed.

For once his manners left him, "EJ are you forcing my sister to marry you again?"

EJ looked to Sami wondering what else she had said to Eric before he had walked into the room, of course Sami wasn't offering up anything to help him as she shrugged her shoulders a tiny bit, letting him answer for himself.

"No Eric, I asked Samantha to marry me because I love her and she loves me…"

"And he won't have sex with me until we're married. He's really adamant about it Eric and while I can see his reasoning I don't want to wait for months before we…"

Eric held up his hand to stop his sister from saying more, "I don't need the intimate details Sami."

"You're a priest for god's sake; who now is over the parish in Salem, so this can't be the worst you'll hear because I'm telling you the people in this town really do some crazy ass things…"

"Please don't take god's name in vain and language please…"

"Do you want your twin sister to live in sin? For once I'm trying to do the right thing, but if you don't marry us soon, I'm just going to use my feminine wiles to break EJ down."

"Feminine wiles on me?" EJ asked thinking that while it might be extremely fun to see what Samantha might try to use to convince him he was going to stand firm on this issue.

Eric shook his head, these two were both crazy, but as he looked at them both he could tell things had changed between them, this was something both of them wanted, but there wasn't any way he could marry them today.

"Of course I don't want you to live in sin, but I assumed you two had already…"

"Nope," Sami shook her head sadly. "EJ won't budge on the issue and believe me I've tried very hard ever since I began my Get EJ to fall in Love with Me Again plan."

"Wait you had an actual plan? All those times you were barely clothed around me were staged?" EJ asked and now it was all making sense to him when he thought back to it.

"It worked, didn't it," Sami stated and then frowned. "Well it almost worked for me to get you in bed, but you are really stubborn."

Eric wanted to place his hands over his ears, the things his sister blurted out sometimes were a bit much for him to handle.

"I can't do it today and you both should go through the counseling sessions…"

"Seriously Eric? I told you this was an emergency."

"What about our family? What about EJ's family? Don't you want them to be involved with the wedding?"

"No," EJ and Sami answered at the same time.

"I don't want my father involved at all," EJ stated with a shake of his head.

"Mine either Eric," Sami added which caused Eric to look at her questioningly.

"You don't want dad to give you away?" Eric asked.

"Eric, you know dad has been done with me ever since I told him I was going to divorce Rafe. He still thinks I've made a huge mistake by living here and the last time I saw him he was furious that EJ had come back to town and was living here with us even though this is EJ's house."

"It's our house Samantha," EJ reached out his hand across the table to touch hers. "I bought this house with the intention to give it to you for a wedding gift the last time we were supposed to get married."

Sami smiled although a bit sadly thinking of how much time they had wasted already, but from now on things were going to be different for them all as a family, "I had thought so when Justin told me when you had bought the house, but I didn't want to ask."

"Dad will be hurt," Eric said, but he wasn't going to push the issue with Sami because he knew exactly what their father thought of EJ DiMera, he put him in the same category with Stefano, yet even Eric could tell EJ wasn't like his father.

"He may, but until he can accept that EJ is going to be a part of my life from now on then I guess it will just take time and I'm not letting what my family thinks I should do dictate how I live the rest of my life. I've done that for far too long already and it never made me happy. Eric being with EJ makes me happy."

"Okay, but for you both to be married in the church," Eric started again to list the reasons why an impromptu wedding was bordering on the near impossible.

"If it is all right with Samantha, I'd really rather forgo a wedding in the church."

"That's more than fine with me," Sami agreed thinking she didn't want EJ ending up in the hospital with a bullet lodged in his back and she didn't even want to contemplate how scary getting married to her again might be for him considering how terribly things had turned out during their non-wedding, but before she got into a full blown hysteria mood she inwardly reassured herself that this time around there weren't hidden agendas or terrible secrets between them. No this time they were both being open and honest so things had to go right for them. She looked over to EJ and could see the same things must be going through his mind as well and she squeezed his hand.

Eric took notice of how even though he was in the room with them, it was like they were silently communicating between themselves and for the first time he was glad Sami had EJ by her side. He decided it was useless for him to keep put up arguments for them to wait to get married.

"Can you wait at least one day? I've got a ton of things to do today between church and family obligations that I've already agreed to do."

Sami looked to EJ and he nodded his head. "One day Eric or it's on your head if I start living in sin with EJ."

At least EJ had the decency to look embarrassed over Sami's statement even if Eric could see plainly that Sami wasn't embarrassed in the least. When his sister was determined to get something she usually found a way to get it.

"All right Sami, so where do you want to get married instead?"

"Well I was thinking we could do it here," Sami began and then proceeded to outline exactly what she needed her brother to do.

EJ tried his best to keep from laughing, Samantha had Eric wrapped around her little finger and she talked non-stop for the next thirty minutes until the children burst into the kitchen.

"Uncle Eric what are you doing here? Did Santa bring you something too?" Allie asked as Johnny and Sydney were waiting impatiently behind her, they wanted to go open their Christmas presents.

"Well not exactly," Eric began only to have Sami interrupt him.

"Eric came over because he is going to marry your daddy and I tomorrow if that is okay with you guys."

"Cool, can we go open presents now?" Johnny asked hoping he wasn't going to have to get all dressed up, but knowing his mom she'd make him.

"Is that all you've got to say?" Sami asked looking around to all of her children with the exception of Will whom was supposed to be here in a few minutes to be with his brother and sisters to open up presents.

"Can Sydney and I be flower girls?" Allie asked thinking her twin was missing the big picture here. They were all going to be a real family and she was so happy because she had asked Santa that for Christmas. He really was real even though Johnny had told her he wasn't.

"Most definitely," EJ answered as they begin to tug on him to go with them into the living room.

"I guess I'm too little to be best man huh?" Johnny asked.

"How about we ask Uncle Chad if he'll stand up with me because I'll need you to do something really important and that is to keep mommy's wedding ring for me until I can place it on her finger, because it's not official until I do that…"

"And kiss her," Allie added with a smile, only to have her brother make a face.

"Yuck," Johnny exclaimed.

"Not yuck Johnny," Sydney said as she went to Eric to climb up in his lap so that she could see all the grownups better.

"Can we stop all this mushy talk and go open presents?" Johnny asked thinking they were all crazy, it was Christmas morning and they had waited forever for it to get here.

"When Will gets here," Sami answered and as if by magic Will appeared in the doorway.

"Did someone say my name?" Will asked as the kids all scrambled to get to him first, but before he let them drag him into the living room he looked up at Eric with a confused look upon his face.

"Your mother needed me over here for some priestly advice," Eric began only to have Sami swat him on the arm.

"Brotherly advice," she moved back before Eric could hit her back. "Will, EJ asked me to marry him and I said yes."

"Well it's about time," was all Will could get out before the kids drug him out of the room with shouts for the rest of them to get in there with them.

"I guess that means William is all right with us getting married," EJ scooted his chair back and then held out his hand for her to join him.

"Will had talked to me about his feelings on several things a few weeks back and without going into it further without his permission to tell you, I can say he has come to terms with you both being together and wanting you all to be family one day," Eric stated not wanting to reveal anymore to them since he didn't want Will to think he would tell anyone things he had told him in confidence.

Sami smiled as she leaned back into EJ's embrace, "Well then it's a go because if Will is okay with it and the rest of the kids are happy about it then nothing is stopping us from getting married."

"I guess tomorrow it is then," Eric concurred thinking maybe this time his sister was going to get her happily ever after and from the looks of things EJ was going to too.

The smile on both their faces was answer enough as they joined the children in the living room and they began celebrating Christmas together while Eric thought to himself tomorrow would be an interesting day for them all.


	46. Chapter 46

_**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XX<strong>_

Their morning together was good, better than good, it was wonderful EJ thought as he looked around the room at his family. This was something he had always dreamed of having, yet each time he had believed it was all going to come together for them it had been cruelly swept away from him.

Well he knew each time before when he had almost attained this feeling of belonging and happiness; he'd been either hiding some terrible secret or putting on an act of pretending to be something he was not. For once he was being honest with himself and even more importantly Samantha.

He guessed a huge part of it was due to their conversation last night about forgiveness because from where he was sitting he could see Samantha laughing, hugging their children, telling them she loved them in between kisses and then their eyes met.

Samantha had the most beautiful smile on her face and in that moment he realized she was smiling at him, there was no sadness in her face, no harsh words to be spoken, and when she mouthed the words I love you from across the room to him it hit him. He was ready to let go of all the hurt and anger and accept the goodness this woman could bring into his life and he realized what Samantha had told him was possible, he could forgive himself.

It was adorable, Samantha was actually blushing when he winked at her and returned the same words she had mouthed to him. Now he knew for sure the reasoning behind why Samantha had pushed for them to get married because even though he was the one who was adamant about waiting, he was really glad she had because if she kept looking at him that way all he could think about was wanting to be with her, showing her how much he loved her.

It was incredible, this morning was something he would treasure for the rest of his life, his children were all healthy and happy, there was no imminent threat of danger from his meddling father and somehow he and Samantha were putting their turbulent past behind and taking a chance on love.

It was true, the hopeless romantic he had tried so hard to quell after writing Samantha all those letters about their past and his subsequent departure from Salem was resurfacing. And for the first since he had declared that man was gone, he knew without a doubt given time the man he always knew he could be might end up existing after all.

He realized he was being given a chance to thrive on those feelings instead of him having to tamp down those urges to show love, to give love and even consider the concept of being a recipient of such love. It was all in this room, amidst the laughter and joy and for once instead of being on the outside looking in, he was there with them, with the love of his life and the family they had created and blended and who knew they might even be blessed to add to this family in the future.

He never would have thought when he left Salem, giving Samantha full custody of their children, releasing any kind of hold he still had on her while baring his soul to her that he'd be here with them today, celebrating Christmas and feeling a unexpected joy reside in his battered heart that felt like it was starting to mend bit by bit.

So lost in thoughts about the past, present and future swirling around in his head that it took him a moment to register that Samantha had moved from the living room floor and settled in beside him on the couch, snuggling up to him as close as she possibly could without it being indecent in the presence of their children.

"I liked my present," Sami began as she opened up her Kindle Fire HD EJ had given to her as a gift.

"You know why I got that for you, don't you?" EJ asked as he tightened his arm around her waist, drawing her up closer beside him so that he could whisper in her ear.

"You know I like to read," Sami stated as she opened it up to the book section and a gasp escaped her. "EJ what did you put on this before you wrapped it up for me?"

"Now you can read your mommy porn in private, without anyone knowing it," EJ teased her, his voice low enough so that only they both could hear what he was saying to her.

Sami wrangled out of his embrace and swatted at him before in a hushed tone told him, "I do not read this so called mommy porn you talk about me reading."

EJ chuckled, his eyes twinkling in merriment, "Oh yes you do my dear. Remember I caught you that day when you thought no one was around and you were so entranced it took me stealing your book before you even realized what I was doing."

"I hid that book behind my back and you stole it from me," Sami corrected him since his history of the day was a bit misconstrued.

"Then you stole a kiss from me," EJ winked at her.

"I don't think so," Sami shook her head. "You kissed me that day."

"I know so, and now you can read to your heart's desire, but if you want someone to rock your world, I'm up for the challenge," EJ boasted, giving her an all too knowing look.

"Uh Mom, I'm heading out with Allie to the Horton Christmas luncheon," Will spoke breaking the little tete-a-tete Sami and EJ had going on with one another.

Sami scooted back some from EJ, he was entirely too close for comfort especially since he was flirting with her and she knew he wasn't going to attempt said rocking until they were legally married.

"All right Will. Did you ever hear from Lucas? I thought he was supposed to come back to Salem before Christmas."

Will shook his head, "He called last night saying due to the bad weather, his flight was cancelled and he didn't know when he would be able to fly out with Autumn."

"If you get a chance, please call him so that he can talk to Allie for a few minutes at least and above all don't let your grandmother Kate talk you into taking Allie over to the mansion. I don't want her to go over there at all."

"I understand, but Mom you have to let her and the other kids see them sometime," Will hating bringing up this unpleasant subject with his mother again since she had been so adamant about not letting Kate of Stefano near any of her children.

Sami expected EJ to chime in at any time to agree with Will, yet he kept silent. Maybe he wanted to delay the inevitable dealings he'd have to do something in the future with his father and step mother too.

"Just promise me Will. I want the next few days to be good ones for us all," Sami implored of her son and he grudgingly nodded his acceptance of her wishes.

"I promise Mom," Will then leant down to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you. I'll have Allie back later on today."

"Thank you Will. I love you too," Sami said as Allie came bounding up to she and EJ, giving them both a kiss and hug before she left with her older brother.

"Bye Mom, bye Daddy EJ," her sweet voice called out to them before they shut the door behind them.

Sami looked back to EJ, wondering what he was thinking, while she hated to dictate to Will that she didn't want them to see Kate or Stefano she realized they were the children's grandparents and eventually they'd all have to come to terms deciding when and if they saw them in the future.

"I guess we should have talked about that before I said something to Will," Sami began only to have EJ shake his head at her.

"It's okay, we'll cross that bridge another day because you're right I want us to experience some very good days before we have to deal with the issues of my father. All I want to do is spend this day with you and all of our children, having what I can only imagine will be a whirlwind day for us both tomorrow and last but certainly not least enjoying our wedding night because I have some very fascinating plans for you," EJ touched her nose with his finger after which Sami ended up kissing it.

"You do?" Sami asked, her eyes becoming inquisitive.

"Yes, but you'll just have to wait until tomorrow night," EJ said as he gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Can't I have a hint?"

"Not a single solitary one," EJ teased and he wouldn't utter another word about their upcoming wedding night no matter how much Sami tried to wheedle it out of him.

Later on that evening after Will had brought back Allie and the kids had played all day they were so tired they could barely keep their eyes open, EJ and Sami kissed them goodnight and they fell fast asleep, the house was finally quiet. Sami went back to the couch in the living room, no lights on with only the glow of the fire burning in the fireplace, a glass of wine in her hand taking a few sips of it while she watched the fire as it was slowly dying down to embers. She had thought EJ was right behind her after tucking in the children, but apparently he had taken a detour somewhere along the way.

He came into the room a few minutes later and sat beside her allowing Sami to lean back unto him, they were quiet for a while, neither one of them talking, comfortable in their silence and then EJ said quietly, "Samantha, I want to thank you."

"For what EJ?" Sami turned slightly to face him.

"For making this one of the best days of my life, us being here all together as a family, I never expected to feel like this and I wish I could explain what this means to me, what you mean to me," EJ paused as he struggled to put into words what he wanted to say to her.

"You don't have to thank me for loving you because I do and I'm not going to fight these feelings I have for you ever again," Sami leaned up to kiss him gently and then drew back to look at him once more.

He nodded his head, afraid to say more; instead he carefully shifted Sami so that he could bend down on his knees in front of her on the floor. Sami looked at him wondering what he was doing and then it dawned on her when he took out the tiny blue velvet box and opened it for her. Inside was a beautiful emerald cut ring with tiny diamonds that went into a point on each side of the green colored gem, it looked to be antique, but she wasn't quite sure.

"When I went to England this summer I spent a lot of time talking about you and the children with my Nanny Crumb and before I left to come back here to Salem she gave me this ring saying she had always wanted me to have this to give to the woman who managed to steal my heart. I told her I couldn't take it because it was her wedding ring that her husband Albert had given her and I had never seen her take it off even years after his passing, but she told me she knew one day I would open up my heart again to love and when I did, it was going to last forever. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I took it, thinking that one day I'd pass it on to Johnny whenever he decided to get married because I was sure I wasn't ever going to love again, yet you showed me differently. I didn't give this to you last night because quite frankly I hadn't expected how things turned out between us. So I hope you'll accept this ring as token of my undying love for you since you are the woman who stole my heart."

Sami shook her head yes as her eyes filled with happy tears, her heart swelling with love for this man who had endured so much heartache from her and yet he was willing to give her another chance, willing to give them both a chance to find happiness with one another.

"Oh EJ, it's beautiful," Sami held out her right hand which was shaking slightly after EJ placed it on her finger. She wouldn't even have to get it resized, it fit perfectly, like it was meant to be and as she looked at EJ she knew they were meant to be, it just had taken a very long and crooked path for them to get to this point.

"May I walk you to your bedroom before we say goodnight?" EJ asked as he stood up, taking Sami by the hand.

"You may," Sami agreed taking his hand and walking up the stairs with him. They stopped at her bedroom door and EJ leaned in to kiss her, a soft sweet kiss.

"After tonight, we'll never have to sleep apart again," EJ stated quietly.

"Tomorrow night I'll be your wife," Sami smiled and kissed him once more.

"Goodnight sweetheart," EJ said when they parted.

"Goodnight EJ. I love you."

"I love you too."

And with that he turned to walk down the hallway to his bedroom, knowing it would be the last night he would ever have to sleep alone again.


	47. Chapter 47

_**Moonlit Wishes**_  
><em><strong>Book III, Part XXI<strong>_

I awakened to the sound of my children calling out my name as they urged me to get up. I keep my eyes closed thinking the noise will go away only for it to become louder with each passing second.

Then I hear the strangest thing, the sound of giggling and hushed whispers amongst the three of them and then I know I can no longer keep my eyes shut because they are jumping on the bed like a pack of monkeys.

Luckily I dodge being jumped upon as I manage to sit up watching them act like my bed is a trampoline although they need to stop because I would hate for one of them to get hurt especially today. I need for all of us to be healthy and happy on this most important day for our family.

I still can't believe it's happening by this time tomorrow morning I should be waking up next to Samantha; that is if we ever go to sleep tonight. It all seems surreal, this can't be my wedding day, but as I look into the eyes of my very beautiful and rambunctious children it hits me even more. We'll really be a true family in every sense of the word. Something I have longed for what seems like my entire adult life.

I wonder if they even realize it or maybe they have known all along how I feel about their mother. I am head over heels in love with Samantha and by some kind of miracle she finally has come to feel the same way about me.

"You all need to stop jumping, if your mother finds out about it she will not be happy."

"Mommy acts like she is really busy and we've only got up a little while ago," Allie stated as she cuddled up next to me since Sydney has already claimed my other side as soon as I made them stop jumping on the bed.

Of course Johnny is up front and center, "Daddy, please don't make me dress up today. Mommy has been running around talking about needing to do this and that and not having enough time to get things done before it's time for the wedding so why don't we just wear play clothes instead?"

Johnny is trying to be ever so charming, which I know he takes from me, but there is no way Samantha will let him wear play clothes. I need to go help her, calm her down, anything to make this day easier for her, but then I wonder if we are tempting fate if we see one another before the ceremony. Granted she was the one who was adamant that we be married as soon as possible, but she may be starting to change her mind about all of this, about marrying me.

"I think we need to dress up, today is a very special day for all of us," I offer up to him in way of an explanation even though I can tell he was hoping I would go along with his idea.

"Dress up day!" Sydney has raised her voice an octave higher than it normally goes and it's plain to see her and her sister have no problem with this detail at all, which only makes Johnny groan. The poor chap is woefully outnumbered by the women in the family since I will side with his mother on this issue.

"It won't be for long and I'll help you get ready. You can hang out with me and your uncle Chad before the wedding begins this evening. It will be just us guys."

"Sydney, we will have to go help mommy get ready. I wonder if she will let us wear makeup today."

"Makeup, makeup!" Sydney clapped her hands in glee and I know I have to stop this train of thinking before it goes any further.

I shake my head no, I don't want my little girls even thinking about wearing makeup and doing all those grown up things. They need to stay little for as long as they possibly can and it hits me once more that there is no difference for me, Allie is like my own daughter and with her looking so much like her mother I'll be hard pressed to keep the boys away when she gets older.

I am really going to have to do background checks on any boy who thinks he wants to date either one of my daughters in the future. I know how boys are and I can't even fathom allowing either one of these precious beauties date until they are at least twenty, possibly thirty if I can help it.

"No makeup daddy?" Sydney asked in her sweet baby voice as she throws her arms around my neck in a gesture I am assuming must be her way of trying to make me change my mind.

"I don't think so," is my answer while Sydney suddenly lets go of me and attempts a back flop on the bed and I see Allie's face start to form a frown. I tip her chin up so that she will look at me and try to understand where I am coming from with this line of reasoning, "My girls are beautiful enough without wearing makeup."

Allie breaks out in megawatt a smile at least until Johnny let out another groan, "They aren't beautiful, they are my sisters."

"They are both," I reply thinking my son has such a long road ahead of him in learning how to deal with women, then again my track record isn't stellar so maybe he'll do better than I have done in the past, especially where their mother was concerned.

I'm about to expound more on the subject when I hear a noise that sounds more like a crash resounding down the hallway followed by a few expletives that I am sure our children don't need to hear because I've learned from experience, what they hear they tend to repeat at the most inopportune times.

"Here's the game plan, you all go and clean up your rooms as well as you can, I'll go check on your mother and by lunchtime we should all have a better idea of what we are going to do for the rest of the day before the wedding."

This announcement causes all of them to groan in unison instead of just Johnny, but one by one they climb off the bed and proceed to their rooms, Sydney seems to have the most energy of the bunch as she is skipping on her way, but it is early and I'm sure she will crash by this afternoon and take a nap before the festivities began.

At least I hope Sydney does, because I want all my children to be happy, not cranky. As I step into Samantha's bedroom for what will be the last day she inhabits this room I am afraid I'm out of luck in hoping for no crankiness from anyone in this family because from my viewpoint she looks rather fit to be tied as she is muttering about something under her breath while I am assuming she must be looking for her cell phone which she loses at least ten times over the course of a day.

She doesn't notice me yet, so lost in thought as she continues to ramble around in her bedroom and I decide to go behind her and whisper in her ear, "What's wrong darling?"

She whirled around on me quicker than I imagine, looking harried and frantic. "I can't find it and I was sure I put it in the trunk and when I went to look it wasn't in there and now everything is such a mess…"

This might not be about her cell phone after all. "Calm down sweetheart," I placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her from tearing the room apart. "Can I help you find whatever it is that you are looking for?"

"What did I do with it?" She shook off my hand and started to move about the room again and then stopped when she realized I was standing here in the room with her. "EJ we weren't supposed to see each other today before the wedding, its bad luck and…"

"Shhhh, we make our own luck and when have we ever followed by the rules?"

"Do you not own a superstitious bone in your body? I don't want anything to ruin our day and it just seems like one thing is going wrong after another…"

"Do you want to postpone the wedding? Is this happening too much too soon?" I ask with a bit of trepidation in my tone. Maybe Samantha isn't as ready for this all to take place as she seemed to be yesterday.

"No EJ, I want this." She looked at me, her voice has become suddenly quiet and an unsure visage has appeared on her face, "Don't you?"

"More than anything, but I don't want you to be so upset that we can't enjoy this day. Remember we both agreed this wedding doesn't have to be elaborate. I thought Chris was taking care of the few decorations you thought we should have and you said something about him picking up the flowers too."

"Oh no Chris will be here in an hour and I don't have anything ready like I told him I would and…"

Before she can mention anything else about what could possibly go wrong today I do the best thing I can to hopefully settle her nerves, I pull her close to me, look in those amazing sparkling blue eyes of hers and kiss her.

I can tell this has had to help calm her in some way because everything else simply fails to exist for me when our lips touch. Even the barest pressure of her lips upon mine can send an electric jolt straight through my entire being.

Although I should stop right now because when Samantha slid her hands into my hair I want to give in and forget all about wanting us to wait until we are married and just take her right here and now.

I tilt my head to deepen the kiss. I can hear her moan softly somewhere in the recesses of my hastily evaporating mind and I slide my hand to the nape of her neck. The kiss continues and I subconsciously I pull her closer until I can feel her pressed completely up against me.

I could kiss this girl forever and not get enough. But then I remember where we are, the kids are just down the hall and they could walk in on us any minute and I pull away, almost panting, and I look into her eyes that now look more like an inky midnight blue shining with desire.

I've got to stop this madness before I take her on the most available surface that I can find. It's only mid morning and how will I ever be able to wait until we take our wedding vows tonight if I don't get out of this room within the next minute or so.

"EJ," she began shakily only to falter as if she has forgotten what she needed to say to me.

"If that kiss is any indication of what tonight may hold, I need to get out of here before I go back on my conditions about wanting to wait until we are married."

I guess my words have brought her out of the temporary panic attack she was having before we kissed, "Go, you are right, we should wait. I mean we only have to get through today, and I don't need to worry about the small things. The important thing is we are getting married."

"Right," I agree and try to smile, although right now I have the strongest urge to take her back into my arms, but I take a deep breath and nod at her.

"See you at the altar EJ." Samantha gives me a wink and all of the sudden it's like the tables are turned and I'm the one who feels like I could be in a panic mode instead.

No one is coming between us, no ugly secrets are about to be exposed, and within a few hours we'll be married.

Married as in we will spend the rest of our lives together married. That Samantha will be mine to truly love and cherish from this day forward married. That we'll be together facing life's challenges together instead of opposing one another.

It's really going to happen this time; no surprise confessions that could tear us apart should be forthcoming today from either one of us. Can this even be possible after all we have been through with one another? I mean we live in Salem where some of the strangest things occur on a daily basis for some reason or another.

No, for once I don't have a hidden agenda. I just want to love Samantha with every fiber of my being. Oh god I hope I don't screw things up this time. What if my good isn't good enough for her because I'm not a very good man, most times I'm winging it at best.

I shake my head hoping this will stop this sudden attack of what they must call cold feet. Is this what Samantha was feeling before I stepped into her bedroom just a few short minutes ago?

I have to concentrate on getting through the day. I need to make a few calls, one to Lexie, another one to my Mum, Edmund and Nanny Crumb. There's one call I won't be making and that is to my father. I can't deal with the thoughts of speaking to him today because the last thing I need is him wrecking this day for us.

No, today is going to be a great day. I'm marrying the girl of my dreams and tonight we begin our new journey together in this world. It's all going to work out. I'm sure of it.

At least I hope I am.


	48. Chapter 48

_**Moonlit Wishes  
>Book III, Part XXII<strong>_

"Chris, where did you get this dress?" Sami asked as she looked the dress over from top to bottom after Chris retrieved it from his car and brought it into Sami's bedroom.

"Well let's just say I get kind of sentimental about wedding traditions and knew you needed something borrowed and when I saw this dress that Bella has lined up for the upcoming bridal photo shoot I couldn't resist not borrowing it for you to wear today."

"Brady would kill us both if he knew you took it for me to wear," Sami exclaimed but after Chris insisted for her to just try it on and if she didn't like it he would put it back into the garment bag she just had to see if it would fit.

"Perfection," Chris sighed dramatically after Sami twirled around for his inspection.

"You really think so?"

"Have I ever lied to you about fashion especially your lack of it before you met me and we became best friends?"

Sami shook her head knowing that while Chris was known to exaggerate on some things, he always was direct and to the point about what looked good on her and what did not work at all. "No, you were brutally honest."

"Which is what will make me the best fashion editor at Bella," Chris grinned widely and Sami agreed he had a right to be proud of his new position at Bella. Brady had finally conceded Chris was the precisely the person for the job after more than a few people had been fired for not producing the results Brady had expected for the launching of the magazine.

"If you are sure about this, I know Brady won't be here, but won't he realize we procured the dress whenever he sees pictures of me in this dress?"

"Don't you worry about Brady I'll take care of him or rather I'd like to take care of him in more ways than one." Chris stated as he handed her a box along with a letter for her to open.

"What's this Chris?"

"Something your brother insisted you needed to open before you came downstairs."

Sami took the proffered box with a slight shake of her hands, she didn't like surprises especially when it usually meant something forbidding on wedding days for her, but she opened it nonetheless and gasped when she saw what lay inside of the box.

It was very old of that much she was sure of, the pendant was stunning and as she handed to box for Chris to examine the contents she took the sealed letter and opened it.

The letter was from her grandmother Caroline and instead of the letter containing condemnation for her life choices it was praising her about taking charge of her life and becoming the woman she always knew she could be, strong and independent and that being said she was bestowing her with a family heirloom of Shawn Sr.'s that she had been saving for quite some time.

The letter told her this pendant had been Shawn's mothers, her most treasured possession that had been handed down in his family for generations. It had originally meant to go to Shawn's sister Colleen, but Shawn had received it instead.

'Oh my gosh, it's like it was meant to go with this dress," Chris took the pendant from the box and pinned it on Sami's wedding dress. "Go look in the mirror Sami and see if you don't think the same."

Sami walked over to the mirror and she couldn't believe it, she felt tears coming to her eyes because Chris was right this was perfection and it was hard to comprehend that she was about to get married to EJ in just a few short minutes.

"Oh no, don't you dare cry," Chris pointed a finger in her direction. "I worked on your makeup and hair for the better part of this afternoon and we don't have time to reapply anything."

Sami nodded, trying to reign in her tears, "Chris I don't deserve this, to be this happy."

"Are you kidding me? You and that hunk of hotness both deserve this; you're perfect for each other. I knew right off after you told me about him that he was your soul mate. You can't defy the universe forever. This is your time to finally get what you've wanted your entire life. A man that loves you for you."

"Faults and all," Sami added quietly as she touched the neckline of her dress, drawing strength from within herself as she felt the pendant underneath her fingertips.

"Shush that nonsense, we all have our faults, now I'm going downstairs to be ready to march in as your maid of honor and remember no tears."

"You are just pushing this so much because you won the bet," Sami teased him with an impish smile

"Oh and I intend to reap all the benefits of said bet too." Chris said in a sing song voice as he headed out of the room meeting Will standing outside the door waiting to escort his mother.

"Mom, are you ready?" Will asked as Sami walked out the door behind Chris.

"Most definitely," Sami smiled as she took Will's proffered arm and they went down the stairs to wait in the library before the wedding was to begin, both being careful not to cross paths with EJ until it was time for the ceremony to start.

I've already spoken with Lexie on the phone earlier today assuring her that I know exactly what I am doing by marrying Samantha today and she stated she understood our reasoning behind not having our families attend the wedding. Chad is here with me of course, he's my best man because beyond him and strangely now Justin Kiriakis I honestly don't trust anyone else enough to consider them a true friend.

It's no secret I've chosen to stay aloof from most people. One ugly reminder of how my father drilled into my psyche that you shouldn't allow people in because it made you weak and we DiMera's are supposed to be above all of that nonsense of needing people.

Really it's a miracle I'm not under some major psychological evaluation and medication regime considering how controlling my father was to me after I left England. For what seems like infinite number of times I regret letting Stefano shape my future with promises of riches untold and the ultimate prize of power that was synonymous with the DiMera name.

Then I realize if I hadn't of foolishly decided to play his games of revenge that I never would have met Samantha or subsequently had my children with her. So I guess despite my ever present hatred and deep seated fear of Stefano in a roundabout way his schemes to bring down the Brady family from within failed miserably because within the space of few minutes I'm to marry the most incredible and intriguing member of the Brady clan.

While I realize that my father won't give up on trying to reconcile with me I'm not going to do anything that would jeopardize my relationship with Samantha either. She despises him and never wants him to play a role in our lives ever again. I wish he would just leave us alone in the future, but I'm not that idiotic to believe that he would so willingly give up.

The one thing he did teach me though that is firmly ingrained into my core is that family is everything. Now that the time is here I know without a doubt that I would do anything for Samantha and our children, each and every one of them are so precious to me that I won't ever let Stefano or anyone else harm them. They are my life and I'll do whatever I have to do in the future to ensure that Stefano can't tear us apart and ensnare me back into a life that I do not wish to partake of in any shape or form.

It's kind of strange to realize that the family he wanted me to destroy from within held the one person who would change my life utterly and completely. Somehow despite all of Stefano's evil machinations he was the one who lost out because not only have I found the love of my life, I have what he must have longed for all of those years ago.

I have a family that loves me which was confirmed even more so after speaking with my mother, Edmund and Nanny Crumb on the phone. They are extremely pleased for me and with my promises of visiting them with Samantha and the children in the future I ended our conversation on a positive note.

In fact before I hung up the phone Nanny Crumb told me that she knew all along that I'd be able to find my way back to Samantha and it had been her fervent prayer that I would be happy and that furthermore I needed to embrace the fact that I deserved to be loved.

While it isn't any secret that Nanny Crumb has always held a soft spot for me I'm still not completely convinced that I am worthy to be the recipient of such devotion. Then I hear Chad's voice after he has knocked on my bedroom door to tell me it's time for us to be downstairs I realize that it's really happening.

The realization hit me even further as I take my place awaiting Samantha to appear before me. My children are all smiles and anxious for what Johnny aptly put as he whispered loudly for us to get this show on the road.

I'm thinking he just wants out of his suit, of which I have no doubts about as soon as the ceremony is over since I assured him he only had to be dressed up for that and I am sure we'll be hard pressed to get many if any pictures of him at all.

My son is a rather impatient one, much like his mother in that respect and then I realize I'm rather impatient too at the moment while waiting for her to appear. I just want to see her, to know that this time we are going to do things right, that no disastrous fallout is going to prevent us from becoming man and wife and then my heart almost stops when I see her and Will enter the room.

She is a vision, breathtaking in her beauty and the confident smile she is beaming as she walks toward me is something I am sure I will carry with me until my dying day. There is no doubt that Samantha Gene Brady is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen before in my life.

In that moment after Will has stated that he and his siblings are giving their mother to me I almost cannot believe it.

Then I feel her hand slip into mine and squeeze it reassuringly as we face her brother for him to proceed with the wedding ceremony.

I honestly can't recall what Eric has said to us thus far, all I can do is look upon Samantha's face and then my heart fills with even more happiness when I hear her speak.

"EJ, I kept myself from you because I thought if I didn't let you in, you couldn't reject me and now I see how foolish that was because you have been the one who could see me, the real me and somehow you loved me in spite of it all. I dreamed that one day I'd find love, it just took me a long time to believe I deserved love and now when I look at you and around this room at our children, I know you're the one I was searching for all along. You helped me see that I was worth it all, it took us going through some very difficult times and I know we'll have more of them in the future but we'll face whatever life brings our way together and I'll never take you or your love for granted ever again."

I have to take a deep breath not to start crying because Samantha and her sweet words are more than I expected. I've always had a way with words, but I don't think whatever I come up with can be enough to let her know how much she means to me.

"My darling Samantha, I never expected to find love in my life, but from the moment I first saw you, it hit me that you were the one and while there were times I didn't think you would ever see it, somehow we found love despite all the odds. You make me feel things no one else ever has and while we've went from one extreme to the other over the course of time, the one thing always remained even when I claimed it didn't and that was I love you and I want to only be with you. I just hope you won't regret taking this chance on me. I know it's an incredible leap of faith that I'm asking of you, but you're the one I want to go on this journey with and I promise you that you will have my love and devotion from this day forward. I forsake all others for you."

"And I you, no one but you EJ from this day forward. You're the man I want to share my life with, the good times and the bad because you're my destiny, my true heart lies with you and only you."

"No regrets?" I have to ask her because she needs to be completely sure about this because I am staking my entire life on being with her until I take my dying breath on this earth.

"Only that it took so long for us to get to this point, although I plan to make up for lost time each and every day," Sami said with a surety that makes my heart soar.

I nod in agreement, "I'll make everyday count, as long as you'll be with me."

"I will."

"I will too."

We look at each other and there's so much more I could say, but then Eric's voice breaks through to let us know that by the power invested in him from God above that I can kiss my bride.

I almost don't take his direction for a moment because it seems surreal, there were no objections to our union, no random gunshots firing out at either one of us or someone breaking down the door demanding we halt the proceedings. All I see is Samantha look at me with a questioning glance over why I'm taking so long to kiss her and then it hits me, all I have to do is kiss her and we're married.

I break into a huge smile before I place my lips on her for what has to be the sweetest kiss I've ever received from anyone before and when we finally hear the kids yell with shouts of happiness I pull back from the kiss and look into the face of my beautiful wife, Samantha.

As I feel my children pulling on my leg to get my attention I finally know what true happiness feels like because it's in this room with us, surrounding us all.

"I love you," I hear her whisper into my ear before our children draw us away from one another and for the first time in my life I know she truly means it, that this isn't all one sided anymore. That Samantha loves me as much as I love her and from now on I don't have to hide how I feel about her ever again.

After several hours later of celebrating, we're finally alone. Will and Chad have taken the kids over to Belle's new home for her to keep them for us tonight and it's just us.

I go outside taking a glass of champagne with me to look upon the darkened skies for a moment and guess that writing those letters to Samantha must have been the right thing to do all along. That romantic fool who believed in moonlit wishes upon stars is alive and well and ready to lavish all that love and devotion he has on the woman who somehow brought it all back when I thought he was lost forever.

I hear her calling for me and I turn to go, but not before wishing on a star.

Somehow I think this time my wishes will be granted.

_**The End**_


End file.
